Author's Note: Sorry for being a week overdue, things are happening. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that there wont be another update until school is out. Main reason being exams, and getting all of my paperwork finished for the boarding school I'm transferring to next year, etc, etc. Busy ol' me. Anyway, I'm going to try and get one up a couple days after school is released, which is June 10, so be on the lookout! Thanks to all of my reviewers and silent stalkers, you guys keep me working!

Sorry, this chapter isn't beta-ed. All mistakes are my own. ^_^

Find me on twitter and LJ as kausingkayn.

"Us Against The World"

I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

– Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"

The man stood in the back of the room, staying out of sight and out of mind. He didn't even take a seat as everyone stood up to say their eulogies – nor had he walked up to the coffin during the viewing period. No one knew him, or cared enough to stop and chat. His face was set in a scowl that radiated negativity, even for a funeral. People moved around him as if he was invisible. No one dared to talk to him or even acknowledge him. He was a strange face among many, and everyone was too filled with their own grief to give him any notice.

No one saw the tear stains that soiled his fair skin, or the sleepless look of someone who had just spent long hours on a plane ride. The pain in his face was hidden by his sour look, and no one was willing to look deeper into his sadness.

He was the last through the line to read the cards that went with the flowers – he waited until everyone was finished to leaf through the books. It wouldn't have made a difference, anyway, since he owned every single one of them and had read them so many times that the spines were falling out of them.

No one noticed the single rose that he brought to the funeral. Nor did anyone say anything when he added it to the table where there were piles and piles of large bouquets, all bought from some florist at a last minute notice. His rose was the only flower that had any kind of feeling or emotion put into it.

Not that anyone noticed.

And that night, when Ianto's dead eyes skimmed over the guest book, his hands automatically writing down the names that he needed to send thank you cards to for the flowers or the kind words, he wouldn't even pause as his eyes skimmed over the sloppily written and beyond legible handwriting.

'John Hart.'

It was a Wednesday evening, and Ianto Jones was doing what any other young single man would be doing when he had the evening and next morning off and had his paycheck freshly deposited in his checking account – he went shopping.

It was purely need-based shopping, of course. Ianto wasn't one of the people who would buy something just for the hell of it – he needed a reason or an event or a purpose in mind. If he say a pair of shoes he could die for, he mentally went through his list of shoes and first asked himself whether or not his pair that closely resembled those awesome shoes in the window needed replaced. If not, he would sigh and move on. This evening was no different. The store was surprisingly quiet for a weekday and he was able to push the cart through the food isles without any trouble or having to keep a particularly sharp eye out for little children who tended to get stuck in the wheels.

He had his list, of course – typed up on his blackberry and written down, just in case he forgot. His handwriting was neat, little block letters that were perfectly align – he had used a ruler to draw the lines himself. Each item he needed was categorized due to price, area in the store, and necessity. If he hit his budget limit before reaching the end of the list, he would already have the immediate needs taken care of. Shopping wasn't just a chore; it was a laborious art form.

And so Ianto Jones pushed his buggy down the milk isle, stopping in front of the glass refrigerator. He pulled it out of the way so that another cart could make it past him, and scrutinized the pricing, expiration date, and health labels on each carton. He had been developing a slight muffin top, and needed to start watching what he was eating – he blamed it on Jack, the man was a bloody good cook as long as he wasn't touching a coffee machine. That was another story.

Ianto, finally achieving his goal of finding the most suitable half-gallon carton in the store, opened the fridge, his eyes shutting in defense as the cold air curled around his face. He opened his eyes and reached up with his free hand, grabbing the milk that had passed his difficult test. Then the door was shut, the milk placed in a strategic position in the cart, and the four letter word was marked off of both of Ianto's lists – one with pen, the other with his cursor.

His eyes skipped down to the next item as he mentally subtracted the price from his budget. Bread.

New mission firmly in his grasp, Ianto pulled his buggy back into the traffic lane of the isle and started to move toward his destination at a steady pace. He surpassed the bread that was stuffed in the plastic bags and stored on the shelves for who knows how long and headed straight for the fresh deli that took residence in the far corner of the grocery. There Ianto took a moment to intake the smells – fresh bread, sweet icing, the honey glaze that went on the freshly baked hams. He remained distracted for only as long as would be deemed necessary, and then once again focused on the task at hand. His eyes skillfully searched the rows as only a master could. Inches away from his desired goal, Ianto stopped short, caught off guard by an enemy lurking stealthily in the corner – muffins.

