Ch 9

I don't own Twilight, but I own an Edward doll that sparkles... yeah, because I'm that cool :)

Bet you were wondering if we'd ever get Bella's perspective... well your wish has been granted! Although, personally I like Edward's brain better.

BPOV

No, no this isn't happening. How could this be happening? How the hell did he find me? And it's been months... why the frick can't he just leave me be at this point. He has Victoria now. I've seen her Facebook page, covered in photos of them groping each other.. some I'm fairly certain happened when James and I were still together.

"Hello Izzy. Miss me?" Ugh, I always hated when he called me that. He'd say it was his special name for me and no one else could call me Izzy. Good – I'd rather stick my hand in a blender than hear that name. He smiled like I was his long lost love that had just been away for vacation. He may be able to fool all of his mindless drones but I know the real James. I winced and tried to shut out the images of his attacks.

"James? You're need to leave my property before I call the police." Edward, always my hero, but he can't fight this battle. James won't leave until he has his say. That and I really don't want those two in the same place for any length of time. My head knows that Edward's strong and can probably defend himself but my heart breaks at the thought of him ever being hurt by that monster.

"I just need to speak to my Izzy for a few minutes. Tell him honey." I can't believe I'm letting him talk to me like this, but I know it's useless to resist. But he won't get what he wants in the end. I'm never go back with him, never again.

Edward looked at me expectantly, probably expecting me to refuse James and tell him to beat the crap out of him. I could see his fists tightening at they hung by his sides, his knuckles turning white with pent up rage. This is not going to be easy.

Slowly I handed Edward the cat carrier I'd been clutching with a death grip. "Take the cat inside, Edward. I'll just be a few minutes." I looked into his eyes, filled with confusion, then fear.

"No, Bella – don't do this!" He was so close, leaning down to whisper in my ear. I could feel his warm breath fanning over my neck and it was all I could do not to melt in his arms. This beautiful man has a power over me, and unlike James he'd never use it for evil.

"Edward," I whispered back, "please let me do this, give me fifteen minutes, that's all I ask. I need to take care of this myself." I leaned back so I could look in his eyes again, hopefully conveying strength and confidence. Apparently it worked because he huffed and stomped off to the door.

Looking over his shoulder, Edward shouted back at James, "If you fucking touch her you will pay, asshole!" Ugh, that's not going to help things. Of course, I'm sure James also say my reaction to Edward being close before. He'll use it to his advantage. We just turned this into an even better game to him.

"It's been a long time, Iz. It's time to come home."

"You have Victoria. Why are you even here? You were never happy with me. Why can't you just face it. We're over. My home is here..." God I almost had to bite my tongue to keep myself from adding 'with Edward.'

"No baby, Victoria's just another crackwhore. She doesn't mean shit to me. It was always you." While saying this he started stroking my arms. I could feel the nausea rising and each stroke fueled the fire of rage.

"Get it through your thick skull, James! I'm not now or EVER going anywhere with your sorry ass!" Holy shit I've never talked to him like that. It feels so good but I know what's coming. I could feel every muscle tense, ready for him to strike.

The hands that had been lightly touching me encircled my upper arms, crushing me in their grip. The pain seared through my arms. I bit my lip to keep from screaming, locked my knees to keep myself standing. Auto pilot kicked in, must preserve, protect. It was an instinct I picked up quickly in James' presence and apparently haven't lost. If he sees weakness it will be so much worse.

"No YOU listen, you worthless piece of shit." He was so close, only inches from my face, whispering probably so Edward doesn't hear him. Fuck he caught my eyes wandering to the door. "You think lover boy's going to save you? Does he know how you used to work for me? Think he'd touch your skanky ass with a ten foot pole if he knew where it had been? See all you have to do is come quietly with me now and pretty boy can go live in peace with his mangy cat." His face softened but his grip remained just as strong as I watched him visibly shift gears when a low keen escaped my mouth. I was trying so hard to hold back the screams it was all I could do to keep from biting my bottom lip off from the fire burning beneath my skin where he clutched my arms.

