Gus wasn't sure if it was the loud crash or the sounds of Shawn hurrying through the house that woke him. He climbed out of bed as silently as he could and hesitantly made his way into the hall. The lights were out save for the sliver underneath the doorway of Shawn's room.
He quietly entered Shawn's room to see the shorter man rushing around the room packing bags, a gun in the back of his jeans. He was yelling into his cell phone and talking about Arizona and train stations. He'd just hung up when he saw Gus. He hurried past, hand on the small of Gus' back as he checked the hallway.
"Shawn, what's going on?" He asked, eyeing the pile of his and Shawn's clothes in the bags. "Why are you packing?"
Shawn stared at him for a moment with a calculating expression on his face. He relaxed and stepped closer to Gus, leaning his forehead to Gus'. "You're scared." He whispered as he made dizzying circles on Gus' lower back. He hated this, he hated himself for doing this. He was used to hopping from cover to cover but Gus wasn't. He knew it was an inevitable possibility before he went to Gus that night but that didn't mean that this hurt any less. He would miss this house and he would miss calling it 'home'. Now that he thought about it, he didn't think he'd planned for what they would've done if the threat had disappeared. Would they have lived here forever or continued running? Would they have eventually gone back to Santa Barbara or would they have made a home somewhere else?
Gus shifted and whispered something into Shawn's ear. "We have to leave."
Shawn allowed himself to comfort Gus for a short moment before pulling back. "Here." He handed Gus a gun, passing a look of solidarity.
Gus nodded numbly and turned, unsure of where he was going. He'd taken two steps before a large weight crashed into his side. He let out a quiet yelp and rolled instinctively to his feet. A dark figure was rolling on the ground, wrestling with Shawn who was calling out to Gus. "Run! Now! Joss is outside."
And if he'd expected Gus to just leave him, he was wrong. He would go get Joss and she'd help, he decided. But as he made his way towards the door, he was stopped by a figure similarly dressed to the one that Shawn was fighting. Gus felt the gun in his hand but it didn't register that he could use it. He stared blankly at the man that stared back.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." The man had a dark, gravelly voice. He took a step closer to Gus, hands out in front of him. "The people I work for would be very happy for a logical reason to kill you." He nodded towards Shawn and added, "We already have a dozen reasons to bring him back in a body bag."
That made Gus stop. He knew people were looking for Shawn, but they were looking to kill? "What?"
The man stopped and stepped forward into the light and Gus noticed he was young, maybe even younger than Shawn. His blue eyes glittered, he smiled brightly, entertained. "He hasn't told you, has he? You don't know what he's done, who he's killed." At Gus blank face, his smile actually dropped. He wasn't quite sympathetic but he wasn't threatening Gus. "Oh come on, man. You haven't asked him why you're running? How do you follow him this far without asking questions? He-"
There was a loud noise and Gus hadn't registered what it meant entirely until the man choked out a mouthful of blood and feel forward, into Gus' arms. Gus paused, expecting him to move because he was still so warm. It took him a while to fully understand what had happened. Shawn had shot him, he'd shot this man, this kid. He was just a kid; he didn't even have a gun. He hadn't been trying to hurt Gus, he'd just stood there, he'd just talked. He was just a kid and Shawn had… he'd…. Gus shook his head, unable to move until the weight pulled him down.
Gus staggered to the ground, bearing the kid's cold weight. He turned to see Shawn, gun still raised, eyes black as coal. Gus opened his mouth to speak, to say anything when Joss hurried into the house. Her hair was in disarray and as she entered, she pushed her gun into the back of her jeans. "Okay, the outside is clear, we have to go now." She observed the scene, the immobile body in the corner, the bags strewn across the foyer, Shawn standing to his feet and Gus kneeling on the ground, weighed down by one Kaine's men.
Gus slowly looked up at her, his face smeared with blood, silently asking for help. She tried to meet Shawn's eyes, unsure of what to do. He was too busy gathering their bags and planning the quickest way to get rid of the bodies. "He was just… talking to me." Gus whispered solemnly and for reasons Joss couldn't fathom, he just wasn't willing to let go of the body. He was clutching it now, as if something bad would happen if he let go. As if he needed something to hold onto. And that thought made her sick to her stomach.
"Shawn-" he started to whisper again but Joss interjected, furious with Shawn's inattention.
"Shawn! What the hell is the matter with you?" She hurried to Gus' side, gingerly loosening his hold on the man's body. Gus was still in too much shock to move and she had to practically force him to his feet. "Hey, it's okay. You'll be okay. I need to you to go out to the car and wait for me. We'll take care of this." She pet him on the back as she pushed him towards the door. "Go."
After Gus had fully left the house, Joss marched her way over to Shawn. He was dragging the bodies into a room far off on the other side of the house. She followed him, waiting until she had his full attention to yell at him. When he'd stopped moving and started towards the front of the house again, she let him have it.
"What the fuck was that?" She screamed, slamming Shawn backwards into the wall. Shawn kept quiet, watching as her hands shook. "Shawn!"
He didn't say anything and silently withstood her yelling and shoving until she lost the strength to keep it up. He lowered his gaze to the bags at his feet and tried to breathe. "I can't."
She was still furious with him but she was a little relieved he was finally answering. "You can't what?"
He looked up at her, desperation in his eyes. "I can't do this. I can't keep him. Not if I have to be that person again. I don't want him to have to see me be that person again. I just can't do it-"
"Please tell me you don't mean what I think you mean." She warned, stepping closer.
His gaze travelled to the large bay windows. He actually managed to shrink within himself a little more, appearing completely broken. "I can't do this Joss. I can't-"
"Well you're going to have to!" She screamed, and if Shawn hadn't known better, he could've sworn there were tears in her eyes. She ran a frantic hand through her hair and shook her head. "You're going to have to. You started this and it's too late to back out now. You're in too deep." I'm in too deep, she thought.
