WHEW!!! finally finished!!! i promise to Carlisle this was the longest span i won't update (i currently breaking the rules for you guys...im grounded)

this chap is and is not my fav... since u all were impatient i rushed so it may seem kinda jumpy to ua (mayb not...) and i was kinda PMSing myself when i wrote this so...FORGIVE ME!! it my fav tho cuz this the LONGEST CHAPTER YET!!!! there's a lot of funnies...

((P.s: YOU LEARN WHO WON THE POLL!!!! YAY!!!!))

anyway... INTO TWILIIIIIIIGHT!!!!! (a song on the soundtrack...)

Disclaimer: i don't own Cullen boys (cuts herself wit sadness), chick territoy again, and halo 3 again....and sum other stuff!!! stop making me feel homeless!!!!!

Edward's POV

A deafening 'WHAT!?!' resounded in the receiver of my cell. Question whirled profusely in my mind as I heard that one exclamation. What was happening there? Was Bella in trouble? Did Alice hurt her? I was surely going to wring Alice's thin neck this time, Jasper or not.

"Alice, what hap—"

This was all that I could utter before I heard a clatter and then a complete cut-off as I presumed the phone had been destroyed by someone.

A deep adrenaline flooded my empty veins as a new concern—the concern of my Bella (although I'm not sure why…but I was sure it meant nothing good)—consumed my thoughts.

This was too much for me. A nagging thought rang silently within my mind, threatening to appear. The pressure of everything smashed on my marble shoulders. The same nagging thought rang louder and louder until I realized too late that this was not a nagging thought. No, it was much worse…

It was madness.

My unnecessary breath picked up in tempo and I felt as if I was on the impossible verge of a heart attack. What in the hell is happening there? I knew way too little for my own good.

Damn the distance between me and that infuriating psychic. I was really wringing that skinny neck now. Too many questions, worries and possible murder attempts I might try behind a certain pixie's watchful husband's back circled my thoughts and I began to feel overwhelmed by my own rage and lunacy.

Maybe that's why I didn't hear the thoughts or approach or even the calming waves of the chief man I tried so desperately to keep away from Nessie loom from behind…

"Edward…" the bass voice rumbled soft and concerned behind me.

I lunged so fast I surprised even myself, but amazingly Jasper dodged to the left just fast enough to evade my frantic attack. As I landed in a crouch, I felt the last surviving strands of my sanity unravel faster than before. Emmett was right; this is chick territory, a land where all men fail, and as a man I never should have entered it. I'm not God…and definitely not gay.

Jasper stared at me incredulously; his eyes bored into mine and for a second I thought I saw his realization as he witnessed my madness.

"Edward! What the hell is wrong with you! You're going crazy and seriously messing me up!" Jasper exclaimed with exasperation but stopped and became weary in his voice, "You said it before…it just a bleed…please get a hold of your sanity because I already have too much emotion with—Oh my Lord!!!!!"

I jumped to normal stance as I saw Jasper's horrified face staring at the obscured Nessie on the couch. I forgot all insanity as a new problem made is unnecessary entrance to my now frenzied existence. I repressed a groan at the realization of what my existence really had become. A frenzy.

Jasper didn't help with my lack of knowledge about Nessie's new problem either; his thoughts were inaudible except for his shock and profuse prayers to God.

As I darted his side I realized that during all this madness, I almost forgot about my daughter as her moans and sobs became blended to the background. But at that moment, had realized how foolish I was to overlook her broken calls for help. My breaths choked inside my throat as I peeked over the couch and cursed in appall and utter disgust at the worsened scene.

The period that once saturated the edges now drenched every inch of the upper thigh in her jeans. The blood was so abundant that it was now in excess; drops of deep burgundy dripping on the snow white sofa and seeped into the fibers.

The worse piece of this horrendous picture was not the blood—which, by the way, saturated every particle in the air (how did I not smell that?)—it was the broken face of my beloved daughter that shattered my dead heart.

Nessie's face was red and puffy from the harsh sobs. Smears of crimson painted the pale cheeks of my little girl and her features behind the bloody residue were dead and cold.

But still, even though I felt the undeniable deathlike absence from her bloody body, as she took in our dismayed faces, I swore her eyes deepened to a pitch black…much like mine when infuriated…

Unfortunately—according to her explicit thoughts—I was right.

I backed from the sofa slowly, unintentionally leaving Jasper in the line of fire.

"CAN YOU STOP YOUR BITCHING AND WHINING AND HELP ME OUT?!?!?!"

