I wasn't really planning on doing this, but I had a whole bunch of people ask me to do chapters showing Ash and Paul's thoughts through the whole deal. This chapter will be all about Ash's thoughts throughout the course of the first chapter. I hope you all like this!*
(THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE READ! IT'S NOT A CONTINUATION OF THE FIRST CHAPTER, IT'S JUST A SIDE CHAPTER TO SHOW ASH'S THOUGHTS.)
"Fernape!" Infernape wailed as he fell to the ground, motionless and defeated. Seeing this, my heart dropped.
"Infernape!" I called to it as I rushed to its side. I knelt down next to it and caressed it in my arms in a soothing manner. I smiled down at it half-heartedly and he looked back up to me with an extremely disappointed face. I felt so bad for it. It had battled until it couldn't stand anymore, just to prove to me and my rival how strong it had become. Feeling no reason to make the situation worse by getting upset, I put on my best fake-happy face.
"You did such a great job, Infernape. You really tried your best. Thanks," I said, fighting back tears at my recent loss. I took out its pokeball and silently returned it back.
"How pathetic…" I heard Paul say. I knew it was not intended for me to hear, but it didn't even matter. I was use to his insults, and I really didn't feel like sparking up a fight at the moment.
I saw him take out Magmortar's pokeball, returning the Pokemon before sending an awful glare down towards it.
"Is that all you've got?" I heard him hiss down at the pokeball.
That did it.
I stood from the ground and frowned at him.
"Why do you have to be like that, Paul? Your Pokemon do their best to gain your respect and they battle their hardest but you brush it off like they don't even try!" I yelled at him. Not that I thought it would affect him in the least.
"Hn. I don't need your lectures," he stated bluntly before simply shoving his hands in his pockets and walking towards the forest.
Deciding to give chase, I took off in his direction. I heard Dawn call my name, but at the moment, I really didn't care in the least. She knew I couldn't be stopped when I had my mind set.
Catching up to Paul, I saw him stop and turn towards me. I stopped as well and caught my breath before looking up into his scowling face. It was a little intimidating, so I backed up a few steps while putting on my on scowl to show him I wouldn't be turned down this time.
"What do you want," I heard him ask… or rather, state.
"What do I want? I want to know why you always act like such an arrogant little brat that never shows any feeling other than hate and disrespect! Do you know that pretty much everyone you meet hates you, with the exception of Barry, because you act like such a jerk?" I practically yelled at him. I didn't feel guilty about yelling; I was so mad, I had to hold myself back from flat out punching the guy.
He just gave me a stare for a minute before closing his eyes and turning, again walking away from all my attempts at attention from him.
Not that I wanted his undying attention or anything…
I probably looked a little shocked that he just walked away from me so rudely. I ran after him again anyway, refusing to give up this time.
"Paul!" I called his name, but he just kept walking.
"PAUL!" I yelled again, a little bit louder this time. Once I got close enough, I grabbed onto his shoulder and spun him around towards me. My eyes widened when I saw his face.
Tears.
Tears were streaming down his face. I couldn't believe it.
Paul was crying.
I must have looked like an idiot; standing there with my mouth wide open, just watching Paul constantly crying in front of me. It wasn't my fault; I was just too shocked to move.
Finally realizing that his tears weren't going to stop, I decided to try and talk to him.
"P-Paul? What… what's wrong?" I managed to stutter. He just stood there with his eyes clenched shut. After a minute, he looked up at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen.
"Nothing," he said shakily. I knew that it wasn't 'nothing'. I wasn't that stupid, but I did let him walk away before I took in the situation.
"Paul! Meet me behind the Pokemon Center tonight! At 8:00! I want to talk to you!" I called some-what consciously.
I saw him hesitate in his step, but then he just continued to walk. Thinking about it, I really couldn't believe what I just did.
I just asked Paul to meet me behind the Pokemon Center to 'talk'.
Why did I even think Paul would come?
Oh well. I'll wait for him anyway.
But why? I should know that he wouldn't waste his time with me.
But maybe it's because I really wanted to believe that he would care enough about me to come.
. . . . . . . .
I finally made it back to the area Paul and I had battled, only to be greeted by my friends rushing up to me.
I heard them call my name, but I just responded with a 'hey guys' to show them I didn't just completely ignore their existence.
I kept walking towards the direction of the Pokemon Center. I wanted to get there as fast as possible.
"Ash! What's wrong with you? What did Paul do to you?" I some-what heard Dawn ask. I thought about just not responding, but I really didn't want to be mean to her, so I decided to act like I hadn't heard her very well.
