Alright, you guys wanted it, and you've got it. Another chapter of Sham Wow Christmas.
Black Cyrus: Thank you for the second review and for your kind words…still don't the "Litterallism" thing. Plus, he's a friend from my old archive work
Jacob-Black-4everandalways: Lolz indeed my friend, Lolz indeed.
KSFWolfe- I swear, these kinds of reviews always make my laugh. But I think you described this fic pretty Jashin damn well.
Luna345: she's also a friend from my old archive.
Oh and in 2010 there's gonna be an anime con, called Metrocon. I'm gonna be going as Hidan! Excuse me while I get into character. Fuck you Kakuzu!!!
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Hidan stared blankly at the image in front of him "the fuck? A triangular tree?" he thought. "The fuck is this?" he asked Konan, who was decorating the tree while standing next to a crying Kakuzu. Kakuzu was crying because Konan went a little over board with the decorations, costing Akatsuki about the equivalent to $120,000.
"it's a Christmas tree" Konan answered
"a what tree?" Hidan asked, tilting his head a bit.
"Christmas tree, Christmas is one of the biggest holidays in the Christian religion" She answered
"Oh like Khalan!" Hidan replied excitedly, with a huge, Naruto-like smile.
"Khalan?" Konan asked.
"it's the biggest event for Jashinists, it's a mass murder of the anti-Jashinists(basically pro-life) ." He said with a smile. He closed his eyes as he remembered "oh what fun it was last year! I caught a group of kids, the little fuckers tried to run but I caught 'em all!"
Konan gasped and teared up a bit while Kakuzu just laughed. Kisame and Itachi both walked in, Kisame was wearing a Christmas hat and coat while holding a fat man on his back. "Hey where's Pein? He told me and Itachi to catch Santa." Kisame asked, receiving weird looks from the group. "I swear he's gone insane."
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Meanwhile…
"Ok Tobi, this won't hurt a bit, un" Deidara said, putting a small fire cracker on the head of the secret villain. After lighting the firecracker, he ran and went behind a rock thinking "man I hope this works"
When the firecracker went off, it wasn't little, it was about the size of Gene Simmons' libido.(now for you younger people or for those who don't like classic rock, Gene Simmons is the lead singer of KISS. And is quite the player, he sleeps with about 3,000 women a year.) Tobi went flying the air, flipping and spinning wildly. The fire works in the sky spelled out "Merry Christmas" Deidara smiled as he thought "art is a bang"
When Tobi landed, he whimpered "Deidara-Sempai, why did you have to out that on my head. Tobi's been a good boy!"
"well Tobi" Deidara started "You ate my fucking cookies!"
"What?"
"You ate them!!! Ate them all!!!"
"That was Hidan-san!! I swear it!!! He just lied and said it was me!!!"
Deidara quickly punched Tobi "How dare you insult Hidan!!! He's never insulted anyone!!! Ever!!!!"
"But he calls you gay daily!!!"
"That's beside the point!!!!!"
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Meanwhile…
Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting in the very same living room as the incident with the Sham Wow. Boxes and Boxes of Sham Wows were strewn about randomly. "Hidan" Kakuzu said
"yeah?"
"I hate you."
"I know"
"What did you even plan to do with all of these Sham Wows?"
"Piss you off."
Then Hidan picked up the remote and turned on the TV. And his eyes widened when he saw Vince, from Sham Wow. But now with the Slap Chop. He quickly looked over to Kakuzu and smiled. "Kakuzu, we could chop things easier. Can't we?"
"No, I find knives to be fine."
Hidan pulled out his phone. "I beg to differ."
"Don't" Kakuzu warned.
he started to type numbers before saying "fuck the slap chop, I wanna Sunggie!!"
Hidan then ran out of the living room to grab a pair of keys. "you coming?" he asked Kakuzu
"Sure. Just don't expect me to buy anything"
Hidan and Kakuzu walked into the garage of the base, which after turning on a light reviled several cars. Kakuzu and Hidan walked to a black Lamborghini Diablo. "I hate you for buying this" Kakuzu stated.
"I know" Hidan replied, slipping on a pair on sunglasses.
He started the loud engine and opened the garage door which was revealed to lead to a tunnel. "you didn't turn off the light, you pay for the electric."
"Damn it Kakuzu, stop bitching all the time. Money this money that. Why don't you use that money to buy a hooker and get laid!!"
"…I do get laid" Kakuzu countered weakly
"really? Your dick hasn't shriveled up from misuse?" Hidan laughed.
"No, your mom gives me a great exercise." Kakuzu countered.
"haha, your starting to become less of a prude." Hidan said.
Eventually, the tunnel ended, leading to a mountainous highway. "Isn't it weird how an undisclosed Japanese location looks nothing like southern California." Hidan said.
As they drove on, they started to get into more of a city area. Eventually they stopped at a mall. The mall was crowded and full of people trying to get that last present for their bratty kid. As Hidan and Kakuzu walked into the mall, their jaws dropped. "Akatsukicon '09 was hung across the ceiling. Millions of people were their dressed up as Hidan, Kakuzu and all the rest of their organization. "Holy shit…" Hidan said.
"HIDAN!!!!" a group of girls wearing Hidan's headband, Jashin necklaces and Akatsuki cloaks. Hidan's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he teleported to the ceiling. He did several hand signs and transformed into the least favorite character of the Akatsuki. The guy who we don't know what his name is,(you know, he was tall and had brown hair, but I guess that Masashi decided not to use him) And then, he jumped down into the crowd and blended in.
He walked around for a few hours before seeing his target, Akatsuki print snuggies. He ran as fast as he could to the boxes. He quickly picked up ten boxes and teleported back to Kakuzu "C'mon lets get the fuck out of here!!!!"
"What the fuck? Your stealing them?!" Kakuzu exclaimed "good job!!"
They ran out to the parking lot to see their black Lamborghini covered in fan girls.
Hidan smiled, pulled out his scythe and said "Happy Khalan bitches"
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The same fat man from earlier sat tied up in a chair. His Santa has been suit stained with blood and sweat. "I-I swear, I'm not really Santa!!" the man cried
"Sure, sure" Pein called from the back of the room. "You say that to defend yourself". He walked over to the man and pulled out a kunai. "You remember what I wanted last year, correct?"
"NO!! I'm not fucking Santa Clause!!!!" The man yelled as loud as he could
"LIAR!!!" Pein yelled as he slashed the man's cheek "I wanted a James Madison piercing and all you got me was a Marilyn Manson!!!"
"What the fuck's a James Madison?"
"a piercing through the head of the penis!!!!"
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Hidan sat in the passenger seat of the car while Kakuzu drove. Hidan held a snuggie close to him before he realized something. "Wait, this is just a backwards Akatsuki cloak!!!!!"
"Duh!!" Kakuzu said
The rest of the trip consisted of Hidan cursing loudly in Kakuzu's ear, Kakuzu running over a group of orphan puppies, and Tobi popping out of the trunk. When they pulled into the garage. Pein and Konan were staring them down angrily. "What?" Hidan asked. Konan pulled out a newspaper titled "Ten women brutally murdered in a mall parking lot"
Hidan put his hand behind his head and smiled sheepishly "Its Khalan tradition."
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alright, thats it. go on, hit that green button below