Okay, perfect.
Shepard stepped back, studying her handiwork.
Candles, lit. Soft music, playing. Table shoved into the most inconvenient and only available space in the cabin, done. Food, smells great. Wine, which she hated the taste of but had been assured was a romantic thing, sitting next to an ice bucket. Damn!
Shepard quickly skirted the edge of the table and shoved the wine into the ice spilling some and then swearing all over again.
Okay, Kaidan didn't like it when she swore, so maybe she could work on that.
Speaking of…Shepard glanced at her chrono display and smiled. He should be here any moment.
Panic attack.
No, no, this was fine. This was good. Breathe!
She sucked in deep breaths through her nose, hands smoothing down the beautiful silk of her dress. There had been slippers that matched but she'd only been able to stand having them on for a minute. She was terrified she'd rip them or something, they felt so fragile.
Maybe she should check her makeup again. She'd been assured that it was idiot proof, her applicator, but they had no idea who they were dealing with. Give her a grenade launcher and she could field strip it in two minutes, flat. Give her face paint and watch all the blood be sucked from her head in a panic attack of Armageddon proportions.
"Commander Shepard, Commander Alenko has asked for permission to access you on your private line." EDI said.
"Audio only!" Shepard shouted, panicked as she stared at the romantic dinner she really didn't want spoiled.
"Establishing link."
"Kaidan?" Shepard pressed a fist to her gut, reminding herself to breath.
"Hey, Shepard." She could hear dance music in the background and frowned. "I'm going to be late tonight. Joker made some comment about Jacob needing to find a personality and now the two are going to have a drink off since Jacob said he wouldn't feel right about flicking Joker with a pinky and having him go down screaming in pain with most of his bones broken."
"Tonight?" Shepard said staring at the flickering candles. "Tonight isn't good, Kaidan. I had plans."
"With who?" Kaidan said and she could hear his name called by Garrus. "Oh, great. Joker just told a Battarian merc that Jacob wanted to have his children. Shepard, I need to…"
"With you!" Shepard cut him off. "I wanted us to have dinner together. I wanted to make up for being a bitch…I mean being a…a…hell, Kaidan, what do you call a woman who's being a bitch when you're trying to stop swearing?"
There was a moment of silence. "Shepard, have you been drinking?"
She rubbed her head. "No." She was screwing this up. She knew she would. What the he…heck had she been thinking? "Look, can't they pi…" Was piss a swear word? Shit! Darn! "Can't they annoy the Battarians another night?"
"Too late. Look, Shep, I'm sorry. We'll do it another night, okay? Maybe a breakfast."
"Kaidan! I wanted…" He..eck, what was she doing? Was she really so pathetic she had to beg him? What kind of romantic dinner was it if she forced him to show up? "No. Nevermind. We'll do it another night." She cleared her throat hearing the threat of tears in the words.
Kaidan was silent a moment. "Shepard, what's going on?"
Great. Pity date. That's exactly what she had been trying to get out of him.
Licking her lips, Shepard forced a smile to her face and a cheerful tone to her voice. "Nothing. We'll have dinner another night. Sounds like a plan. Maybe tomorrow? Or if you're busy then, maybe on the weekend. Really, it's no big deal. Whenever." And she would shut up. Right now.
Another silence. "Garrus can handle the Battarians and Joker. I'll head back to…"
"NO!" Shepard all but shouted and then closed her eyes. "No, Kaidan. This was a stupid idea, anyway. Don't worry about it. I just wanted to say sorry for being a…a…pain today. About the doctor, I mean. You go keep Joker's mouth too busy drinking to cause trouble."
"Shepard, what's wrong?" Kaidan's voice held concern.
She was a loser idiot who was more at home in her N7 armor than a dress, that's what. Why did she even think this mattered?
"Dammit, Garrus just punched a Vorcha through a drink kiosk. The Krogan ordering a drink is not happy. Shepard…"
She could hear how torn he was in voice. How her stupid insecurities were making a big deal of something she should never have thought of doing in the first place.
"Kaidan, I'm fine." The words were soft and firm. "Go help the others. If you get arrested by C-Sec remind Bailey that he owes me a favor."
"We'll talk when I get back to the ship, Shepard." There was a brief moment of silence as if he were searching for something more to say and then the connection ended.
Ask her to eliminate a Krogan Warlord's stronghold and she could do it without a loss of life. Ask her to retrieve data from the bottom of an active volcano, not a problem. Try to prove to the man she loved that she could be taken out in public on a date and be prepared to laugh yourself silly as Competent Shepard became Pathetic Shepard.
"Knock it off, Shepard." She ordered herself brushing angry tears from her cheeks. "Stop being an idiot." She sucked in a deep breath and blew out the candles.
Taking in another deep breath, she looked about the room and gathered up the tattered remnants of her self esteem.
"Too bad, Kaidan." She said to her absent man. "I had a he…ckuva dessert planned." Even to her own ears the words were shaky and she swallowed hard.
Shaking her head in self-disgust, she began clearing the table with quick movements, setting the wine and glasses on the desk next to the candles and began shoving the meal itself in the recycler. No way could she eat the dinner she'd cooked. She never could eat when she was upset, that was one of the reasons she avoided any extreme emotions. She'd just throw it up and that would be a real cap to the night.
