The final blow against the archdemon… the taint travels into the Grey Warden… a loop in your hole, so to speak…
The words played themselves in her head over and over, and all she could do was sit on the edge of her bed and stare at her hands. After all this, the choices were few and dire. If Riordan failed, the options were to die, sacrifice her love, or have him bed an apostate to conceive Maker-knows-what kind of abomination child.
Rather than act, she sat paralyzed by the words, and twisted the ring Alistair had placed on her finger only the night before. She thought, her brow furrowing, until she made her decision.
"You are a Cousland," she said to herself as she removed the leather armor that she had worn for so long now, the straps and buckles supple with wear. She placed it in the chest at the foot of the bed and dressed herself in a long shift and cloak that had been placed on the dresser by an unseen maid. She pulled the pins from her long brown hair, noticing for the first time the invasive streaks of grey. She dashed water on her face from the basin and, slipping her feet into dainty slippers, walked out of the room quickly.
Around the corner, she rapped lightly on the door she had seen Alistair disappear into before she had retired to her own room. Before she had heard Morrigan's proposal. Before this new crisis had arisen.
The door opened, and as soon as she saw Alistair's puzzled face on the other side of the frame, she squeezed through and closed it, placing her back against it.
"Charlotte?" he asked, his brows going up. "What is it? Maker preserve us, you look like you've seen a ghost."
"We…need to talk," she said, lowering her gaze. Somehow she could not bring herself to look into his warm brown eyes right at this moment, with these words in her mind.
"Of course, my dear. But come, get into bed with me. We can talk there. It's warmer."
He had also removed his armor and put on loose clothes for sleeping. He sat on the edge of the bed, with its thick covers turned down, and patted the blankets invitingly. A warm smile played around the edges of his lips. She sat down, reluctantly, next to him, but didn't climb into the big bed as he so obviously wanted. He leaned forward and kissed her, rubbing her shoulders, but pulled away quickly when he felt no response from her still lips.
"What is it?" Alistair looked truly worried now, and he grasped her chin gently to force her to look into his face. What she saw there, as always, warmed her heart: open love, adoration, devotion, utter trust. "If this is about Riordan's news… Well, I understand your concern. But it's what we have to do, right? We've come all this way. We have to see it through to the end, no matter how unpleasant it may be. Can't we just spend the night together and worry about tomorrow, well, tomorrow?"
Charlotte shook her head slowly, willing herself to go through with her plan. "I can't…" she whispered, then spoke more strongly. "I can't risk it. I just can't! What if Riordan doesn't make it to the archdemon? What if it has to be one…" She gasped, the words catching in her throat. "What if it had to be one of us?"
Alistair smiled again, sadly, his hands dropping back down to her shoulders. "It is our duty…"
"Duty!" she cut him off and stood, turning her back on him. She wrapped her arms around herself and there was an ache in her middle that felt like it would tear her apart. "I don't want to die. I don't want you to die. I don't want to have to make that choice."
"We must. That's what we're here for, remember? I don't like it either, but… we must." The bedcovers rustled as he moved, and he was behind her, moving her hair away from her neck and kissing her gently under the ear. He put his arms over hers, pulling her close against him. Heat radiated from his body.
"Alistair, you trust me, right?"
"Of course. What is it? Now you've got me really worried." His breath puffed against her skin as he laughed, trying to lighten the gloomy mood.
"Morrigan was in my room earlier, and she knew what will happen when the archdemon is slain."
"What? How?"
She shook her head, then turned in his arms to face him. "There is another way. No Grey Warden has to die tomorrow."
"And you listened to her? What does it involve, sacrificing babies?"
"Not exactly. Alistair, love… you have to sleep with her."
For the first time since she had met him, Alistair was speechless. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. She took advantage of his momentary lack of argument and all the words she had carefully planned came rushing out.
"She says if you go to her tonight, a child will be conceived and the soul of the archdemon will seek it instead of ours and neither of us will be killed to end the Blight!"
Alistair held up one hand to signal her to stop. "I am speechless. Literally baffled. I don't believe this has ever happened to me before in my life. Not even when Duncan came to the Chantry for the first time. You want me," he indicated himself by spreading his fingers on his chest, "who has only even been, you know, intimate, with you, to go and spend the night with Morrigan of all people?"
"Well I was more intent on the 'no one has to die' part," Charlotte replied. His tone stung her. "This wasn't an easy thing to me to think about either, but it would be preferable to watching you die tomorrow, wouldn't it? Or to you watching me die?" She immediately regretted her harsh tone when she saw the hurt in his eyes. She softened. "I can't lose you. Not now, not after everything that's happened. I want to live, I want us to live." She was babbling, talking too much and too fast, but she didn't care. The words were as much to convince herself as to convince him.
"Please." She made herself stop with the one word. She looked into his face, the face of the man who she had loved and fought beside and cried with so many times, with whom she had vowed to spend the rest of her days and help rule the country that they both were so devoted to.
"Oh, all right. Maker's breath!" He threw his hands up in frustration. "But you better still be awake when I get back. I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on, big time."