There they sat, looking as innocent as can be. They were in a small white box covered in a thin sheet of plastic wrap. There were only four of them, and they were medium shaped muffins. It was one of those mini variety boxes – blueberry, chocolate, lemon poppy seed, and cranberry. Ianto felt his mouth fill with saliva, and all he wanted to do was to pick up the box and take them home with him. He would eat the chocolate one, of course. He had a sweet tooth for all chocolaty items, especially dark. And the cranberry, because Ianto loved cranberry. He would leave the other two for Jack, maybe wrap them up nicely and take them to his work one day for a surprise. It would be nice, and entertaining to see Jack's eyes light up as he would gaze hungrily upon the pastries – kinda like Ianto was doing now.

He heard them calling to him, their little muffin voices swimming in his head. 'buy us Ianto. You know you want to.' He thought about it seriously for a few moments, even going as far as calculating what he would have to leave behind in the store in order to take the little pieces of heaven home with him. But then something even more captivating than the muffins caught Ianto's attention.

She was tall and beautiful with flawless chocolate skin and short hair and full lips. She had those eyes that told you she loved you and a walk that made her seem she was floating – at least, that's how Ianto perceived her. Lisa Halliet. Ianto's captivation lasted only until his addled mind told him that the last thing he wanted to do was talk to her. He made a move to hide too late, for her eyes had already zeroed in on him, and her face was already adapting that look of recognition. He couldn't run now – it would look too suspicious. Plus, he was frozen to the spot.

"Ianto?" She asked hesitantly, as if unable to believe it herself.

It took Ianto everything he had to just nod and give a closemouthed smile. He swallowed, and his tongue got stuck on the roof of his mouth. All the saliva that had massed due to the muffins had quickly found someplace more important to be, and when Ianto opened his mouth the words were muted by his shock. His hands squeezed the cart so hard that his fingers turned white – they were soon slipping from the bar, unable to maintain their tight grip due to the amount of perspiration coming from his pores. "L-lisa."

She gave a soft smile and slowed her cart to a stop inches away from his own. They stood there, looking at each other, neither of them able to make the next move. The silence, which was never comfortable, grew even more awkward as the seconds consciously ticked by. Ianto cleared his throat. Lisa shifted the weight on her feet.

"So." Lisa said finally, the first to break the silence. She had always been the first to disperse of an awkward situation. However, this time the tense atmosphere of the moment was not broken by spoken word. "It's nice to se you again."

Ianto would have laughed if he wasn't so focused on breathing and keeping his heart working. Instead, he managed a monosyllable response. "Yeah."

Another few unbearable seconds. One of them coughed – perhaps both. Ianto wasn't sure.

"You look good." Lisa said, and Ianto returned the compliment. The tension in the air was getting to a ridiculous level, something which both members of the party of two realized. "You live here, or just visiting?"

"Live here." Ianto mumbled. That was easy enough, two words, didn't require much thought. He could get through this without causing a mental breakdown or something humiliating and painful to resurface. "You?"

"Visiting – me and my fiancé needed some time away from everything. We're staying at a nearby bed and breakfast." She stated, her eyes conveniently finding someplace else to look when she said the word 'fiancé.' Ianto didn't blame her.

He nodded at her comment, and the silence once again fell into place. Ianto's heart was now beating so fast that he thought he would collapse at any moment. He was surprised he was even still standing up he felt so weak. He mentally asked why they had to meet, why this had to happen. He had moved two bloody hours away so that he wouldn't have to deal with awkward confrontations like this. It figures.

"Well, I've got to go." Lisa said at last, giving him a slightly bigger smile than her hello one. "It was nice to see you Ianto."

And then she was backing her buggy up and wheeling it with considerable grace to the next isle, where her form slowly disappeared. Ianto stayed frozen to the spot for a few moments later, unable to trust himself to move. He finally broke, leaning on the cart and he crumbled. He choked back the emotions that were threatening to spill over and left the store as fast as possible, paying for the little amount of groceries he had before taking shelter in his car. He had to sit in the parking lot for a good half hour until he was stable enough to trust himself to drive.

Meanwhile, the muffins sat on the shelf in the deli section, all but forgotten.

