Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own any aspect of the Resident Evil universe. As if I could take on Capcom in a legal suit... Hah.
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Chris had put a year's worth of preparation into this one day. Long months of planning, sleepless nights spent scheming, it all boiled down to this. Especially following up with the incident with Barry and Brad last year, Chris had made a personal vow to outshine all those that had come before him. His plan had been carefully laid out, and he had even enlisted the help of Joseph and even his sister Claire to aid him in his grand stratagem. It was crunch-time, and Chris could feel the beads of perspiration trickle down his face in anticipation. It was now time.
12:00AM. April Fool's day had officially begun.
At such a late hour, the Raccoon City Police Station was uncharacteristically quiet. Sure, the graveyard shift staff was puttering around on the first floor, but no one was going to bother to patrol the emergency exit by the fire escape or, more importantly, the second floor where his destination lay- the S.T.A.R.S. offices. Joseph had already made his way into the building under the guise of forgetting something in his locker and was in the process of unlocking the back door so that Chris could enter the building unnoticed with their boxes of supplies.
When he heard a soft click, Chris gently pushed the door open and peered around before gathering the boxes and silently padded into the building, careful close the door behind him as quiet as possible. He made his way to the stairwell without incident, crouching low and signaling for his partner in crime.
Almost immediately, Frost came creeping out of the shadows and snatched his own box of equipment, grinning wickedly.
"Are you ready for this, Redfield?"
"Of course I am. Is that everything?"
Frost rifled through the boxed and announced each item as he came across it, shoving whatever it happened to be at the time into Chris's face.
"Sure do! We got the saran wrap, the toothpaste, the paperclips, the cream cheese, the paint, the lamp shade, the jell beans, the-"
"Okay, okay!" Chris interjected. "You take the equipment room first; I'll set up in the office. Meet me back here in… 20 minutes?"
"Roger!" Joseph needed no other persuasion before slinking off to go carry out his portion of the deed.
The marksman waited until the other man was out of sight, lingering in his position for a couple of extra moments to ensure that no one was alerted to their presence before making his way to Alpha Team's office. Sure, being members of S.T.A.R.S., he and his cohort would probably have had no problem accessing the office like normal people without too much suspicion, but sneaking around like five-year-olds had a certain kind of appeal to it. That, and they wanted to make sure that absolutely no one would be able to witness their preparations and tip off the other members of the special force before their pranks were sprung. He even planned on setting up a camera to capture the exact moment the Captain unwittingly walked into the office.
Chris barely stifled a childish giggle as he began unloading his supplies. Barry and Brad had been the main targets of last year's pranks, but that didn't necessarily exclude them from this year's shenanigans. It just meant that their punishment wouldn't be nearly as severe as what would happen to the others. For Barry, they had planned a couple of simple, but classic pranks; toothpaste filled oreos would be found in his lunch pack and the deodorant that he kept in his locker was going to be scooped out and replaced with cream cheese. Meanwhile, Vickers would be getting phone calls all day on a phone that could not be taken off of speaker phone from a particularly unhappy male "client" that was actually going to be voiced by Claire outfitted with a voice changer. For Jill and the new girl Rebecca, Joseph was currently in the process of saran-wrapping the toilet seats in the restrooms for quite an embarrassing surprise sometime during the course of the day. Joseph also had something in store for each of the members of Bravo team, but Chris was too focused on his master plan to remember. It was going to be the be-all, end-all of April Fool's jokes. The Captain didn't even stand a chance.
The preparations were almost complete and Chris was about to begin assembling his con when he heard a loud crashing noise coming from down the hall. Initially, he figured that it was simply Joseph tripping over something but a few moments later, he heard the same type of sound again. Despite trying to be secretive, Chris was expecting to hear Joseph's "My bad!" anytime now so when he heard nothing following the second noise, he cautiously set aside his project and crept out into the long corridor leading to the equipment and locker rooms.
"Frost?" he called out tentatively, voice barely above a whisper. "Is everything okay?" When he still received no answer, the marksman grew mildly concerned. Knowing Joseph's clumsy nature, the other man had probably tripped over something and knocked himself out. It wouldn't have been the first time something like this had happened, but this was one occasion where they could not afford to be careless. Still, Chris remained wary as he approached the slightly ajar door that led to the equipment room. Carefully, he pushed the creaking door out of the way and stepped into the dark room.
