"This is great, Mrs. Grey. I've never had actual homemade hot chocolate. It's delicious—here, sugar muffin, try some." Shawn grinned cockily and offered his mug to Gus, his hand firmly on Gus' ass. Gus hid his murderous grimace with the mug and looked to Joss for help. She'd come along reluctantly at Gus' insistence. Despite her better judgment that her presence would make it harder to keep their cover as new acquaintances, she'd grown attached to Gus and knew all too well that Shawn would milk the situation for all it was worth.
"Yes, it's very tasty, Mrs. Grey." Gus conceded, trying not-so-subtly to get distance from Shawn.
"Oh, honey pie, you've got a little something right," Shawn licked at the corner of Gus' mouth, griping his shoulder as he tried to pull away. "There, I got it. You're good to go, stud." Joss covered her snort with a cough, mouthing an apology to Gus.
She casually passed Shawn and stepped on his toe with her sleek heels. He tried to smile as his eyes actually started to tear. "I absolutely love what you've done with the place, Mrs. Grey." She cooed, eying Shawn innocently over her shoulder.
The elder woman waved a hand. "Oh, please, call me Patricia. And thank you, I made the drapes myself. My mother was a seamstress, taught me everything she knew. When I was a little girl-"
Shawn made his way to the dining room, Gus following stealthily behind him. As stealthily as he could before Shawn slapped his ass and he tripped over the rug. Shawn caught him before he could hit the floor.
"Nice moves, Gus. I've never seen someone spin move into an obstacle. We should name that after you." He grinned as Gus stood and pulled out of his arms. Shawn kept trying to get his arms around him again, laughing as Gus slapped his hands away. "Gus, come on, man! What's up? My performance was flawless."
Gus paused in his avoidance dance to scold him. "Shawn, that poor woman-"
Shawn shook a finger at him playfully. "Patricia."
Gus rolled his eyes, and clenched his teeth. "Patricia, thinks we're… for lack of a better word: whores."
Shawn laughed out loud and Gus rushed forward to cover his mouth.
Gus shook his head and sat down at the table. "Shawn, leave me alone. I just wanna get this over with and go home."
Shawn swallowed a smile. He knew Gus liked their cover house but to hear him call it "home" made his heart feel heavy. "Well we could excuse ourselves and run home now, but I'm pretty sure it would look like we were running off to have hot, crazy, raunchy sex." Shawn sat on Gus' lap and bit at his neck. He applauded himself when his mouth earned a shiver from Gus. "I'm fine with that, if you are."
Gus was silent and Shawn started to move to see if he'd really go along with it. "You're right."
Shawn sat up, mouth open. "I am?" He straightened up. "Of course I am."
"I'm just gonna have to suck it up." He stood up, barely noticing as Shawn fell off his lap onto the carpet. "Let's go."
He waited for Shawn to stand before grabbing his hand and pulling him out into the foyer. He slapped Shawn's hand away from his ass as they approached the two women in the kitchen. Gus smiled softly and whispered in Shawn's ear, "I'm warning you, Shawn. I can give just as good as I get." He let Shawn interpret that however he wanted.
*
"And then its mother just died. Gus, here, he just started bawling. It was just the cutest thing. He just, he has so many feelings. Sometimes they get overwhelming." Shawn shook his head, patting Gus' hand. He swallowed the urge to laugh as Mrs. Grey nodded sincerely.
"Bless his heart." She covered Shawn's hand with her own. "I know what that's like."
Gus nodded reluctantly, looking to Joss for help. She shrugged and took a long sip of her wine. Gus followed suit and tried to block out Shawn's voice. He barely tuned back in when Shawn asked him a question.
"What?"
"I said, why don't you tell her how we met, cuddle bunny?" He smirked cheekily, enjoying the fire behind Gus' expression. This is so worth it, he thought.
Gus leaned forward, all the while coming up with the best story he could tell. It wasn't the one they'd rehearsed but it was close enough. "It's tough to explain. We met when we were kids. I was outside playing with my chemistry set and Shawn was playing with his dolls, right babe?" Shawn choked on his food, coughing as Gus pet him on the back a little too roughly. "He had a doll set of about twelve dolls. He took really good care of them actually. I think his dad was a little worried about him. Whenever we played house, I was always the dad and he was the … mom."
Behind Mrs. Grey's back, Joss applauded Gus quietly. Shawn was too proud of Gus to truly be angry.
"Isn't that right, sweetheart?" Gus asked, challenging Shawn silently.
