The moon was high in the sky, illuminating Vanessa's path as she hurried away from the house. How could she be so foolish?! Adam hadn't meant any harm to her, he'd just wanted her to be quiet. This was always happening.. whenever anyone even just looked at her with any hint of anger, she retreated within herself. She stopped by the corral fence, leaning on her arms and putting her face in her hands. It was then that she realized that her cheeks were wet. Taking a shuddering breath, she wiped her cheeks, and shook her head to clear it.
There were footsteps behind her. "Vanessa?" It was Ben, this was so embarrassing.
She turned to look up into his kind face, "I know...I know Uncle Ben. I shouldn't have run out like that." she placed a hand over her eyes, "But you know...Adam can just be so..."
"I know." he said, putting his gentle hands on her shoulders, "But I also know that you couldn't help it. Your father told me about what happened four years ago." She looked sharply at him. "I'm sorry about it, I really am. I want you to know that I'm the only one here that knows, and I will keep it that way until you say otherwise." Vanessa nodded, and then turned away from him. "Did you love him?"
She nodded, and drew a deep breath. "He had laid me against the hay pile near Hades' stall when I realized it. He wasn't going to marry me, nor was he willing to think about it. I was beneath him when Hades' first struck, and it knocked the air out of me." she looked over her shoulder at him, "If I hadn't called out to him, Hades would have killed us both."
Ben felt truly sorry for this girl. Sorry that she had to deal with such a horrific act against her, and then the death of her mother. He reached forward, and turned her around to him, "Vanessa, you're a strong girl. Why is this still bothering you?" She smirked, almost laughed aloud. "Oh Uncle Ben, you think you know, but you don't. After Ethan's death, his younger brother Jacob came to the house, looking for work. Papa felt bad about Hades killing his brother, that he gave him a position as a hand, working the stables at the house. He did good work, was honest and truly cared for the horses. I was surprised, thinking that he would have tried to kill Hades since he was the beast that attacked his brother, but he showed true restraint. For a whole year I waited, watching his every move. Spring came quickly, and Momma and I wanted to go riding. I asked Jacob to ready the horses, and when we came from the house, everything looked as it should."
"What happened, Vanessa." Ben breathed, enraptured by the look in Vanessa's eyes. They'd gone from the pale gray they'd been at dinner into a more seductive midnight blue. She took another breath, fighting off the tears that threatened to erupt. "Momma and I were on our way inside the house, having just returned from our ride, when I heard her cry out." she was remembering it, Ben could hear the horror in her voice as she stared away from him. "I turned around in time to see two more arrows come flying towards us. I tried to move her, she'd only been hit in the shoulder, but they came in too quick. She pushed me out of the way, and took one to the stomach, the other in the throat."
She was crying now, "she died in my arms."
Ben was choked up as well, Jennifer had been a good friend; had watched over his sons when they'd been young and had welcomed his third wife Marie with open arms. This girl had been through hell, and he didn't know how to help her. "Oh Vanessa." he wanted to take her in his arms and make all the hurt go away. But there was something stopping him, something he couldn't explain.
It wasn't his place. This young woman had to come around of her own accord, and there was nothing he could do to help it along...but maybe his sons could. "Vanessa, I'm going back inside. You collect yourself, and come in when your ready, okay?" she nodded, wiping fiercely at her cheeks. "Uncle Ben, thank you."
She was angry with herself, again. She' had failed to see through Ethan, failed to save her mother and now failed to be stronger than Adam when he'd sparred with her. What was wrong with her! Hastily, she turned to face the house, watching the great man walk inside. He was going back to warmth, to friendly conversation and happiness. All things she didn't think she deserved now, not after her mother...
Ben closed the door, and was confronted by a room with four men. "She'll be fine" he said to Nicholas, who nodded, then leaned against his knee on the hearth. Adam glanced at his father, then to Nicholas, he said "I'm sorry, Nicholas. I didn't think she would react that way." Hoss and Little Joe started laughing, causing Adam to glare at them, "What is so funny?"
Hoss spoke first, "That's the first time I've ever heard you apologize about anything with Vanessa." Little Joe swallowed hard, then spoke as well, "I think, that you know you were losing." Adam glowered at them, "Now wait just one minute! I have never in her entire life lost a fight with that girl and I'm not about to now!" Nicholas chuckled.