"Joseph?" One quick cursory glance told him that the other man seemed nowhere present in the room, at least not where he could see him.
"C'mon man, we agreed to a truce if we helped each other on this one. Get out here."
Still no response. Chris squinted in a futile attempt to see in the dark and proceeded to further explore the room. He moved slowly to avoid tripping over something but the toe of his boot had still managed to come into contact with an object that was directly in the middle of the floor. Bending down to investigate the origins of the object, he quickly discovered that it was Joseph's box of supplies. As he rummaged through it, he realized only about half of the box was empty, meaning that Joseph hadn't even come close to finishing the set-up of his part of the plan. Becoming increasingly annoyed, Chris kicked the box out of his way and look up just in time to see a shadow disappear into the locker area.
"I saw you, asshole. What the hell are you trying to pull?" He growled as he walked toward the area where he saw his 'friend'. "Really, you can stop now. Let's finish this thing up so we can get out of here."
Chris glanced briefly around the room and was about to start yelling in agitation when he heard what sounded like a pounding noise coming from one of the larger lockers in the corner of the room. Curiosity piqued and anger all but forgotten, he approached the locker, noticed now that the sound was definitely coming from inside the locker.
"What the hell are you up to now?" he asked out loud as he turned the handle, fully expecting something to jump out at him. "I'm so going to kill you for this, Fros- oh my god!"
"Mmmph! Mmmm!"
He had steeled his nerves for some stupid prank so when he found Joseph inside of the locker with his mouth gagged and his limbs bound behind him, he was more than a little shocked. As talented as Joseph claimed to be, there was no way that he could have done this to himself and no Chris immediately dropped to his knees and began trying to untie him,
"What the hell happened to you?" Chris demanded as he yanked down the gag that was preventing the other man from forming a coherent sentence,
"No time!" Joseph gasped as soon as his mouth was free. "Hurry, get me out of here before- oh shit behind you!"
Chris had zero opportunity to react before a crippling sensation exploded across his body and he dropped to the floor in a pained twitching. Soon after, the lights to the small room flickered on and he was able to identify his assailant with a complete mix of shock and confusion.
Albert Wesker simply stood over his incapacitated target, laughing sadistically.
"Captain?! What the- WHY! What did you do to him" Frost cried out before noticing the instrument in the blond's right hand. "You tasered him?! What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, still screaming.
Chris meanwhile had a very similar line of questioning for the older man but found himself unable to vocalize them do to his crippling and still spasming condition. Instead his could only continue to stare up at the he looming figure above him
"I had anticipated that certain individuals might attempt to cause some degree of discord this evening and I merely wanted to try my hand at the 'fun'. How'd I do?"
"You call this an April Fool's joke? This isn't a joke, this is torture!" Joseph argued as he continued to flail around in a futile attempt to get himself free.
"Do forgive me, I'm clearly new to this 'April Fool's' nonsense," the captain replied, voice dripping with disdain. "Oh well. Perhaps you'll view this event as a clear deterrent to ever attempt your own trickery again? I wouldn't want this to happen to you two again next year…"
Joseph was about to muster an indignant cry when Wesker strode over and repositioned the gag on his mouth.
"Well of course I cannot let you go, Mr. Frost. That would rob me of my satisfaction and indicate to you that you still have a chance to pull of one of your schemes, and I simply cannot have that. So," he shut the locker door, effectively trapping the other man inside once more. "Perhaps I will see you in the morning."
Ignoring the muffled screams that were coming from the locker, Wesker turned his attention to Chris, who was still twitching on the floor.
"Now, what to do with you… Aha. I know…"
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The day was already looking great for Jill Valentine. She had woken up early, went on a refreshing run, made herself a hearty breakfast, and even had time to stop for coffee on the way into work. Pulling into the RPD parking lot, she felt ready to take on any super criminal or assignment that S.T.A.R.S. could throw at her, and still be bright and cheerful.
That was, at least, until she saw Chris's and Joseph's cars parked right next to each other on the far end of the lot. There was no way that both of them were here this early, unless…
She fearfully glanced to her watch and confirmed that yes, today was in fact April Fool's Day.
'Shit!' She cursed mentally, now completely agitated as she carefully stepped out of her vehicle. So much for her good day.
'Well, maybe it's just a coincidence that they got here on time… Maybe… Damnit, who am I kidding? I'm so screwed.'
