Alice, Emmett and Me.
"IT'S PERFECT…" I said gently as I gazed up at Emmett with so much love it hurt, he looked back at me with his gorgeous big brown eyes, leant forward and kissed my forehead. We had just chosen the name for our baby. I had found out I was pregnant back in February, after obviously deciding to keep the baby we told our parents and close friends.
Everything was working out great; we had been together almost five years. We were both almost twenty-five and we had decided to move in with each other 2 years ago. It was brilliant, but then we hit a rocky patch and we started to argue. It only went on for a few days but it seemed like forever. Emmett would get up in the morning go straight in the shower through to the kitchen have breakfast shout bye as he was going out the door and go. When we first got together we would try and spend every waking moment together, now we could barely look at each other, as you can imagine life at home was unbearable. That's when we decided we needed to sort things out.
Myself and Emmett went out to asmall resturant in town for a meal. We sat and talked for almost 3 hours. We had finally sorted things; obviously it would take some time for us to get back to how they used to be, but we would get there. We took a slow walk back to our apartment that we had bought together. It was a very simple but quite a stylish apartment with only 2 rooms but it was big enough for us and our soon to be family. When things were back to normal that's when we decided to try for a baby. We thought we were a stable couple with so much love to give we wanted someone to share it with.
We almost gave up all hope of trying when finally I fell pregnant. Everything was going wonderful we spent hours looking in shops and buying the perfect outfit for our beautiful baby girl. She was due November 15th I couldn't wait. We couldn't wait. This was going to be the making of us; we were going to be together forever. Two weeks before I fell pregnant Emmett asked me to marry him, the answer was obviously yes. We spent hours planning and just talking about how wonderful our big day was going to be. I had chosen my dream dress and thanks to mine and Emmett's hard work, I got it.
We decided to get married after I had had the baby so that she could be there. I know you may think it's stupid buying my wedding dress before I had the baby but I thought it would be a good goal to work towards for me to get back into shape. My goal was to fit in my wedding dress, I was going to try and resist having it made bigger but I was only willing to do that if things went pear-shaped and I didn't get back into shape as quick as I needed to.
Before I knew it I was just over 7 months pregnant, I was told everything was fine with the baby, the name we had chose was Alice.
It was six weeks before Alice was due and I was getting ready for bed. I put on my pyjama top and bottoms and went through to the bathroom to put the clothes I had been wearing into the wash basket. I suddenly felt the need to go to the toilet, then I realised it was too late, I thought for a second I had wet myself, which seems stupid but I did, then I realised. My waters had broken.
"EMMETT!" I screamed down the stairs. Emmett came running up the stairs with a look of terror on his face.
"My waters have broken…" A blank yet sort of panic stricken look took over his innocent his face.
"Right. We need to get you to the hospital Rosalie, and quite fast. You know what I'm like?!"
Yes I did know what he was like I knew he was a worrier; I was going to be fine for a while yet. Well long enough to get to hospital anyway. Except I knew that if I said I was fine he would worry even more, then he would be in hospital before I was!
"Ok. Grab my bag and let's go and have this baby."
Emmett ran through to the spare room; well Alice's room now, and grabbed my bag, which I had packed previously as a just in case thing.
As we got downstairs I felt sudden rush of pain, and I mean pain! It was excruciating pain.
When we finally reached the hospital, which was only a few miles a way but it seemed like it took an eternity to get there; by this time the contractions were only a few minutes apart. When the midwife told me to get onto the bed and get into my preferred birth position that I had chosen from the antenatal classes my mind just went totally blank. I couldn't remember anything, which kind of made me panic a little just in case I needed to remember something important and I couldn't, but eventually I just ended up lying on my back.
After hours of screaming, sweating, swearing, crying and everything else that come with child birth, I was not expecting the news that was coming. When Alice had finally made her entrance, I expected to hear her crying, but I couldn't. The doctors said something which I couldn't quite hear through my own panting, and took her off into another room. I was looking at Emmett and the expression on his face was unexplainable; he face looked scared and like he was looking off into the distance at the same time.
"What's wrong? Is she okay?" I panted, looking up desperately at Emmett
He wasn't answering me. I asked again.
"Emmett. Is she okay?!" this time he just looked to the side, like you do when you think you hear something and kind of turn toward where you hear the sound? then he looked back to the same spot again. By this time I was getting extremely annoyed as neither the doctors nor Emmett would answer me. Emmett turned to me and said to wait there, which I think was a pretty stupid thing to say as it was very unlikely that I was going to go anywhere, and he left the room through the door that the doctors had taken Alice. Now I was worried, I was trying my hardest to hold back the tears but I couldn't do it, my eyes were stinging like crazy I had to let go. I began to sob, Emmett seemed to be gone a while but it was actually only around a minute or so. I was past worried and annoyed now, I was angry, so much so that it made me cry even more and harder, but instead I tried to hold it back, and eventually I pulled myself together a little and I took the deepest breath I could and I screamed.
"WHATS HAPPENING TO MY BABY GIRL??????" the room fell silent.
Emmett walked back through with tears trickling down his face. I had never seen him cry like that before, and yet I looked at him, and the expression on his face was all I needed, I knew what had happened. I had lost my baby girl. I didn't know what to do, I just took a deep breath and let go, and I sobbed harder than I had ever done before. My beautiful baby girl had died, I never saw her, they just whisked her off away from me. Emmett came to the side of the bed and hugged me tight, I don't know what it was but I could tell by the way he was hugging me it wasn't like his usual gentle hug; he squeezed me closer to him than he has ever done before, we cried together and slowly the midwives and doctors left the room, each and every one saying sorry as they left, soon it was just me and Emmett left in the gloomy little room on our own.
We spent the rest of the night alone. We sat in silence, just laid in the hospital bed, cuddled together. We were both thinking of what had happened that day and how much things can change in an instant. We laid there for hours, awake, we fell asleep late, very late, and I am talking early hours of the morning here; and even then, I don't know about Emmett but I certainly did, I had dreamed about her. Dreaming of her growing up and how beautiful she would be. How happy she would be, how we would go out together, on holiday, to the park, to mine and Emmett's parents, her grandparents, our siblings houses, her aunties and uncles. Moving out of the flat, into a bigger house, having another baby, watching them grow up together. One big happy family as they say.
The following afternoon we went home, only a few words were exchanged between us all the way home. Neither of us went in the spare room, I don't think we could face it yet. All we did was close the door. We sat and rang friends and family to tell them the devastating news, I didn't beat around the bush I just told them straight. Some offered to come round and help us, but honestly? I didn't want to go near anyone, not even Emmett, even though now was probably the time I would need him the most. He did the same, rang family and friends to tell them what had happened.
The phone was being used constantly, there was always someone that had heard the news and wanted to say how sorry they were and all the other things people say at times like that, but do you know what? I didn't listen to any of it. I was way too distracted, all I wanted was to sit alone and cry, I had just lost my little beautiful baby Alice. Don't people understand that???
Things grew more and more awkward between me and Emmett. It was almost 3 weeks since Alice died and neither of us had set foot in her room, we couldn't face it. Emmett had gone back to work and was trying to carry on as normal but I simply couldn't, I didn't know how he could. We started to argue again. This time the arguments were my fault, though I wouldn't admit it I could see it was me that was the problem, but how could I let it go?
I found it really difficult and Emmett knew that, and he did give what space I needed and he left me when I wanted to be left but I could see I was getting on his nerves. I was single handedly ruining our relationship.