"Shh.. baby. You know I don't want to hurt you. Why do you have to push me like this? I love you, Iz. It's you and me, forever, you know that. Remember that time you sprained your ankle at the Brighton Beach party? And I took care of you the whole day. I got you all set up, remember? That was a good day." Oh I remember, 'all set up' meant shoving ecstasy pills down my throat until I was too fucked up to remember my name let alone that I was in pain. "And the New Years eve party at the loft in Astoria. You were having a hard night so I brought you to Kate's room and we made love and then I made you breakfast in bed." The 'hard night' he was referring to was due to the acid he gave me which was 'accidentally' twenty times stronger than anything I'd ever tried before. I saw God... no, not what you're thinking, it didn't have anything to do with the sex. If anything I was completely unaware the sex even happened. I was too busy finding out from God, who looked a lot like Alf by the way, that I was dating a worthless shmuck and my soul was dying. Guess it didn't really take psychadelic transcendence or a conversation with Alf God to figure that one out. By the time I came back to earth I had a banana shoved in my face by a post-coital James. Not a pleasant image to remember.

"James, please." I had to try to reach him while he was in this calm 'memory lane' mode or else I'd be outta luck. "What we had is over now, we've both moved on. Just please, leave me alone." Crap, that didn't work. I could see the black fire returning to his eyes and like a shot of lightening his hand struck my cheekbone under my right eye. White light was all I could see as I felt myself falling back from the force of the hit, the ground rising up to meet my battered and pain riddled bones.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" His voice rang out as he hurled obscenities at me. This is out of character for James and to be honest had me more worried than the sucker kicks he was simultaneously making to my ribs. He must really be losing it to scream out in the open like this. See that's part of why James is so insidious. No one on the outside knows what he's really like. He has a reputation to upkeep and would never be seen in the light of day going maniacal like this. Maybe it's because he doesn't care what folks in this town think of him? Or maybe he realizes he really has finally lost me. Either way, each scream brought equal parts fear and relief. Relief because I knew it meant at some point, Edward or even a friendly neighbor would hear him and come to help. Fear because if he's already lost his control, there's no telling what he might be capable of at this point.

It may have been minutes or hours that I'd been lying there spitting up blood, listening to a hollow echo that must have been James screaming. The kicks stopped suddenly and I wondered if he'd decided to switch to caretaker mode. That's when I heard a deafening crack pierce the fog of my mind. What surprised me most was that no pain accompanied the sound.

Black nothingness began to envelope me and I could just make out the sweet sound of my velvet voiced angel.

"Bella..."

–

Pain. It's usually the first thought in my mind when I wake, so this is no surprise. Every day I wake and realize I'm stuck with yet another day on this planet I feel pain. The heavy feeling in my muscles, an overall ache in each joint, sometimes dull and throbbing, sometimes an intense burning just under my skin, radiating to each part of my body.

Some days I wake up and realize I can't move. I learned a while back that when you live with a chronic condition like Lupus, every action has a cost. Sleep is the most costly. For every hour my body stays immobile it will be that much harder to get back to moving again. Then from that point until the day is over, each movement, however small will zap more energy, eventually leading to more sleep – the double edged sword.

I heard a story once called the Spoon Theory*. It was written by a woman with Lupus, trying to find a way to explain to her friend what it was like to live with the disease. They were in a diner and she asked her friend to collect every spoon on the empty tables surrounding them. Once she'd collected a bouquet of spoons, she explained that each one represented a unit of energy. Each activity of the day cost a spoon... brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, making a meal, and so on. She started with the beginning of a day and asked her friend to give up one spoon for each activity she described for her day. Once the friend had gotten to dinner she only had two spoons left. That was when she realized just how a person with Lupus made it through the day. Little things you take for granted become painful and exhausting and if you're not careful, you won't be able to make til lunch before all your spoons for the day are gone.

So I learned to live with pain and fatigue. I accepted things like how my hair would come out in handfuls in the shower whenever I was stressed. Doctors and prescriptions and looks of pity all became part of the norm.

But something was different. This pain wasn't the normal morning stiff joints. First it was clouded, numbed. I'm not unfamiliar with the feel of narcotics and if I'm right I'd say I was currently on a heavy dose. Morphine maybe? Demerol? But why? It had been months since I felt the need to take something so strong. If anything I have James to thank for my lack of any interest in narcotics. He was always pushing some mind altering drug in my direction that by the time my body actually required some strong medication I was so disgusted by the concept I naturally avoided it at all costs. I'd much rather find a natural alternative if I could. I guess I get that from Renee. Always looking for some earthy, eastern influenced, alternative therapy rather than bothering with western medicine.

