Mello had almost everything he wanted. Power, respect, soon he'd win over Near and exact revenge on Kira for killing L. He was a Mafia Boss, while not the best of professions he was number one somewhere.

Only two things could make it better: chocolate and… Matt

'I wonder what he's been doing while I was gone. Probably playing those games, he paid more attention to them than anything else.' Mello thought, he was in control and could bring him here. Matt was good with electronics, under the pretense of getting a hacker, he could get his friend back. Not that they'd ask questions anyway, they learned better by now.

Coming to his decision he called Wammy's, the number had been memorized and 4 years hadn't let it fade. His phone wasn't traceable so Near couldn't lead it back to him either.

"Hello, you've reached Wammy's orphange how may I help you?" Roger said sounding wearier than before, dealing with children even if they're geniuses must take a lot out of him.

"Hey Roger, it's Mello. Do you know how to get a hold of Matt, I know kids leave when they're eighteen, but he might have stuck around. If not, do you have a way to contact him?"

There was only silence over the phone, he knew Roger was still there. Mello was beginning to get annoyed at the lack of response.

"You goin-"

"He's not here anymore Mello." Roger replied curtly cutting him off. He had blamed Matt's death on Mello a little, and was afraid of how Mello would take the news.

"Do you have a way to contact him then?" Mello replied, he already said that so repeating it only irritated him further. Roger interrupting didn't help matters.

"No, Mello… Matt, he killed himself. I'm sorry." Roger said, slowly moving the phone away from his ear expecting Mello to start yelling. It was quiet though, Mello on the other line was just shocked.

Roger risked it, he had to snap the blond out of it. "Mello?"

A knock came from outside Mello's room. It was answered with the phone being thrown at the door and a scream of, "NOT NOW!"

The phone was somehow still working and now idly sat in front of the door still on. From the other end, Roger could only hear things being thrown and broken, and screaming.

Mello stopped still pretty wound up, but eyes trailed the phone lying in front of the door. Roger was still on the phone, he scrambled to get it.

"When?" Mello asked hoarsely, his throat was burning.

Roger took a breath he deserved to know, but the subject made him feel older. He understood now why L was always hunched over…

"About three years ago… We found a letter addressed to you. I didn't know how to get a hold of you though so it's still in my office unopened."

"I'm coming to get it. I'll be there tomorrow afternoon. Goodbye Roger." Mello said hanging up the phone and staring at the ruin that was once his room. His hand was bleeding he couldn't even feel it.

'Matt's gone… He's dead my Matty, I wanted to tell him so much. I couldn't bring him with me, I couldn't get him involved in this while I had no way to protect him.' Mello thought clutching his rosary. He made a silent prayer for his friend.

He finally noticed the cut on his arm when he saw blood on his rosary. He bandaged it and began grabbing what he'd need for his trip to England. Not much as it was only to grab the letter and get out. Rod could watch the mob while he was gone, he would be back shortly anyway.

Carrying his bag out, he stopped in the main room.

"Problem with the hacker, work on looking for a new one." Matt may be gone, but Mello still had a Kira to catch. "I need a flight to England, Rod I trust you'll take care of things in my absence." Mello said moving swiftly across the room to the exit.

"Roger Boss." The grunts replied, they learned by now not to question Mello.

The next few hours were blurred out and replaced with thoughts of Matt. Everything the blond could remember about the gamer resurfaced. The ride, picking up the ticket, the plane trip all of it was done with Matt. Of course he wasn't really there, but the more Mello thought, the more he realized that Matt should have been there. In Mello's head, he really was there, the aisle seat in the plane and in the seat in the taxi. Even knocking on Wammy's gate he was beside him with the same old goofy grin on his face.

Roger met him at the gate, his eyes widened at Mello's new wardrobe.

"Nice to see you alive Mello, just what have you been up to?" Roger asked, the boy had always been violent, the outfit only added to the effect. It practically radiated dangerous. However, years of watching the him grow allowed Roger to see the lost look underlying in his eyes."Enough small talk. Where is the letter?" Mello asked completely avoiding the question. He wanted to read the letter and get out, this place held too many memories. Roger simply sighed and began to held towards his office Mello following in tow.

The office looked the same to Mello, only smaller. He and Matt were always getting into trouble. Sometimes they used to sneak in at night for the hell of it.

"Here it is, I'm afraid some of the blood soaked through, but it should still be readable." Roger said offering the letter to him.

Mello took it and sat down in one of the chairs across from the desk. The blood was dried brown and it stained most of the envelop. Taking a breath he opened it and removed the contents. His eyes scanned the letter widening with each line.

Dear Mello,

Haha, I feel a little stupid writing this. I'm sure you'll never read it, but I wanted to leave this since I'll never get to say it. If you're reading this, then thanks for thinking of me and finding out about this. I'm sorry for doing it, but I'm sure this letter is collecting dust in Roger's office anyway. The chances of you coming back is nil. And if I'm wrong, I'm sorry for not being able to wait. I really think you won't be coming back though.

You were always concerned about being first and beating Near. So much so, that you left at the mere offer of working with him. I know it sounds selfish, Mel, but you left me here alone. You could've at least brought me with you. I wake up and just sit here. I never wanted to go outside anyway, I was content anywhere as long as I was with you. I slept on your bed trying to cling to the smell of you that was fading.

I love you… and I'm sure you aren't coming back. I don't want to be L, I never did. From the day I met you, I just wanted to be with you. I don't see the point if your not here and not coming back. I'm sorry if in the end you needed me after all. I'll be watching over you now.

Love ya,

Mail Jeevas

The letter itself was coated in some of the blood that had soaked through. Parts of the letter was smudged too.

Mello took another breath, "Was there anything else?" Eyes not leaving the letter, his hands shaking slightly.

'Matt was dead, he killed himself, he killed himself because of me.' The thoughts ran through Mello's head, but refused to connect.

"He left the letter on his goggles saying they were yours too and on the wall 'I'm sorry I failed you' was written." Roger replied he was somewhat afraid of both the safety of his office and the man in front of him. "I'm sorry for not being able to prevent that from happening."

Mello only nodded, he sat up grimly still clutching the letter. He picked up the goggles Roger left out on his desk and began walking out of the room. There was nothing left in this place, only broken echoes from spirits long gone. He left here when L died, and now he'd leave here knowing Matt died.

'I'll kill that bastard. Kira will take no one else from me. I would never have had to leave here… Wait for me Matty, when I die I'll find you again. Please forgive me.' Mello thought as he headed for the gate and back to the airport. He slipped the goggles around his neck with his rosary.

Arrangements were already being made, soon he'd have the death note and get his vengeance. Near, Kira not even God could stand in his way. And when it's all over, I'll come back to you.

A figure in stripes followed invisible behind him.

"I forgive you, and I'll be waiting."

Okay this did not come out as good as I'd hoped. DX the whole time I just felt like an asshole

Ah, thank you for the favorites and reviews :D I'll have to re-edit some of the stuff I'm sure, I kinda just let the writing go and fix the mistakes I see, but I tend to miss some.

Also, I was not in a good mood writing the first chapter, which is why it's so messed up even after some editing. That and I was trying to make is sound distorted cause Mail was not in a err good state of mind lol.

Well here it is completed and crappy, it did not want to end o.e If I decide to continue it, I don't how, but it's kinda left open. I dunno well as usual I don't own Death Note and criticism and any errors that you see are appreciated :D

Yay for amateurism! XD

NOT EDITTED YET, CAUSE I'M LAZY. I WILL DO SO IN A BIT SO THERE ARE BOUND TO BE MORE MISTAKES THAN USUAL! : D