Dear Diary,
I found someone willing to give me opera lessons, and thankfully, they are male, and straight. I fear that if my instructor had been a woman, she would have been too busy fawning over my hotness to teach me properly. My teacher is an elf named Feragith, and he has quite the talent in singing. I have decided not to tell anyone, but to wait until I am a master(a week should do it) and wow them at the most random opportunity. To celebrate my talent in such a profound art as opera, I wrote a song that I can sing.
Oh, Orophin the Hot
So hot hot hot hot hot
Hotter than a boiling pot
Hot hot hot hot hot!!!!
I believe I may also have extreme talent as a poet and songwriter. Maybe I can send this to Elrond and have everyone sing it in the Hall of Fire in Imladris.... I do think it unfair that not everyone in the world gets to enjoy my presence, but that song should serve to make them feel better about such a loss.
There was a spider in my room today, so I killed it with Haldir's bow. I hope he doesn't notice the gross, bloody carcass on one of his most prized possessions. If he does I'll say Poopie did it.
In honor of Thranduil and Legolas arriving, I've had the most wonderful idea. I will make myself even better, cooler, and hotter so as to make both as jealous as possible. It wouldn't hurt to make my brothers jealous either, or even Celeborn. In fact, I am still quite angry at him for laughing at my beautiful eyebrows.
I think I may go buy some scented candles tonight, just to set the mood when I exact revenge.
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Dear Diary,
The day after tomorrow, those stupid Mirkwood elves will arrive. I still need to prepare to make them all jealous. I still remember that one time I found Legolas' diary and, instead of showing anyone, changed all of the entries. I wonder if anyone ever found it and read about how sexy he thinks Elrond is…
I had a free day today, but Haldir and Poopie didn't, HA! So as soon as they left this morning, I pulled out Mother's old clothes and played dress up. I must say, I would make a much prettier girl than Galadriel. I even took pictures, but due to the nature of these photos, they will never be looked upon by eyes other than mine. Everything was put away in time for my brothers to get home, so the secret is safe. I just hope Haldir in particular never sees them, as there was one where I did a very provocative pose using his precious bow as a prop, just in case I model for PlayElf one day.
Haldir took the most huge dump this afternoon, and I could smell it all the way from my room, where I was minding my own business for once(AKA writing a book about myself). Poopie even commented on how awful it was and that's saying something.
I had the most wonderful idea of doing a karaoke night, which would be the perfect chance to show off my opera. I could even do it while Thranduil is here, if I'm feeling gracious enough to let him hear my beautiful voice. Even better, I could go right after Legolas, just to make the enormous difference between my talent and his croaking as obvious as possible.
I need to get some new clothes before they get here.