Author's Note: Hey, guys! I'm glad you all decided to continue reading this. There's a bit of a surprise in this reading… hope you all are very… startled, LoL.

Disclaimer: Let's just not talk about what I don't own…

Cartman Was Right

Chapter 3

Facing the Masses

Bebe was well-aware of the fact that Kyle told her specifically not to take a shower that night and to just sleep on it until they were both able to gather their bearings, but when she realized that she would still be wearing the same underwear the next morning, the girl inside her couldn't cope. She had tossed and turned for several hours, finding it difficult to get into a position that was comfortable, and she was unable to sleep in her usual fetal position due to the sudden addition of a foreign piece of male anatomy.

Speaking of anatomy…

She and Kyle had been presented with another silly – albeit awkward – problem earlier in the day: the issue of using the toilet. The two of them had waited until the rest of the Broflovski's were sitting snugly on the couch in the living room and watching The Adams Family before addressing it. In the most uncomfortable, most compromising, situation of their young lives, Kyle was forced to assist Bebe to relieve his own body while she closed her eyes and blushed the entire time. If it was possible, the whole event got even more awkward when Bebe had to put one of Ike's diapers on her own body so that Kyle could ease some of the pressure in his bladder.

It was the horrifying and disturbing memory of such an event that had Bebe out of bed at two in the morning to wash her newly acquired Jewfro in the sink with dish soap and an old sponge that had been sitting under the sink for Lord knows how long.

"Kyle, sweetie, what on Earth are you doing?"

Bebe nearly face-faulted into the porcelain bowl when she heard a New Yorker accent coming from the doorway to the bathroom. Turning her head ninety degrees and struggling to see through the water in her eyes, she was able to make out the outline of Kyle's mother standing with its hands on its hips. "Uh…" she managed intelligently, blinking to clear her vision.

"Bubby, it's two in the morning. What are you doing up?"

Bebe was about to respond with the same exact question. Did normal parents wander the halls in the middle of the night like that? That was plain creepy… "I just couldn't sleep," she said, fumbling around blindly for the towel she had grabbed for drying off afterwards.

However, Sheila Broflovski had already retrieved it with a wide yawn and began to dry off Bebe's head, rubbing her temples and ears gently with the terry cloth in a way only a competent mother could do. When she had saved the hair follicles from the majority of the moisture, she gave her "son" a kiss on the forehead. "You need to go to sleep," and she left Bebe standing blankly in the bathroom with the faucet still running.

That was the moment Bebe Stevens decided that she liked Kyle Broflovski's mother.

--

With her new guy legs, Bebe was able to sprint to school almost twice as fast as she normally would have been able to. However, as she skidded to a halt in front of Mr. Garrison's homeroom class, the bell echoed somewhere in the deserted hallway, and Kyle Broflovski just got his first tardy.

"Uh oh! Jew boy's late!" Cartman let out a hearty chuckle as the body of the smaller boy flew through the door as though it were being chased by rabid wolves.

"Shut up, fat ass!" Bebe retorted, accurately acting out her role for once.

"Ay!"

"Sit down and shut up, Eric." Mr. Garrison missed the middle finger aimed at his back, as he had turned to write something on the chalkboard.

Bebe walked to her seat grinning sheepishly and gave a hesitant wave to Kyle fuming in the front row with his arms crossed deftly. Ignoring Stan, who tried to wave her over, Bebe took the closest possible seat next to Kyle, which meant that Clyde was between them.

"Why're you so late?" Kyle whispered to her angrily, his eyes glinting dangerously and his upper body leaning across Clyde, who didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

She looked at him helplessly as Mr. Garrison proceeded to take roll. "There wasn't enough time to get ready! I didn't know your alarm clock was set for seven!" she hissed.

"What's the big deal? You wake up, get dressed, eat, and leave. I don't see the problem."

Before Bebe could retort, however, she was silenced by a moody Mr. Garrison and a support room threat. She shot an annoyed glance at her body, which was clad in gym shorts and a sweatshirt, and nearly flipped her lid when she saw what Kyle had done to her hair. He'd pulled it into a ponytail but had neglected to smooth out any of the bumps on the top of her head, and he had added the cherry on top of the disaster by tying it off with a rubber band. To her complete distress, her bare legs were attracting the attention of every heterosexual male in the classroom; legs didn't often make an appearance in snowy Colorado.

Scoffing girlishly and ignoring several weird stares, Bebe whipped out a pen and scribbled something on a piece of lose-leaf binder paper. She jabbed Clyde in the ribs with her writing utensil and motioned for him to pass the note to Kyle.

