Chapter 4 - Girlfriend

Kagura had, as everyone well knew, always been an unreasonably hotheaded and somewhat annoying girl. So it hardly came as a surprise when she almost broke the stage getting to it before the masses.

No, none of the other Sohmas wanted to sing.

The Yuki fanclub had burst through the doors and attempted to steal the mic "Prince Yuki used..." which, of course, Kagura wouldn't let them do. She had something to say.

To Kyo. (Poor kitty...)

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend!

Kyo started scrabbling out of his chair, too furious to consider taking the stealthy approach.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend!

As soon as he got close enough, he leapt on stage with the intention of strangling her as painfully as possible.

You're so fine
I want you mine
You're so delicious.
I think about you all the time
You're so addictive.
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don't pretend I think you know I'm d**n precious
And h**l yeah
I'm the motherf***ing princess
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right.

Sadly for Kyo, she'd heard him from the second he started scrabbling, and grabbed him from the air, inadvertently choking him as she did so. (Karma, Kyo.)

She's like so whatever;
You could do so much better.
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

Tohru was starting to blush rather heavily, but the fight on the stage was only getting started.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend!

This sentence is only here for filler, and possibly some comic relief and tension breaking.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend!

Kyo was starting to glare at her as if to make her head explode. When he finally had to look away in disgust, he started thinking of a better escape plan. This was when she started swinging him around and around and around...

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me.
I know you talk about me all the time again and again,
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear.
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again.
(And again and again and again!)

At which point Kyo coughed up a hairball. Shigure tittered, "Oh, my, Kyonkichi, nervous around your girlfriend?" and Yuki muttered, "Does he eat the hair from his hairbrush or something??"

She's like so whatever.
You could do so much better.
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

Kyo had almost mad it outside when the bartender blocked his path (on Shigure's orders, of course) and casually tossed him back into the room.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend!

Which was gentler than what Kagura had been doing. Unfortunately for Kyo, that casual toss just so happened to land him within four feet of Kagura.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend!

Fortunately, he was only two feet away from the bathrooms. Kagura's eyes were now scanning the crowd in earnest.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better.
There's no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
She's so stupid
What the h**l were you thinking?!

Unfortunately, they were the girls' bathrooms. And Akito was headed his way in her stupor (probably to puke after her heavy imbibing).

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better.
There's no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
She's so stupid
What the h**l were you thinking?!

Of course she'd trip over him. After all, bad luck comes in threes, right?

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend!

For Kyo, bad luck came in fours. Akito's tripping attracted Kagura's attention, and that was the end.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend!

Kyo wondered what he had done to deserve this sort of torture: Kagura had him in a headlock. As Tohru embarassedly scuttled towards the bathroom to hide, Kyo considered blacking out, but decided it was a bad idea.

Kagura might just decide he looked better with no shirt.

Nobody could quite understand how she could sing that entire song while swinging Kyo around and still sound so... normal.

It would prove to be a conundrum for the ages.

For this venue, the girls' and boys' bathrooms are on opposite sides of the building. Don't worry, next chapter will be Kyo's retort. Although the song is slightly edgy. You have been warned.

Please let me know who you think should go afterwards. You can get to the poll by clicking my name on the top of the page or just review with a character or a song you'd like to see.