She needed to figure this out before she screwed up her relationship with Kaidan and judging by her spectacular success with the 'romantic' dinner, she needed to get it figured out before she made matters worse, because, honestly, just because she was neurotic didn't mean he didn't love her. He certainly didn't deserve her wacked out insecurity.
So what if he'd asked some skanky doctor out for drinks? He'd brought her breakfast in bed more than once. Which mattered more?
No. The doctor didn't matter. His friends had probably blackmailed him into going out with her, anyway.
Determination made, Shepard got rid of the table and returned to the cabin stripping off the beautiful dress with an economy of movement, tossing it carelessly to the box it had been delivered to her cabin in.
Since the boys were out playing, this would be a perfect time for her to get some target practice in at the shooting range in the Alliance Military Ward. And if she pictured some anonymous woman with a med-scanner on every target, well, that was just venting. It didn't mean anything.
With every piece of armor she put on, her spine straightened, her chin lifted and her confidence returned. The woman who wore that armor knew who she was and what she was capable of and wasn't plagued by doubt and uncertainty. That woman had saved the universe and knew her worth.
Without bothering to look in the mirror, she finished dressing, finished making certain her hair would be out of her eyes. She strapped her weapons on with long familiarity and took a deep, cleansing breath as she gazed at the picture on the desk that now held two faces instead of one.
She would do this and she would be better for it. She would kill that cousin to the whiny bitch in her soul, wimpy Shepard and Kaidan would never have to know how stupid she'd been.
Sliding some extra ammo into one of the pouches on her armor, Shepard recorded a brief message letting him know where she was in case he got back before she did and left it in his personal file.
He needed to get to Shepard.
"How did Joker get out of this without a scratch?" Garrus demanded as Kaidan applied a cold cloth to the bleeding gash on the Turian's neck.
"God looks out for small children and idiots with brittle bones." Kaidan responded not even bothering to glare in the pilot's direction.
"Funny, I thought it was your biotic barrier that kept everybody off him." Jacob added trying not to breathe deeply while gingerly clutching his cracked ribs. "Not that the ungrateful punk deserved it."
"I think he's hitting on the Asari C-Sec officer who's supposed to be guarding him." Garrus said with wonder.
"With luck, she'll give knock him out cold." Kaidan muttered. "Then we can take him back to the Normandy before he causes anymore trouble."
"Yeah, I'll bet you're in a hurry to get back." Jacob gave a knowing laugh that had both Kaidan and Garrus blinking at him. "Shepard must be really angry you didn't show for her dinner. Hawthorne says she spent a couple of hours cooking in the mess and wouldn't let anyone help."
Kaidan froze, brown eyes staring at Jacob. "She cooked dinner?"
"Shepard can cook?" Garrus added, his voice incredulous.
Jacob gave them both odd looks. "Yeah, I guess. Miranda said Shepard borrowed some candles from her and everyone knows she took one of the anti-grav tables from storage up to your cabin. Figured she had some date night planned, or something."
Kaidan hissed under his breath, suddenly understanding some of the undercurrents of Shepard's conversation.
"You didn't know." Jacob said, comprehending the furious expression Kaidan directed toward Joker. "I wondered why you agreed to come and be the Sober Hero."
"Booze and biotics aren't a good mix." Kaidan repeated what he'd said earlier when Joker had asked him to come with them. "And I'm usually better at keeping the drunken moron I'm with from starting a riot."
All three of them glanced around the destruction in the room, wincing.
"Yeah, well, this is Joker we're talking about." Garrus said patting Kaidan sympathetically on the shoulder. "Who hasn't wanted to kill him at one time or another?"
"I need to get to Shepard." Kaidan said handing Garrus the towel.
"Good luck with that." Captain Bailey said joining them. "It's going to take some finessing if I've got to keep your names out of the report."
"Can't you just arrest Joker?" Kaidan asked plaintively. "We can pick him up again the next time we're in the system."
"Yeah, I've always said I could pilot the Normandy better." Jacob added as Joker whipped around at the words and quickly came limping toward them.
"At ease, Joker." Kaidan ordered before whatever was on the other man's tongue could come spitting out and start another fight. "Captain Bailey, whatever you can do to expedite this would be appreciated."
"Paying damages would be a good place to start." Bailey said glancing around the room.
Three pairs of eyes rounded on Joker.
"What? It's not like I threw the first punch." Joker responded glaring at Garrus.
Kaidan began to rub the back of his neck. Bailey was right. They weren't going anywhere fast. He'd just hope Shepard was still awake when he got back so he could say he was sorry for messing up her night.
Then maybe she'd tell him whatever it was that was bothering her.
Aim, shoot, dead, reload. Aim, shoot, dead, reload. Aim, shoot, dead, reload.
The steady rhythm calmed her. The repetitive motions became almost mechanical in their precision, each target falling under a single shot. Aim, shoot, dead, reload. She could forget everything but the gun in her hands, the enemies in front of her, the willful determination that she be the best because the best could be demanded of her again.
Aim, shoot, dead, reload.
No Kaidan. No fu…rickin' doctor. No stupid insecure whiney part of her soul.
Nothing but aim, shoot, dead, reload.
Dam…arnit, she was out of clips.
Pushing back the auditory dampeners on her ears, wiping a hand at the sweat she'd worked up, Shepard grinned at the stats displayed in all their glory on the far wall. Hey, she'd just beaten the standing record for the Head Shot in the Alliance Military.
Her old record.
See, this was what she was good at. That sissy girl stuff, that wasn't her.
