(A/N: I'm sorry for such huge gaps between my putting up chapters. I'm gonna start trying to write these more often, at least to finish the damn thing)

The room was flooded with early morning light. Coming to work at seven seemed pretty reasonable to Shikamaru, but in Konoha things started at 4 o'clock in the frickin' morning and that was that. Disinterestedly he looked about the office, badly wanting a cigarette. He sighed miserably and leaned on the edge of the desk next to him. To his surprise, Izumo, who occupied it, shot him a nasty glance.

"Why don't you let the people who actually come to work on time get on with their jobs?" he snapped.

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows and leaned back into his chair. That was unexpected, he thought. Kotetsu came into the room, glaring at him as he sat down to the huge mounds of paperwork on his table. Shikamaru felt he had fallen distinctly out of favor in this office. Even the messenger girl who sat next to him radiated an aura of hostility, though Shikamaru guessed that it had more to do with her country's problems than with him.

"Can you just stop fidgeting?" she hissed at him. "It's making me nervous." Or not. He stopped his restless thumb-twiddling and tried to think deep, relaxing thoughts. Depending on Tsunade's mood, he'd either get a stern warning or a good talking to. From Ibiki.

"Shikamaru?" came Shizune's voice from Tsunade's office. "You can come in." The messenger girl glared at him, but Shikamaru had already decided on ignoring anybody that wanted to be an asshole to him today.

The Hokage's office was far from welcoming and though he was nearly as tall as the dazzling woman in the standing in front of him, he felt a sudden surge of inferiority. It probably had to do with her position and what not. But, it also had a little to do with shame, a little to do with humiliation. He was just frickin' grateful that the woman hadn't told his parents. Not that she officially knew of course. Like Kakashi, she probably only suspected (well Kakashi knew now anyway). She'd never mentioned the incident, never once questioned him when he had come barging into her office, demanding to be put back on office work. She'd merely nodded seriously and reassigned him. Just like that.

In fact, she'd been so cool about it that it was eerie. Never, not even once, had she ever made a joke about it, ever alluded to it in any way, never once even mentioned Sasuke in his presence, except in a vague off-hand manner. It bothered him, this indifference.

"Shikamaru," said Tsunade, surveying him with her large amber eyes. "I have something I absolutely must discuss with you."

Uh-oh.

He warily took the seat in front of her desk. Did that mean she'd only just had her suspicions confirmed? There was a loud thump, as Tsunade cleared off the towering pile of paperwork from her desk. "Kakashi told me something very interesting this morning.'

Motherfuck. So she'd just been waiting for confirmation to call him out on it. All right, he thought. He'd take it like a man. And anyway they hadn't done anything about Neji (as far as he knew). So why should he worry? he told himself, trying to ignore the fact that Neji had rather important connections that undoubtedly gave him an edge in these sort of crises.

"Shikamaru," began Tsunade. "You've been very… edgy… recently. I mean you're a lazy sunofabitch but, skipping work, shirking responsibility, isn't like you at all. Ever since…" Here she paused and he knew what she wanted to say.

Ever since Sasuke.

"Uh… Hokage-sama," he said, "I've just been umm… a little out of it. I've had some issues, you know, that I've been sorting out so I—"

"I know," she said. "I understand."

Did she really?

"I think, that maybe you should go on a long journey, Shikamaru. Some place where you won't disturb anyone."

A sudden, inexplicable chill chose this moment to make its way down Shikamaru's spine.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Shikamaru-kun, I hope you realize that, like this, you are no longer an asset to this village. You're endangering the sanctity of this establishment." What establishment? With an abrupt movement, she drew out a sheet of paper from the pile on the floor.

"Anbu will escort you out."

There was a long, slow silence as he allowed this sentence to sink in. His heartbeat seemed to slow and then finally cease…briefly.

There wasn't even anything he could say. They couldn't just kick him out like he was nothing. Is that it? he thought, still in shock. Did I just fuck up my entire life? My career? My future?

Because of one, stupid, reckless act?

Without looking at the paper, he took it, knowing it was some ninja version of an eviction notice. It has come to the attention of the council that Nara Shikamaru has royally made a fool of himself… yada yada yada.

He was numb. His head throbbed. With wide, dry, unseeing eyes, he stared at first the paper, not absorbing the words, then at Tsunade. There was nothing to say. He began to walk towards the door. Shizune met his eyes briefly, and he saw that she looked puzzled.

Hmmph, he thought, at least Tsunade had the decency to keep it a little secret. Oh God, he thought suddenly. Who's gonna tell my dad? He reached for the door knob.