--xXx--

'Yan, wazup? Shift ovur – movie 2nite? –J'

'I no ur not work. –J'

'Did I do somethin? –J'

'Fine, no movie. Dinner mine? –J'

'Iaaaaaantooooooo. U thr? –J'

'Stop ignorin me. Seriously. –J'

'Really. Not funneh. –J'

'Ok, somthins wrong. Im comin ovur. –J'

Ianto's phone continued to vibrate, but he ignored it. He knew who it was, and Jack was the last person he felt like talking to at the moment. Ianto was curled up on his sofa, wrapped up in a blanket and wearing his pajamas, watching late night television, but not really paying attention. When he got home he had just crashed – put away his measly amount of groceries, took a zombie shower, changed, then just collapsed onto the couch.

He hadn't moved since.

His mind was bombarded with memories and feelings and guilt that he had buried so long ago. Things that he had never wanted to dig up again. He didn't cry, or sniff, or really show anything on the outside – there was no indication that he was having a full out breakdown other than his eerily blank stare that was directed to the television. He didn't even react when Jack's heavy pounding came at the door.

"I know you're in there Ianto! I hear the television!" Jack's voice came through the door, finally eliciting a reaction from Ianto.

"Go away Jack." Ianto's voice came out sounding dry and a little raw, it was foreign to his own ears. Everything seemed foreign at the moment – wrong. Nothing was right, nothing was working.

He heard a sigh and then there was the soft sound of scraping from the other side of the wall. Minutes past, and the annoying noise was getting to the point of driving Ianto mad. He was almost about to get up and yell at Jack when a click came from the door and the handle turned, opening up an entrance for the American to stroll through. And that he did, like he owned the place instead of like a man who had just picked the lock. He looked cross and had already opened his mouth to give Ianto a piece of his mind when he stopped, taking in the sight before him. The anger quickly turned to worry when he saw the state that Ianto was in.

"Yan, are you ok?" Jack asked softly, walking softly to the couch, sitting down on the edge.

"Just leave." Ianto said, not even looking at Jack, his voice monotonous and unfeeling. He closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. "Please."

But Jack was nothing if not stubborn, and he wasn't one to leave a person in such a state, especially one that he deeply cared about. Jack stood up, but he didn't leave like Ianto asked. Instead, he went into the kitchen. Uncomforting noises came from the small room, and Ianto hesitated a look. Even through the haze of confusion that he was going through at the moment, the Welshman couldn't stop the worry for the health of his coffee maker from budding to the top of his mind.

Jack returned several minutes later, but not with coffee. Sure, it was a steaming cup of dark liquid, but from the evidence of marshmallows and the scent of chocolate, it was hot chocolate and not the caffeinated beverage. Jack gave Ianto a small smile and sat the cup on the coffee table before relaxing into the sofa. He sat close to Ianto, positioning himself and his hands just so that if Ianto was inclined, he could easily reach Jack's hand or lean over and rest his head on his shoulder. This didn't go unnoticed.

And that was how they sat for a while; Ianto staring straight ahead, attempting to forget Jack, or at least channel his feelings into rage of the American breaking into his flat or ignoring his personal boundaries. But as hard as he tried, he was met with no avail. He couldn't get mad at Jack. In fact, the longer the silence stretched, the more Ianto wanted to talk about it. He never had anyone to talk to before, not really. No one other than Toshiko, that was, and he hadn't even discussed everything with her. But for some reason, Ianto didn't have that feeling when it came to Jack. He knew, deep down, he would understand.

So, after almost twenty minutes of complete silence – save for the almost muted chatter of the television, Ianto became to speak. "Her name was Lisa."

Jack perked up a bit as this, turning his head to meet Ianto's eyes. He nodded, and Ianto continued. "I – she was my first serious relationship; my first relationship, really. She asked me out."

Ianto paused, his hands coming out from under his blanket in order to run a hand through his ragged hair. He dug for courage to continue, and was surprised when it came easily. "We were together for a while. It was funny – when I realized that I spent more time watching guy's arses and crotches than my own girlfriend.

"I thought nothing of it, until this speaker came to our school. He talked about puberty and stuff and that was when I realized I wasn't reacting like I should have. All the guys wanted to talk about were girls, and I was more interested in watching them.

