Hey every one, it has been centuries since I've updated this huh?
Warning: Hidan will be deliciously out of character in this chapter.
Deidaraisdabomblitterally-well, here's the other new chapter.
Black Cyrus- ah, literalism, it makes since now
Luna345- I expect to see you at my next Khalan party then?
KSFwolfe- that reference wasn't easy you know.
ok. quick explanation of why it took so long to update, Sony PS3. 'nuff said.
Hidan laid on the couch cuddled up in his new Akatsuki snuggie. Kakuzu sat in the recliner next to him, not wearing his cloak or mask while counting money. "Hey you ugly fuck! Put your mask on, I'm trying to watch 16 and pregnant with my lunch down!" Hidan yelled before putting his head on his hands and sobbing a bit "oh Nikkole, no one understands you but me..."
Kakuzu rolled his emerald eyes and continued counting. A few minutes of the same happened before Hidan yelled out "I'm bored! Get your shit on" he put his pointy cone hat thing on "We're going to MTV's headquarters, we're getting on cribs."
Hidan was in the garage of Akatsuki's lair. He leaned on his black Lamborghini with a tear in his eye, he caressed a picture of Nikkole. "Soon Nikkole, you will be mine. Kevin's not good enough for you." Kakuzu walked in and Hidan rushed the picture into his pocket.
"you love her don't you?" Kakuzu asked, with a hint of a glint in his eye.
"Yes, but she lives in Iowa, and me in an undisclosed location in Japan, it'll never work." Hidan replied, bursting into tears.
Kakuzu came over to Hidan and put him in a loving, calming embrace.
"was that good Konan?" Hidan asked to her, while she was recording the whole thing with a camera. "Perfect!" she replied. She pulled the dvd from the camera and put it into a yellow envelope. "after they see this they'll either give us a reality show or at least a cribs episode.
In Hollywood somewhere...
A no named executive in a suit watched the tape crying like Might Guy. "Secretary!"
"yes boss?" a near scantily clad woman asked, popping her head into the office.
"Call these guys, they need an episode of Cribs."
"Yes sir."
Back at an undisclosed location in Japan...
"yes." Hidan said into the phone "Yes. YES! okay, thank you, I'll go tell my friend! bye."
"Konan! Kakuzu!" They ran into the room at ninja speed(faster than Ludicrous speed, lol, space balls)
"We heard! We're gonna be on Cribs!" they both yelled.
"alright, good acting. Stay in character, they'll be here in a few minutes" Hidan announced while Nazi marching with his hands behind his back. "Now, we need to make this more entertaining for the viewers to ensure our own TV show, Kakuzu, stab me so I'll be black!"
Outside the base, now cleverly disguised as a mansion.
"Hey yall! I'm Black!" yelled a white guy to the camera
"And I'm white!" yelled a black man, dressed as snoop dog.
"AND THIS IS CRIBS!"
The cribs theme plays and a full description of the base comes up.
(off camera) They hear screams of pleasure(Hidan's stabbing) from inside the base.
"See" Black whispered to White "I told you these guys were gay, People today love gay people. This'll be a ratings smash!"
"tallyho I do agree with you, old boy!" White says in his actual poppycock accent.
They ring the bell and the Naruto theme "Closer" plays. "YOYOYO!" Hidan exclaims into the camera "My names MC Killa but yallzors can call me Hidan!" He was wearing hundreds of gold chains and baggy clothes while loud rap music played. "And this is my Crib!"
"alright here's my boy Kakuzu" Hidan gestured to Kakuzu, who promptly said "yo"
"and here's my girl Konan" who also spoke up with "Yo"
"Let's tour the house!" Hidan yelled.
Meanwhile...
In the same room as he was months ago, Mall Santa Clause is still tied to the chair, barely surviving on the scraps of his candy cane necklace and his fake beard.
Pein walked into the dark room, the new light blinding Mr. Clause. He brought with him what appeared to be a sexy woman...dressed as an elf...
"Alright Santa, since you won't give me my present, I'll have to torture another of your workers." Pain put a kunai to her thigh.
"I can't do anything!" Santa yelled.
"Do something dammit!" the girl called out desperately.