"Uh... Shikamaru?" He turned to face his ex-leader.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Where do you think you're going?" Strange question for her to ask.

"Um… exile?" he said.

There was a pregnant pause.

Tsunade stared at him. "What gave you that impression?"

"I- I just figured—" he stammered, comprehension dawning upon him. He stopped. "This," he said, waving the paper in his hand. "This is a mission, isn't it?"

"Jeez," said Tsunade, looking truly worried. "You're even worse than I thought."

Shikamaru mentally slapped himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Paranoia does not suit you, man, he thought.

"Like I said, Kakashi brought me some interesting news this morning" She drew out an important-looking folder. "There's been some unusual activity near the border between the land of Earth and the land of Fire. It seems as though the daimyo in the province has been gathering an army of some sort. Your mission is to check it out and take out the daimyo if possible."

Take out? Did that mean assassinate? What kind of Hokage was she? There was no way he was qualified for this kind of mission.

His anxiety must have shown in his face because she said, "Don't worry. That part of the mission is already taken care of. We just need a good military tactician to analyze the situation firsthand, and make a decision from there."

"Right," he said. "Who might that person be? The one who'll take care of everything?" The door creaked behind him and he turned to glance at the newcomer.

"Ah! Speak of the devil," said Tsunade.

"Forgive my lateness Hokage-sama," said the silver-haired jonin. "I was just walking down the road when I was accosted by an expert team of ninja cats belonging to the Hyuuga family which refused to let me pass and naturally I couldn't hurt them seeing as they –"

"Enough Kakashi. You and Shikamaru's team will set off for the border at 1300 hours today.' She looked at both of them in turn. "Perhaps this will clear your heads."

It wasn't as though Konoha were a particularly rural place. They had technology. They even had telephones. (Shikamaru still remembered Temari's reaction. "You can talk on this?" Hilarious.) But he'd only seen a train once in his life.

Mikazuki Rails was the one and only railroad in the entire world. It cut a gash across the five lands, linking them by the only means possible: trade. It carried passengers, diplomats, and precious information without which the countries would whither and die.

It was not this that awed him though. It was the rusty, broken-down appearance of it. The train looked as though it had been built with heaps of old scrap metal. There were large rents in the sides from the many military assaults it had survived. Patches decorated its cars, and an awful black cloud spouted from its smokestack.

This, Shikamaru thought, is going to explode any minute now.

"Admirin' the old battle horse, ain'cha?" An old grizzled man stood next to him looking at the beast with an expression usually reserved for pets. Shikamaru shot him a dirty look and nonchalantly stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"I guess you could say that," he said.

"She's been 'round for nigh on twenty years," the old man said happily. "An' she ain't never been late once yet."

"Mmm," said Shikamaru indifferently.

Chouji prodded his shoulder. "Hey, we're almost late. Let's go." Kakashi and Ino were behind them. Shikamaru groaned.

"Hey," said Chouji. "Remember the last time we were down here on a mission with Asuma-sensei? Wasn't it fun?"

From what Shikamaru could remember their last visit had consisted of repeated attacks from behind, an engine malfunction, and Chouji becoming quite train-sick.

"Umm… yeah. Fun." he said. They shuffled aboard into a near-empty compartment. Recently, it seemed people were more and more reluctant to travel. The old man poked his head in after some time. Apparently he was the conductor.

"Y'all alright now?" he asked.

Shikamaru did not answer him. He was staring dismally outside. Light drizzle was beginning to fall but knowing the area, it'd be a monsoon before the hour was out. The others reassured him that, yes, they were perfectly fine, and the door closed.

In words and in loneliness

A scream caresses the night sky.

The night is dark and soulless without a light to see by.

A word unspoken

A throbbing choice that nestles in sand and waits for redemption.

Who's there?

Who wants to know?

A lonely wanderer, his hair tied back, his eyes blinded
Eyes unseeing asks, "Will you save me

From myself?"

Shikamaru checked his watch, which happened to be the sun.

1:35, he thought, give or take a few minutes. He wasn't too familiar with the country, and the angle of the sun differed over even small distances. But he was certain that the man was late. Kakashi. He sighed. Maybe, he thought hopefully, he'd been waylaid by a group of rogue ninja. Or even, he thought, seriously injured. The man had been getting on his last nerves for the past couple of days. Perceptive? The man was a fuckin' mind reader. Every time it was Shikamaru's watch, the man would innocently start a conversation, one into which Shikamaru would enter warily at first for fear of being rude. He would be lulled into a false sense of security by small talk, and then slowly imperceptibly, he managed to turn the conversation to Sasuke. Every time.