Adam stood up to his brothers, "Now I'm willing to admit that she's grown up a bit..." Little Joe crowed at that, "A bit! Adam are you blind! Vanessa's changed from that rowdy two-bit that would run around here, into a full grown woman!" He grabbed his jacket lapels, and grinned, "I've got half a mind to ask her to that dance we've got planned two weeks from now." Hoss stared at his brother, "You're gonna what?!" he humphed, and stared a this brother, "Not if I get to her first."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Now boys," it was Nicholas interrupting them. "I appreciate your candor, but don't you think you should let Vanessa have a say in this?" the two younger Cartwrights glared at each other. "Yeah," Adam chimed in, "Vanessa's got a mind of her own, you'd better let her decide." Ben looked pointedly at Nicholas, and said, "Now hold on Adam. This is the first time I've heard of you opting out of a chance with a pretty girl. Are you telling me that you're not gonna make a try for her?" Adam whirled on his father, "Oh ho! Oh no I won't." he turned back to Nicholas, "I mean you no offense, Nicholas, but that daughter of your's is more of a spitfire than I'm willing to deal with. Never once has she shown me the slightest glimmer of kindness, and there is no way that I would escort that girl to any outing."
"Now hold on Adam. You said yourself that she's grown up." Joe said, not wanting her to be so spoken of. Adam nodded, "yes, she' quite the beauty, but beauty's only skin deep. That girls soul is as black as the devil himself!"
The door shut loudly. All five men spun to see Vanessa standing proud against the wood. "Well then, is that really what you think of me, Adam?" he was flustered. Clearing his throat, Adam nodded, "Yes. Every time you've come to this ranch, you've done nothing but make my life miserable!"
"And you haven't done the same for me!" she exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips, "You've been a bane in my existence since I first came here!" She took a deep breath and started towards the doors. As she passed closer, Adam could see the deep red of her cheeks...she'd been crying. Moving quickly, he stepped in front of her and folded his arms.
"Out of my way." she hissed, looking up at him.
"Why were you crying?"
She froze, "I haven't been crying."
"Oh yes you have."
"I have not!" she spun on her heel, and was about to climb the stairs when he grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. "You were so crying..." he paused as she stared up at him. He could see the battle raging beneath the surface. The anger that she was holding back...and the fear. "I'm sorry Vanessa. I didn't mean to scare you." With that he let go of her arm and turned away from her.
Blinking quickly, she watched him take a few steps, then turned to Ben, "I think I'm going to call it a night." Ben nodded to her, and she disappeared up the stairs. No one said a thing until they heard the soft thud of her door closing. "Well that's another first." Ben said, moving to sit in his favorite chair. Joe scrambled out of his way, and sat on the settee. Adam was standing next to him, his back to the group. Ben could hear the gears working in his mind.
After a few tense moments, Nicholas straightened up, "you boys think it over. I'm going to get some sleep."
Vanessa rolled onto her side, knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her mind was reeling from all that had happened that day. First there was the Ponderosa. She'd remembered something so much more wild, and now it was almost tame...at least in the area's around the house. But she figures that was to be expected with four grown men living in a house. That thought sparked a whole other one, the men in the house. She was the only girl here...wasn't that a little odd? Of course, for proprieties sake her father was between her room and the others. She knew he slept with his door cracked to hear anything, but what if? She shook her head fiercely, no, the Cartwrights may be men, but they wouldn't do that to her...would they?
She remembered the looks she'd gotten from them today. How Little Joe had been so interested..how Hoss seemed to talk her ear off. How Adam...how she'd felt when Adam had looked her over when she came down the stairs. She'd known the heat of his gaze before, when Ethan had attacked her., and when he'd put his hand over her mouth at dinner...she couldn't explain it. Her heart had begun to race, but not with fear...but anticipation? She rolled back and stared at the ceiling. How could she possibly get over anything when she didn't even know how she felt about things?!
Sighing heavily, Vanessa sat up and glanced towards the door to her left. Should she go back downstairs? Maybe do some snooping and find out something about these Cartwrights... perhaps even about the one that made her knees weak. Or maybe not, it was rather cold outside of the little tent she'd made for herself. Vanessa raked her hand over her head, running her fingers through her hair. She really needed to make up her mind about this whole thing.
Her stomach growled. Smiling, she threw her legs over the side of the bed, and tentatively searched for her slippers. Finding them, she felt around for her robe, and tossed it around her shoulders. 'No one should be awake,' she thought to herself, 'I won't bother with the sash.' carefully she went to the door and pulled on it. It opened without a sound, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Moving down the hallway, she paused by her fathers room. Satisfied to hear his snore, she continued on, this time passing Adam's room. If anyone was to catch her up, it would be him...and she doubted he would be happy to learn she'd been spying on him.
'Not that I can help it' she thought to herself, glancing into the room. There he was, asleep in all his glory. The quilts had been thrown back while he slept and she saw his chiseled frame. The muscles in his arms glistened in the moonlight streaming through his open window. His chest rose and fell steadily with each breath, causing a shiver to run through her. Then an evil thought stuck her...causing her to grin mischievously. What if he woke up to find his clothes were missing? Stifling a giggle, she silently moved into the room, and found a pair of jeans thrown across a chair, and a jet black shirt was crumpled nearby.
