This chapter is a bit longer than the others but it wasn't until I finished writing that I realised how much I had actually written :) Thanks to all those who have reviewed so far. I appreciate it :) Don't own Lie to Me (but I can always pretend)

***

She stared into space, a cup of hot cocoa in her hand. The TV was on but she wasn't watching it, it was background noise really. Had she really overreacted? She knew that it had been a long two days. An emotional two days. But did she really have the right to yell at Cal like that? Everything she had done the past two days she doubted. Whether it had been right to go out that one night, whether she should have screamed at Cal like that, whether she should have even gone to work. She knew she needed to put the past in the past but it was difficult. It still ate her up inside, every time she thought about it. Which wasn't always. But occasionally she would see a husband and wife together, or a young girl around the same age as her beautiful baby would have been. And she can't help but think back. To what could have been. To what should have been. Her eyes flickered back over to the photo which was face down on her coffee table. She didn't have the strength to pick it up. Even though it was only a thin, flimsy piece of paper she felt like it carried more weight than a tonne of bricks. The door bell ringing interrupted her thoughts.

***

He stood outside her door pacing back and forth. He went to ring the bell for the third time but pulled his hand away at the last minute. 'Damn it,' he thought 'why can't I just be a man?'

He knew why. He was frightened of upsetting her any further. And if he admitted it to himself, as selfish as it was, he was frightened of the effect that her anger would have on him again. He hated to see her upset at him. It would eat him up inside. But the curiosity of knowing what was wrong was stronger. She deserved to know that someone was there for her, was willing to listen when she was ready. Cal took a step towards the door and finally rung the bell.

***

Gillian slowly walked over to the door and opened it, just an inch. She really didn't feel like company but didn't want to be rude by not answering.

'Gill love, it's me.'

She recognised the voice instantly. Of course it's him. He never learnt the true meaning of the word no.

'Cal, please, not tonight. Just go away.'

'No can do love.' He pushed open the door, surprising her, forcing her to take a step backwards. Taking advantage of her moment of weakness, he squeezed through the slightly larger gap and held out a plastic bag in his hand.

He grinned. 'Peace offering.'

She could smell the scent of the chocolate pudding wafting from the bag. Damn it, he knew her well. Even in moments like these, she couldn't resist chocolate pudding.

'Fine, come in. But no talking and no analysing. I'm just eating your pudding and then you're leaving.'

***

He sat on her couch, just inches away from her. He wanted to say something but felt like she should be the first to speak. She took the last spoonful of pudding out of the container and placed it in her mouth. Once she was finished she placed the spoon inside and closed the lid.

'Ok, you can leave now.'

He looked up at her with pleading eyes.

'Please Gill, just say something...other than that I mean.'

She had never seen that look on his face before. Pleading with her. He was always analysing, wondering, probing, asking, but never pleading. She sat down again, feeling deflated. Her eyes drift over to the photo on the coffee table. The glance didn't go unnoticed. She watched as he hesitantly reached over and picked up the photo, one eye on her the whole time. He turned it over and surprise registered on his face.

Gillian. Pregnant, standing next to a young man he'd never seen before.

'It was a long time ago, 10 years to be exact,' came a tiny whisper from Gillian. It was as if she didn't have the strength to say it any louder.

He looked up at her, waiting. Not pushing for her to explain, but ready for when she did.

She sighed. There was no going back.

'It was first year of college. He had been my boyfriend for 2 years already when I fell...' she swallowed hard, 'pregnant. We were both so young, but so happy and in love. It was a blessing and we were both willing and ready to take on the challenge.'

She paused, trying to formulate the right words.

'And then one day...' He could see the tears well up in her eyes. He went to reach for her but she flinched away.

'I knew something was wrong. It had been wrong for months. I just didn't know what. And I didn't want to probe, so I just left it. I figured it was just a phase. He was stressed, study, work, the baby was only months away. It was just another day. I came home exhausted and when I couldn't find him I started to worry. There was a sound in the bathroom, I went to investigate. And there he was.'

She saw the curiosity burning in Cal's eyes and knew she just had to get it out.

'He was dead, had killed himself. Apparently he had been seeing a psychiatrist for weeks; I found medication in his drawer for depression. I just never knew.'

He saw the sadness in her eyes, the weight that she was carrying on her shoulders. She felt partly to blame, he could see that.

'And then, if that wasn't enough, later that night...' She let out a strangled sob and the floodgates open. She hated to let him see her like this, weak and vulnerable. But she didn't have the strength to fight anymore.

***

He had to know, had to ask.

'You lost the baby didn't you?'

It was more of a statement than a question.

Her hair was covering her face but he could make out a nod. It felt like a punch in the guts to him. She had been happy at one point. Had everything she had ever desired or wanted. Ever since he first met Gillian he knew that she wanted a family more than anything. But that had cruelly been taken away from her. And then again when she had met Alec and had tried to adopt Sophie.

He wanted to reach out, to hold her. But he was scared. She looked like a lost child who had just realised she had no idea where she was. He had seen Gillian lost before. But never this helpless. She had always carried hope with her. Was of the opinion that the next day would always be better. But 10 years on and this horror, this sadness, still had a grip over her. He wanted so desperately to release her from it. To let her know that to move forward, she must let go of the past. But he was not one to be preaching about letting go of the past. To say that would just be hypocritical.

He went to speak but paused when he saw her struggling to say something. He rushed to the kitchen and came back with a box of tissues, letting her clean herself up.

'People always wonder why I got into this business. Why I would want to spend my life catching others' lies, analysing their thoughts.'

And then it hit him.

She saw the realisation in his eyes and continued.

'I just couldn't do it again, go through it again. How easy would it have been if I had known how to read facial expressions back then? I could have read his anguish, his pain and stopped it. I vowed to never be in a situation like that again. So I changed my course from journalism to psychology.'

She took a deep breath and he saw her shoulders relax, just slightly.

He spoke, quietly at first.

'You couldn't have stopped it, love. And I know that sounds hypocritical, you've seen me watch that video of my mother thousands of times. But it's true. I need to realise that, and you do too. Sometimes we give all our love and support and it still isn't enough. And I know that isn't fair and doesn't make sense. But neither does life.'

She nodded, and her eyelids began to droop. She was tired, so tired, after the events of the last couple of days, and now this confession. She couldn't fight it anymore. She placed her head on the cushion and felt herself drift off. A pair of hands picked her up and she felt them carry her upstairs, placing her gently on her bed.

***

He watched as she slept, like a baby, in the foetal position. Her chest rose and fell and she shuddered slightly, pulling the doona up closer to her chin. He vowed, at that moment, to do whatever he could to wipe that small, sad expression off her face. He pulled up the chair in the corner of her room and settled in on it. He would stay the night, just to make sure that in the morning she was alright.