Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice belongs to Tachibana Higuchi.
A/N: Sorry for taking long to update again. Had been busy with translating GA and other stuff, and then there's school. Ugh. Anyway, here ya go. :) More twists in the story, all for you dear readers.
Thank you for everyone who had reviewed/favorited the story. You guys rock \m/
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
UNFINISHED
ONE YEAR LATER…
Natsume watched the snow outside as it began to fall silently, flake by flake mesmerizingly being illuminated by the sunlight, creating an illusion of falling crystals. It was nearly the end of winter, and according to the weather forecast, today will be the last day it will snow around the outskirts of the Tokyo area.
'How boring,' he thought, peering at the female science teacher who had large eyeglasses, and was discussing the guidelines of creating an investigatory project for their final presentation.
Natsume had entered Chiba Prefectural Funabashi High School this year's spring as a first year high school student. After his quick recovery from the memory shock, he had taken intensive home-tutoring for the remainder of the school year as preparation for the high school placement exam. At first, he had difficulties remembering everything he was taught academically before, because of the 'neurological operation' that he had—which, according to the doctors, had badly damaged his memory. Although after three months of coping up, Natsume had managed to catch up very well to his studies, and was able to pass the placement exam with flying colors. From there, everything had been smooth for him in school.
After the teacher declared their early dismissal for research purposes, Natsume sighed as he scanned the classroom right after the teacher left—girls gossiping, men bragging about what-not or either talking about sports and stuff, couples starting to talk where to go for a date—which all in all hit an annoyed nerve in him. He didn't have anything against his classmates, but they were too childish for his liking, that's why he didn't dare to mix himself in their circles.
He jammed all his textbooks inside his bag and prepared to leave for home. He decided to postpone all troublesome assignments for the weekend—since he wasn't in the mood to do anything at all lately.
'Might as well just read manga,' he remarked, thinking about stopping by the nearby bookstore to get the new releases of the shounen stuff he was interested in.
No one paid attention to him as he walked out of the room, heading for the exit of the school. He lazily changed shoes in front of his locker, put on his winter coat, stuffed some of his things for tomorrow, and slowly walked towards the gates. He squinted as some flakes of snow fell on his eyelashes and nose.
As Natsume strode towards the direction of the closest bookstore in the area, he couldn't help but dwell on the numerous things that still left him perplexed.
Ranking first among them all, is the absence of his memories of the past. If he was just stupid enough to even consider magic—such as something that could erase one's memory, he would believe that his memories were removed. He didn't believe at all that he had a neurological operation. Sure he had some little scars of cuts in his head, however, they weren't large enough to even prove that he underwent some surgery. And what he couldn't understand at all was the lessening of the instances of his brain freezes when he tries to remember something. He still couldn't forget how painful it had been before—but now, even if he tried so much as to remember, he couldn't. It was blank. Nothing. No more of those flashbacks, so no more of the pain that came along with it.
He wasn't masochistic or what—it was just he didn't care at all if he felt pain…as long as he remembered something. Just anything will do. He didn't like the feeling of being in the dark about his own self. He actually felt like a living dead.
Another snow flake caught in his lash, making him automatically close his eyes—the cold wet of the flake entering his left eye. However, instead of the startling cold of the melted snow flake entering his eye, a short flash fleeted across the darkness of his vision—freezing his whole system in an instant. The same memory.
The brunette.
As a sharp tinge of pain slashed through his head, Natsume felt himself stagger to the ground, kneeling on the snow-cold floor with his leg propped up. As usual, the same thing happens.
He didn't remember anything…except the face of the brunette he saw when he woke up inside the Alice Academy infirmary that day. He kept having these short instances of flashbacks, but it was always accompanied with an inexplicable pain—always rendering him weak.
He didn't understand why her, but he knew she was the key. The key to his lost memories.
"Nii-chan!" a familiar girly voice came from somewhere behind him, interrupting his concentration to remember more of the brunette.
Natsume heard the sound of snow crushing under the soles of the owner of the voice, and soon after, he felt gloved hands touch his arm and urge him to stand up. He managed to get up with the help of that someone…whom he knew was Aoi.
"Nii-chan, are you alright? What happened?" Aoi asked, clearly in panic. His sister urged him to walk towards a bench nearby a vending machine, carefully letting him sit.
He tried to ignore the memory of the brunette for the meantime, not wanting to worry Aoi. With great struggle, he slowly opened his eyes and focused his vision at the hands of his sister still holding his arms.
"Nii-chan, did you try to remember again?" the young Hyuuga asked, prompting him to answer her.
Ranking two from his list of perplexities, was this. Aoi's actions.
"Yeah," answered Natsume, massaging his temples. He cursed the reason of his lost memories for making him feel the anticipated pain once more.