Nessie's trilling screech blasted directly into Jasper's face, and then suddenly broke into her usual sobs.

I restrained laughter but I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips. I won't lie; that was pretty funny. I probably should have cautioned him about Nessie's angry outburst but Jasper should have felt the PMS waves crashing on him so…it not that much my fault. But I did feel guilty nonetheless and I knew that my lack of warning would cause payback to ensue.

Jasper was unmoving for a moment and then—like one of those old horror movies—his head slowly turned to reveal a seething and stoic expression as he felt my amusement to his shock and pain.

I am going to kill you.

"You can do that later," I replied to his unspoken promise, "but first, Nessie."

I used the only temporary solution I could at the moment to save Esme's soiled couch from further damage. What weren't we getting in trouble for today by the way?

"Nessie," I used a full authoritative voice that halted her bawling for a moment, "go upstairs to the bathroom… and take off your soiled undergarments and…uhh…s-sit on the toilet so that we can figure out what to do."

My voice was an awkward and shaky mess at the end of my order but she gratefully ran to the bathroom and did what was told. Good, at least she put up that much of a fight for now. I knew better than to think the obedience would last long, though.

I heard the revolted thoughts of the rather weak hearted man beside me before he voiced his alarm.

"Holy!—"

"Jasper!" I snapped, "Hold you're breath and get that sofa out!"

Surprisingly, he didn't object. Jasper grabbed the back of the snow white sofa—careful to avoid touching the two deep maroon cushions filled with Nessie's blood and eyes closed, of course—and with ease dashed out the back door.

Good, this was all going smoothly…for now. Just one problem lingered in the air (excluding the fact Renesemee was peeing a bloody mess upstairs) and as I allowed all my frustrations to flood my still body, I smirked a delighted smile that tingled with oncoming fury.

"Emmett McCarthy Cullen," I threatened him in a quiet, polite tone that made the menace stronger in my promise, "get your whiny ass from that basement in the next count of three or Rose will have to kill me for what I do to you,"

But still, although I was deadly serious, I heard the mocking and disbelieving thoughts of the thick headed vampire in the cellar blare in my head.

Yeah Edward, like you could do something to me!!! You're not a newborn anymore, haven't been for…um…some decades! Like that would affect the obvious outcome…

I laughed simultaneously with Emmett and as if he had read my mind, I felt Jazz's hand restrain me on my shoulder. At least he knew how serious I was. I began my countdown.

"1..."

"Come on Edward," he advised me, "Don't kill him."

I ignored him. "2…"

"Come on, just think how unhappy Rose would be if you did."

I turned slowly in disbelieve to look at him. "Really Jasper? When has she worry of my feelings ever…really I'm asking you this."

This set him back. I heard the deep ponder as the wheels of his brain turned to find a day, any day, which Rosalie worried of my well being. I felt the forfeit of his efforts ring within my head.

His hand dropped from his shoulder and his reply was simple.

"Yeah, let's kill him."

Unfortunately, the coward then came out of his den.

"Ok, Ok, I'm up here, don't have an orgy," Emmett muttered as our head whipped around to see his hands playfully held up as if he was surrendering, then he muttered, "Not that I was like scared or anything, so don't get all cocky…"

"So were," Jasper laughed, arms folded.

I could also hear the very faint fear he had as he came and pushed Jazz's head to the side with a sarcastic laugh. I grinned but got to the matter at hand.

"Ok, now we have our missing member back," — I flashed a mocking leer at Emmett to whom he flashed one back…and a certain part of the hand—"Anyway,"—I flashed a part of my hand directly back—"we have a problem."

"No dip, Sherlock," Jasper slapped Emmett hard on the back of the head and he mumbled a cheerless "ow".

Jazz and I both rolled our eyes.

I ignored my favorite brother and went on. "Nessie's bleeding terribly, Bella is currently unavailable, and we have no experience in this whatsoever in this."

I felt the shadow of a grin on my lips.

Power flooded my once adrenaline-filled veins as I listed our dilemmas and instinctively I began to pace to and fro with my arms behind my back like a military general. This was invigorating; I was the army man I always wanted to be…just not in the type of battle I was expecting. Still, I was milking this for all it was worth.

I saw and heard the army mentality seep into Jazz's mind too as he stood in motionless salute. Emmett's mind was as usual; Halo 3 chimed like a bothersome bell as he wondered profusely why he was here.

"So what should we do commando?" Emmett lazily drawled with sarcasm thick on his tongue.