A few months passed and Gus' training continued. If Joss noticed any difference, it was that Shawn no longer congratulated Gus for near perfect shots and flawless performances at neighborhood functions. Combat training went from difficult to brutal. Joss had to step in at least five times to stop Shawn from killing Gus. But if she'd thought Shawn's newfound Drill Sergeant attitude would be enough to push Gus into leaving, she was sorely mistaken. The harder Shawn pushed, the louder he yelled, the faster he fought, Gus gave it back ten times more. Joss didn't know how long she could let it go on before she'd have to put an end to it. It just seemed to keep escalating to the point Gus had to take leave from work, unable to explain his black eye.
Joss felt confident to blame it on Shawn's frustration at Gus' apathetic response to his advances. He'd make it a point to touch Gus whenever they were in public. He'd hold his hand or kiss him whenever he could justifiably claim someone was watching. And Gus would play along with it until they were behind closed doors again. He never outright rejected Shawn's affection, but he didn't embrace it either. If Shawn kissed him, Gus would kiss back for a moment before gently pulling away and claiming he had to work on something. Shawn wasn't willing to admit it to her but Joss knew that it hurt. He'd waiting so long to have Gus back and to have him so close and yet so far was tearing him apart inside. She didn't know Gus well enough to say for sure, but she suspected Gus was holding out on sheer principle. Shawn had broken his heart and he couldn't knowingly give it to Shawn again without guaranteeing there wouldn't be a repeat performance. Joss understood that, but that didn't mean she didn't think he was being an idiot.
Until they could reach some sort of compromise, they were committed to beating the hell out of each other.
Shawn appeared to be at his worse during combat training two days after he'd told Joss he felt the new mail guy at Gus' job had been asking too many questions. He was on edge from the start and he'd been taking it out on Gus all day. He'd reached his limit after Shawn shoved him to the mat for the eighth time.
"Gus! Get up! How many times are we going to do this before you get it right?" He shoved at Gus' waist over and over, faster and faster, succeeding in keeping Gus on the floor. "Up! Up! Up!"
"Shawn- stop yelling at me!" He launched himself at Shawn and they both fell, tangled, hard onto the mat. They fought, their hands gripping hard enough to bruise.
"It isn't going to be like this, Gus. Not in the real world. They're not gonna care if they hurt your feelings. They're not going to care is they make you bleed."He threw Gus off of him and climbed to his feet. Gus followed suit and reached for his shoulder. At his touch, Shawn spun around with a knife at Gus' throat. He backed Gus into the wall. The warmth of Gus' body wasn't enough to make him lower his weapon. They were close enough to feel Gus' heavy breathing on his neck. He tilted Gus' chin up with his forearm and sneered at how easily Gus was controlled. "They don't love you. It's not gonna matter if they kill you."
The tension in the room felt heavy and tangible. Joss wanted to move, wanted to end this because Shawn had never used that voice around Gus. Not ever. The last time she could remember him using it had been that night on the phone when she'd asked him to help him run. "Don't ask me why. I told Bailey. He knows why I'm running. I need you and if you're not going to help me… then quit wasting my time."
Steeling herself, she quietly made her way to the men on the mat. She stopped a few feet away. "Shawn, put it away."
Neither responded. They stood there staring each other down. Shawn determined and unapologetic; Gus stoic and fearless. Joss had to drop her eyes from their closeness. The way their bodies melted together was meant to portray the anger of the moment but it was entirely too secret and selfish. Gus' hand appeared to be posed on Shawn's hip to hold him back but it was pulling him closer. Gus' head was tilted back with more of a caress than a forceful hand. It was as if this was the only time they were allowed to touch.
Joss crossed her arms, feeling extremely uncomfortable. "Shawn, put it down, now." When he didn't move, she reluctantly pulled out her revolver. "I will take it from you if I have to." She'd lifted her arm to Shawn's eye level before Shawn finally lowered the knife. His eyes remained locked with Gus' as Joss turned and started towards the stairs. She knew she'd have to get Gus away from Shawn. She'd have to come up with a plan and she'd have to do it soon. She spun around at the sound of weight slamming into the wall. Their bodies were pressed together; Gus' fingers tangled in Shawn's hair, Shawn's hands disappearing under Gus' shirt. Their kiss too desperate and stolen to be gentle; Shawn's movements slightly hesitant as if he was afraid to hurt Gus.
Shawn ran over the night backward and forward until he was sure he hadn't missed anything. It felt like it'd been forever since he'd had to do this. He was both fearful and proud that it felt so unnatural to him. He'd worn gloves, he'd delayed the alarm system, and the neighboring businesses were closed. He planted drugs in "Rodney's" desk at the risk his death would be further investigated. He'd done well; he'd been quick and efficient. He'd fed Gus some lie about helping Joss move furniture. He only hoped it would take a few weeks for "Rodney" to be missed by whoever had hired him.
He told himself it was necessary, just business. He did what he had to do at the slightest risk "Rodney" would've been a threat. He did it to maintain his cover, no matter what Joss had said.