"Damn." A low whistle sounded near her. "I thought that stat was just to hype your rep."
Grinning with cocky surety, Shepard glanced over at the group that had formed, watching her without her ever noticing. An Alliance Marine was standing at the front, considering her with an appreciation for more than her shooting skills.
"You can always put down creds betting you can outshoot me and find out for yourself." She challenged with a tilt to her head, a hand patting her beloved Widow Maker.
"I'd rather put down creds I can out drink you. That I would have a chance at." The tallest in the crowd responded a laugh on his handsome face.
Shepard grinned and shook her head. "My boyfriend doesn't like it when I drink other guys under the table." She could tell he understood her message and was woman enough to enjoy the disappointment in his face.
"Maybe we could not tell him." He persisted. "If he were a real man, he'd be here, with you."
Shepard chuckled and replaced her sniper rifle on her back. "He's man enough to know he doesn't need to watch me every minute."
The interest faded to acceptance and the soldier gave her a long study. "Are you as good as they say you are?"
"Good enough that they killed me and I got better." Shepard retorted, laughing as she crouched and began picking up her spent clips.
Hands joined her in cleaning them up. They were nice hands, strong, calloused like they knew how to hold a weapon. But they weren't Kaidan's.
"Okay, you can shoot." He nodded. "But take that Widow Maker away from you and what are you?"
"You mean other than extremely pissed?" Shepard countered, still grinning at him. "What are you up for? Hand cannon? Assault rifle? Maybe you're the 'I can't aim worth crap so I use a shotgun at close range' type." She rose to her feet, dumped the clips in the recycle bin and wiped her hands on a hand towel attached to her duffel.
Another long, assessing look. "How about knives? No holds barred for the Great Shepard."
Blinking, Shepard considered him. "What's your name, Marine?"
"Staff Lieutenant Curran Packard." He saluted her.
"Commander Shepard, blah, blah, blah." She waved a hand, dismissing the introduction. "You know who I am. Okay, Lieutenant Packard. What exactly do you want from me?"
He grinned, his gaze running over her long frame once again. "Something your boyfriend wouldn't like at all."
She smiled, but her expression was a clear warning. She was hands off. "You're just begging to be taught a lesson, aren't you?"
"Oh, I live in hope, ma'am." Packard answered with fervent and flirty tones.
"Talk or walk, Mister Packard." She advised.
"Knives, ma'am." He responded and from a thigh sheathe pulled a combat dagger, sharpened to gleaming brightness.
Shepard's eyes lit. "Lieutenant Packard, you just became very interesting to me. May I?" She held out a hand and he placed the blade on her palm. "Very nice. Also very bright. You might want to watch that if you're ever on covert maneuvers. Shiny lets the bad guys know where you are." Handing it back she reached into the duffel and pulled out her own dagger, the blade a dull ugly black color that seemed to absorb the light. "I prefer the Mackler Foundation's Bowie IX. Light. Sharp and balanced for throwing if needed."
Packard gave the same low whistle he had earlier. "May I?" He asked unintentionally echoing her.
Extending the weapon, haft first, Shepard let him fondle one of her favorite weapons. For long distances, she wanted her Widow Maker. For up close and personal, she wanted a hand cannon. For down and dirty, there was nothing better than her Bowie IX.
"Marry me." Packard demanded, his eyes never leaving the weapon in his hand as his fingers stroked over the hilt and up the flat side of the blade.
"It'd be cheaper if you ordered one off the extranet." Shepard responded in dry tones. "Still willing to take me on?"
Flirty eyes met her gaze. "Oh, yeah."
There was no trace that any dinner had been set up in the cabin.
Kaidan entered, looking at the empty space, his gut clenching. No set table as a silent accusation. No glaringly obvious cold food meant to guilt him into regret for not appreciating what she had done for him.
No Shepard.
The only hint of the dinner at all was a lingering fragrance of scented candles.
Accessing his personal com he found the message she had left him.
Hey, Kaidan, since you're having boys night, I thought I'd get some target practice in. I'll be at the range on the Alliance Military Ward. Call if you need something.
Friendly. Calm. No accusation. No hint of anything being wrong. Just nice, friendly Shepard. Just a message similar to ones she'd left many times before.
Blue sparked across his eyes as his fists clenched. The chair next to him began to shudder in reaction to his biotic field and Kaidan had to force his temper down, force his biotics to quiet.
What was so wrong that she wouldn't talk to him about it? What had he done that she was shutting him out?
Well, fuck that.
Kaidan grabbed his jacket and stormed toward the elevator. She was going to talk to him. She was going to tell him what was wrong and if he had to pin her to wall with his biotics until she caved, so be it. He'd gone through two years of hell thinking she was dead. No one…no one…was taking her from him again. Not Collectors. Not Reapers. Not the damn Council. Not even that stubborn, bull headed, closed mouthed woman he loved.
Why the hell wasn't the elevator going faster?
"Hello, Commander." Thane Krios greeted him with a small nod as the doors opened. "Your Commander Shepard was very beautiful in her dress tonight."
"What?" Kaidan had been in the process of moving past the Drell as Thane entered the elevator, a brief nod his return greeting, but the words drew him up and had him turning about. "Dress? What dress?"
Thane's large eyes blinked once as he slipped into the memory. "She walks by, hurried, wine bottle in hand. Silk dress flowing about her ankles. Hair twisted up and held in place with jeweled sticks. No shoes on her feet." He blinked again and focused on the Commander.
