They had cancelled the remaining stops since Sam's kidnapping at Colonel O'Neill's request, and in hyperspace, they'd made good time.
Her first night back on Prometheus had been ridiculously normal. Exaggerated tales of Sam's attack on Sileem had flooded the ship, and the crew was welcoming her back enthusiastically, with hugs and claps on the shoulder. No one mentioned the less glorious aspects of her time away, and the medics had dealt only with her physical injuries.
She hadn't mentioned to anyone that all she wanted was not to be touched.
Colonel Pendergast had at least moved her to one of the VIP quarters. She'd been grateful at the time, but hours later, lying in bed alone, she had wondered if the company of the other women on ship might have been nice. She sure couldn't sleep alone.
If she'd been on Earth, she would have wanted to go to the colonel's house, she knew. But here, he bunked with nineteen other men. Even if she'd given in, there was no one to turn to.
She had finally put her uniform back on and headed down to the science lab to tinker. After a few hours, one of the night shift engineers had finally spoken up. "Shouldn't you be asleep, ma'am?"
"I like this shift. It's quiet." She'd looked up to see Colonel O'Neill standing just inside the door. Good thing it wasn't against regs to lie to a subordinate.
He had continued to check in on her for the next few nights as she'd worked around the clock, never sleeping more than an hour or two at a time.
It had been the fifth day when she'd finally been too tired to focus her eyes on her work. She'd retreated to the mess hall and sat there, alone, staring at the matter stream out the window.
Within twenty minutes, he'd been by her side. They'd sat in silence for hours.
"Carter," he'd finally said, "I wish…."
That they'd never stopped on that damn planet? That he could hold her like he had? That the stupid, stupid regs didn't always get in the way?
She hadn't quite known what he meant, but there had been only one answer. "Me, too, sir." And she'd meant it.
He had reached over to where her hand sat between them and twisted their fingers together.
The trip had continued that way. She floated from place to place, never really holding down a task or a conversation. But in the worst of times, she went back to the mess hall, knowing that he'd find her there.
~/~
~/~
~/~
Finally, blissfully, SG-1 sat in the briefing room at the SGC with Jacob and General Hammond. With so many reports to go through, it had been the longest briefing in the team's history.
The chairs were a little too comfortable, and Teal'c kept nudging Sam as her chin dropped. General Hammond looked concerned, but didn't call her out on it.
The last item of business was her foray with Sileem. It was then, Jack thought, that Hammond began to understand Carter's state of mind. "Major," he said gently as they wrapped up, "There will be a counselor at your disposal."
"Thank you, sir," she said.
It was routine by now. He would offer; they would politely refuse. "I would encourage you to consider it, Major," he pressed gently.
"Me, too," Jack spoke up.
Every head in the room snapped to look at him. That was not part of the routine.
"I'm fine, sir," Sam insisted, though the circles under her eyes clearly belied that fact.
"I think you should talk to someone."
She made a sound in disbelief, anger bubbling up in her throat at his betrayal. Surely, she thought, she was no worse than her CO. "I will if you will," she spat self-righteously.
He didn't break eye contact. "If that's what it takes," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Her jaw dropped. "You're serious." When he said nothing, she shot to her feet. "Sir, I'm fine!"
"You are not fine!" he barked back, instantly on his feet. But he wasn't really angry at her, and he rubbed a hand over his face. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. "None of us are fine, Carter. We have done things and seen things that should break anyone, and we just put it off and say that we're fine.
"We are all standing at the top of a slippery slope, Carter, and if one of us doesn't do something, there won't be anyone left to hold the rest of us up. And I can't watch this team fall apart. I just can't."
The room was deadly silent as the two stared at each other, both equally shocked by what the colonel had just said. Sam's jaw moved, but she couldn't speak.
"I don't care who, Carter," he whispered. "If you'll talk to a shrink, fine. Or your dad, or us… but please. Do something before you fall apart for good."
She pressed her lips together and fell back into her seat, shaken. "Okay."
After a long moment, the general tapped his papers straight on the table. "I think we're done here."
Jack sank slowly down to his chair as the other members of his team stood and left, the two men crowded close behind Sam. General Hammond and Jacob stood, but didn't leave.
"Colonel," Hammond spoke up.
"Yes, sir." It was more a sigh than anything.
"I'm proud of you, son."
Jack couldn't answer. He put his head in his hands and stayed there until long after the other two were gone.