Shawn picked up the bags and brushed past her on his way out the back. He knew exactly how this would go and there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do about it.
Gus didn't say a word the whole ride to the train station. He made gestures to answer any question and refused to look anyone in the eye. He was nonresponsive to any hug or kiss from Joss and Shawn appeared to be going out of his way not to touch him at all. They brushed shoulders once on Gus' way to the bathroom and Shawn jerked away like he'd been burned. And maybe before, this had been how Joss had wanted it, but now, she didn't know what she wanted.
Shawn's phone rang and he excused himself and left the compartment. Gus barely acknowledged that he'd left.
Joss took the opportunity to sit in the seat next to Gus. She absently started tracing circles on the back of his hand as she contemplated what she felt she had to say.
"Gus, I need to you to look at me." And unlike Shawn, he didn't outright ignore her, but he didn't quite comply. "Please, this is serious." Gus lifted his eyes and eyed her vacantly. "That's better, I guess. Look, Gus, I'm just going to be straight and to the point about this. You have to go. You have to get away from Shawn. He's not safe to be around and he can't protect you. He wants to believe that he can, that he can handle being two different people but he can't. He's falling apart at the seams."
Gus gave no response other than a quick glance at Shawn through the compartment window. "Gus? Can you say something? Anything?"
It was a moment before Gus spoke. His voice was rough from not speaking for so long. "I'm having a really hard time… dealing with anything right now. I'm trying to get over the fact that I watched a kid get killed right in front of me. I watched him die; I got covered in his blood. And you two act like it's no big deal. Like that kind of thing happens every day. Well, it doesn't. Not to me. I feel… nothing. At all. I sat there holding him and I couldn't feel anything. Joss." He finally met her eyes, though the desperate need for answers made her wish she hadn't. "What kind of monster does that make me?"
"Gus," she started before Shawn entered the compartment again.
He eyed them curiously, their linked hands and the guilt in Joss' expression. "We'll get there soon, only two more stops." He sat down in Joss' previous seat, attention solely on his phone. "If you two can stop holding hands long enough to change into some clothes that don't smell like blood, that'd be great."
Joss started to stand when she felt Gus grip her wrist. "Don't go." She started to object, feeling Shawn's glare on her back. "Just stay, for ten more minutes?"
And for what was about to happen, she felt she could at least give him this. She smiled gently and sat down, ignoring the clear anger on Shawn's face. If Gus could ignore it, she could too. After a while, she stood and pulled Gus along with her, two shirts in her hands. She changed and let Gus in after her, returning to her seat, alone.
"Shawn-"
He cut her off with a cold laugh. "Don't. You don't have to explain; I heard it all from outside. You know, you're not as secretive as you think. I just don't get what your intentions are. You convince me to stay with Gus but the fucking second I turn my back, you try to get him to leave me. What's your game?"
"I want to protect him. He's a good person, Shawn. I would've never done this if I had someone like him behind me. I understand what you did." She conceded, listening for Gus' return. Shawn responded with another laugh. "But I don't condone it. I think you're a selfish asshole and you took him because you were afraid of dying alone."
"I'm not-" Shawn started to object.
"But now that you've seen what this will do to him, you want to take it back. They knew he was here and they'll use him to get to you." She sat back, her dark hair covering her expression. And even in his anger, Shawn couldn't deny her beauty. "I needed you to get him on this train. And at this point, he won't keep going without you."
Shawn nodded, curiously. "Probably not."
Joss leaned forward, her eyes glinting with confidence. "But know this, the second I can, I will use everything I can to get him away from you. I won't let you destroy him." She sat back again and lowered her voice as Gus started back to their compartment. "No more than you already have."
As Gus at down again, she gripped his hand firmly in hers. Their hands stayed that way just as Shawn's body remained tense. And after Gus had fallen asleep, Shawn matched Joss' possessive gaze for the rest of the trip.
Shawn's new cover didn't account for them to be roommates. He'd scored two apartments across from each other; a two bedroom and a one bedroom. Joss was supposed to act as Shawn's sister and Gus would live across the hall in the one bedroom. Somehow, Shawn ended up in the one bedroom, alone and Gus and Joss settled in the two bedroom. Shawn would've argued had it not been for Gus' insistence that he live with her.
They still hadn't said a word to each other since that night. Joss had gone inside to scan the apartment for bugs, leaving Gus outside on the steps. Shawn sat down next to him, glancing at him from time to time.
He was reminded of the Saturday they'd spent inside the house. They had planned to spend that day training outside but a surprise thunderstorm had interrupted. Shawn had been shifting closer and closer to Gus on the couch until he ended up pressed against Gus' hip. He didn't remember what his plan had been; if he'd intended to push for more from their relationship or if he'd just wanted to feel that close to Gus again. Whatever his plan had been, he'd felt content just being there with Gus without the stress of posturing at the risk that anyone was watching. That was the day he'd fallen asleep to the sounds of The Justice League and the feel of Gus' fingers running through his hair.
Eventually, Gus spoke. "Shawn, I don't hate you."
"I know you don't. But I'm not your favorite person right now and I get that." Shawn admitted.
"You scared me that night and now I don't know how to be around you anymore." Gus explained.
Shawn nodded and buried his face in Gus' shoulder. He breathed in the scent of vanilla and wished things hadn't turned out the way they had. "I'm sorry. It's probably best that we don't live together right now."
"Probably."
"Yeah."
They sat there alone on the steps for half an hour before Shawn stood up. "I have to take care of some business." He grinned and turned back to Gus. "It was nice meeting you, Gus."
"You too, Shawn."