Ever since Natsume had been discharged from the hospital, Aoi had been always on guard—always observing him, especially if he tried to remember. What puzzled him the most was…how she could always find out at the same time and the same place when he tries to remember. At first he tried to consider that it was coincidence, however after several similar incidents, he proved that Aoi really knew whenever and wherever he did try to remember. He had tried asking her about how she does that, but she would never tell him the truth—always answering in stupid remarks such as 'sibling connection' or whatever.
"Nii-chan…" Aoi grumbled, squeezing his gloveless hands tight. "Please…I told you, don't try to remember anymore. You would only endanger your life. Just…try to be happy with what you have right now, and leave the past be," she pleaded, looking straight into her brother's crimson orbs.
Not wanting to argue for the nth time, Natsume just averted his eyes and grabbed his hands from Aoi's grasp. Feeling a lot better than just awhile ago, he stood up and sighed.
"Aoi…Without even a tad bit of the memories of the past, I am empty," Natsume said meaningfully, his eyes focused at the falling snow. He thought of the brunette once more, and he felt his heart clench involuntarily.
I need her.
'Only she could fill this emptiness I have in me.'
'The answer to the secret of my lost memories.'
'Mi—"
***
"—kan!" A familiar male voice coming from behind made her stop on her tracks. She was currently on her way to class, and was at the entrance of the High School Building of Alice Academy as of the moment.
Mikan turned around to meet the olive orbs she was expecting. She wordlessly waited for Youichi to catch up to her. As soon as the gray-haired guy reached a couple of steps away from her, she faced back to the building's entrance and walked on.
"Hey!" Youichi called out from behind, hastening his strides so he could walk alongside her. Mikan just peered at him and then shrugged, while she continued to walk on.
The two silently walked together through the hushed corridors of the building. It was 10 minutes before the start of classes, but since it was freezing cold to stay outside the classrooms, everyone was already inside around this time. Mikan closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the cold late-winter breeze entered through the huge windows of the High School Building.
HS-Class 1B. Mikan stopped in front of the classroom and carelessly opened the door. Her lifeless hazel orbs met a dozen pairs of eyes—the owners falling silent as Mikan averted her eyes and wordlessly walked towards her seat at the farthest back of the room. Not paying attention to the worried stares from the familiar faces of her classmates, she slouched on her seat and hung her school bag and coat on the side of the desk.
This was the way it was for the past year.
During the last year of middle school, one morning, Mikan entered the classroom—with lifeless eyes, blank stare, her usual bright smile absent from her face, her usual sunny 'Good morning!' not said. That time, Mikan just came in and walked directly to her seat—not bothering to talk to anyone, not even Hotaru.
And the next thing she did shocked everyone.
As soon as she arrived in front of her seat, standing…she gazed blankly at the seat next to hers. It was Natsume's. Still staring, she placed her right hand on the table and clutched something from her Alice Stone necklace. Her classmates' eyes widened in surprised as Natsume's desk and chair instantly turned black and crumbled into dark ashes. Mikan, sending a last mournful look at the ashes, faced forward to meet the surprised faces of her classmates, her eyes sending a message.
That moment, everyone knew right away. Natsume and Mikan were over.
And the Mikan they all knew before was gone.
Since then, she never approached the gang, and was clearly avoiding everyone. At first, everyone understood that she was not yet ready to be asked about what happened, but as time passed by, they realized that Mikan was intending to shut herself out from everyone.
Not able to take it anymore, especially Hotaru and Ruka, one day, they and her usual group of friends approached her and tried to talk her out of it.
"Mikan-chan…" Anna nervously called out, as Mikan was currently sleeping with her head on the desk. Startled, Mikan sat up straight and looked at everyone around her with an expression bordering between irritation and impatience.
"Yes?"
Her cold demeanor striking an annoyed nerve within Sumire, the girl slammed her hand on the table. "What the hell, Sakura! Snap out of this act of yours and return back to your usual self!"
Mikan furrowed her brows. "That Mikan you know…is gone. So leave me be."
Hotaru reached out for Mikan's hand and gripped it tight. "Baka. Tell us. Tell us what happened, and we will help you with it."
Ruka, Yuu, Koko, and the others nodded in agreement. They waited in anticipation as the lifeless eyes of Mikan showed a tiny hint of emotion. However, their hope died down when that emotion faded quickly from her hazel orbs and when she spoke the next words.
"There's nothing you…nor I…can do."
Ruka softly protested. "Sakura…"
"Just leave me alone," Mikan said in a firm voice, sending an unfamiliar wave of anxiety to everyone around her.
Hotaru tried once more, her usual stoic expression crumbling a little bit. She was still blaming herself for not being around Mikan during the week before she became like this. Her conscience kept on screaming that she should've just stayed with her. "We're friends…right? Trust us, confide in us, and we'll do our best to help you."
The gang expected Mikan's cold façade to break from the inventor's meaningful words, but what happened next was so unexpected that they were left stunned.