Resisting the urge to get back in her car, go home, and call in sick, Jill slowly made her way into the RPD, wary and on the lookout for any trap that the pair may be ready to spring on her. Getting through the first floor was easy; the regular officers were going about business as usual, as if today weren't the worst 'holiday' in all of history. That however was to be expected for it was once she made her way to the second floor that things were sure to get interesting. She hoped to whatever deity existed that her desk wasn't sabotaged again this year as she trekked up the stairs, preparing herself for some onslaught of childish stupidity.
So when she saw Chris Redfield passed out, gagged, and handcuffed to one of the handrails in the hallway, she was extremely taken aback.
She approached the situation carefully, not yet disregarding the nagging feeling that this too was part of some sort of hoax. As she got closer however, he seemed to attempt to roll over and made an awful snoring sound as he tried to get into a more comfortable position. Somehow, despite being is what looked like the most terrible place to take a nap, Chris was actually sleeping. Still perplexed, Jill stared at her sleeping partner for a moment longer before ultimately shaking her head in confusion and proceeding towards the locker room to drop off her bag.
Once again, she was completely unprepared for what happened next.
The second she opened her designated locker, Joseph Frost's body slid out and slumped onto the linoleum floor. Jill blinked a few times to make she what she just witnessed had truly just happened before bending down to inspect the condition of the newest Alpha Team member. Just like Chris, Joseph was bound, gagged, and somehow sleeping.
"I apologize for violating your locker in such a fashion, Ms. Valentine."
Heart racing, Jill spun around to face the unexpected presence behind her.
"Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me, Captain!" she gasped, putting a hand to her chest in an attempt to calm herself down. "Pardon the language, sir."
Wesker simply chuckled lightly and moved past her to examine the inert body of Joseph.
"Sir, may I ask what happened? Did you… This seems a bit on the extreme side…." She trailed off, not wanting to accuse the older man of anything specific, for she still had no idea what the hell was going on.
"Let's just assume that after today, they will not be trying any more of their foolish antics. Extreme though it may be, I deemed this particular course of action necessary if they are to learn any sort of 'lesson'. Or would you rather have walked into a water-logged desk once more?" Wesker asked, tilting his head to the side inquisitively.
Jill shook her head fervently and straightened herself out before replying.
"No sir. If you thought this was an effective, uhm, training exercise, I am inclined to support you. I'm sure I'll get over the fact that there was a person in my locker in due time. My fault for leaving it unlocked, I suppose."
"Glad to hear it."
"Should we just leave him there…? I mean, he is in the middle of the floor."
"I leave it in your judgment. It was your locker he was located in, after all."
Jill bit her lower lip in thought. She could be nice and let both Joseph and Chris free the moment Wesker walked away, perhaps bribing them into doing her bidding for the rest of the week, or, she could be just as sadistic as her captain and leave them as they were. It wasn't really a difficult decision to make.
"Maybe I'll put him back in the locker if he starts to make noise," she mused aloud. "I'm sure Chris could fit into one as well, if he becomes a nuisance…"
"A workable solution. See you in the office once you get settled, Ms. Valentine."
Jill met Wesker's smirk with a grin of her own before the blond turned to exit the room. She unloaded her bag and placed it in her locker as normal, as if there were not a live human body that had just fallen out of it. Sure, the boys might resent her for not helping them out and acting as an accomplice to Wesker, but the situation was far to amusing to let them out of their punishment easily.
Removing the paperwork from her bag, she smiled once more before exiting the locker room to head to her desk in the office and resisted the urge to kick Chris's unconscious form as she passed him in the hallway.
Today was turning out to be an excellent day after all.
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A/N: I am so sorry that this took ages to put up. I made the mistake of asking someone for a file online and I've been battling computer viruses ever since, which are largely responsible for why I haven't posted in a timely fashion. Well, that and school. And ODST. And Uncharted. And Katamari Forever... moving on! Thank you so much to everyone that's stuck with me, and thank you to all the new readers that stumbled across this and found it interesting. I plan on doing actual shout outs to some of my more memorable reviewers next time, I just wanted to get this out there ASAP. Thank you again for all of your comments and suggestions, they really do keep me interested in writing this fic.
This chapter was inspired by replaying RE2 and noticing those random ass handcuffs in the hallway on the second floor of the RPD. I believe there's actually a story element explaining why they were there in the first place, but I happen to like my explanation better, not to sound elitist or anything.
Thank you once again for reading and please continue to send in your reviews, they mean a lot to me. Thanks guys!