Kaidan wanted to kill him for that memory. He wanted to hold the assassin down and rip every precious second of seeing Shepard in a dress from that perfect recall and keep it for himself.
Not trusting his reaction or his much vaunted self-control, Kaidan whipped about and headed toward the airlock once more.
"Please. You're making me cry." Shepard moaned in distress.
"Ha, ha." All signs of flirty Packard had disappeared after the second time she'd knocked his butt to the ground and stood on him.
Now on the fourth, Shepard, knife still sheathed on her thigh, gave the back of the neck lying so still under her foot a curious study. "Or was that 'you're boring me to tears'? I get those confused."
Packard slapped his palm to the mat in concession and she immediately stepped back giving him room to roll over on his back and glare up at her.
"At least I cut you that time." Packard defended, rubbing the back of his neck.
"This?" Shepard snorted looking at the shallow cut on her forearm. "Please. I've had worse shaving my legs."
Confused, he stared at her. "Why not just use a follicle growth inhibitor?"
"Because I'm Commander Shepard and I'm the biggest badass on the Citadel." She responded with a pompous arrogance that had her sputtering in laughter seconds later. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself."
Packard grinned back. "Naw. I get it. Enhance the rep, people leave you alone."
"So says the man who is actually thinking about letting me smack him down again." Shepard poured water over a towel and applied it to the drying cut. The already healing cut, thank you Cerberus upgrades very much.
"Anything to get your hands on me, Commander Shepard." Packard responded.
"You know that saying stuff like that just gets you more bruises." She glanced at him, grinning.
With a dramatic groan, the soldier heaved to his feet. "I seriously thought you were all hype, Shepard. Everything they say you've done. I thought they'd made you up as some PR hero for Alliance and the Council to parade about so everyone will accept humans more easily."
Shepard snorted. "Hardly. My whole life has been one damn battle after another. If I weren't competent, I'd be dead. Again."
Packard shook his head before picking up his own water bottle. "When does that leave time for socializing? Parties? Hanging with friends?"
Keeping her gaze focused on the cut, deciding it wasn't worth the bother of med-gel, Shepard shrugged. "There's always a shooting range somewhere that I can practice at."
"Come on. Not all the time. Your boyfriend must take you out sometimes." Packard wiped his face with the towel, the words coming mumbled.
If she'd wanted this conversation, she could have had it back on the Normandy with herself in her own little pity party, Shepard mused. "I'm not discussing my boyfriend with you, Lieutenant. Want another round or are you done?"
"I'm done." He took another long swig of water. "But you've got a fan base itching to try." He jutted his chin toward the edge of the mat.
Shepard saw the crowd and smiled. Well, if she couldn't beat her whiny self into submission, maybe someone else could help.
One thing about Shepard, she knew how to draw people to her.
Kaidan sighed eyeing the crowd around what looked like a sparring mat. The crowd was so thick it was impossible to see who might be at the center of all that attention. Not that he had any doubts. There was very little betting going on in that crowd which was a clear indicator to him that she'd been at it a while and now no one would put money against her.
Rubbing the tension in the back of his neck, ignoring the throb beginning in his skull, he looked around and wondered how best to get closer.
The Alliance Military Head Shot Record had been beaten, he saw, stunned…until he saw the name next to the new record. She'd take it out herself. Next to that in a holo graffiti grid some enterprising soul had placed the name of the Turian Fleet's expert sniper and his record…which Shepard had pretty much left in the dust when she broke her own record.
That would keep the MPs & C-Sec busy for the next little while as the oh, so humble Alliance troopers rubbed it in the face of any Turian Fleet member they saw that Shepard had just humiliated their best.
Kaidan sighed, grateful he didn't have to keep a squad of Marines in line anymore.
A roar went up from the crowd and he heard a thud that he really hoped Shepard hadn't made.
"Finally." Someone on the edges near him said as a large holo of the fight began to broadcast over the crowd, showing Shepard backing away from a prone body on the ground. "That's the third one she's knocked down since I've been here and finally we get to see it."
"I hear they're limiting them to one throw so more people get a chance." Another soldier answered.
"Who'd want to go up against her? That's Shepard, man. I hear she ain't human. Not anymore. That whole being dead thing? They were just upgrading her in some secret Super Soldier project so she could take out the Reapers."
"No way." Another soldier joined in. "I heard the Reapers were just a myth. Some big bad bogeyman cooked up by Alliance Brass so the Council would have to accept us among their ranks."
"Dude, who cares?" The first said. "What I want to know is why nobody arranged for this to be in a mud ring. Shepard is hawt."
Kaidan narrowed his eyes and glared at the soldier.
"She told Packard she had a boyfriend, but I bet she was fronting to get rid of him." One of the other spoke shaking her head in disbelief. "I mean, can you imagine? She's THE Shepard. The guy who can handle her must be eight feet tall and shoots laser beams out of his eyes."
"Whatever." A roll of the eyes from the youngest of the group. "Woman like that…what does she need a man for?"
Well, yes. That was the question, wasn't it?
She was beautiful and brave and had just flipped a man twice her size across a mat larger than their quarters on the Normandy.
Kaidan watched the joy on her face as she leaned down to extend a friendly hand to help the fallen solider up. He said something to her and she began to laugh, shaking her head and responding.
No, dammit. She did need him. There was no one else on the Normandy she talked to. Not about what she was feeling. About what dying and losing two years out of the lives of everyone she loved and cared for had done to her.