I need to focus. Drugs. I'm on something strong but I don't know why. I can still feel the pain though, piercing through the fuzzy edges in my brain. My ribs. That's weird, definitely not a normal sore spot. My face... throbbing near my right eye. A migraine isn't abnormal but this isn't what I'm accustomed to.

When I tried to recall the last events before falling asleep they seemed fuzzy. Edward at the shelter. The still yet to be named cat, with one eye, matted fur and a kinked tail. I could see his charm shining through. He was a survivor like me and we both knew it. The moment I heard his loud raspy purr I was sold.

But then after that... James. Fuck.

Is he still here? What the hell happened? Edward!

"I'm right here, love. Can you open those beautiful eyes for me?" Wait did I just say that out loud?

A soft chuckle told me my internal monologue must be broken. It took some effort but I managed to lift what seemed like fifty pound weights sitting on my eye lids.

Oh and what a sight for sore eyes, indeed. Astonishing soft green eyes met mine, above them that familiar shock of mussed reddish-brown hair. I could die happy looking at that face. His strong jawline tensed and I remembered maybe I should be careful what I think since I'm obviously not able to keep it to myself. Damn narcotics.

His beautiful full lips parted and I couldn't stop thinking of the earth shattering kiss we'd shared. I want that again and so much more. If only my body would cooperate. Alas, it won't matter for long. I'm going to need to tell him things soon... things that will make him leave or at the very least, things that will make him look at me like the disgusting filth I've let that monster create.

"How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" Well at least I didn't spew that last part out loud, that would've sucked. Damn his eyes look so sad. Angels shouldn't be sad.

"I'm fine." The standard response. But then I noticed the beeping, and looked around to see machines and a dry erase board with a doctor's name and the date. Wait, what?

"I've been out for two days?" My voice sounded like I'd swallowed glass and my throat felt like the Sahara. I licked my chapped lips and angled my head to the side table. "Water?"

"Here." He lifted the mug and gently placed the straw on my parched tongue. Ugh, if I didn't feel like drugged up crap I'd love to suck on something other than this straw. Oh shit, I really hope I didn't say that out loud. Edward seemed oblivious so I think I'm safe.

"And yes, it's been two days since that... animal... got a hold of you."

My eyes widened at the thought of James … what had happened after I passed out? Edward seemed unharmed. "Is he... where is he?"

He immediately hung his head and it was obviously a point of contention. "He got away. When I heard him and saw that he... oh God, I can't believe I let that asshole hurt you. I'm so sorry, Bella." I stopped his diatribe with a flick of my fingers, the only body part other than my head that I was currently able to move. "Sorry... so, yeah. I flipped out. I was out there with a baseball bat, and I was able to get in one good shot. I'd thought he was knocked out cold but while I was hovering over you, trying to get you to wake up, he must of come around." I could feel my eyes widening in fear but he shook his head like he knew what I was thinking. "No, he didn't hurt me. The fucking coward ran to his car and drove off. I was so busy trying to call 911 and getting your bleeding to stop." I cringed. Blood was never my thing. I'm suddenly happy I was out for that part.

"The cops are still looking for him. They think he might have gone back to NYC but he must by lying low. If he shows up at work or his apartment he'll be brought in immediately. Don't worry, Bella, they'll get the bastard that did this to you."

I felt my eyelids growing heavier, the drugs winning out and my strength waning. "Get some rest, love." There's that 'love' word again. Does he realize he's saying it? Too tired to think about if further I felt myself drift off just as a soft kiss was placed on my forehead. As sleep began to wash over me I swear I could hear a soft angel voice whisper "I love you."

–

There ya go. Hope you liked it :)

If you did, please give me some love... and by love I mean reviews. Reviews are better than forehead kisses from Edward... well, okay maybe it's a tie.

* "The Spoon Theory" is not mine – it was written by Christine Miserandino. For the full story, you can go to http: / butyoudontlooksick (dot) com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory (dot) pdf