Mikan abruptly stood and slammed her fist on the table, glaring hard at her 'friends'.
"I told you there's nothing you can do, so go away!"
Nonoko instinctively reached out and called, "Mikan-chan…"
The brunette shrieked, "Go away!" once more, grabbed her things and turned her back from them.
No one had the strength to speak afterwards.
After that day, Mikan didn't go to class for almost a month. Hotaru and the others learned that she requested Demi of the Dangerous Ability class to give her all missions she could take, on the condition that she didn't have to go to class. As much as the inventor wanted her best friend to open up to her, she knew that Mikan was too deeply hurt to even listen to what everyone says. So she decided to leave her alone, let time recover the pain she was in…until she was ready to come back to 'life' again. Hotaru vowed that she will continue to look out for Mikan despite the barrier that the brunette created between them. She sent a message to Mikan through her turtle inventions, saying that they would leave her alone until she recovers, and that she hoped Mikan would stop taking an overload of missions and return to class. And Mikan did.
That was how it was for the past year.
Except for one thing. Youichi Hijiri.
During the time when Mikan's unusual behaviour started, Youichi had been absent due to the need for examinations about the complications of his Age Changing Alice, and when he returned, it was around the time when Mikan had skipped classes and took missions instead. Soon after, Youichi stopped going to classes too, and when Mikan returned to classes, Youichi was with her. Though no one spoke it aloud, everyone knew that if there was one who had penetrated Mikan's barrier—it was Youichi.
Youichi proceeded to his desk situated at the back of Mikan's. The space beside the brunette's desk was still empty—no one dared to put a new desk there and sit. He spared a glance at Mikan who was staring at the flakes of snow outside being illuminated by the sunlight. He didn't deny when his heart clenched at the sight of her mournful face—at the thought that she was still lost because of Natsume.
Mikan closed her eyes, trying to suppress the tears that threatened to flow out from her eyes, as Natsume's face fleeted across her mind. It was exactly one year since she visited Natsume at the hospital and officially gave up on him.
Yet—
I need him.
'Only he could fill this emptiness I have in me.'
'The answer to my lost self.'
***
"Hijiri."
Youichi, knowing very well who it was, didn't bother to sit up from his current position—lying down on the cold floor of the rooftop, with only a thick sheet of blanket protecting his body from the chill. After Natsume left, the rooftop of the High School Building had been his favorite place—and eventually, to his delight, became Mikan's past time place too.
He had been expecting the brunette, but instead, she came.
"Hotaru-nee, Mikan will be coming soon," Youichi bluntly stated, implying that with the circumstances between the inventor and the brunette, meeting alone like this would be bad.
"I don't care," Hotaru answered, walking closer to where he lied down. The cropped raven-haired girl dropped her bag to the floor and leaned on the railings of the rooftop, crossing her arms in front of her.
The spirit manipulator huffed an exasperated sigh and sat up, meeting the hard, cold glare of his Hotaru-nee. Despite being the same age now as her, he still felt that she was someone 'older' than him—making him unable to drop the suffix 'nee' when it comes to her.
"Spit it out now," Hotaru ordered, her amethyst eyes scrutinizing him. It would have scared any other student, but the gray-haired lad was used to it by now.
This wasn't the first time the inventor had confronted him like this. She wanted to know what happened between Mikan and Natsume.
"I told you…I don't know," Youichi said, speaking the half-truth. Mikan hadn't told him clearly what exactly happened after those two days she had shut herself inside Mr. Bear's house, but because of the premonition talk they had before the events took place…he had a fair idea what had happened between her and his favorite onii-chan.
Hotaru softly sighed, though her usual stoic expression didn't change. Youichi sat still, knowing that there was no point to the conversation. He was eager to see the inventor give up and just walk away. Though her next words almost choked him.
"I know you like the idiot. Listen, I know that you don't like seeing her so lifeless like that…and I don't like it either. So tell me whatever you know already, and let's help her together" Hotaru frankly said, her tone bordering between exasperation and impatience.
Hotaru's first sentence made Youichi stand up. "I don't know anything, and I don't—" he started, trying to deny the embarrassment, when another voice came from behind them.
"Youichi. Hotaru," Mikan spoke, acknowledging them both, making them spin around to meet her gaze.
The inventor was about to say something when Ruka came from behind Mikan. Her brows furrowed in perplexity.
"M-Mikan said…she's going to tell us what actually happened," Ruka explained, meeting his girlfriend's questioning orbs.
Youichi and Hotaru simultaneously turned to look at the brunette, who in turn curtly nodded. Ruka walked towards where his girlfriend was standing and took his place beside her. Mikan motioned the three to sit down on the blanket where Youichi was lying down on before. She then sat beside Youichi, casually rubbing her hands together to ease the cold.
