All characters are Stephenie Meyers. I don't own them I wish I did ;o)

This is a long chapter for my writing. I hope you like it. It is make up time. But read on please to find out the outcome. I hope you like this chapter. I hummed and hawed over it for a little. And I edited a lot. I like what is left. Please Read and review. They are always welcomed.

~munchkin1978


Christmas Wish

Chapter 4

"You're keeping something from me?"

"It's keeping you safe Bella."

"If it has to do with me tell me please."

"You'll freak out."

"I don't care. I don't want secrets. I don't want to have any secrets between us. I want to know why you left. Why you left me the way you did." I was starting to get louder and quickly fixed my volume. I was getting mad. Something I hadn't really done yet.

"I left you to pull Victoria away from you. I was tracking her. She is the one who told James where you were in Arizona. I couldn't let her near you. I couldn't let her hurt you like James did." He was speaking softly now.

"You didn't have to leave Edward." I said just as soft as he had.

"I didn't want to. I wanted to keep you safe. I should have stayed with you. She's been here watching you. Waiting for you to be alone. Till I came back of course. I can smell her out in the forest. It's faint but she's been there."

James and Victoria.

Victoria was the only one that remained. She was after me. This was the first had heard of it. I had no idea. Laurent the other one was in Alaska. With the other vegetarian vampires. Carlisle had sent him there so he could part ways with James and Victoria. Edward and his brothers had killed James when I ran with Alice and Jasper to Arizona. I looked at my hand and the scar I had throbbed as if it knew we were talking about that time. I closed my hand around the crescent moon shape and made my hand into a fist, throwing it down to my side. I pushed all thoughts from my mind

"Why me?" I finally asked.

"I killed James." He said quietly. "She wants revenge." He stopped for a moment only to continue. "She wants revenge probably by doing the same thing that we did to her."

"If you knew she would go after me, why did you leave then?"

"I wanted to draw her away so she'd leave you alone Bella. Make her think we were not together anymore so she would leave. I know I shouldn't have lied to you and left you. That lie was the hardest most awful thing I've ever done. And to do it to the one I will love forever was even worse. As soon as it was done I regretted it. I regretted leaving you in the forest. I regretted saying goodbye."

His eyes told me he was sorry he'd done it. They were searching, longing and remorseful. His golden eyes told me that he loved me still and would forever the deeper I looked into them. My anger started to subside significantly before I let a small smile through. I sat down on the bed. How could I have believed such a lie? I looked at my hands and back to his face. The expression didn't change. He was hurting. Hurting by admission of hurting me.

"Do you … Do you want me still?" I needed to know since he told me he didn't want me in the forest. I needed to know if that was part of the lie.

"Everything I have in me wants you Bella. I lied to you. I can't take that back. I want you and only you. You need to believe that."

"How can I?" I paused. "When the lie you told me is making me doubt you." I said quietly. I didn't want the tears to come. I wanted to do this and get it out without crying.

"Know that I was lying to myself too." He paused. "Do you still want me Bella?" He reversed my question on me.

I didn't answer him. It wasn't a question of want. Yes I wanted Edward. It was a question of if I could get past the lie. "Yes I do still want you Edward. I always will."

"Why the questions now? We both want this." He said.

"I may want you Edward but that simple little lie is what I can't get past. How am I to trust you? How do I know what's real and what you're not telling me correctly?"

"I'll promise you something right now. If I ever…. Ever lie to you again, you can take me to the Volturi and have me killed."

"The Volturi?" I questioned him. What on earth was that? Some vampire cult that kills their own?

"The rule makers and breakers. We were watching Romeo and Juliet when I mentioned them to you. You saw the picture in Carlisle's office. Do you remember?"

"Oh yes I remember." I did remember now. The three creepy looking vampires in the picture with Carlisle. We were getting off topic. "Enough. If you promise to never lie to me again, I need you to promise me something else."

"Anything."

"Don't ever leave again. I don't think I could handle that again."

"I won't leave again, and if I do you're coming with me."

I processed what he had just told me. Could he have really been that way? Could he really want me as safe as he claimed? I know he did. I know he loves me and will forever. There could be no more lies between us. This was what I wanted. I wanted Edward. I wanted to be with him. I wanted everything to do with him.

"Okay." I paused. "I forgive you. But there is a condition." I said.

"Anything."

"I want…" I paused. He did say anything. "I want you to change me Edward."

"Bella, I won't take your life away."

"You said anything Edward. That is my condition. I want you to change me."

He was watching me with his golden eyes. Looking for a way out of his 'anything' comment. "I don't know if I can do that Bella." He finally said.

"Seems we are at the same impasse again."

"Why do you want to be like me Bella? You don't want to end your life. You should want to live your life."

"I don't care about my life if it's not with you." I stood up and straightened myself before I spoke again. "I want you Edward. I never stopped. You may have lied but I will always want you. It is my choice." I walked over to where he was and stood in front of him. "I want you Edward. You are my forever. I'd like to live forever with you."