Chuckling to herself, she gathered the clothing into her arms, and hastened out of the room. The entire time, Adam's breathing pattern didn't change. Congratulating herself on getting back at such a beast, she went downstairs to find a place to hide the clothes. Casting her eyes about, she saw the hulk of Ben's desk and moved to it, and found the cupboard off to it's side unlocked. Carefully folding the clothes, the placed them inside, and shut the door gently. Oh, Adam was going to spitting mad when he found out...and he well deserved it! She couldn't think of a better prank she'd pulled on him...except for maybe the time that she and Little Joe had put bugs in his travel rations when he was younger.
When he was younger...Adam had grown some, she had to admit it. The last time she'd seen him was actually his back as he left for Virginia City to catch the stage back East for school. He'd been seventeen, and she was only a youngster at fourteen, but she'd been happy to see him go. There had always been a bit of a war between her and Adam, and perhaps that was the source her problem.
The though didn't last long in her mind though, because she heard footsteps above her. Quickly, she stood and made it look as though she was searching for a book to read from Ben's small, but well stocked library. It was while she was doing this, she found something that made her gasp. How did they get a copy of this?! With the utmost reverence, she pu8lled from the shelf a small copy of "Shakespeare's Plays". She'd thought that the Cartwright's didn't have time to read, let alone such revered things as Shakespeare! Opening the cover, she saw a small note written on the inside front cover. Moving closer to the window, she strained her eyes to read the writing.
"To Adam Cartwright, May your dreams come true! Signed Edwin Booth." She shut the book, shocked. Adam...Adam knew Edwin Booth? But how could that be? Unless...unless they met while he was back east. That had to be the answer, she seriously doubted that Adam could have met the man any other way. Holding the treasure close to her chest, she decided to go back upstairs, to read.
She'd made it past all the sleepers, and was well into Much Ado About Nothing when she heard another noise. It was similar to the others she'd heard while downstairs, and it spooked her. Putting a marker in her place, she set the book aside and went to her door to investigate. Opening it just a crack, she peeked outside into the hallway, and saw a man standing outside her fathers room. His shape didn't resemble any of the Cartwrights, and that in itself was enough to scare her.
She must have made a noise because the man turned around, and looked right at her. "ETHAN!" she gasped, horrified. "But you're...you're supposed to be dead!" The man laughed manically and growled, "Do you really think that you could be rid of me that easily? That devil of a horse of yours did some damage yes, but I got away. Remember, you ran out of the barn and you didn't see me die." He was moving towards her room, "Do you really think that it was me your father dragged out that day? What did you think would happen once you were gone...that Hades would finish me off? Do the deed that you were to chicken to do yourself?"
"What?" she was gasping for air, "No, I loved you! Or I thought I did." He laughed again, making goosebumps erupt on her arms, "You don't even know what you feel about me!" He continued laughing, and she moved back into her room. She curled herself back onto the bed and whimpered, "Please...please don't do this..." He just kept coming at her. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling his breath on her cheek, the foul smell of whiskey on his breath, the hard grip of his hands on her shoulders. "Don't...stop..." she begged, her breath almost gone from the fear the gripped her heart. He was climbing above her, his shifting weight causing her to shake.
"Vanessa, I'm going to relish this....I really am..." he said. She began to fight against him, throwing her arms about trying to get at his face. She connected, but not with his gruff chin. The skin she felt was soft and smooth. He cried out, but it wasn't his voice...it was Adam's.
"Vanessa! Wake up, you're having a bad dream!" he shouted at her, shaking her shoulders. She'd scratched his arms pretty good by now., with how she was thrashing around. Her eyes opened, and he released his grip on her. "Vanessa..." he said, waiting for her to recognize him...
"Adam!" she breathed, sitting up and throwing her arms around his neck, "Oh am I glad to see you." He raised his eyebrows; he hadn't expected anything thing like this! Then again, what had he expected when he'd come running in here after hearing her scream. He'd been the first here, another surprise considering that her father was just next door. Then something clicked in his mind...she was in her nightgown and holding him rather tightly.
And she was shivering. "Vanessa, what is wrong?" she didn't say anything, just clung to him for dear life. Her shivers were becoming stronger, and soon he heard the soft sounds of her sobbing. He pulled back from her slightly, and lifted her chin gently. "Vanessa."
His voice was caressing her name, like Ethan used to do. Her eyes were red from crying, and tears continued to stream down her cheeks. His hand beneath her chin was like fire on her skin, and made her want to go back to holding him. She'd felt protected in his arms. "Vanessa...tell me what you were dreaming about." he was insistent. She'd have to tell him.