He closed the car door and pulled out his phone. "It's done. He didn't get a word out."
"I wish you'd waited for me. You couldn't have been sure. He could've been anybody." He could hear the frown in her voice.
"And what if in that time, he outed us? What would we have done then?" He challenged, feeling hot beneath his shirt.
"Then we would've dealt with it. Switched covers; we have everything we need in Seattle."
"No we don't!" he protested and slammed his hand against he steering wheel. He lowered his head on his forearm and tried to figure out why he was so upset. Maybe he'd really gone soft.
"Shawn-" He could hear the sympathy in her voice and it made him want to laugh. She really cared for him and he couldn't understand why.
"He likes it here." He explained resignedly. "He calls our house 'home'. Finally. I'm not- he's not gonna find that in Seattle. I can't keep that if we go to Seattle."
She was silent for a moment before coming to a conclusion. "Shawn, that's you, babe. You're what makes this place feel like home.
Shawn nodded, eying the quiet street. He'd been here too long for comfort. He started the engine, shifting the phone to his shoulder. "Maybe. Listen, I gotta go. We're still on for Friday?"
"Yeah. Looking forward to it." She laughed cheerfully.
"That's so morbid, J." He smiled regardless and pulled onto the street. He had about three miles before he would find his green SUV. "Love you, anyway."
"I know you do."
Shawn entered the house and fell to his knees at the relief he felt. The house smelled like… Gus. He could smell Italian food from the kitchen, the blaring sounds of embarrassing American Duos auditions were coming from the living room and were mingling with the comforting sounds of Gus' laughter. He looked down at his shirt, moist with something he didn't want to have to explain to Gus. He didn't fit here. Not like this, drenched in the smell of blood and gun powder. He hurried into his room to shower.
Gus eyed him knowingly as he left the bedroom in pajamas, hair still damp.
"Hope she was cute." He smirked before returning his attention to the show. Despite his nonchalant attitude, the tension in his posture belied his jealousy. "That's my shirt by the way."
Shawn fingered the Michael Jackson t-shirt before shaking his head and hurrying toward the food, realizing he was starving. He sat down next to Gus on the couch and stuffed himself, watching grown men and women embarrassing themselves on national television. He laid his head on Gus' lap, feeling more content than he had in years. He'd lost himself in his thoughts when he felt Gus' gaze. "Sorry? Did you say something?"
"You okay? You seem… sad." Shawn nodded and started playing with Gus' fingers.
"Yeah, Gus. I'm fine. It's just… something Joss said."
"Can you talk about it?" Gus asked warily.
Shawn started to tell him the truth but decided against it, remembering the look on Gus' face the night he'd told him about Carly. "It's nothing. Really."
Gus looked disappointed but he nodded. "Okay."
He eventually gave in, wanting to hear Gus' response. "Are you- do you feel like you could be happy here?" He asked nervously, linking his fingers through Gus' as a distraction.
"What do you mean?"
"Exactly what I asked." Shawn sat up on the couch, eyes meeting Gus'. "Gus, I'm not going for some roundabout, existential, cosmic answer to enrich my meaningless life. Do you feel like you could be happy here; happy being Mr. Gus Erickson for the rest of my life?" And he silently prayed Gus wouldn't catch the deeper meaning behind that.
"I'm not sure if you're asking me if I'll play house with you forever or if you're trying to convince me to leave." He studied Shawn intently, as if he had suddenly gained the ability to read Shawn.
"It's not so bad, right? You like it here. You like playing house with me." He watched Gus' face for confirmation. "Your job seems like hard work but I already told you, you don't have to work. I could support you for the rest of your life. You wouldn't even have to ask."
"Shawn." Gus sighed, leaning his head back. He could see exactly where this was going and he didn't like it.
"I owe you so much." He climbed into Gus' lap and lifted Gus' head. "I wish I could tell you. I just want to make you happy. We could be happy here." He nodded, seeing the reluctance in Gus' eyes. "You know we could."
Gus opened his mouth to respond, unsure of what to say. He knew there was some truth to Shawn's words but he was so tired of blindly going along with Shawn's plans. He was less sure everyday of why he'd come with Shawn so readily. He started to speak but Shawn beat him to it with a kiss, nipping at his bottom lip. He was nervous at first but his confidence when Gus didn't push him away. Instead, Gus fell back, hesitant hands pulling Shawn's body to his. Driven by the heat of Shawn's skin and the carnal need to feel his pulse beneath his tongue again, Gus let himself be pressed into the couch. Eventually, the awkward angle had Shawn pulling Gus to his feet. He was too pleased Gus was following him to his bedroom, he forgot about the soiled clothes hanging out of his closet.
And as Shawn marked Gus as his own he was almost able to forget that tonight, he'd killed a man.