Puzzled, Kyle grabbed the paper, unfolded it, and read in the girly handwriting: What did you do to my hair?!

He looked at her is disbelief and scribbled something on the paper, kicking Clyde under the table to get him to pass it back to Bebe.

I fixed it.

She had to bite her tongue to stop from yelling at him as Kyle disguised his laugh as a cough. Ignoring her, the Jew set to work on one of the assignments Mr. Garrison had written up on the board ("briefly summarize the meaning of life in your own words"). He hoped she wouldn't do anything embarrassing that would make everyone think he was gayer than they already thought he was; his lack of girlfriends over the years had seemed to capture everyone's undivided attention recently. He had just finished writing his first sentence when another note was shoved unexpectedly under his nose.

Kyle's eye bugged out under his long and delicate eyelashes as he read the untidy scrawl. He'd assumed the note was from Bebe, but upon closer inspection he realized that there weren't quite enough swirls on the y's and too many of the i's had not been dotted with little hearts. That was when he looked to his right to find Clyde running his hands through his hair and grinning cheekily.

Mr. Garrison's class had just calmed down enough for him to finish taking role when Kyle stood up, the metal legs of his chair scraping unpleasantly against the linoleum flooring. "Clyde!" he yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the keeper of that name. "What in the hell do you think you're doing!? I'm straight, God damn it!"

The chatter stopped and the room went so silent for a moment that one could have heard a pin drop.

"Bebe," Mr. Garrison began. "Is there a problem?"

But before Kyle could answer, his head spun around as he saw his own body rise out of its seat. "No, Mr. Garrison, everything's fine. Ky – Bebe was just – "

"I wasn't talking to you, Kyle! Sit down!" The high school teacher was clearly going through another one of his frequent mood swings. "Bebe!" he addressed again. "If there really is a problem, you can just come to the front of the room and tell the whole class about whatever it is that is obviously more important to you than my lecture!"

Kyle could feel steam coming out of his ears as he felt his face heat up to about one million degrees. "But – "

"Now! Up front, missy!"

Kyle felt like he had just been sent to La Guillotine, the sharp, newly born female that he had read about last night in Dickens' novel. With a grimace, he walked to the front of the room and tried to pretend that it was merely show-and-tell and not something that would bring upon waves of torment for decades to come.

At this point, it was so silent that even the crickets had stopped chirping.

"'Bebe,'" he read off the paper, his voice, high-pitched as it was, hitching ever so slightly; he had to cough to clear his voice box. "'Seeing as how it's almost Thanksgiving and all…'" He made a face before continuing. "'How about I come over to your house today and stuff your Thanksgiving turkey?'"

The room burst into a fit of giggles, and several people high-fived Clyde on his supposed genius. To nobody's surprise, Wendy did her best to silence those around her and defend her best friend. However, no one was expecting what happened next.

In two strides, Bebe, who the class assumed was really Kyle, had marched straight over to Clyde and had socked him so hard in his red-clad stomach that he had trouble catching his breath. When he was doubled over on all fours, Bebe gave him several more swift kicks to the gut.

"Don't… you… ever… ever… say… that… again… you asshole!" she ground out through gritted teeth, saying each word as she landed a hit.

"Okay, class, get back to your seats!" Mr. Garrison demanded in vain, as the entire room had formed a circle of onlookers from which to see the tussle between Clyde and Kyle more clearly.

It took both Stan and Kyle (who everyone thought to be Bebe) to pull her off of Clyde, who was writhing in pain after each blow. "You bitch!" Bebe yelled, struggling in vain against the other two as they grabbed her under the elbows and pulled her away. "I'll kill you!"

"Dude!" Kyle cried, eyes wide with worry as he watched Clyde struggle to regain his composure. "You're going to kill him!"

"Seriously, Kyle!" Stan exclaimed, noticing the way his best friend's chest was still rising and falling rather heavily after experiencing such an adrenaline rush. "What the hell are you doing?"

She ripped herself free from his grip. "Back off, Stan!" she replied curtly before rounding on Kyle with fire in her eyes; he took a few steps back out of fear of being attacked himself. "And you! Why are you defending him?!"

"I… I just…" Kyle fumbled like a fish out of water.

"He's a liar, and he's a cheater! I told you this already!"

A loud "ooh" came up from the crowd of onlookers.

"This rules," the nasally voice of Craig said amidst all the murmuring. He nudged Tweek with an elbow and smirked.