"Huh? Oh, nothing. Listen, we need to get to the Pokemon Center… to heal everybody…" I responded. Not looking back, I shoved my hands in my pockets, thinking about Paul while I did so, and continued to walk.
. . . . . . . .
When we got to the Pokemon Center, Brock did his love speech, and Croagunk punched him with a poison jab.
Same ol' same ol'.
"Ash? Ash, what's wrong?" I heard Dawn ask me. I turned to her and silently told her that it was too complicated for me to talk about at the moment. She seemed to understand and turned back to nurse Joy.
"Can we get a room please, nurse Joy?" she asked.
"Of course!" she complied, handing me a key. I told her thanks and looked up at the wall clock.
6:49. I figured now was a good time to go get a shower. I didn't want Paul to think I didn't care about hygiene.
Not that I cared about his opinion of me…
"Guys, I think I'll go take a shower now," I said and began to walk towards our assigned room.
I heard Dawn say something to the affect of 'ok', but I ignored it this time and continued to our room.
. . . . . . . .
After my shower, I put on fresh clothes and looked up at the clock once more.
7:45. It's almost time.
I now had serious doubts whether or not Paul would show up. Maybe he wouldn't bother.
No. I'll still wait for him.
. . . . . . . .
"Ash! Where are you going?" Dawn called to me.
I was almost outside when I heard her call to me. I inwardly sighed, but decided to at least give her some kind of answer.
"Out," I said simply.
"Out where?" she pressed.
"Just out to get some supplies," I lied.
"At 7:55 at night? Come on, where are you really going?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips.
I sighed again. I had to think of something to tell her. I was almost time for our… 'appointment'.
"I wanted to go at night because there's bound to be a cute girl at the Pokemart, and I knew that Brock would go with me if I went out during the day, so I thought I would save us all the trouble," I lied smoothly. I knew she couldn't argue with that.
She still obviously was skeptical, but after a minute, she nodded and returned to our room.
This time, I sighed in relief. I could finally be alone…
… with Paul.
Not that I wanted to be alone with him or anything…
I turned and walked outside.
With the night scene, my fears that Paul wouldn't come melted away. The air was cool, and the grass reflected the moon perfectly; almost making it glow. I listened to the night sounds while slowly making my way to the very back wall of the Pokemon Center.
I took a seat in the cool grass and waited patiently for Paul to show up.
After a few moments, a cold wind blew by, making me shiver a little. Suddenly, my hat came off with it and the wind blew it to the corner of the back wall.
"My hat!" I yelled, jumping up and trying to catch it.
Suddenly, a hand came out from behind the wall and caught it before I could. I was shocked when I saw who had caught it.
Paul.
"Paul! You showed up!" I said incredulously. Paul's scowl turned deeper at this.
I had to fight a blush as he came closer to me.
"Of course I showed up! You asked me to, didn't you?" he asked.
"Well… yeah, but I just thought that you would blow me off," I said, a little bit embarrassed. He turned his head and closed his eyes in irritation.
"Hn," was his only response. Typical Paul. Then I noticed that he was still holding onto my hat. In almost an… affectionate way? No, I was just imagining it.
"Uh… thanks for catching my hat," I tried. Noticing himself that he was still holding it, he shoved it in my direction embarrassedly.
"Whatever. So, why did you want me to come here?" he asked.
As I put my hat back it place, I noticed that it smelled a little bit like... lavender? Hm… nice. Oh yeah, his question. I'll just be blunt and get to the point.
"I wanted to know why you were crying today in the forest," I said sternly. I saw him flinch a little and then become silent. He didn't respond, so I decided to keep trying to get an answer out of him.
"Paul. Answer me," I stated again. Finally, he came up with some-what of a response.
"It's… complicated," he said.
"I've got time," I said truthfully. It was only about 8:05, so there was plenty of time before Brock or Dawn would start to become suspicious.
I could tell he was a little bit shocked that I was so willing. Taking the chance, I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to where I was sitting before. I blushed a little bit as I drug him down with me, and I caught a glimpse of him and saw that he was blushing, too. I smiled inwardly.
"Now, what happened? Why were you crying?" I asked. He looked at me for a minute before glancing away and closing his eyes.
"…You were the reason," he said finally.
I must have looked like I had just seen a ghost. I had never made anyone cry before. If anything, I was the reason that someone had stopped crying.
"M-me? What did I do?" I asked shakily.
"It wasn't what you did… it was what you said," he corrected. I was offended at his statement. He calls me a 'loser' and a 'pathetic fool' all the time. How did what I say possibly make any difference in his eyes?