"Ethan." she whimpered, averting her eyes away form his concerned face. "Who's Ethan?"
"He was an old suitor...someone that shouldn't have been in my life." She shook her head and tried to pull away from him. But hands were stronger than she'd thought they'd be. "Why not?" She took a breath, trying to steady herself, "He tried..." her voice caught and she couldn't speak for a good minute, "He tried to..." she lost control and buried her face in his shoulder, tears soaking into his skin. Adam didn't need to hear any more. He could gather enough information from the unfinished sentence and her racking sobs. "Did he..." he started, then decided that it wasn't right. But then her head shook against him, "No...Hades, my horse, stopped him before he could get very far."
"But now you're having nightmares about it." She chuckled, forcefully, "That's just it! He attacked me FOUR years ago. I shouldn't be having dreams like this..." She brought a hand back and was about to wipe her cheeks, but his hands were there first. Her hand covered his, and their eyes met. Suddenly all the years, all the anger, all the distaste flew out the window, and all that was left was this moment, where he held her face, and she opened her eyes to him.
How long they were sitting like that, they didn't know, but when a cough came from her doorway, they both jumps in surprise. Vanessa turned to the door to see everyone else. "Papa." she said, the shock in her voice clear. Adam moved away quickly, standing and walking back to the door. "Well now, do you two want to tell us whats been going on?" It was Ben.
Vanessa grabbed the blankets she'd thrown off in her nightmare, and revealed the book she'd been reading. "Papa, it's not what you think..."
"And what do I think, Nessa?" Vanessa flinched, he hadn't called her by her mother's nickname for her since her mother had died. "Honestly, Nessa, I haven't had time to think about anything...so why don't you, and Adam, explain yourselves?" Vanessa shook her head, and ran a hand through her hair. "Papa, really, you must believe me...nothing happened. I just had a nightmare and Adam came in to see what was wrong." She could see Little Joe and Hoss raising their eyebrows behind Ben's shoulders. Then her view was blocked by Adam's own broad set as he pushed his way past his family.
Nicholas nodded at his daughter, and reached in to shut the door, "Get some sleep Vanessa. I'll talk to you in the morning." He pulled the door tight, letting the door click loudly. He turned back to Adam, who was just beyond the group, waiting for his talking to. Ben spoke first, "Well Adam. Do you want to recant want you said earlier?" Adam whirled on his father, and opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes fell on the door behind him.
"At the cost of losing my soul," he glanced at his brothers, who were staring at him incredulous, "I am willing to consider taking her to the dance." Little Joe and Hoss both made a squeaking sound, and Adam put up his hands, "On one condition." Ben folded his arms and stared at his eldest son. "O? And what would that be?"
"That the dance be changed to a masquerade. I'd really like to see what her choice is. We each will choose a different animal, and whatever she comes as will be her decision." Little Joe chimed in, "And what if she doesn't chose any of us?" Hoss chuckled, "Like that would ever happen...I say if she doesn't, then let her pair off with ol' Nicholas. It'll be easy enough."
The Cartwrights turned to their old friend and waited. Nicholas just shrugged, "It's really up to you men. I only brought her here in hopes that when we go home, I'll have my real daughter back." Hoss' brow crinkled, "Ain't that Vanessa in there?" The others ruefully shook their heads, "Come on Hoss." Little Joe said, "Let's get some sleep."
Vanessa waited until the footfalls subsided, then curled up into a ball on the bed. The images were still too fresh in her mind for her to go back to sleep. She could feel his weight above her, pinning her to the bed. The foul smell of his breath, the way he'd spoken to her...She was shaking again, this time in terror as she closed her eyes. There he was, standing against the window...leering at her.
"There you are, little one." he laughed heartily, "Look at you! You've changed from the strong impulsive woman that I fell in love with..." he cocked his head to the side, "Love? Did I ever love you?"
'Go away...please, just go away!' she begged, hiding her face from him. His cackle echoed through her mind, "Please...go away!" he mocked, "Just go away." You sounded so weak...so frail underneath me on that day."
"But you were strong anyway." It was another voice, one that soothed her aching heart. Adam appeared from nowhere, dressed as he had when he'd come into her room. He stood behind her, she could feel his comforting presence. "Vanessa..." his voice was intoxicating.
"You must be joking, this fool isn't what you're looking for!" Ethan's angry cry made her wince. But then there were arms around her, strong ones that held her tight against a warm chest. Ethan's continued to scream in her mind, his death cries slowly fading away. Vanessa looked up into the slate gray eyes that had captured her since she was a child. "Vanessa..." Adam said again, this time placing a hand on her head, and smiling at her.
For the first time in a long time, Vanessa found herself sleeping soundly...with no nightmares.