And not only Sasuke but the various horrors associated with Sasuke. There was even one awful humiliating night where he'd been manipulated into reciting one of his dirtier nightmares in nauseating detail. It was only after this incident (which caused Kakashi to make horrible Freudian remarks about the eroticism inherent in confession) that he realized that he was being manipulated outrageously. The nightmares had started up again (which he felt was absolutely ridiculous. He felt absolutely no guilt and not even a bit of disgust in remembering). And he was slowly becoming a nervous wreck.

But the strange thing was that he'd actually wanted to tell someone, ask for advice and what not (not that he'd received any advice other than, "Shikamaru you have to realize that human sexuality is not a fixed thing but a wide range of sensations and preconceptions, links in biological function, blah, blah, blah…", things that sounded teacher-ish and mocking at the same time.) There really was a kind of release in talking about it, even though he'd learned way more things about sex, sexuality, and Sasuke (Oh god . Sasuke had a whole set of subtopics just to himself) than he'd ever wanted to know.

It was his secret wish, to tell everybody, almost as if he was secretly an exhibitionist and Kakashi knew that deeply. Ack, skip that thought.

Shikamaru sighed again. Might as well find a place to camp tonight so the old man could find them.

"Ino," he called. "Go wake Chouji up. We need to get moving again.

Half an hour later, Shikamaru was, to his embarrassment, utilizing a talent he did not like to brag about.

It wasn't as though Shikamaru was particularly fond of wilderness or wildness for that matter. But when it came to animals…well, his whole family was like that really. And it wasn't just deer, but even squirrels. And birds. And rabbits. They just seemed to listen to him.

For most of his life Shikamaru had tried to avoid this disconcerting "gift" he'd inherited along with his kekkai genkai and intelligence. He'd attributed it variously to his name, the fact that his family owned Konoha woods, his own personal charisma, and the slight paranoia that his overwhelmingly large IQ had given him.

But none of these explanations could quite satisfactorily account for the little interview he was now having with a young and slightly arrogant buck who they'd come upon by chance. He was having a hard time explaining, to Ino, that in the wordless exchange he'd just had with the deer he'd somehow obtained the knowledge that the river would be found due east, if one started from a certain salt lick that the herd frequented. He'd also, distressingly, learned that a tall silver-haired man had been seen some ways away and that if he continued at the pace he was going, he would catch up to them by nightfall.

Ino looked at him curiously.

"Uh, Shikamaru?" she asked. "What are you doing?"

"J—just, um… you know, feeding the deer," he said, giving the buck a light pat on the head, to indicate that it was tame, which it was not. It promptly skipped away.

"That's really cool," she said." Can I feed any around here?"

"If, they let you," Shikamaru replied. "Where's Chouji?"

"Ummm… I think he's gathering some berries."

You mean eating them, he thought. He lifted a hand to his mouth to amplify his voice.

"Chouji! We're moving on!" Now that he thought about it, he'd been calling him a lot recently. Maybe Chouji was having problems?

Chouji emerged from the thicket, shirt purple-stained. To Shikamaru's surprise, he actually had a decent basket for them and he felt proud that Chouji was his friend. It probably had taken a great deal of restraint to avoid eating them.

He laughed.

"Come on," he said, "And thank you."

Night came quickly in this part of the country, and though they really should have continued on for an hour or so, Shikamaru just didn't have the stomach for it. Anyway, they had to give Kakashi a chance to catch up. The reconnaissance he'd been doing around the border would be necessary for them to form a complete plan for an efficient assassination. He fretted a little over it as the team began to set up camp. He'd needed the mission, but not this mission. A mission, just to bring him back into work mode. Not that he was against killing threats to the village and peace in general, but methodically plotting out a death seemed just so… cold-blooded.

Thankfully, they had a rather cold blooded team member whose sole purpose on this mission was to bring his methodical plan to fruition. So there was no need to worry especially about that part. Unless that particular member of the party didn't show up and it looked as though that might happen.

There was nothing to do except wait. They were near enough to begin their plan, but… argh, that damned Kakashi.

"Ino," he said abruptly. She was rolling out her blanket.

"What?"

"You take the first watch." Ino bristled.

"What about Chouji?" Shikamaru smirked and glanced over at the enormous snoring mass to the right of him.

"Do you really think you'll be able to wake him up?"

"Well, what about you?" she said. "Aren't you supposed to be the leader?"

"The leader is tired," said Shikamaru, and he was. "So I guess that just leaves you."

