Two entries in a chappie today! Aren't I nice? :) R&R ,folks
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Dear Diary,
I am still in the process of planning tortures for Legolas, and Celeborn has even agreed to assist me. I thought I heard him mumble something about dying hair green, but I don't think Thranduillion is smart enough to pull off something like that, much less on someone like Celeborn, unless I misunderstood. In other news, I have decided to get Legolas drunk and dress him up in one of Galadriel's gowns. (Gowns courtesy of Celeborn) Then I may even enlist Haldir into helping me put apply makeup, style hair, take pictures, etc. He always enjoys a good joke(Haldir, not Legolas). I would've gotten Poopie to help, but he's still mad about the bird crap fiasco, and I don't trust him to keep his mouth shut. Knowing him, he would tattle, just to spite me.
I have also decided to pluck my eyebrows. Now, before anyone freaks, I do have reasons for this very important, life-changing decision. You see, the other day, I saw Galadriel doing hers in front of a mirror(Don't ask what I was doing in her room), and I realized she has very attractive eyebrows. Then the thought came to me : Wouldn't I look terribly hot with new and improved eyebrows? If well-plucked bits of hair on the forehead can make someone like Galadriel seem attractive, what wonders could they work on a stud like me? Soooo, Orophin 2.0 will make his fantastic debut at dinner tomorrow, at the home of the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood. Be sure to reserve your tickets, darlings, and don't spill the secret. Won't Legolas, with his stupid gorilla eyebrows be soooo jealous? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anyways, I got my socks back from Poopie today, who insists on me calling him by his given name, which I will not do. I told him that if he didn't want to be the only one with a nickname(he always jumped on the bandwagon as a child) then I would go by one just to make him feel better. Then he ungratefully refused to call me Lord Hotpants! I hope he goes bald one day.
This morning I asked Haldir if I could use his bow for practice today and he said something along the lines of "For what?" So I answered "Shooting arrows, duh." Then he just snickered and shut the door in my face, leaving me completely dumbfounded. I still don't get it. What's so funny about firing arro-oh. He was referring to my joke about him and Legolas. Haha, that's pretty good, I'll have to use that one on Galadriel then laugh when she doesn't understand it like I do.
Dear Diary,
My face hurts now. Galadriel did understand my arrow joke like I do, and now I have bruises to match the ones from Haldir. And just when those were beginning to fade away, too.
Regarding other matters less important than the state of my face, three days until the stupid Mirkwood elves get here. Well, not counting today. I have stored away the dress-Legolas-as-a-girl idea in the vault that is my impressive mind, and have newer ideas. I don't know how long they're staying, so there should be plenty of time-for plenty of torture- I mean, no I'm an angel! I would never do anything to hurt, embarrass, humiliate, degenerate, cripple, maim, ridicule, violate, destroy, mock, deride, belittle, injure, upset, impair, or otherwise get Legolas grounded by his daddy. Soooo, I have the ideas of putting drugs in his food to make him embarrass himself, somehow arranging for the bird poop fiasco to be repeated on him, and many other amusing things.
The eyebrow unveiling did not go as planned. They are indeed gorgeous, but everyone made fun of me and called me the most rude words. Poopie said I was just like a woman in how much time I took to my appearance, but that is why I am so much more attractive than he. Haldir called me vain, and Galadriel accused me of being a copycat, while Celeborn just smirked, the traitor. I will get him back. But all in all, everyone got a good laugh out of making a complete fool of me, but two good things did come out of it. One: My eyebrows are drop-dead gorgeous and two: Galadriel finally gave me one of Celeborn's dinky cloaks with the bells and hearts. It's soooo good not to be left out! But the cloak does smell funny…
Well, after the whole eyebrows thing, I have now come up with an even better self-improvement technique. Not that I need any improving. I have been imagining myself as an opera singer for the last five hours! Wouldn't that be awesome!? I'll have to track down some lessons before Thranduillion gets here, so I can utterly wow him with my greatness.