After a cool, chilly breeze blew by, Mikan closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, and exhaled it slowly. She looked at the three people who waited in anticipation for what she was about to say. Before doing so, she smiled…bitterly, her eyes forlorn with sadness.
"Exactly one year ago…I decided to let Natsume—" her voice broke, but she continued, "—go on and live his normal life…without me."
A mixture of emotions registered on the faces of her friends. No one was able to talk.
"And I intend…to keep it that way," Mikan continued, her expression showing deep sorrow.
Youichi reached for her hand and gripped it tight, sending a meaningful look at her. Ruka grumbled her name, while Hotaru spoke the inevitable question.
Mikan is clearly still in love with Natsume…yet—
"Why?" the inventor softly asked her best friend, who had her eyes closed. Hotaru guessed that the brunette was preventing her tears from falling. She felt an unexplainable gush of sadness for her best friend just by looking at her.
"Because…" Mikan started, opening her eyes, letting two or three bullets of tears escape from her hazel orbs.
From there, she explained in detail what happened between her and Natsume, and why it had come to this.
***
Screws, metal boards, magnets, electric wires all came crashing down to the floor.
Hotaru stared blankly at the ruined robot frame she had been working on for past an hour. She let out a low curse and bent over to pick up the materials, when someone from behind her silently gathered the pieces for her. The inventor looked at the blonde guy appreciatively and wordlessly walked away from her working table towards the only window in her laboratory—casually peering at the darkness outside.
After Mikan's confession of what happened between her and Natsume, Hotaru had been like this—her usual calculative and careful demeanor all gone.
When Ruka finished rearranging the materials on top of his girlfriend's working table, he cast a weary glance at her, struggling to speak.
"H-Hotaru, what's the matter?"
The inventor returned an irritated glance at the animal pheromone wielder, making his breathing come to a quick halt. "W-what…?"
The blonde swallowed nervously and continued, "You seem not yourself. Are you…worried about Mikan going to missions tonight, or is there something—"
She wearily squirmed from where she was standing and at that moment he was expecting her to shoot him or just shrug him off, but he saw Hotaru place a hand on her face and sighed frustratingly.
"I…did something," she started, her voice quite nervous.
Ruka, alarmed, quickly approached her. "What? What do you mean?"
She crossed her arms and stared at the falling snow outside. She didn't know she would miscalculate gravely like this.
"Hotaru?" he asked once more, anxious by her silence.
She sighed as she started. "Before Hyuuga took the extraction, I gave him a box of his and Mikan's pictures—something I thought would be good to trigger his memory after."
"The memory box? But Mikan said she ordered Aoi to dispose of the box—"
Hotaru met Ruka's cerulean orbs. "Yes. But I did…something else. I wanted to make sure that the jerk wouldn't forget about Mikan, lest the box be lost or what," she sighed wearily then continued. "So I created a device—I installed a projector video on the one thing I'm sure he wouldn't take off—and that video, like the memory box, will definitely trigger his memories as well."
"W-where did you install it?" he asked, getting a bit jittery at the revelation. If Natsume remembers, he will break, according to Mikan's premonitions. He didn't want that to happen too.
"His controlling device earring. It was given to me for deactivation a week before the extraction issue came up, and Hyuuga said he wanted it, so I took the chance to install it there."
A deafening silence came between them.
"S-so… what should we do?" Ruka asked in a tiny voice, knowing that it would piss her off. But he wanted to do something. He couldn't let his best friend be in danger.
Hotaru walked past him, bumping him on the shoulder quite hard. She strode towards the door of her lab, grabbing her coat along the way. Ruka silently followed her, not knowing where she was going but he was intent to go with her.
"Maybe Mikan's uncle could help us," she muttered, grabbing Ruka's coat and tossing it to him. She gave him a warning stare as she turned the doorknob. "At any rate, don't tell Mikan about—"
Hotaru's entire system halted when her amethyst eyes met hazel ones as soon as she opened the door. Mikan was there—standing still, staring blankly at her, tears flowing freely from her orbs.
"S-Sakura…" Ruka managed to murmur her name, alarmed by the realization that she heard.
Mikan heard everything about the projector video and Natsume being in danger of breaking… once again.
Hotaru was about to say something when the brunette quickly turned her back on the couple and ran away as fast as she could.
She thought it was over. That her nightmares were over.
But no.
A/N: I'm getting the hang of ending with cliffys :p I always write like that before, and as much as I tried to remedy it, it's coming back . Anyway, bear with me :)
By the way, for everyone who had been reading my (and my partner's) GA scanlations up on MangaFox, I hope you could enter the Tachibana Higuchi fan letter project I'm hosting before the deadline, Nov 30. Details are there. :)
Now, could you please push that green button? :D
Yours,
bEhiND_tHY_cRiMsoN_eYEs (GA scanlating penname)
bAritUde no kOkorO (FFN penname)