Omake Files - The Fifth Man

-- Previously:

Unknown Date + 1 day: Engineering, Starship enterprise - Unknown Location, - 5 LY's to Earth.
"I cannae fix it Cap'n." the scottish engineer grumbled. "'well, work a miracle scotty. We need the transporters online 2 hours ago.'" the engineer mimicked in frustration, as he poked his head into an angled holein the wall, where he proceeded to mess with the gibbins. "Lousy reputation." he grumbled more.

"Scotty." A chipper and amused captain greeted loudly as Scotty pulled his head away. Scotty jumped in fright and banged his head for his trouble.

"Damnit sir, donnae do tha'."

"Do what?" the captain asked around a full blown knowing and amused grin.

"Never mind. What cannae do fer yeh Cap'n?" Scotty asked, expectantly.

"What, I can't come down to engineering just to see my old buddy scotty?" Jim asked, faking being insulted.

"Sir, 'member who yer speakin' ter. I cannae think of'a single time ye came 'ere justa see me. And you'no why? Cause, ye've never come 'ere to just see me."

"Right. fine. You heard about our... hitchhiker?"

"Yeah."

"He claims' he's from scotland. think you could check that out for me?"

"So ye did come'ere for sumthin."

Jim held up his hands in mock surrender. "You caught me red-handed."

"Yeah yeah, ya gold-shirt. i'll be a minute. Justa' gotta finish that miracle you wanted yesterday."

"right. ETA on that?"

"5 hours tops."

"then I'll expect it done in 2."

Scotty waited till he was gone before he sighed and frustratingly grumbled about his own decision to go for a "miracle worker" thing.

--

Unknown Date + 3 days: Mess hall, Starship Enterprise
Harry sighed as he looked at what passed for meat on this ship. He looked at the Scottish Engineer curiously and asked, "Do this ships' cooks even know what real bacon looks like?"

Scotty shook his head. "Dont question. Tha cooks are mighty bit sens'tive o'er their cookin'."

Harry sighed again, as he took a second to understand what the guy had said. his scottish accent was a tad bit strong. In the same way that Hagrid used to be a tad bit taller than him when he was a baby. Not even the hogsmeade villagers - who were genuine scots with the genuine accent - had accents this strong. almost like the guy was faking it.

He sighed again once he did understand what was said.

"So run it by me again... Parallel what?"

"Realities."

"Riiight..."

"Say, that red-head girlfriend o' yours, tell me, how hot is she really?" scotty asked.

As soon as he realised what was asked, he sighed again. The parallel realities and the "Harry Potter series by JK Rowling" had been explained to him and he really hated it.

"I have no girlfriend. Seriously, why would i want to go out with someone in the middle of a war?"

"Wha? Ya still from the war? but i thought-"

"Yeah. A war. a real war, not the crappy one written into those things you called books. Wars were of the 40-odd kids in my school year, half are already dead just from 4 months of fighting."

"What?"

"Yeah. i was getting ready to go back to Hogwarts for my 6th year when the git struck. Took out a quarter of the kids aswell as kings cross. The rest fled into muggle london or apparated away if they could. That was 4 months ago."

Scotty frowned at that. "tha' neva 'appen' in the books."

"No. nor did that sonofabitch have draco malfoy try to kill dumbledore. And dumbledore isn't such a bloody evil ravenclaw as he appears in those books."

"what? he aint evil."

"No? why would he send hagrid to both pick me up then pick up the stone? why would he have the mirror in an open classroom, sure that i, with the cloak, would find it? and lets not forget the fact that a proper defence wouldnt let anyone past the first hurdle, nevermind all of them for an untrained wizard like i was at the time according to that book."

"according to that book?"

"I wasn't as lazy as in that book. Snape was more of a bastard though, and after the first 3 lessons, Neville was banned by his grandmother from ever attending any potions lesson given by the git. Although Neville never did make a weapon of mass destruction out of... boil-remover potions and what not. atleast, not on purpose. Man, just last week he used his 'special formula' to blow up a death eater hide-out."

Harry continued to list various difference (sometimes overstating some for dramatic effect, like neville's potion - it didnt destroy anything, but injured those death eaters) and the sounds-fake-scot listened with rapt fascination.

Harry sighed though when he spotted what was different about this enterprise from what he had heard from Trekkies about - he had only made the connection the previous day, having never watched the show nor learned much about it. what he did know was different from the experience, as scotty's books were different from his experiences.

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