Which was why her shutting him out hurt so much.
"Uh, oh. That's Tandish." One of the soldiers commented catching Kaidan's attention more with his tone than anything else.
"I hope she pounds his face into the walls. A lot." Another added, hate dripping from her voice. "He caught me alone in a Maintenance Shaft when I was berthed on the SSV Perugia. Bastard."
Blue sparks scampered across Kaidan's eyes as the large man in BDUs cracked his neck, a salacious smile on his lips as he circled the mat toward Shepard.
"Yeah, real nice of him to wait until she'd fought seven guys before deciding to take her on." Another sneered.
Kaidan scowled and decided it was time for him to get a bit closer to the action.
Oh, now there was a type she recognized, Shepard mused, her eyes narrowing slightly as she assessed the bruiser pacing toward her. Military life attracted them. The ones who craved power, who wanted it over others and proved it by targeting those who were weaker, smaller, softer than they were.
And, boy, had this idiot made a mistake if he thought she was any of those three.
Well, okay. He was taller.
Smiling, Shepard retreated to her duffel and made a show of stripping her combat knife off her thigh and placing it inside.
"What? You're done?" The braggart called in a loud voice. "Too tired to take me on?"
No. Simply worried that if she had access to her knife she'd use it on him.
Wiping her hands on the towel again, Shepard took a moment, her gaze starting at his feet and moving up. Bulky muscle, someone who worked out to get larger rather than to optimize what they had. Probably used illegal enhancers. Probably was using them now to account for bulk that made him slow. His reach, possibly problematic. She'd have to watch those hands. Big, meaty. Those would be where he focused his strength, going for a quick knockout, quick pain, quick finish.
Yeah, big guys like him…no stamina.
Smiling, she took a drink to wet her mouth and moved back onto the mat.
Big feet. He wouldn't kick at her, not much. His balance wouldn't allow for it without making him fall over on his own. He was more of a brawler, fists and strength. Mass and effect.
Fortunately for her, life was a dance.
"Whenever you start feeling it." She said tilting her head at him.
She kept her body turned slightly sideways, her balance easy, her hands, fingers only partially curled as she held them near her waist. Nothing tight. Everything loose.
He swung a half hearted left toward her, feinting, seeing if she would flinch, which she did. If you can call slamming a fist into his solar plexus a flinch. She followed up with an open handed slap meant to humiliate and anger him, smiling when he tried to backhand her only to find she wasn't there.
"Is that all?" Shepard asked with mock innocence. "Perhaps you are the one too tired to take me on."
Bellowing, the large soldier rushed her. Shepard held her ground, waiting until the timing was right before slamming a knee into his gut and then dancing back out of range once more while he spent time on his knees groaning. She waited until he was on his feet again, simply watching him recover.
He drew his knife, surging to his feet.
"Really?" Shepard questioned with disdain. "I took out an entire army of Reapers, assh…idiot. What is a knife to that?"
He slashed at the air where she had been while Shepard crouched, using long legs to sweep his feet from under him. While he was on his back trying to remember to breath she took the knife from him and flung it high, the tip sinking into the wall next to the holo showing her new head shot record.
"No more knife. What else have you got?" She taunted, again waiting for him to rise.
He was going to charge again. They both knew that his only hope of beating her depended on him getting her pinned to the mat where her strengths were minimized and his increased. All she had to do was keep that from happening.
Which wasn't really that hard.
With a wicked roundhouse kick, Shepard nailed the bruiser in the jaw sending him spinning to the mat on his back. She closed in and hit the edge of her hand to his throat hard enough to sting but not incapacitate. A mock kill.
Match over.
Shaking her head, Shepard didn't bother helping him up. She had no respect for soldiers like him and wouldn't pretend otherwise. Instead, she just really wanted a drink and…
Kaidan.
She stopped having moved barely a step, her eyes on him, her thoughts scrambling as she wondered how long he'd been there and more importantly, why? If the evening with the boys had ended like it usually did, he should be sleeping it off in their cabin.
Even as she watched, his expression became alarmed and enraged and then the Destiny Ascension slammed into her right kidney sending her to her knees.
Oh, shit. That hurt. That hurt a lot. This was exactly why she didn't like letting people hit her.
"You bastard!" She heard Kaidan shout and then a vague shape she recognized through her pain as the soldier who'd sucker punched her went flying by surrounded by a blue biotic field.
Abstractly, trying to distract herself from the throbbing agony and the urge to throw up, Shepard mused that one of the real benefits to wearing armor was the instant care properties that would have had the pain fading and the injury healing within moments of being injured. It was really too bad she'd decided to spar in BDUs instead.
Get up, Shepard. Suck it up. You've had worse and you've got a teammate who needs you to watch his back.
Of course, there were the upgrades Cerberus had given her that she really didn't like thinking about. The ones she could already feel kicking in.
Shepard was standing again, the pain fading, and lifted her chin, eyes going to where Kaidan was, his biotics field completely dampened and his fist smeared with the blood of the fool he was pounding into the floor while teaching a valuable lesson about coward attacks from the rear.
"Shepard, you okay?" Packard, his expression furious, joined her on the mat. "That asshole. I hope Commander Alenko doesn't stop until Tandish's grandchildren start feeling the pain."