There was really no point in protesting, so Ino didn't, just sat by mildly and watched Shikamaru fall asleep by the flickering orange light of the fire. Now that she thought about it, fire had been a bad idea. They were still sheltered by the side of the cliff that they'd camped next to, but Ino felt a little nervous just the same. But how would Kakashi find them, if not by their fire?

If Shikamaru had been awake, he would have reminded her that Kakashi's nin-dogs could probably find their scent, but he wasn't, so Ino didn't remember.

It was very, very early when Kakashi finally arrived. There was a lightness in the sky that meant dawn was coming, and Ino had kicked some dirt over the fire to smother it. There was maybe one star in the sky, or maybe not, she was too sleepy to stay very focused. She turned to wake Shikamaru…

…and found Kakashi sitting right next to her, placid as could be.

"Good morning, Ino" he said, his right eye a happy crease. She gave him a disgusted look and turned her attention to the fire.

"It took you long enough," she said. She was incredibly irritable. "What, did you stop by to molest some other unsuspecting 16-year-old?"

A dead silence. Ino turned around to meet Kakashi's gaze, sensing the gravity of her slip of tongue.

"What did you say?" he asked sweetly. He was still smiling, but there was something in his voice that chilled her.

"I-I... never mind. I wasn't—I didn't mean—"

She couldn't breathe. Strong fingers closed around her throat. She could feel the strain on her larynx, as though it was slowly being torn apart. Ino coughed and gagged, clutching desperately at Kakashi's arm.

"You little slut. What is it that you think you know?! How dare you speak to me that way!"

"Ka-ka…shi…" she managed to gasp out "S-stop."

"You have no right to say things like that. An accident you say? A word like that...a slip like that… You could ruin a person's life. Kakashi doesn't deserve that! To have his life ruined, to lose his dignity!" He paused for a second, suddenly self-conscious. Ino felt the fingers loosen their grip and slide from her neck. She dropped to the ground, coughing and sputtering and gasping for breath.

The dawn came with a scream. A bird screeched. A faint, reddish light spilled over the horizon.

Bruises, she was sure, were already forming on her throat. She summoned chakra to her trembling hands, wondering whether to scream, or to simply ignore what had just happened. The pain eased from her neck as fine tendrils of chakra revived the cells, healing the delicate capillaries and drawing the color from the injury.

Kakashi was already on his feet. "Hey captain," he said, nudging Shikamaru with his foot. "Planning on sleeping the rest of the day away?" Shikamaru groaned.

"Dammit, you're here already? Aughhhh….." He sank back into sleep momentarily, then roused himself. "What is there to report?"

"Water?"

"Check."

"Gear?'

"Check."

"Dead lord?"

"Would you care to check the pulse?"

"Haha. Thanks, I'll pass. Casualties?"

"None."

"Prisoners?"

Chouji glanced at the hapless trio that stood huddled in the corner.

"Just three is all we need, right?"

"Right."

Shikamaru looked down at his list.

"That's about it," he said. "We can head home." He sighed in unutterable relief. The mission had gone far better than he had planned. They had completed all of their objectives with a minimum of trouble. Kakashi had required absolutely no help or direction from Shikamaru, accomplishing his directive flawlessly and without attracting undue attention. It was a little unnerving to tell the truth. He wasn't used to such efficiency. In fact, he realized, Kakashi could have done this entirely on his own.

It was a scary thought.

But this didn't trouble him half as much as Ino's weird behavior for the whole of the mission. While the three of them sat around waiting, again, for Kakashi to return, Ino had been strangely silent and thoughtful. Every once in a while, her hands traveled furtively to her neck. At other times, she stared blankly at him, eyes clouded. When ever he caught her at this she would immediately drop her eyes. Even now, he knew she was looking at him, could see her from the corner of his eye. It bothered him.

It bothered him all the way through the deer-inhabited woods and through the star-speckled nights when it was his watch. It bothered him as they crossed the now raging river, swollen as it was in the springtime, when the sun's light melted the snow a top the distant mountains of Iwagakure. It bothered him when they turned over the prisoners at the rendezvous point, and it bothered him as they set out, tension mounting between them, towards Konoha once again. It bothered him the whole of the train ride too. What, on earth, he thought, could be the problem?

Tsunade groaned when she saw that Shikamaru was no better off than when he'd left. She shook her head in exasperation, and then prayed that it was just a phase and nothing more, something to be waited out.

It bothered him when he went into debriefing and it bothered him when he left. It bothered him in fact, all the way to his apartment when he finally, finally, lay back down on his soft bed and had the peace to really think.

There was no doubt about it.

Ino knew.

End Ch2