Edward pushed himself off the wall and stood up straight. He was watching me with his liquid eyes that were slowly coming back from a moment of black to gold.

"You don't think I should think this way do you?" I asked him.

"No. You should want to live your life with me in it."

"I do want to live my life with you in it." I paused watching him still. "I want to live it forever with you. Don't you see I can't live forever Edward. I can't be there with you forever."

"I told you I'd follow shortly after." He said quietly.

"I don't want us to die Edward. That is what forever is. Forever is living."

"Why can't you see my side of it?"

"Because like you, I have my mind made up."

"Before you didn't know?"

"I knew but I didn't know how much. Now I do. I made my choice Edward. My choice is you."

He put his hands to his side and I grabbed them. He didn't flinch. He was reading my emotions. I shivered at the window being open and he closed it with his one hand I had freed. He placed his hands on my arms and rubbed them. Trying to create some friction for heat.

"You'll be cold Bella."

"I don't care."

"I don't want you to freeze."

"I don't care Edward."

I wanted him close. I wanted this for so long. I had dreams of this. I leaned into his chest and he finally wrapped his arms around me sighing quietly.

"Bella love."

"I'm not moving." I simply stated to him. I knew he could pick me up and move me if he wanted but he stayed with his arms wrapped around me. I smelled his icy skin and melted into his arms. I was where I wanted to be. I placed a small kiss on his neck and I smiled. Edward pulled me closer. I could tell he wanted this as much as I did. We both missed this.

"Thank you." He said after a while.

"Hmm."

"Thank you for wanting us to work. I would have fought for you. Fought for us."

"You won't ever have to fight for me Edward. I'm yours. I always will be."

"Still, thank you."

He reached down and brushed my lips with his and pulled back. He was being careful just in case I changed my mind. I was happy where I was. I wasn't changing my mind. I pulled up on my tip toes and kissed him. I wanted him and he was being his usual careful self. In a split second something changed. He kissed me back with as much force as I was. Carefulness gone his mood reflected mine. He wanted me too.

"Bella." He said between the kisses. "We need to stop before it goes too far."

There it was. The carefulness was back. I didn't want to be careful now. I just got you back. "I don't care."

"You will if you get hurt." He told me.

"I know you Edward. You won't hurt me." I told him back.

He looked at me. He could see I wanted this. He could see I wanted him. "You have to tell me if I hurt you."

Something in me changed. I didn't care if I got hurt. I just wanted him. Lies or not. I just wanted him and being with him. I left him standing there and locked my bedroom door. I came back and kissed him again.

"Bella are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes." If I could yell it with out Charlie hearing I would have yelled it.

I wanted this. I wanted him. He kissed me back and I could feel my lips swelling. I didn't care, I wanted this. I wanted him to feel everything I was. He led me to the bed pulling at our clothes as we went. He pulled me up onto him and continued where we had just left off moments ago.

"You're sure." He asked again through the heated kisses.

I didn't answer him. I just pulled my shirt off and continued my assault of him. He flipped me over being as careful as he could not to hurt me and removed the rest of my clothing piece by piece. It was as if our instincts took over. Everything in the past was the past. The only time was now and what we were about to do.

"I want you Edward." I said as he opened his mouth to ask it again. He closed it again and continued taking off his clothes. He wrapped the blanket around both of us to keep me warmer than he was. He was trailing his kisses down my sides and when he stopped he entered me. He came back to my waiting mouth and kissed me again as he forced past my virginity. The pace became quicker and I could smell my own blood as it trickled over both of us. If I could smell it then he certainly could. He was calm, he didn't move. He was being as gentle as he could be without loosing control. I cried out not in pain but in pleasure and as soon as I had he was not much farther behind. He muffled his cry in my pillow and when he collapsed on the bed beside me he wrapped the blanket fully around me.

"Bella I…"

"Don't you say sorry." I told him with my eyes closed. I was blissfully happy.

He looked at me and kissed my already swollen lips. "I wasn't going to say sorry. I was going to say you're incredible. I never dreamed in a million years I wouldn't loose control and be able to be with you like that." He told me in my ear in a whisper.

I opened my eyes to look at him and then closed them again. He kissed me again before he got up out of the bed and dressed. He opened my bedroom door and disappeared. He re-appeared holding a wet cloth and proceeded to clean up the blood that was starting to dry on my skin. He was cleaning the same blood that usually makes him…..

"You're not flinching." I said alarmed now.

"Being apart from you changed that. I still want your blood but I have full control of it. I could never hurt you Bella."

I moaned as he finished cleaning me up. I stood up and dressed as well with him watching. I would be sore tomorrow but I didn't care. I got what I wanted. I got Edward.

This is a long chapter for me. I liked it. But I put this story in the mature section because I wanted to write a little bit more. It is make up sex every couple goes through it. Why not them? Starting next week all updates will be done on Wednesdays. Well at least for the month of September. I have that day off of work but now I have to work Saturdays. So enjoy! As always please read and review they are much appreciated

Thanks

~munchkin1978~