"And here I was hoping he wouldn't breed." She answered, her focus on the beat down in front of her. "Hey, Packard. You still want to meet my boyfriend?" She smiled and jutted her chin in Kaidan's direction.
Packard looked at the one-sided battle and shook his head. "No. I don't."
Laughing silently, Shepard sucked in a deep breath, decided she could move without vomiting and crossed the mat. A single touch on Kaidan's shoulder stilled him.
Rage, so rarely seen on his face, had his dark eyes flashing, his lips narrowed, teeth clenched together. He looked up at her, over her and then turned his attention back to the crying soldier pinned beneath his left knee, bleeding from mouth and nose.
"Damn, but you're a sexy man, Kaidan." Shepard said with a fan girl sigh.
He gave an involuntary laugh, his fist twitching as if he really wanted to plant another one in the guy, and then he shoved himself to his feet. Immediately those gentle fingers framed her jaw.
"Are you okay?" He asked softly, his gaze searching her face and deliberately ignoring the crowd about them, even those who had come forward to check on the bleeding Tandish.
She shrugged and then nodded, a wicked smile lighting her up. "Nothing an Alenko Massage won't cure."
"I wouldn't be too sure of that, Commander Shepard." A confident woman's voice broke into their private moment. "That rather poor specimen of Alliance Military did manage to land a solid blow to your kidneys. He could have ruptured something internally."
Now that was an expression she had never seen before on Kaidan's face. Dread, maybe?
Shepard's eyes focused on the woman who had moved to her side and was engaging her omni-tool. The ID patch on her clothing proclaimed her a doctor. "Believe me…it won't be the first time I've had something internal ruptured." The words were distracted, her focus elsewhere.
The handsome woman flashed a tight smile. "From what I know of your reputation, Commander Shepard, it won't even be the second time."
"Shouldn't you be caring for the most injured?" Kaidan asked the doctor and there was a familiar note in his voice.
"I don't waste my skills on men who attack from behind after quarter has been given." There was a disdainful sneer directed toward the man near them who had finally managed to get to his feet and was now stumbling away. "I would like to make certain Commander Shepard has not suffered any lasting effects, however."
They knew each other, Shepard comprehended, standing still as the scanner was run over her body, Kaidan and this Doctor.
"How have you been, Kaidan?" The words warmed up considerably as the woman addressed him and Shepard's blood ran cold.
The Doctor on the Citadel. The one he'd asked out for drinks.
Kaidan gave Shepard a pained look before looking at the woman addressing him. "Good. You?"
Shepard narrowed her eyes and began to give the doctor a very careful study, ignoring how she answered Kaidan. Oh, the other woman was pretty enough, she guessed. But there was something of an attitude about the doctor that said she expected everyone about her to do her bidding and wasn't shy about getting cranky to get her way. That she was used to others following her lead. There was integrity, too, Shepard reluctantly allowed. Probably encouraged others to feel loyal to her.
"Really, I should get, uh, Commander Shepard back to the Normandy." Kaidan stumbled over her name and earned a slanted look from Shepard. "Since she's okay, I mean." Apparently Shepard had missed that part of their conversation.
The doctor didn't budge, simply cycled her omni-tool off and gave Shepard a study every bit as careful as the one given her. "So you are the one."
Arching an eyebrow, Shepard met the challenge in those bright eyes. "Am I?"
Kaidan raised a hand to his forehead, rubbing as if he had a headache.
"Yes." The Doctor didn't back down. "I had wondered for some time, you understand, who the third person was that was always there when Kaidan and I went out. Logic said that whoever she was…you were…that they were dead. There was too much grief. Too much reluctance to start living again. Oh, I would have him all to myself for a moment or two. Then something would remind him of you…one of those incessant memorial updates or footage of some statue or scholarship being raised in your honor and he would remember and it was like starting at the beginning all over again."
Shepard was quiet a moment, considering the other woman. "I never wished that for him."
"No, nor I. And I did my best to make him forget you." The Doctor slid a glance toward Kaidan and for a brief moment Shepard saw past the arrogance to a woman who had loved…still loved…and lost. "He never did."
Kaidan opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came. Stricken he stared at the doctor, a miserable expression on his face. Not quite regret, but definitely sorrow.
"If you had any success at all, any moment when he forgot about my death, forgot about me and was happy…" Shepard sucked in a deep breath and gave the other woman a nod. "I thank you for that."
Tears filled the doctor's eyes but she swallowed them back, looking away for a moment, at Kaidan, before returning her attention to Shepard. "Yes. Well. So you're aware, if you die again, I will consider him fair game."
Shepard smiled. "Agreed."
The doctor nodded once before looking to Kaidan and then walking past him. Only a few steps further, she paused and turned around. "Oh, and one more thing, Commander Shepard."
"Yes?" Shepard moved closer to Kaidan, standing firmly by him.
"I liked you better with the ugly scar running across your face." That said the other woman walked away.
Shepard watched her thoughtfully until she was out of sight, Kaidan miserably standing at her side searching for something to say. She looked up at him and smiled.
"I thought you were taking me home?" The words were cheerful. "Oh, let's take care of that first, hmmm?" She took his hand in hers, frowning at the split knuckles. "Geez, Kaidan, from one brawl to another. You really need to learn to control your temper."
One corner of his mouth kicked up in a smile. He framed her cheek with his good, unbloody hand and pressed his lips to hers for a brief, sweet kiss.