At the same time, Clyde had stood up and glared Bebe in the eyes. "What the hell, Kyle? It's not like she's yours or anything; she's fair game to any of us."

Bebe very nearly laughed at the irony of that statement but settled for a quick twitch of the mouth instead. "How dare you treat me – her – like a piece of meat, asshole?! All you think about is getting into peoples' pants. For your information, Harris," she said, using Clyde's surname to show that she was in no mood to get friendly again. "She is mine!" With that said, Bebe grabbed onto the upper arm of her own body to prove her point.

Wendy gasped and put her hand to her mouth. She whispered something to Stan that made him roll his eyes.

"Kyle!" Mr. Garrison yelled to quiet down the entire classroom, which had again been subjected to another angry round of whispering. "You're going to support room, mister!"

Ten minutes later, Bebe was outside of the dreaded room number thirteen with a red slip clenched in her hand. Kyle would probably kill her when she got out.

--

"No, dude… I seriously thought he was gay," Jason held Jimmy's books for him as he hobbled through the doorway after the dismissal bell rang.

"I guess we were w-w-w-wrong, then. Because that guy obviously has it b-b-bad for B-Bebe."

"Timmah!" Timmy agreed.

Kyle stomped through the halls with a walk that could shame Jurassic Park's tyrannosaurus rex. He snapped at Red and Heidi, two girls whom he already disliked immensely, when they congratulated him and stood resolutely next to Stan and Wendy. "Hi," he greeted stiffly, slouching in a rather manly fashion against the nearest faded wall.

They both gave him that same strange look again. "Is everything okay, Bebe?" Wendy asked, putting a hand on her best friend's back in concern.

"It's fantastic," he replied sarcastically, folding the grey arms of his sweatshirt across his newly acquired chest.

"I'm glad that you and Kyle are together now… but you really need to get him to lighten up a bit…"

"We aren't together."

Stan raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "That's not the impression we got."

"Yeah, well – "

"You couldn't even tell me that you guys were a thing?" Wendy interrupted, looking genuinely hurt as she said this, and Kyle felt a pang in his chest as he met her dejected brown eyes.

"Wendy – " he began, but he was grabbed by the elbow by a forceful hand and then dragged away from the perfect couple before he could react. What in the world were people doing grabbing him all the time? He turned around to give his attacker a piece of his mind, but rethought it after rotating his head ninety degrees. "What the… Cartman?!" he spat in disgust as he saw who it was who had him in a vice grip; once glance at the giant mass of red was enough for anyone to identify him as the plague of the school. Kyle tried to dig his heels into the floor, but he only slipped and had to struggle to regain his balance, only succeeding in making it easier for Cartman to pull him along. "Where the hell are we going, fatass?!" Cartman didn't respond or acknowledge him in any way. "Cartman!" he demanded again, seeing with horror that the fat boy was leading him to an empty broom cupboard.

One thought entered his mind at this time: Rape! And then: No fucking way am I going to lose my virginity to a guy!

Kyle was shoved forcefully in through the small opening, clouds of debris meeting his nostrils with the musty scent of toilet bowel cleaner and old towels. Cartman shut the door loudly before standing to survey the Jew with his piggy eyes. Meanwhile, Kyle was trying to think up a way to move around Cartman's massive girth without being too obvious. Why was it that Cartman always stood between him and his way out? The bastard was far too fat for his own good…

Kyle flinched when he saw the overweight German narrow his eyes, but the larger boy made no attempts at an advance. The single dusty light bulb swung back and forth on a rusty chain dangling from the ceiling. "You think you're really fucking clever, don't you, bitch." It wasn't a question.

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"You know God damn well what I'm talking about." His voice was dripping with something unpleasantly sour, something like old rancid milk that had been left in the fridge a month after its expiration date.

"No…" Kyle answered, an ominous sense of foreboding coming over him as he watched the disturbed dust resettle itself on the floor. "I really don't." Was Cartman honestly that stupid?

"Look," Cartman said patronizingly, as if he were talking to a five-year-old. "I don't give a shit about your love life… but find your own fucking Jew!"

When the impact of his words hit Kyle, he felt his face turning red in a mixture of fury and embarrassment. "Your Jew? What the hell does that mean!?" His voice had attained an octave that was previously impossible for him to reach.

"Exactly what you think it does." He took several steps toward his prey until they were literally nose-to-nose; Kyle was too disturbed to move, as he could feel his most hated rival's breath on his eyelids. "I haven't worked this long for nothing, Stevens. Broflovski's my bitch; go find your own."

