Chapter 3: Lessons: Physics
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Newton's Third Law of Motion
Force and momentum are vector quantities and the resultant force is found from all the forces present by vector addition. This law is often stated as, "F = ma: the net force on an object is equal to the mass of the object multiplied by its acceleration." Newton's Second Law of Motion
A body continues to maintain its state of rest or of uniform motion unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force.
Newton's First Law of Motion
Action
Hugging her knees to her chest Matilda swallowed determinedly, she was 8 years old and she wasn't going to cry. She was her papa's big girl, a Tewt from a long line of Tewts and she was not going to cry. The dust in this old abandoned workshop was making her sniffle, that was all. She knuckled away a traitorous drop making its way down her cheek. From outside you wouldn't have been able to see her, a small mite scrunched up between ancient machinery (currently employed merrily transferring rust to her rough cotton dress) and the dusty wall. An animal gone to ground. A hiccoughing sob escaped from the retreat and drifted up into the rafters.
She just needed a moment to think away from the constantly staring eyes. Just a moment of quiet to make the shivers go away. Just one moment of peace and she'd be able to work out a plan of action, a plan of escape, or merely even a plan of survival. Wouldn't she? Sitting there beneath the old iron she wished she could curl up so small she would disappear into the dust mites dancing in the sunbeams.
She probably wasn't even meant to be here. The meal had dragged on for what seemed like aeons but eventually the girls had been released. Tilda, unsure where she was meant to be, had been carried along in the flow of squabbling girls and found herself deposited outside. There she found not the freedom she'd longed for, but a dank courtyard surround by high walls and criss-crossed by washing lines like the bars of gaol above. Wandering on she had discovered that though the old mill had extensive outbuildings, most spots were already taken by small groups of girls, who turned and looked at her accusingly until she moved away.
There had been nowhere to go.
Huddled there beneath the hulking machinery she was proud that she hadn't panicked. Through the swirling maelstrom of horror she had reached down to grasp a firm stanchion, stuck her chin out again and kept walking. Let them stare. She was a Tewt. And Tewts Were Brave. Papa had said so.
Relatively safe at last, an overwhelming longing for home swept over her. She ached desperately for her papa to come and rescue her from this nightmare. The hot stinging that had been threatening at the back of her eyes overcame her, tears welling up despite her resolve. She was only 8 years old. Betrayed by her youth Matilda snuffled quietly into her knees, determined even now that no-one should know her weakness.
~X~
But kids are resilient things and ten minutes later Matilda was knuckling the last tears away and setting about a plan.
~X~
Tewts were big on plans. She and Papa had whiled away many happy hours pouring over detailed notes for snow forts, or long distance explorative river rafts as the weather beat against the windows. The outburst of tears had cleared her head and, despite a headache now threatening at her temples, she was optimistic of her chances of escape. This place would be no match for a Tewt. Sniffing determinedly she wiggled back into the world and set out to scope its potential.
She had been wandering for a good twenty minutes, making mental lists of guttering and drainpipe routes when, lost in her examination of the chapel which sat against the boundary wall, she bumped into something solid. Or someone. Jumping back, her gaze slid up a mountain of a girl and caught dull eyes which lit up with a mixture of recognition and anticipation. Why anticipation? Thinking on that her stomach tightened uncomfortably. Then the mountain spoke, a rumble dropping from on high.
"Chief wants t'see yer."
Matilda had a strong sense that this would not be a good idea. The villains in the books papa read to her on long journeys always spoke like this before forcibly abducting the heroic private detective[1].
"I'm busy" she improvised, and took a step back, aiming to dodge around the mountain. But a strong hand shot out and grabbed her arm. Apparently the colossus had been sent not only as a messenger but also as escort to where the villains lay in wait.
It hurt. Too many people had grabbed Matilda's arm today and she was starting to get annoyed with it. Thinking quickly she relaxed, taking a step toward the girl as though indicating her willingness to comply. Now, folks got the idea in those early days that because Matilda Tewt was small, quiet and well spoken, she would be easy prey. More fool them. The mountain responded exactly as expected loosening her grip, and Matilda, reacting quickly, twisted out of her hold.
"I don't want to go" she insisted, and because she had been instilled with good manners she added politely "thank you"
But politeness made no impact on the mountain and as Matilda attempted to dodge away she found her arm once again in that painful grip. Would the mountain be dumb enough to fall for the same trick twice? As though reading her thoughts the girl twisted the arm up behind Matilda's back and held it there. Now it really hurt. Panic rising she tried every tactic she knew. Her wriggling and thrashing got more and more frantic but she despite everything she couldn't manage to escape the firm hold.
