Dream A Little Dream
A clear, cloudless night was a rarity in Forks, Washington.
Running, chasing through the forest.
Laughter pumping through her veins as she sprinted as fast as she could into the open clearing. Grounding her feet into the dirt as she tried to the stop herself so suddenly.
Her gaze swept from one side to the other.
Not the same place. Not the same place.
Not the same feeling of emptiness. There are friends here now. So many who actually cared enough. Who cared enough to be there for her now.
Someone steps out into the clearing with her, their heartbeat calming down to a steady beat. His heart beats so strongly and will never stop. She tries to keep in time with it, to help her uneven heart move with his. She breathes in through her nose and out through a loud sigh, as he puts his arm around her shoulder to keep her together.
He was always trying to fix her. Sometimes...
Sometimes she would let him.
"Bells? You in there?" Jacob's voice seemed to boom as it broke her from her thoughts of this morning's dream. He was pretending to knock on her head like a door, of course.
Once she realized she was daydreaming (again), a smile crept slowly across her face.
Bella turned over to her side and propped herself up on her elbow, facing away from Jacob. She heard him sigh theatrically behind her, causing her smile to spread into a full-faced grin.
He grabbed her arm to try to move her back towards him, careful not to be too rough. Bella almost giggled when her arm didn't budge.
"One minute we're deep in an 'intellectually stimulating' conversation; the next, you're pretending to ignore me. Care to explain yourself?" he asked, his voice rugged in this early morning hour.
The sun was filtering through the tree limbs surrounding them, starting to roll itself over the treetops. She closed her eyes and kept the smile, feeling the warmth of the light staining her mouth, parts of her cheeks and her eyelids. Even when she was lying close to a werewolf, Bella was still feeling chilly. It was an abnormally cold day in September, especially given that it was only partly cloudy right now.
"Sorry, I was just listening to everything."
"Yeah. I'd be more than willing to bet that you were dreaming about me again," he replied. She whipped around to look at his smug face.
"Jake! You weren't supposed to bring that up again! Ever! God, I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth about that one. Ugh," she said as she sat up, hiding her face in her hands.
"That one? There's been-"
"Shut up! Just...just shut up! I- that's not what I meant! I mean-" she sputtered out, her face as pink as the sun that was coming up. Jacob laughed shaking his head at her.
"No need to get so worked up- I was just kidding, Bells. Calm down, okay?" Jacob patted her knee as she shot him a withering look. He pursed his lips together to prevent himself from grinning.
"So not funny, Jake. You know what I meant anyway."
He tugged on her hand and beckoned for her with his finger. With a slightly raised eyebrow, Bella scooted closer to him and leaned in.
His eyes seemed to change in expression. Going from crinkled and joking to narrowed and smoldering in a fraction of a second. They were pulling her into them, making her stare him down. And in the air, she could practically feel the tension between them, thrumming along in time with their own hearts. She wouldn't have been able to pull away from them, even if she wanted to.
And she most certainly did not want to.
He traced his hand delicately up her arm, cupping her shoulder and rubbing his thumb over her bone there.
"Don't worry. I'm completely flattered that you like to dream about me. I provoke certain feelings in others that they don't understand," he smiled.
Bella huffed as he burst out laughing.
"Yes, you are totally right. And that feeling is to kick you in the groin-region," she nodded seriously. There was no way that Jake could recover from that easily.
His eyes bugged out some as he held up his hands in defeat. He probably realized this thought as well. Smugly, she picked his hand off of her shoulder.
"Seriously though. If you want to dream about me...even if I'm just being goofy and not at all smooth with you...then that's cool too. I won't mind," Jacob tilted his head to one side, looking at her in the kind of way that made Bella feel powerless and powerful, all at the same time.
"Okay," was all that she could mumble, while trying to look at the way a few of the trees curled into each other. They were a few inches off from his ear and the side of his face. When she saw him still looking at her, her eyes went to a butterfly that was flying around them.
"It's not like I don't do the same."
Bella's eyes grew wide and became very focused on the dandelions and baby's breath that was growing in patches by her left hip.
She watched from the corner of her eye as Jacob's hand seemed to shakily snake across the ground and place itself over hers.
"I mean it, honey. It's like when you tell yourself not to think about...grapes. Yeah...you think you can do it but then next thing you know, you're thinking about the different colors of grapes, the texture of grapes...how to spell grapes, grape jelly, grape jam. Grape-flavored medicine. It's all you think about no matter what you try to do that has nothing to do with it. Imagine that, but not grapes. More like replace the grapes with 'Bella Swan' and there you go," he chuckled nervously- almost frantically.
Her heart felt like it weighed a ton, but was still able to somehow fly outside of her ribcage. She looked up at his face and he was still there, still looking like she was the most interesting thing around. As if he wasn't, or something.
"So you're telling me...that you dream about Bella Swan-flavored medicine?" She saw the genuine smile that she lived for, return.
"Well I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind...Kidding! Totally kidding about that!" he laughed when Bella play-punched his arm. "Please tell me you got more out of that than the medicine part?" Jacob pulled her hand back, intertwining his fingers with hers.
She nodded quietly, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
"I'm surprised you didn't already know that though..." he started, sighing contently as she squeezed his hand.
Bella knew that this moment had been building up for many months now. She was waiting for the exact moment when she would have to decide if she could be the girl that Jake deserved. Sure, he thought she was good enough for him...and he knew her better than anyone else ever had. But she had to make sure she was capable of being that person.
Someone who could open up and be happy. A person he could be proud to call his best friend and girlfriend (which was a pathetic label to begin with when referring to her's and his relationship.)
She took one more look at the meadow that she used to think was only for her and Edward. Today was the one-year mark of the day that he left her. Although Jacob didn't mention anything about it, she knew that he was aware of this as well.
This was the same place. But in the same moment, it wasn't. There was a peace here that she could really grab ahold of here, when with Jacob. Bella would never come here by herself- she didn't think she was quite ready for it yet. But eventually...she would be. And she'd do it.
"You know what we should do? We should have a huge party here, in the middle of this clearing. All the pack and their girlfriends. And friends, obviously. What do you think? Maybe this weekend, even?" Jacob picked up on her silence as he backed off from her and changed the subject quickly.
Bella couldn't help but smile at this. Even though he was trying to get her to admit what both of them knew but didn't want to say...he was going to let her do it at her own pace. He respected her secret wishes that she didn't even have to say out loud.
It's not everyday you come across someone like that, she thought as she laughed and agreed with him.
He stood up holding his hand out for her. She grabbed onto him for dear life as he ended up throwing her over his shoulder and started to run back the way they came. She screamed and laughed all at once, threatening him if he didn't put her down. Right this minute.
This. She wanted to enjoy this thrill and humor of their friends-only friendship. Just a little while longer.
But Bella wasn't going to stave off her feelings for Jacob much longer. She couldn't.
She wouldn't.