I had intended to come back with a sneering comment myself but the answer choked in my throat. What do we do? I was surprised that I couldn't answer this. I had no experience in this (thank God…), the girls can't help me (did I already say I was killing Alice?), and there were no cousins or siblings of my mortal life to aid with some knowledge in—

Wait…I didn't have somebody of my human life to aid in my knowledge, but a certain 165 year old honey blond vampire right in front of me does…or did…

"Jasper," I said, snapping him from an army-like reverie, "you been through this haven't you? You know…you had sisters…long ago?"

"Yeah…" he stared at me dubiously, not understanding, but suddenly he did, "Oh no Edward! You expect me to…recall that from my mind!" He shuddered vigorously and flash of images I didn't want to see played within me, "Those were the first memories I tried to drive out my mind when I became a vampire! My sisters at that time were worse than any newborn I have faced…"

"Whoa! I thought you said it was just a bleed!" Emmett laughed loudly, "And you're supposed to be such a soldier!! If General Lee could see you now…"

He sighed then burst into a fit of more laughter, all to which hardened Jasper's annoyed and irate face.

"Do you hear that?" Emmett continued as he cupped his right ear to the air as if he was listening intently to something, "I think that's the infamous call of the emo hypocrite! Ah!"

I knew I was going to happen, so was it wrong for me not to tell him?

A white fist slammed into Emmett's chortling face and the brawny vampire flew into the wall adjacent to the hole we had made earlier. Great, now there are two holes in the wall…and another reason to which Esme will roast us. Jasper heaved large inhalations of air as his face calmed from livid to content and his arm clenched and unclenched with pleasure.

A smile spread delightfully on his face. "God, he needed that," he muttered, delighted.

"But with the trouble we're currently swimming in, we didn't," I replied, "But it was pretty funny."

We both felt the intense hatred that seeped in hard waves from the manmade — or vampire made I should say? — hole in the wall.

"Emmett, we have no time!" I snapped. Nessie was still bleeding upstairs!

He was in my face so fast it wasn't a movement. "That is so unfair! When did Jazz get to be your favorite brother! You know, I am officially allowed to at least give him a bitch slap for the insult he gave to this face"— he pointed as if it was obvious his face; at times, I wondered myself if Jasper was becoming my favorite —"so your not liable to—"

Jasper snatched his ear and sent trails of monotone "ow"s to fly from Emmett's lips. They both returned to the spot where the couch had been and waited for my command. Well, Jazz did.

"Ok," I started again, "We are going to have to make trips. These trips won't be our favorite but obviously we don't have the…equipment to handle Nessie's problem at this moment."

I heaved a large gust of breath and got to the point. "We need tampons. Jasper, you're coming to the market with me to make the purchase since you roughly know what we're dealing with." Jasper nodded, but of course, Emmett was Emmett.

"See there! Favoritism! Why am I stuck here with Nessie the PMBeast while Jazz gets too—" Jasper's hand flew to his mouth in a blur and dared Emmett to object.

Jazz sighed. "Anything to stop this bitching and whining...I'll stay here and watch Nessie while you get Em out. Anyway, you did say I know the most…might as well use my knowledge in a more useful place than for a contraption that wasn't even invented at my time…"

Emmett mumbled an illegible sentence under Jasper's hand and Jazz moved it. "Anyway"— he glared at Jazz —"I suggest I do nothing. I'm already smart in warning you about chick territory and I'm still not God or gay so I motion us all call Carlisle and go downstairs to play Halo 3!"

He beamed and began nodding with eager eyes, trying to persuade us. It was only silent for a moment.

"Emmett, get the keys," I ordered, my answer was a soft "aww" and obedience, "Jasper, answer to Nessie's every whim and try to make her as comfortable as she can be."

He nodded and jetted to the bathroom door.

"Oh, and men?"

They ran back to their places; Emmett tense with annoyance and Jasper nervous with confusion. They looked pitiful no doubt, but still, as I stared at their expectant faces I felt the glimmer of pride as I realized I kind of got what I thought I had lost with immortality. I had an army.

I beamed a confident smile.

"Welcome to chick territory."

OK before you hit the button to send sum hate mail lets get sumthing straight...EDWARD, JASPER AND ALL THE BOYS ARE VIOLENT!!! i swear in midnight sun (twilight in edward POV...remember!?!) edward did threat alice like that! verbatum!!! read it yourself...

ANYWAY....luv it, hate it....CAN'T HEAR U REVIEW!!!!

um...yeh i gotta get off now...your SO gonna get me in trouble!!

peace 4 now!!!