"So I told my mum and Tad. Lisa was there. I told them that I was gay – " Ianto's voice broke then, the tears finally spilling over. They were silent tears. His hand reached out and blinding grabbed for Jack's – the American quickly wrapped his digits around his. "I didn't realize then, how much I had hurt Lisa. How much I had hurt my parents. Tad kicked me out of the house, mum didn't do anything to stop it. I stayed at a friend's house – Tosh – but I didn't tell her everything. I became the outcast of the school, and Lisa was picked on to the point of transferring schools. I moved as soon as I graduated."

Ianto finished then, closing his eyes, squeezing Jack's hand tight, scared that he would feel him tug away, would look up to see a look of disgust or hatred on Jack's face. Scared that he would leave and never come back. The silence grew once again, stretching and twisting until Ianto couldn't take it anymore.

"John Hart." Jack finally said, and Ianto looked up in surprise, wiping his eyes with his free hand. He was shocked to see that Jack's eyes were also moistened with tears. "He was my best friend since day care. We'd raise cain, little hellions. It started with stealing crayons and went all the way to stealing cars. Man, we were the kings of the school.

"I was fifteen when I figured out that I liked John as more than a friend. I told my parents, and they were so great. They said they knew about me since I was nine, and was waiting for me to figure it out." Jack paused for a chuckle here, and Ianto couldn't help the streak of jealously that was coursing through him. He hadn't even had that.

"I didn't act on it, not for another year, at least. John went through girlfriends like the days of the week. I fooled around a little with a couple of them – nothing serious. I never was really into it anyway. We were up on the roof of his house, plotting a prank against this bitch of a teacher. John got off topic, talking about some chick he had just shagged. I was trying not to get jealous. He was so beautiful then, with the moon lighting up his face and his blonde curly hair looking like it was glowing. I couldn't help it. I kissed him." Jack stopped, and Ianto moved closer, leaning against Jack, squeezing his hand in a comforting way, hating himself for the jealously that had quickly dissipated.

Jack squeezed back. "He was disturbed, and ran off the roof right then. I was a mess. Didn't want to go to school, knowing that John would tell everyone. It was the best thing he had ever done for me, not telling anyone. He kept it a secret – probably because he was embarrassed. But our friendship was never the same. He wouldn't talk to me unless friends surrounded him. In public we were best buds, but there were no more nights on the roof. I graduated two years later – the worst two years of my life – and told my parents I was going to England for the summer to find myself. I never went back."

Ianto let out a shaky breath, and Jack laughed. It was a ragged laugh that was choked by tears and irony. "We're a fucking mess, aren't we."

Ianto gave a half-hearted attempt at a laugh. He thought that Jack was finished but he wasn't. The American took a breath, cleared his eyes, then started right back up. "My first real relationship was in Uni. His name was Scott. He was the perfect guy, but I was still young and stupid and screwed it up. I had someone who loved me and I knew that if I hadn't screwed up, we would have been together for life. But I went off and was stupid and he left me – he should have, I wasn't good enough. Not then."

Then Jack looked deep into Ianto's eyes, and the Welshman's breath was taken away. "I thought – that was it. I blew it. But then I walked into a coffee shop almost four years later and I met you."

Ianto kissed him. It was easy, he just hand to move a few inches; that was how close they were. He leaned forward and suddenly their lips were pressed together. But it wasn't a chaste kiss or even slightly passionate like their other kisses always were. This one was needy, desperate, wanting, full of lust and lots of other sinful thoughts. It was a kiss that elevated their heart rates and elicited moans.

Jack pulled away reluctantly, not missing the disappointment in Ianto's eyes. "Ianto…you…you sure?"

The Welshman nodded before crashing their lips back together. Jack fell backwards onto the couch with a groan, Ianto falling on top of him. Both parties felt the other's excitement, and Jack – with much more self-control that he though he had – pulled back once more. "Ianto, I don't want to rush you into anything you're going to regret in the morning."

"I won't regret this Jack. I promise." Ianto said huskily, panting slightly. "I – I'm in like with you, Jack, and I think, maybe, it could become love, and I want this…I need this right now. Please."

And Jack kissed him, because who was he to say no to that?

"Jack?" Ianto said into the kiss, and the American stopped once more.

"Hmm."

"Just, go slow, ok?" He asked, nervousness filling the Welshman's eyes.

Jack gave a soft smile and leaned up, giving Ianto a long, soft, drawn out kiss that slowly became more heated a lustful. "Anything."

Reviews are awesome. ^_^