Pein cut into her skin, exposing muscle and bone. "Please Santa!" He didn't notice it before but, she had pointed ears, real ones. Again, Pein cut deeper, now into the bone. She screamed sharply.
"I CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP!"
Pein finally cut off her leg, the blood splattered all over Santa and himself. "OKAY I'll HELP!"
"Glad you finally see it my way." Pein smiled. He stabbed the girl in the throat and tossed her to the side, revealing quite the large pile of decomposing elves. "I'll be back within the hour to release you.
"This is my room! Where I bring all my bitches, and I bring all my hoes! And I kill em!" happy Khalan bitches!" Hidan yelled into the camera, showing his fancy new gold tooth. It's made with real gold paint!
Hidan gestured to his wall, which was covered in blood and medieval torture "I'm gesturing to a wall covered in blood and medieval torture devices"
He opened a coffin that had a fresh corpse in it. It was Snookie, from Jersey Shore. She was completely naked and it looked like she was raped. "Ah, Jashin was very proud that I got her. Believe it or not, she's a virgin, or was! HA!"
"Man this guys into some fucked up shit." Black whispered to White.
"And this is my-"
"Ok Killa, that's enough, we got enough to make the best episode of Cribs eva!"
"Yeah man that's bad ass." Hidan said smirking. "But how about a bad ass finish?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Konan! Get yo fine ass ova heya!" Hidan yelled.
"Yes Hidan?" Konan walked in, wearing an Akatsuki miniskirt and bikini top. Showing her belly button piercing. He grabbed her ass and the back of her head before kissing her deeply and tearing off her skirt to reveal an Akatsuki thong. After several minutes she broke from him and flashed her chest, showing that she painted red clouds over her nipples as well.
"Wait..." White started "...your not gay?"
"What? Hidan? Gay?" Hidan grabbed his scythe and started to slash and hack away at the camera crew, before looking into the camera screaming "I'M NOT GAY!"
meanwhile, in Konoha...
Shikamaru used the remote to turn off his TV and sighed. "Of coarse he's not gay, his playocity rubbed off on me.
"Temari! Get in here!" a fully naked Temari walked in, looking exhausted.
"Again Shika? We just had a go!" She played with his pony tail.
"Well lets go again"
Meanwhile At MTV...
"Sir, you owe us a quarter million dollars for the camera you destroyed." No name executive said into a phone.
"FUCK YOU! YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY! ALL THE MONEY I, er, KAKUZU SPENT FOR THIS WAS WASTED! but, I did get a piece of Konan's ass, so thanks!" Hidan yelled
"sir, you still owe us money"
"Well, I can only wish you...a happy Khalan"
"HAAAA!" a random voice yelled out of nowhere.
"What?"
"hang on, I have to be in person"
"what?
Hidan appeared in a large puff of smoke. In a business suit and sunglasses in hand, Konan stood behind him, back in the mini skirt and Bikini.
"now, I wish you, a happy Khalan bitches!" He threw on his sunglasses and the view panned out to show the whole city of Hollywood while the random voice shouted "HAAAAAAA!"
"you've been watching CSI haven't you?" Konan asked
With Santa...
"I'm finally free..."
"No, you aren't, not until you pierce my dick." Pein said
"BUT YOU CUT OFF MY HANDS!" Santa exclaimed, swinging his stubs
"not my problem"
Santa had the piercing lodged in his teeth as he went to stick the leader's penis in his mouth. Tears streamed down his face before Ashton Kutcher bust in through the door "BRO YOU JUST GOT PUNKED!"
Ashton looked at the man for a few seconds then realized "Oh shit, wrong guy, sorry. Have my agent give you a t-shirt.
back in the base...
Hidan sat on the couch, covered in blood and in his Snuggie.
"Damn bastards thinking I'd fuck your ugly ass"
"Shut up Hidan"
"I mean, you look like an Elephants dick, or your mom's shriveled up pussy."
"I'm serious Hidan!"
"Or-"
Kakuzu pulled a sword out of no where and sliced off Hidan's head before punting it out of a window.
"Fuck you Kakuzu! I'm gonna make my own base! With Blackjack! And Hookers! you know what! Forget the base!"
*Sigh* "Why do I love him?" Konan and Kakuzu said at the same time
DUN DUN DUN! DRAMA!
Well was it worth the wait? Tell me in your review!