Dear Diary
Mission success! Well, sort of. I'm really put out with Haldir now, though. We managed to sneak into Galadriel's room and I wrote my name on the list. Because I'm a super awesome secret spy. Who's yummilicious! But then Galadriel walks out of her bathroom in the nude! How gross! Not that I'm gay or anything, I'm just... She was gross!
So Haldir, knowing that the situation would soon blow up, takes out his bow and shoots me! In the butt! I think I passed out, but all I know now is that my "Crack of Doom" hurts like crazy! Did Legolas pull the arrow out? Because he hates me, and would love to make my bum feel pain.
Haldir is a stupid meany-face turd-pants.
Dear Diary
The most interesting thing happened today. Galadriel was arguing with Celeborn in the middle of the road about the names on her list. Celeborn, the traitor, was saying that it was stupid to let me go, because he didn't want all of Rivendell to think everyone in Lorien acted like me. But then, Galadriel, not wanting to look like a pushover, said that if she put my name, there must have been a good reason at the time, whether she remembered it or not. Which, come to think of it, was quite mean.
So, to get back at Celeborn after his betrayals from the past week, I may use my insanely amazing people skills to get him and Legolas put into a compromising position. Imagine that, hitting Celeborn, Legolas, Thranduil, and Galadriel all in one! It will be the prank to end all pranks.
I also am negotiating with Poopie for the return of my fuzzy socks.
Dear Diary
I have decided on my super awesome plot of insane awesome epicness! It is called the "Super Awesome Plot of Insane Awesome Epicness"! What a beautiful name! It sounds like a cross between golden pancakes and the lovechild of Feanor and Elrond.
I am going to buy lots of naughty things, then I will drop them all onto a table. Both Legolas and Celeborn will get anonymous love notes telling them to go there. Then, I'll send notes to both Galadriel and Thranduil that say Celeborn has a secret meeting with a super secret lover. And, voila! Chaos and misunderstanding central!
Now, how shall I buy the naughty things without being suspected?