Suddenly there was a rush of pattering feet and girl flew out of nowhere, knocking her intimidator to the floor.
.
[1] Once, when he was asleep, she'd peeked, curious to see how the story ended. It appeared he'd missed out some confusing bits involving ladies.
~X~
Reaction
In that moment of shocked silence, Magda couldn't quite put her finger on why she'd done it. Perhaps it had had something to do with the way the girl had stalked into the refectory, stuck out her chin and taken them all on in one baleful stare.
At the time Magda had been careful to keep her head down. She'd learnt that lesson well. But she'd not been able to prevent herself overhearing the mutterings coming from The Gang at the top of the table. They were planning something special for the new toy. Up till now she'd made it a point of principle never to get involved in their games. Between her and The Gang there was an uneasy truce of long standing. They left her alone as more trouble than fun and she in return kept out of their business. But escaping the rush from the house, and having no idea what she was planning to do if she found the brat, she had set out wandering the grounds in search of the kid.
There was no reasoning to it. Thus far Magda had lived her life by reasoned responses to outside actions and it had served her well. It was the only way to survive. There was always a set of laws to follow. You learnt them as quickly as possibly and then you made sure you followed them. You might not like the laws, they might not be fair, they were often disproportional, but they always existed.
And now she had broken the rules, upset the apple cart, and for what?
The brat looked even more fragile up close. Dark haired probably by the look of the stubble. Red rimmed eyes betraying a crying jag, no surprise there. Why did she care about one more victim shoved into the ring? Fair enough the kid definitely didn't belong here, but neither had others and she hadn't stepped out of line for them.
A surge of memories rose up, images she didn't want to see and pushed away in revulsion, a too small huddled heap, infant cries filtering through into a locked cellar, a glimpse through a half open door at shadows moving against the wall.
Enough. Things were. That was all. Whatever the reason it was done now.
Magda took a calming breath. It never quite worked, but some of the panic had faded away. She balanced herself, hands up, ready. A small hand on her arm distracted her for a moment and she looked down into dark eyes as full of apprehension as her own.
~X~
She just stood there, that was what confused Matilda. It had been a lucky impact. The girl, though taller than her, was still tiny in comparison to the mountain. They should be running. After an opportunistic attack against a larger force, the next course of action should always be to retreat and regroup (Papa had been reading Tacticus to her before he went away). Every instinct was to flee, but she couldn't go without her saviour. It would be impolite.
The girl was just stood there, and the mountain was getting up again.
Comprehension came to Matilda in a bolt of unwanted knowledge. They were going to fight. The girl against the mountain. She couldn't possibly win.
Why would anyone do that?
Matilda looked around urgently for anyone to come to their aid but the area was deserted. What was she meant to do? She'd never seen a real fight before and though she was more than willing to join in, she had a strong sense that the girl didn't want her do that.
The two girls circled each other in silence. Matilda wondered for a hysterical moment whether she was supposed to shout "go!" or something or that nature. But the tension was broken as the smaller girl stuck out a foot colliding solidly with the shin of the mountain. It was on.
It was always going to be an uneven fight. Lacking any demonstration of the finer art of boxing through a scientific exchange of punches, it was merely a scuffle in the dust. Despite this the unknown girl gave as good as she got, and Matilda cheered silently as she got in a solid thump to the guts. But it couldn't last long. The mountain was bigger, could punch harder and reach further. It is a lesson we all have to learn at some point: however much you may want the underdog to win, they rarely do.
The decider came quickly. It was a beauty of a punch, though neither Matilda nor her champion were in the mood to take note. The younger girl was thrown back, her head colliding against the wall with a sickening crunch.
Matilda would never forget the sight of that crumpled heap.
~X~
Inertia
She came wallowing back up out of the dark. Pain blossoming out from her mouth, hot-wiring along her jaw to join up with the pulsating throbbing at the back of her head.
Instinct that had protected her all these years was screaming at her to get up.
Her thoughts shattered. Head hurts. Taste blood.
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, helping her to her knees. Someone was talking. Words tumbling down over the sharp daggers in her brain.
She had to get them out of there. She had to think.
Glancing up warily she became aware of the darkening sky. Almost curfew.
