It was my third day in the room and I waited for greasy man…for Snape, as they called him, to come. He was always the one to bring me food. He understood now, now that he had seen everything, why I was so afraid. He was always patient with me, perhaps not understanding or kind, but patient none-the-less. Tonight he did not come.
Instead, when the door opened, it was the redheaded man who had brought me here. He looked tired and worn, there were great bags under his eyes and his skin looked pasty. I wondered if someone had cursed him too.
"Hello," He said lightly, moving very slowly up to me. "I suppose you don't remember me, do you Emily? Your father and I used to work together at the ministry." He smiled. "He was one of the few wizards who would stop by my department. He was interested my work. He wasn't one of those wizards who thought themselves too good for muggles."
I titled my head, confused. Of course I remembered him, he had rescued me. The other words confused me. Ministry, muggles? All garble. I kept my vow of silence. I had not spoken for a long time. I wondered if my voice would still work.
"Emily, we've been discussing your situation, and Snape—the man who usually comes in here—he thinks the Memory Charm that Bellatrix put on you might have been incomplete, faulty somehow. You shouldn't have been able to remember her using it at all. She normally likes her victims to…remember, to suffer. It might have been the first time she ever used it. It's possible you may be able to regain your memories."
I didn't understand. I had all my memories. Snape had seen them himself. Didn't he understand? There was no before. There was only her. She was coming for me. Over the last three days this had become clear to me. She wouldn't just leave. I didn't want her to come back. It was inevitable. It was life. I belonged to her, I was her doll.
"Dumbledore is considering letting you stay at Hogwarts. He thinks it might help you to be in a familiar environment. However, he is a little reluctant. It is understandable. It will be hard for you if you do remember. There's a nice place, it's called St. Mungos. They'd take good care of you there. There wouldn't be anymore pain. Would you like to go there instead Emily?"
I didn't answer. It didn't matter where I was. She would find me.
The man sighed.
"I'll let you think about it." He looked concerned. "In the meantime, there is the matter of dinner. If you decide to go to Hogwarts, and the decision is yours alone, you will be around a lot of people. You can't just stay here, isolated, for the rest of your life. We have to have some idea of how you will react. The children have been talking about joining the Order, but they are too young to understand the implications. It will be good, I think for both of you, if they can see you." He paused, and then motioned for me to stand. "Follow me Emily."
-
My eyes were wide, there were so many people. Too many, too many, it hurt to look at them. There were a gaggle of redheads, a boy with round glasses, a girl with bushy hair, some of the people who had confronted me my first night. I looked around for Snape, hoping for the comfort of a familiar face, but he was not there. They stared at me as I was guided to a chair among the younger end of the table.
There was silence, and food. I nibbled on what had been placed in front of me. I was too nervous to swallow. The girl spoke first.
"Hello Emily," She said with a sad smile. I understood by now that Emily was me. I responded to it, but it didn't resonate with me. It was a label, like "doll" or "toy," though somehow a kinder one. I smiled back, the girl seemed nice and I was lonely.
The boy next to her avoided looking at me. The one with the glasses looked sad for me.
"Imagine what seeing her will do to Neville." The first one whispered. "I don't think this is a good idea."
"Don't just talk about her like she's not here Ronald." The girl snapped. "It's rude."
"Not like she's really here though, is it?" He asked darkly. The girl was silent after that, looking into her lap. "Maybe they should just check her into Mungos."
"If there's chance she can get better it's worth taking," The other boy, the one with the glasses, muttered, angrily. "This is exactly why we should join the Order now. Forget about school. There's danger today. People are suffering and we're doing nothing."
"We're learning Harry. We have to be prepared." The girl had a calmingly authoritative voice. A voice of reason.
"Emily graduated, what, two years ago? She wasn't prepared."
The redheaded boy waved a hand in front of my face slowly.
"Ron!" The girl slapped his hand away.
"What did I tell you?" He asked, "She's empty."
"She's not." A redheaded girl entered the conversation. "She's still in there. I can tell. I can prove it."
"How?"
"I can get her to talk."
Even I knew she couldn't. I wished she wouldn't try. The girl positioned herself across from me.
"Hi Emily." She smiled. I didn't respond. "We know about what happened to you, and we're sorry. The people here can help you, if you let them." No one can help me. "They're good people."
"I told you Ginny." The boy cut in when I didn't respond. "Just…let it go."
"Shut up Ron." The girl took a deep breath, and turned back to me, "Now," She said, "I'm sorry, before we start just know I'm sorry, but you need this. I only do this to help you. You have to prove your still in there. You don't want to end up at Mungos. Trust me. It's not that it's a bad place just…" She broke off with a sigh then, gathering herself, took my hand roughly and asked the question I had heard so many times, the one imprinted in my memory. The question I always dreaded. "Emily, my little doll, do you want to play a game?"
I tried to rip my hand away from her, but she held fast.
"No?" She looked pained, but continued, "How about a tea party? You love those. Don't you?"
"Ginny!" The boy with the glasses exploded, "Enough! I know your trying to help, but—"
"I want to play a game," She continued, louder to drown out the boy. She took out a stick—her wand. "Tell me you don't want to play," She willed me, "and you won't have to." She flicked her wand. "I'm thinking…hide and seek?"
There was silence, and I wanted to whimper. I felt pathetic, powerless. Tell me you don't want to play, the girl's statement repeated in my head. Could it possibly be that easy?
"No," I said suddenly, shaking. My voice cracked getting the word out. "I don't want to play, no…" And the pressure on my hand was gone. I put my head down, dry sobs racking my frame. "No."
"You don't have to play," The girl said softly. "I'm sorry."
"I guess she's not empty." The boy admitted. I was too exhausted to reply. I would though. One day. I wasn't afraid to speak anymore. I lifted my head until I met the apologetic eyes of the girl.
"Thank you." I said.