20 Oct., '08: I'm getting there. I'm slowly getting back to writing again. Sorry to make some of you wait so long for updates. I miss writing like this. I hope to get back on track with Promises to a Distant Sky (-- remember that fic? :wink: --) as well.

Standard disclaimers apply. Hope you enjoy!

Growing Pains: Realization

Dawn was slowly approaching when Takahashi Keisuke was cruising on his yellow Mazda RX-7 towards home, a lingering smile on his face at the recollection of recent events. He came from another successful battle of the RedSuns against other Akagi teams as he decided to pit the team's new drivers against other team's more seasoned ones. With his brother concentrating more on his internship these days, and with the closing of Project D early last winter, it fell on Keisuke's shoulders to make sure the legacy of the Takahashi brothers will still live on. So while he waited for the right opportunity with the big teams, his old Akagi team was more than happy to have their old number two driver back into the fold. Keisuke couldn't be any happier.

Since his older sibling moved out of the house to fully concentrate on his medical career, life had been more… subdued at the house. With nobody to talk to about cars and racing and planning for battles, there was no real reason to hang around much except for the obligatory rest and shared meals with his parents. Their mother had jokingly remarked over dinner that Keisuke ought to start paying for his transitory stay in his "dorm". Keisuke understood the hint, but felt the air in the household more confining than before, and the restlessness had been more felt of late without the palpable presence of his sibling, mentor and friend.

Keisuke was not verbal about it, but he missed Ryousuke despite his stern disciplinarian ways especially during their expeditions together. But he was fair, Keisuke would always reassure himself, and he was fully aware that his aniki always had his well-being in mind. This was why he always had a reason to call him up, be it to update him with the goings-on in the RedSuns, with Fujiwara and the rest of Project.D's crew, to anything about automotives and racing. And being the generous older brother that he was, Ryousuke always seemed to have time to have a talk with his younger brother.

Once at the residence, he pulled his FD into the garage, surprised to find the FC parked in its old place. He cocked a brow, his puzzlement overpowering his excitement that his brother was home. It wasn't usual to find his brother's car in the garage these days. Last he heard, Ryousuke was assigned at a hospital in Tokyo. Could he be done with his internship duties there?

Getting out of the driver's seat, his curiosity turned to mild distress as he saw smoke rising lazily by the driver's side of the white coupe. He hurried to that side and stopped in his tracks to find his brother leaning back against the driver's door, arms resting against drawn-up knees. Then his eyes drew to the cause of his alarm, his brows shooting up again. A cigarette dangled between his brother's nervous fingers, as the ash fell from the tip and piling carelessly on the concrete floor as his brother stared at the empty wall across. Presently, Ryousuke seemed to have shaken out of his stupor and looked up.

Keisuke's elation returned when his alarm subsided. But it lasted for but a second as something in Ryousuke's demeanor told him this was not a very happy homecoming. He decided to break the silence. "I thought you quit a long time ago," he remarked in way of a greeting, shifting his weight on one foot.

Ryousuke's attention was drawn to the cigarette in his hand, then shrugged. "I didn't even realize I lit it," was all he said. He flicked the ash that stubbornly clung to the tip, his gaze lost in the action.

The younger Takahashi thrust his hands in his pockets, pondering at his brother's reticence, and the fact that he was here. "You done in Tokyo?"

The other shook his head, still staring at a distance. "I was driving around for a few hours, until I realized I ended up here." His hand brought the cigarette close to his lips, but froze as its owner seemed to be considering something. Finally, he let it drop beside him, crushing the embers with the heel of his shoe.

Keisuke straightened. Something was definitely wrong. Ryousuke disliked wasteful activities, and with the schedule that he keeps, even when he left his street-racing days completely, he couldn't afford the luxury of joyriding.

He stared down at the toes of his boots as if willing them to move. Even from his slumped position, he felt that Ryousuke built an invisible barrier that prohibited unwanted intruders in, and Keisuke felt that he was unwanted at the moment.

"Why didn't you come up, then?" he tried again.

Ryousuke merely nodded, signifying the end of the stilted conversation.

Keisuke took in a long breath, tamping down the impatience prickling at him. He took a step, nothing more. "Something on your mind, aniki?" he ventured slowly. "You don't just coast around then pop up here for no reason." He tested the waters again, taking a few steps to lean against the opposite wall, directly in front of his sibling.