She spat into the dust, a shockingly dark globule and shrugged off the helping hand to climb to her feet. "It's getting dark." Gratifyingly the words came out clearly despite the pain in her mouth. Jen looked worried but only for a moment.
Try again.
"Curfew's at seven tonight aint it?" Jen looked up at the sky again, nervousness increasing. She pushed home her advantage. "Sister Lenience on duty tonight, so I heard".
~X~
Sister Lenience? Curfew? Matilda didn't remember anyone saying anything about curfew. They'd said a lot about cleanliness and sin (unthinking she rubbed a hand over her shorn head) but nothing about a curfew. Though it did make sense now she thought about it, girls at boarding schools always had boundaries and things that they were honour bound not to break.
Observing as the mountain looked nervously over her shoulder at the sky she began to have a smidgeon of an idea that curfew might be something slightly more important here. Matilda had expected concern, apprehension perhaps, but not the naked fear that she caught flash across the big slow face.
The Colossus came to a decision, leaving them as though they were suddenly of little importance to run back toward the Grey House.
"This aint over Tonker! You just wait and see!" The parting shot was thrown back over her shoulder as she disappeared round the back of the building.
Tonker? That was the girl's name? Matilda turned back to her saviour, on her feet but swaying gently, blood oozing from a split lip. She knew she had to express her gratitude properly; there were standards to be kept up. Papa had always insisted that Tewts said thank you, even if they didn't feel like it. She was opening her mouth to frame some sort of appreciation when the girl (Tonker, Matilda reminded herself) dropped to her knees and threw up without ceremony into the rough grass.
~X~
Two figures moved slowly back towards the mill through the dusk. Matilda was struggling with an undertow of worry regarding the whole curfew thing. It hadn't been her intention to get into trouble on her first day. The girl (it was still easier somehow to call her that as they hadn't been properly introduced) refused every offer of help, moving painfully as though each step brought her bruises alive again. Matilda had tried to start a conversation, but in reply to her observation that the mountain hadn't seemed like a very nice person, her companion had stated in a short fashion that this wasn't a very nice place and had gone back to looking green.
She tried again. "I'm Matilda. Matilda Tewt. Er. Thanks. You know." She gave a wave of the hand that attempted to encompass the saving from certain death, ensuing fight and consequent greenness inflicted on her companion. The girl looked over at her, meeting her eyes for the first time.
~X~
Well done. You have a name. Wonderful. But then as the kid produced a wobbly smile Magda, surprised by her reaction, felt long unused muscles attempt to respond.
"Magda Halter"
Another twinge from her bruised ribs brought her back to reality and she gave up thinking to concentrate instead on struggling back to the house. She might have made herself a whole lot of trouble with The Gang, but she wasn't going to get 'The Hole' for this kid smile or no smile.
~X~
They reached the side door and slipped in without trouble. Halting in the unfamiliar corridor Matilda realised she didn't know what they were meant to do next and turning to her guide for help discovered her missing. The girl was drooping against the wall, halfway up a staircase to the right. Remembering some of what 'The Woman' had told her that afternoon about washrooms being on the second floor (lower floor for staff only – dire consequences hinted at should they be used by anyone else) Matilda hurried to catch up. It was not her intention to leave her champion to suffer alone. Besides, she wasn't overly keen on being alone in this place either. With darkness falling the impending night was starting to prey on her mind. Where did they sleep? Was that what the mountain had meant by "Wait and See"?
She put her arm around the girl, her intention to offer support up the stairs. But her support wasn't welcomed. The girl turned, anger kindling in her eyes, but at that moment they were interrupted by footsteps coming along the corridor below them. Swallowing whatever she was going to say the girl grabbed Matilda's arm and hustled her up to the mid stairs landing where they wouldn't be seen in the darkness. Matilda's mouth was already open, framing an enquiry, but the scowl bent on her frightened it away.
As the figure came into view below Matilda could see it was one of the staff, Sister Lenience she presumed. Taking a large hand bell from the cupboard by the door the Sister rang it unenthusiastically a few times on the doorstep before replacing it and returning back up the corridor. Silence reigned once more. Matilda was just about to turn to her companion and remark that curfew didn't seem so bad after all, when it happened.
It started so simply. A small head warily poked itself around the still open door, scanning the corridor. Then, finding the coast clear, two little girls snuck over the threshold, relief at gaining the corridor safely pouring off them in buckets.
"Good Evening Girls."