Kyle scrunched up his face in anger and mustered up enough force to shove Cartman in the chest and send him staggering back several steps; at least he was able to breathe properly again.

The Jew let out a laugh that sounded more like a hollow bark. Who would've thought that the fat, racist, sexist, Jew-hating – emphasis on "Jew" – asshole would be, "A fag? You're a fag, Cartman?!"

"I am not a fag!"

"You just said that you practically want to bone m – I mean, Kyle!" If there was one thing in the world that could be more degrading than being trapped in a girl's body, this had to take the cake.

"Shut your mouth, bitch!" Cartman spat with resentment. "If you tell anyone… anyone about this… I swear to God I will rip your balls off!"

"Girls don't have balls, you fat piece of crap! God! You are so retarded!"

"Skank!" the heavy-set boy responded, though he sounded somewhat unnerved.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "I don't have to listen to this." And he pushed past Cartman before he could react.

"Ay! Where're you going?!" There was an unmistakable note of panic in his voice now, as though he were afraid that his deepest secret would make its way into the school paper the next day.

"Duh, I'm going to find Kyle, fat ass." With that said, he kicked open the door to the broom cupboard, leaving a stunned Cartman in there like some sort of overweight vampire. "Son of a bitch…"

--

Kyle entered support room just as the light from the setting sun cast a red hue through the glass windows of the classroom. Mr. Mackey was sound asleep at his desk, and Bebe was spinning a pencil on her solitary desk when the Jew came to get her.

"I thought you'd never get here! What happened to you today?" she asked upon seeing him.

Kyle groaned and rolled his eyes as he was again reminded of the horrifying event in the broom cupboard. "Just… promise me you'll stay away from Cartman."

"Cartman?" she repeated in revulsion. "Why?"

"Just trust me on that one." Kyle pulled up a chair across from Bebe's individual desk in detention and attempted to meet her eyes while vainly trying to erase any memories from the last hour. "That was really freaking stupid, you know?" he said as Mr. Mackey's head drooped onto his chest in the corner and he emitted a loud snore. Bebe noticed with relief that her counterpart seemed relatively calm.

She merely nodded and put her head down in shame on the desktop. "I never knew…"

"Never knew what?"

"I always thought that guys were just stupid for fighting all the time… but now I see that you really don't have very much control when it comes to stuff like that… It was like I wasn't even in my own body anymore… or, your body. Or whatever."

"It's called testosterone, Bebe. Of course you never knew. If you had too much of it as a girl, you'd probably be a guy." He snorted at his own lame pun, but then his face became serious once again. "You do realize what you implied by doing that, though… right?"

Bebe blinked. "Honestly, I'm not even sure if I remember what happened…"

"Well…" Kyle began slowly, chewing on his words carefully before just spitting them out. "Everyone pretty much thinks that we're together now."

"I'm sorry…" she said again, and she sounded as though she truly meant it. "Can't we just tell someone… please, Kyle? I hate not telling Wendy…"

"After what happened in the classroom, she'll probably have both of us committed to an institution. We'll just have to act like we er… like each other."

She buried her face in her arms and said something muffled that sounded like: "Shit, I'm sorry…" She picked up her head, and Kyle was disturbed to see tears in her eyes that were threatening to spill out. "I hate this! I feel so… unclean and manly!"

As she said this, Kyle twisted a small strand of golden blond hair in between his fingers and shuddered when he saw that it was too oily to unwind itself again. "If it helps any, I think I have a solution for that shower problem."

She brightened up immediately. "Really?!" she asked in excitement. "I swear to God, if you're right, I'll love you forever."

Kyle looked away swiftly, having gone red in the face. "Dude, it's just a shower."

"Are you blushing?!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Well, look at me then!"

Kyle set his teeth and willed his temperature to cool down before he glared her defiantly in the eyes. "Happy?" To his astonishment, Bebe leaned in closer to him. If there was one thing weirder than watching himself throw a fit, it was staring into his own eyes. He averted his gaze to Bebe's (or, technically his) nose instead and tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach.

"Kyle… I don't know if I've ever told you this… but you have really beautiful eyes."

"Huh?"

"Really, they're… gorgeous."

Kyle managed to dig up the nerve to look into his own face, which was still peering at him intently, only to be met by the startling icy blue of Bebe's eyes looking back into his own. "I don't think it was like this before…" he mused.

Bebe suddenly grinned, her freckled nose wrinkling. "I think we're changing back!"