His brother looked up again, and the soft light from the garage couldn't hide the weariness reflected from the other's usually keen eyes. There seemed to be an inner struggle going on behind those eyes, until Ryousuke gave way to a sigh, a decision met.

"I've been doing ER duty at Tokyo General since the start of the week," the elder Takahashi began slowly, resting his head against the FC with a soft sigh. "It hadn't been easy. It's always busy with people coming in an out on all hours of the day."

"So… when has too much stress gotten to you? You virtually thrive on constant action," Keisuke hazarded with a shrug. "I mean, I'm sure it can get crazy and all, but you always see to it that you're on top of things."

A corner of his lips quirked up in clear amusement. "I wish I could tell you it was so."

Lengthy silence ensued. Keisuke idly considered that prying an oyster with a toothpick was nothing compared to getting his sibling to talk about what bothers him. On any other occasion, he would leave Ryousuke be with his thoughts; he always had a way to get himself untangled in the yarn he was in. But, this time, he slowly realized, with his brother being physically distant most of the time, when would there be another chance for them to sit and talk like this?

"Y-you can talk about it… if you want." Keisuke still gave that opening for Ryousuke to escape. He felt a little unsure how their conversation would go down, feeling totally unprepared on how he could provide some sort of support for his brother. Virtually all his life, all he looked after was Number One. That priority had skewed a bit after learning to work in a team and following his brother, but he always had backup, no matter what the situation was. This little role reversal was completely alien to him.

Ryousuke stared at his younger brother for what seemed to be minutes, until a weary ghost of a smile broke through his lips.

"The Emergency Room has always been the most challenging duty in any hospital," he started slowly, "so I've mentally prepared myself for the various traumas that would come in. Anyone would have to, or you won't last ten minutes there.

"There's this one case… this afternoon. A woman in her thirties was carrying a bloodied five-year-old boy in her arms. I was about to come off duty, and since all the doctors were called away, I was tapped to assist in this case." His jaw worked, swallowing hard before continuing.

"The woman was the little boy's neighbor, lived on the same floor. She found the boy at the stairwell, his face and shirt front covered in blood from a broken nose. We took him in, treated him for his concussion, two broken ribs, fractured right arm… not to mention the cuts and bruises he had."

Keisuke frowned slightly, wondering why his brother seemed troubled by this 'case' of his. Ryousuke would only discuss such things when asked by his parents. Keisuke didn't voice out his misgivings, and instead nodded and said, "Go on."

Ryousuke took in a slow unsteady breath. "Despite his small body, we could tell that he was fighting. It was two, maybe three hours we spent working on the child, before he was stabilized enough to be transferred to the ICU. But…" Here, Ryousuke faltered, ran a hand through his hair.

The younger man's frown deepened. He didn't know what he found more disturbing: the tale Ryousuke was describing or the fact that the same man who served as his pillar for years was slouched in their garage, visibly shaken by his own tale.

He fought for his voice to work. "Aniki, I…"

"His eyes."

"What?" Keisuke blinked, unsure of the soft rejoinder.

Ryousuke closed his own eyes at the recollection. "I can't forget the look in those eyes the moment I saw him until we got him on the operating table. They never blinked once until we sedated him. It was as if he retreated within himself. Looking at his injuries, I was sure that the boy was abused, beaten within the thread of his young life."

He opened his eyes again, glistening with unmasked torment and quiet rage that Keisuke fought the urge to draw back. "According to the woman who brought him in, the child lived with his uncle. His mother died of cancer, while his father wasted his life away with alcohol until death claimed him as well. His uncle was the only relative reluctant enough to take the child in. He was notorious in his building for his vile temper, and Kusaki-san had been witness to his rough treatment of the boy. This has been the worst."

Little did Keisuke realize that his hands clenched at his sides, anger boiling beneath the surface. His time with the bokozosu and the little skirmishes during their battles has given him more than enough exposure to a man's capability of violence. But to inflict that on a child… even their own father, distant and imposing as he was, never dealt a heavy hand on them when they were boys. "Damn bastard," he spat under his breath. "Did this woman file a report?"

Ryousuke was resting his head against his hand. He nodded slightly, his other hand clenching and unclenching as if on their own accord. "The police are still searching for him. Apparently, he fled when the boy was found."