The calm voice came out of the shadows. Matilda drew a breath of shock (she like the latecomers had assumed the corridor empty) but quietened as a hand tightened on her shoulder. Before her the two girls froze like rabbits in the light of a torch.
"Curfew Has Passed."
The Sister moved languidly out of concealment looming large as she approached the two wrong-doers now backing away in counterpoint to her advance, step by step. The macabre dance was terminated by the girls' heels eventually meeting the skirting board of the corridor wall, their retreat abruptly halted.
"You Will Come With Me."
And they did. They didn't even protest or offer explanation. That was the strange thing, Matilda thought. No fight. They just cowered and waited as hands shot out and grabbed upper arms dragging them away. It must have hurt, but they said nothing.
The footfalls receded up the corridor and out of sight until silenced by the slamming of a door. The two girls who remained sat on the landing in silence and Matilda would probably have stayed there forever without the nudge to her shoulder that drew her out of her disbelief and led her away up the stairs. She followed the girl into the washroom at the top of the stairs and watched dazedly as she went about cleaning her face and removing the worst of the dust stains from her clothes. Something was niggling and as the girl put the cloth aside she drew up the courage to ask.
"Where did she take them?"
"Correction." The girl's gaze didn't deviate from her examination of the mirror. A swelling was starting to form over one eye.
"Oh."
"Won't be too bad, couple of hits probably, it's survivable."
Rinsing the cloth she dug up a rough grin, bleeding some of the tension out of the room. But something still niggled at Matilda. It was her first day and she hadn't yet learnt that some questions were best not asked in the Grey House.
"What about the governors, the board, surely there are laws about how schools should be run?"
"Laws? Oh yeah, there are laws."
The girl put a hand to her head, closing her eyes for a moment before straightening up again and turning to face her, her expression unreadable.
"Listen kid. There's only one law you need to worry about: They're big and you're little. Best thing you can do is keep your head down and stay out of sight until they forget about you. Put any ideas of running off out of your head and lie low for a couple of weeks. They'll be watching you like a hawk."
"And after that?" It was the longest speech she'd heard the girl utter and it wasn't a nice one.
Her companion gave a hollow bark of laughter. "Have you got anywhere to run to?" She turned away and, folding the cloth carefully, returned it to the rail.
Matilda felt the hollow gap open up in her stomach again. The reality of where she was and what the future might hold swamped her once more. In a daze she trailed after the girl back down the stairs to where it seemed they had to line up for chapel. Slipping her hand into the small one in an attempt not to get lost again she said shyly "I'm glad I've got you for a friend."
The girl stopped short, pulling her hand free as she turned on the smaller girl in sudden anger.
"I'm not your friend. I don't do friends. I'm in enough trouble for you already!"
She stormed away and Matilda quickly lost sight of her in the press of bodies.
~X~
The headache was a constant thrumming, driving her to distraction. It didn't help that the look on the kids face as she'd stormed away kept playing over and over in her mind. Struggling in confusion and shame on top of a grinding headache Magda slipped into her place in chapel, dropping to her knees with the rest of the girls for the biding prayer before rising to stand at perfect attention.
No use hoping for a short service. She longed for a dark quiet hole to crawl into for an hour or so. Ironic really, considering when 'They' saw she'd been fighting again that was likely exactly where she'd end up. Two heavy hands dropped onto her shoulders from behind, almost startling her into betraying herself. A familiar voice whispered quietly into her ear.
"You want to change things round here Halter? Hmm? Is our Tonker itching for a slice of the pie? Cos you'd better be able to back that up with something kid. You want that brat, you'd best have something to pay for her with…"
Magda struggled to think, fighting against the headache. The kid's first night was coming. Cold dark dormitories were no one patrolled to see order and human decency was maintained. A jumbled up confusion of images flashed across her mind, snatches of the fight, foreboding of the trouble that was coming, a girl staring up at her with fear in those open eyes, the gaping maw of the Hole waiting for her to slip...
It was too much, the room whirled around her, the pain in her head overwhelming. The ground heaved under her feet, a starburst exploding across her mind. Sinking under a rolling wave of impenetrable black she held on for one last second, reaching out to a faintly heard cry.
~X~
Matilda hadn't meant to cry out. She snatched back her hand, which had reached out toward the falling girl of its own accord. Both hands over her mouth to stifle any attention drawing noise she stood petrified as they dragged the girl away. They didn't even pick her up, two large girls merely reached down under her shoulders and dragged her away, hands dangling. Watching the trailing feet disappear around the corner at the end of the pew, Matilda strained her ears and thought she could still hear the knuckles scraping over the rough floor.