Kyle felt his heart leap to his throat, as he had gotten the sudden image of himself wrapping his arms around Bebe in her normal body. He pushed it aside quickly, afraid that she'd somehow be able to tell what he was thinking. "Let's just get out of here." He twitched his head in Mr. Mackey's direction only to find his nose pointed in the air as he leaned back in his chair. The two of them stood up quietly and left the classroom, heading towards the locker rooms.

"Where are we going?" Bebe asked, noticing unpleasantly where they were headed. That was when she noticed that Kyle had a plastic bag under one arm. "What's that?"

"Towels," he stated simply.

Bebe somehow managed to put two and two together. "You mean we're going to shower in the locker room?! Together?!"

"I know the stupid gym teacher always leaves them unlocked… it should be fine. It's not like there's anyone here to find out." He paused before opening one of the locker doors. "We're using the boys' locker room, by the way," he informed his supposed "partner in crime."

"But that'll make me look like a whore if someone comes in!"

"Well, you already made me look like a bloodthirsty animal. The way I see it, we'd be even."

Bebe felt it wasn't really her place to argue. Reluctantly, she followed him into the dark, damp room. It was empty aside from the steady drip of a leaky shower pipe. "Are you sure no one will come in here?" she asked, looking around the room as if expecting to find someone lurking in the corner.

"No."

"Kyle!" she protested.

"Just don't turn on the lights, and no one will notice."

"What?!" But he shushed her and brought her over to the nearest shower stall; it was leaky, and there was some sort of growth in the farthest corner, but Bebe was too antsy to care. "Now what?"

Kyle put down the bag he had been carrying onto the nearest bench. "We go in fully-clothed, an then we can just dry off and put on some of these PE clothes I nicked from the student store."

"You stole PE clothes?" Bebe let out a snort of a laugh that echoed through the entire room. She clapped her hand over her mouth, blue eyes wide.

Kyle looked at her in exasperation. "Just get in, all right? The sooner we finish, the sooner we can leave." He had already removed his sweatshirt and placed in on top of a nearby locker and motioned for her to do the same thing.

Bebe did as she was told and hopped into the shower after removing her shoes and socks, adjusting the temperature of the water before motioning him inside. "This isn't weird at all," she said sarcastically, closing the curtain around them. "Showering with a boy in my body is completely normal. No one can know about this…"

Kyle scoffed at her statement, neglecting to tell her that people were probably already spreading rumors. "Pass me the shampoo, will ya? I have all this hair to wash now…" he trailed off, his voice lost among the patter of the water.

Bebe shot him a look that he missed due to the lack of illumination in the room and fumbled around in the dark for the bottle. "Oh my God!" she shrieked all of a sudden.

"What?! What happened?!"

"Oh my God… ew!" Bebe began hopping up and down in the shower stall, flinging water and soap everywhere.

"What is it already?!"

"I think I just touched a spider! It crawled over my hand, and now I don't know where…" Her sentence was cut short when she slipped ungracefully on the linoleum flooring, grabbed Kyle around the waist to try to stop herself from falling, and sent them both tumbling to the floor.

"What are you doing?!" Kyle said, spitting hair and water out of his mouth as the body on top of his groaned in response. "Nice job, smart one."

"Hey! You're the one who told me not to turn on the light!" Bebe attempted to stand up again but stepped on a bar of soap and stumbled a second time. "Christ…"

Both of them were too busy bickering silently to notice that someone else had slipped into the locker room. "What the hell are you two doing in here?"

Author's Note: Like? Hate? I'd appreciate feedback. :D Once again, so sorry for the wait… my academic life has been super sucky recently… I think this might have been a little longer than the other chapters; that's my sorry attempt for making up for the wait…

Lillyfan123 I'm so glad you enjoyed the first few chapters! Honestly, after I read your review (which was a really long time ago), I just got inspired to continue writing. :) It's so nice to know there are other KyBe obsessors (is that even a real word?) out there. xD

Waste-o-Tron I'm glad you liked it! I was particularly touched by your saying how well I kept characters in character… It really isn't easy sometimes… I've never been much of a successful writer when it comes to comedy, so I'm glad this one is at least a little funny!

jusAgurl93x Well, I added more. What did you think of it this time? xD

thequillofdestiny I'm just really glad that you liked the story… it means so much to know that people actually read it and notice those sorts of small details. Thank you!

ktkitty4 That was pretty much a "my bad" boo-boo; I didn't really specify how old they are… wait, I think I already sent a personal response to this? LoL Glad you liked it, though.

baba12p4 I hope you didn't feel like you were waiting for too long!