"Kaidan, we're in public." Cheeks a flaming red, Shepard tugged him toward her duffle, deliberately ignoring his quiet laugh. With quick, efficient hands, she cleaned up his knuckles and slathered med gel on the torn skin.
"You're done here, right?" Kaidan glanced around at the crowd that didn't quite dare come closer, apprehensive glances shared equally between Shepard and himself.
"Yeah." Shepard agreed packing up her duffle. "Thirsty?" She handed up the bottle but he reached for the duffle, slinging it over his shoulder first before taking the water from her hand. "Hey, careful. My Widow Maker is in there."
Kaidan rolled his eyes taking a long drink. "I swear, Shepard, you love that gun more than you love me."
Shepard tilted her head to the side pretending to consider the matter and Kaidan earned the respect of every soldier watching by smacking the palm of his hand against her rear and living to hear her laugh about it.
"What can I say? She's my favorite long distance relationship. She doesn't complain, she's accurate and efficient. Most of the time I get a one shot, one kill with her." Shepard sighed and patted the duffle. "Did you see I beat my old record?"
"Was my face the one you saw while you were doing it?" The remark was said with humor, but the seriousness in his face belied it.
"No." Shepard said immediately as they began walking toward the exit. "Why would it be?"
He was quiet for a moment and then, as if bracing himself, continued. "Because you bought a dress and cooked me dinner and I didn't show."
Shepard continued to walk, but her upper body stiffened in reaction.
For a long moment she was silent, her gaze pointedly on the area in front of them, scanning for enemies even in this relatively safe place.
"Nothing to say?" Kaidan asked quietly.
"You, ah…you weren't meant to know." She still wouldn't look at him.
"Shepard, you're still wearing make-up." He informed her and she snapped her head toward him in horror, stopping in her tracks.
"What?" She moved to scrub her face with her fingers but Kaidan caught her hands, laughing.
"Yes, you broke your Head Shot record while wearing make-up. Leave it alone." He studied her for a long moment and his smiled seemed to fade. "Shepard, I can't understand what you're trying to tell me if you don't talk to me."
"I have no idea what that means." Shepard responded, her eyes slightly unfocused.
He exhaled a frustrated sigh. "Shep…"
"Commander Shepard…do you mind?" A female Marine gave Kaidan a hesitant glance but held out her assault rifle and a laser knife anyway. "Could you sign my gun?"
Shepard blinked once at the Marine and then at the gun and smiled, laughing softly. "Sure. Why not."
This could possibly go on for hours.
Kaidan sighed but held his place next to Shepard as more Marines approached. Some wanting to talk to her, to thank her. Some wanting knives, guns, BDUs signed. Others just wanting a picture.
Had they been civilians, Shepard would have given a polite no and moved on, but Military, particularly Alliance Marines, she would stand for hours trying to accommodate.
"Commander Alenko?" A shy voice asked and he looked at the Marine who had originally asked for her gun signed.
She was offering it to him and the laser knife as a slow blush worked its way up her cheeks. "Would you…I mean…"
Another Marine, this one male and obviously part of her unit, rolled his eyes and addressed Kaidan. "She has a huge crush on you. Your holo goes with her into every battle. She thinks your bum is sexy."
"Shut up, you bastard!" The female Marine hissed, her face crimson.
Shepard began snorting, laughing. "You made Commander Alenko blush. I love it when that happens."
Ignoring Shepard, pretending the heat on his cheeks was just the enviro controls being turned up too high, Kaidan took the gun and the knife and inscribed his own name next to Shepard's.
"Is it true?" The male Marine asked, looking back and forth between Kaidan and Shepard. "You two are exclusive?"
Kaidan nodded, not trusting himself to speak a word.
"Damn, can you imagine the kids they'd have?" The female Marine hissed at the male, taking back her gun and her knife. "They'd take over the known universe!"
"Looks like I'm not the only one blushing now, Commander Shepard." Kaidan told her with a sweet smile.
"Shut up, Alenko." Shepard muttered and kept her attention on the troops about her.
It took MPs…who paused long enough to get their own pictures and autographs…but Kaidan and Shepard were finally escorted off the base and were now strolling through the Citadel with no particular destination in mind.
"So tell me about the doctor you had drinks with."
Her tone was different this time. Full more of curiosity than belligerence.
"Why do you want to know?"
Shepard paused in their walk through the Citadel and gave him a careful study. "Because I liked her." That said, she gave a shrug and smiled. "Mind you, I would also like to dump her out an airlock in deep space, but I did like her."
Kaidan began to laugh and wrapped an arm about her shoulders, pulling her close. "You didn't see it, did you?"
"See what?" Shepard demanded as he continued to laugh at her. "That she was bossy? That she had absolutely no problem confronting me even though I could smash her face through a wall? She had an attitude, too, Kaidan, I could tell. She may be a hot shot doctor of some kind, I don't know, but she certainly acted as if the universe would come to an end if she weren't there to watch it. I have no idea what you saw in her."
His laughter grew stronger and she crossed her arms glaring at him.
"You, Shepard." He finally managed. "I saw you in her."
Frowning, she thought about it. "I look nothing like her."
"No, and that is why I asked her out." Kaidan was still smiling, but the laughter faded as his eyes reflected the memories. "I didn't want anything that reminded me of you, Shepard. No woman was going to compare to you and I didn't feel it was fair to even try, so I went for someone completely different. Or so I thought. I didn't realize how badly I'd messed up until our third date."
She frowned at him. "I don't get it."