There were whispers all around and then silence. Facing forward, hands clasped together in desperate prayer she felt the gaze of hungry hyenas on her back
~X~
Momentum
When Magda got out a week later the kid was sat on the stairs waiting for her.
Dragged out into the comparatively blinding light of the corridor she caught a glimpse of a small figure huddled on the dim landing. Brain racing, hunting for a reason why the kid should show up, she kept her gaze submissively downward determined not to send any unwanted attention the kid's way. It wasn't until the door had closed behind the Sister that her ramrod straight stance relaxed and she allowed herself to cross to the foot of the stairs.
Looking up, her jaw clenched as she saw the kid had been generously 'welcomed' while she had been away. It wasn't just the bruises, their faded muddy yellow almost indistinguishable in the half light, but the way kid held herself differently and the something missing from her eyes. As yet they hadn't completely got her, the blankness was only a faint hint at the edge of her irises, not yet the full opacity that marked you as a Grey House Girl.
Later, when she was an adult and out in the real world she learnt that amongst 'normal people' that kind of look in a kids eyes could make grown men swear and punch a wall to relieve their feelings and led hard-boiled women to find bits of dust in their eye. Rarely was anyone she came across able to meet eyes like that with calm acceptance. It was as though folks feared that if they looked deep enough they would be granting the blankness freedom to reach into their own souls. Only those like her, who knew that evil well and had nothing left to fear, could face that gaze unblinking.
But that was a long time in the future, and today, standing looking up into those changed eyes all Magda was aware of was that of all the people in the world she didn't want this to have happened to, this innocent little girl was the one she would have railed against the universe to have protected. And despite all that she knew the universe wasn't willing to listen to the pleas of little girls. That was a lesson she'd learnt a long time ago.
"You waited for me." Her voice held a tone of enquiry, as though she was unsure as to why that was the case.
"You're the only person I know."
Magda climbed the stairs and lowered herself with difficulty onto the step beside her. They sat in silence for a moment and then Matilda, looking straight ahead opened the conversation again. Something had been preying on her mind.
"You were a long time…"
"Sometimes they like to take a long time."
Magda was too tired to hide the truth anymore and realised too late that she'd allowed her quiet statement to reveal more than any detailed description could have done. Staring at her feet she swore silently that she would not look over to read pity in the new kid's eyes. She waited for some kind of comment, some indication of rejection or denial of her words, but the kid was silent beside her.
Time passed and they sat on undisturbed. Around them the life of the school went on, distant voices carrying on inaudible conversations, slammed doors and dropped kitchenware. Remembering suddenly, Matilda reached into a hidden pocket and extracted an apple and a couple of pieces of bread. She handed them over, merely remarking quietly: "I didn't know if they'd feed you"
Watching the girl fall on the bread hungrily Matilda wanted to ask if this time the girl would stay at her side, not just as her protector but as friend. There was something about this girl, something separate from the fact that she had gone out of her way, seemingly against her will, to save Matilda on her very first day. Compared to the other girls in here she was… Matilda hunted for the right word and had to settle on 'different'.
But the words stuck in her throat, halted by the vivid memory of angry words and a stiff back stalking away from her. Magda had made it perfectly clear where she stood in regards to friendship. And yet here the girl was, sitting side by side with her most companionably. She shuffled closer on the step, hoping against hope and rejoiced to see that Magda didn't pull away from the contact, merely leaning over to grab for the apple. The girl took a small bite, unconsciously favouring one side of her mouth and then offered it over. Reaching out for what she realised was a peace offering Matilda felt the knot in her stomach begin to melt away.
They sat there in the dim light sharing the apple, passing it back and forth, the thin shoulder pressed against Matilda's worth than a paragraph of reassurances. Later, much later, Matilda would fill her in on all the news. How Klara and Tez had been 'Sent Out' and Klara hadn't come back. How, following this unfortunate news, The Gang had been bullied into reforming themselves under Irina and her crew. How this meant that any 'Tonker Troublemaking' was now old news as attention turned to when Tez would be making an attempt at recovering her leadership and who would pick what side in the ensuing war.
For the moment, however, it was enough to sit undisturbed in the silence. Just two little girls huddled together on a dark staircase. Two bit part players struggling against the stream of a much larger play but from this moment on, together against the world.