The younger Takahashi crossed the space between them, joining his brother on the pavement, sitting beside him. "They'll find him, Aniki," he said in gruff assurance when he managed to speak. "One way or another, that son of a bitch will pay…"

A soft mirthless chuckle escaped from Ryousuke's lips. "What would it matter? The damage is irreparable."

"What do you mean, irreparable?"

"Don't you see, Keisuke? Submitting a child through that kind of violence would inevitably have an effect on his psyche. And…" Ryousuke visibly swallowed, "there's more."

"'More'?"

"There were signs that the boy was… abused." His brother's usually keen eyes faltered. "Not just once. We suspect the uncle, but there's also a possibility he's forcing others on the boy…"

The implication of that one word was not lost on Keisuke, as sickening knots formed inside his belly. The sick son of a bitch!

The painful silence stretched between them, Keisuke feeling the distance grow between them again. He cursed himself mentally, floundering for a way to offer some form of support, an encouraging word. Something.

"I've seen worse cases, Keisuke. Gunshot wounds, vehicular trauma, stabbings. It was hard, but I weathered through them. But this..." He paused briefly trying to control the small quiver in his voice. "We repaired his body, but his innocence is completely shattered…"

He stopped abruptly and screwed his eyes shut, and Keisuke noted the slight trembling of his older brother's shoulders. At that moment, Keisuke felt the strongest urge to leave, very much unused to this reversed role as listener. But neither body nor conscience made to follow.

"I feel like a coward, driving aimlessly when I got off duty. I think I made three rounds of uphill and down passing Akina on my way here," Ryousuke said huskily, his voice raw from the surging emotions. Keisuke was then drawn to the heat emanating from the front tire's brake plate, and the fact that the always immaculate FC's fender was uncharacteristically streaked of underbrush and dirt.

"I don't know how Otou-san does it," his brother continued softly, "witnessing every inhuman horror imaginable pass through his hands. I'm not sure—I…"

A firm hand grasped Ryousuke's shoulder. "Don't say it!" Keisuke whispered harshly, struggling with the roiling in his chest. He was afraid of the next words that would come out from his brother's mouth, afraid that the steadfast idol actually had a crack and was ready to crumble. "You've struggled against a lot of shit in your life—hell, you even tried to fix mine! Don't let this get to you, Aniki! You're made of tougher stuff than this."

Keisuke was aware he was saying them more for himself than for his brother. Who covered his ass when he was younger? Who tried to save the RedSuns from the disgrace of their first loss? His mind railed against the bald fact that the cold, calculating machine behind the RedSuns and Project.D was actually sitting on the dirty pavement beside him, looking defeated, feeling the injustice of human existence. If not Ryousuke, who would stand strong for him?

Then again, who would stand strong for Ryousuke? No wonder he looked like shit every time after internship duties at Gundai, when Ryousuke still lived with them. He tried to hide it with under a mask of cool indifference as if it was just a regular school day. As far as Keisuke understood, his brother's apprenticeship at Gunma University's medical facility not only covered lectures, but studying live "cases" as well. That was what Ryousuke referred to patients whenever their father asked how his eldest son's day went over dinner. Ryousuke, ever the dutiful son, carefully relayed the events that had gone, leaving out the more lurid details that didn't make good meal conversation. It hit Keisuke just then: his brother's voice was clear but subdued; but to him, Ryousuke gave away telltale signs that he all but wanted to drop the subject. If it were Keisuke, he would have begged off and ran through Akagi's corners as if the devil was on his tail.

… witnessing every inhuman horror imaginable pass through his hands…

The older Takahahi's small tremors seemed to have been subdued, and Keisuke caught Ryousuke quickly and discreetly swipe at his face before turning back to face his younger sibling. His face was set like a mask, but there was no fooling the younger man from the turmoil that remained behind those dark eyes.

"I wish I could tell you it was so," Ryousuke repeated quietly.

Bereft of words and unable to meet the pained gaze of his elder, Keisuke bridged the unseen distance Ryousuke was putting between them again. It was the only way he knew how, like what his older brother had done in their younger years. With an arm around the other's slumped shoulders, he hesitantly drew his brother close before he could actually shrink away. Thankfully, Ryousuke didn't resist the awkward hug, as they sat there in the company of silence under the sallow garage lights.

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