"Shepard, she may look nothing like you, but she is brave and she is fully aware of her skills and what she can do. People are drawn to her. If you give her your loyalty, she will do everything in her power to be there for you." Kaidan pushed errant bangs out of Shepard's eyes. "She does the best she can simply because she can't imagine doing things any other way. She's been known to butt heads with those in positions of authority above her simply because she felt they were wrong. Sound familiar at all? On the Citadel, among thousands of women, I managed to find a woman who looked nothing like you but had all of the traits I loved…love…most about you."
"Oh." Shepard blinked at him. "She's more bossy than I am." The words were petulant.
Kaidan gave a shout of laughter. "That's because she can't resort to pulling out a Hand Cannon when people get in her way."
"I don't do that all the time!" Shepard protested.
He smiled but let the matter go. "So, since we're talking. Tell me about dinner tonight. About the dress." She stiffened and he shook his head. "Don't, Shepard. Don't shut me out. Please."
Shepard licked her lips and opened her mouth searching for the words. Kaidan took his patience in hand and simply waited her out.
"You've never asked me out for drinks." The words were rushed and a shameful blush darkened her cheeks. "I thought maybe I could prove I was as good as the doctor and you'd ask me out for drinks and it was really stupid and I'm completely over it and we can pretend this never happened and we don't need to talk about this ever again." She tried to walk quickly away, but he held her steady.
For a long moment he stared at her bent head. "I didn't think you liked the crowds. Didn't like how everyone would eventually be staring at you, the great Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel." He finally said. "I thought, if given the choice, you would rather be in the cabin than out for the evening."
The stain of crimson humiliation on Shepard's face deepened. "Most of the time…yeah. I would." She agreed. "But…" Her voice trailed off and again Kaidan waited her out. "I don't…I mean…she's…DAMMITT!" The last was an explosion of frustration.
Confused, Kaidan tipped her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "What, Shepard?"
"I'm not much of a woman when it comes to dressing or…or make-up…or…" She shrugged and made a helpless gesture. "Kaidan, I want to be the best kind of woman I can be for you, but I don't know how to do normal…girl stuff. When most girls were learning to put on make-up I was field stripping every weapon I could get my hands on. I dressed my dolls in armor, for pity's sake, and not that pink shi…stuff, either."
Completely floored and humbled by the misery on her face, Kaidan tried to absorb what she was saying. "Shepard…" Now he couldn't find the words.
"We'll drop this, okay?" She pleaded, full of hope. "We won't talk about it ever again."
"No." He shook his head and again resisted when she tried to pull away from him. "Shepard, just let me say this." Sucking in a deep breath, he nodded in reaffirmation to himself and once again lifted her chin so she would look at him. "Would I like to see you in a dress? Yes. You have no idea. I would also like to see you in this little red number that I saw on Illium that makes Jack's top look modest. But I don't need that, Shepard. I need you. Just you."
Tears spilled over on her cheeks and he brushed them away with his thumbs before pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Just you, Shepard, however I can get you. Armored, with your Widow Maker, hell, even your M-920 Cain that I think you love just as much." She hiccupped and laughed, nodding and he pulled her tight against his chest. "Do you understand?"
"No." Shepard answered baldly, the word mumbled against his chest. "You could have that doctor…he…eck, you could have had the Marine with the assault rifle just by blinking your eyes at her. I don't understand why you'd want me." She pushed back, wiping at her eyes. "But I'm not idiot enough to question it. Much."
He chuckled. "Then I guess I'll just have to keep convincing you."
She gave him a wicked smile only marred slightly by her wet eyes. "I can think of a couple of ways you can start."
"I bet you can." Kaidan shook his head, laughing, and moved her to his side, his arm about her. "Come on. If you're still this awake we'll go look at fish. No buying!" The last was said as she opened her mouth.
Scowling, Shepard rolled her eyes but moved with him.
"Tell me about the red number on Illium." She said and watched fascinated as the color crept up Kaidan's cheeks.
"Uhm. I can show you." He gave her a quick glance and then looked away. "I bought it. Liara assured me it was the right size. Didn't even charge me for the information."
"Wait, what?" Shepard came to a stop and stared at him. "How would Liara know what size I wear? And she'd better not charge you for information like that!" She paused for a minute. "And how did you manage to keep it hidden from me on the Normandy? It's not like there's a lot of storage space in our cabin."
"Garrus has it." Kaidan tried for a nonchalant shrug and failed as a blush heated his cheeks. "I asked him to store it for me until I, uhm, asked for it."
"You asked Garrus to store lingerie you bought for me?" Shepard repeated.
"You know, maybe I should let you buy some fish." Kaidan started walking faster. "I'm sure you'll keep them alive this time."
"Kaidan Alenko, you'd better not tell me he was with you when you bought it." Shepard's eyes were sparking with temper. "How am I supposed to take him into combat knowing he's seen something like that, knowing it was meant for me?"
"Don't worry, he was very complimentary. He said he was starting to see the appeal of human females." Kaidan said quickly. "Joker told him once you go human you never go back."
"What?" Shepard hissed. "Joker was with you?"
Kaidan grabbed her and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. "Shepard, I love you and I am done talking about Garrus and Joker. I want to go back to the Normandy, have a shower and go to bed. Preferably with you."
Shepard tilted her head, considering him for a long moment and then gave him the utterly sweet smile, full of love that she reserved just for him.
"Okay."