"What I said? How did that hurt your feelings? You say horrible things to me every time we meet! If you expect me to apologize-"
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP FOR 5 SECONDS?" he yelled at me. I shut up completely. He gave an exasperated sigh before continuing.
-AN: If you read the first chapter, then you don't need to read Paul's explanation. It's the same as in the first chapter, so just kind of skim through this until you see the part about Ash getting up and walking away.-
"What you said reminded me of when I… was little…" Paul began, "I used to look up to my father like a hero. He taught me how to ride a bike and play baseball; just like any good dad would. But one day, he got fired from his job. Then… my dad turned into a full-fledged alcoholic. He would come home every night after he returned from the bar and yell at my innocent mother for hours after. I tried to stop him a few times, but that only got me black eyes and insults, which would make the kids at school tease me. My father would tell me all the time that I was useless and pathetic. He told me that a spoiled brat like me didn't even deserve to be alive. Reggie was a different story though. Dad would praise him like he was an angel. His reason for thinking this was because he never got in the way of anything he did. He would always be out with his friends or be doing something that would 'change the world for the better' in my dad's eyes. He told me that Reggie was born lucky… he told me that I was lucky to be born. He told me that I should be… grateful to have home…"
Paul paused, and I could tell it was because he was about to cry. I was about to cry myself. He finally continued.
"One time I had a Pikachu… a lot like yours. My mother had given it to me for my 10th birthday; it was my very first Pokemon. I loved that little Pikachu. I taught it a whole bunch of incredible moves, including volt tackle. My mother and I kept it secret from my father, because we knew that if he found it, he would kill all three of us. I did a real good job of hiding it, too. I kept it completely unknown for 3 months. Then one day I went outside… and Pikachu got out. My dad found it and asked me and my mother if we had anything to do with this. We both knew that lying wouldn't help, since he would eventually find out anyway. He gave my mother and me an extra good beating that night. The next day… I found my Pikachu dead. Fearing for my safety, my mother packed mine and Reggie's things and told him to take me somewhere safe. That's how we ended up in Veilstone. A few years later, I went out on my Pokemon journey… alone… and that's the way it's always been," Paul finished.
I really didn't know what to say. All I wanted to do was hold Paul in my arms and tell him that everything would be okay; that I would always be there for him. But that would be way too awkward at the moment.
"Paul… I had no idea… I'm so sorry-"
"Save your apologies. I don't need your sympathy," he said, cutting me off. I could tell he was lying because I saw his fist shaking, trying to prevent himself from crying again. My expression softened and I gave him a look of understanding as everything clicked in my head.
"Paul, to me, you've always been hard to figure out. But now… I think I really get you," I started.
Paul looked at me and into my eyes.
"Now I know why you've always been so interested in my Pikachu. And I also know why you are so mean to everyone," I stopped and looked back into Paul's eyes, "it's because you're afraid, isn't it."
His eyes widened as he knew what I was saying was true.
"You're afraid that if you get too close to anyone, they'll betray you, just like your father did. But you can't let one occurrence guide your life. You'll never be happy or have friends. And sure, even if it's working for you now, just think about when you get older. You'll be alone for everything. Can you even imagine how horrible that will be?" I asked.
Paul's eyes began to sparkle, which made me smile to myself.
"I…" was all Paul said.
"Just think about what I've said. Thank you for coming and telling me… what you told me," I said happily. Getting up, I started to walk away. I didn't really want to leave, but I didn't want him to think I actually wanted to be there alone with him…
Suddenly, a warm hand caught me by my arm, pulling me closer and bringing a blush to me without much effort. I turned around to see Paul giving me an almost pleading look, begging me to sit back down beside him. With that face, I couldn't help but oblige.
I went back over to our spot and sat down a little bit closer, smelling another hint of lavender. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, but I didn't mind. I actually enjoyed just being next to him.
"Ash… what you said was true. My dad just really hurt me, physically and emotionally, so I guess I just built a wall, blocking everyone out…" Paul finally said. I smiled over at him.
-AN: again, this is where it repeats. You can just skim over this part until it gets back to the part with the soothe bell.-
"It's not uncommon that people get in your same situation. How often do we hold onto our meager scraps of life, clutching them so closely to us, failing to realize that we gain everything by letting go. We nurse our grudges and anger over pasts slights and abuses, telling ourselves we are entitled to our resentments after all we have endured, destroying ourselves and our happiness in the process," I explained.
I looked over at Paul and noticed that he was gazing back at me, listing very intently, so I decided to keep going.
"Ya know," I continued, leaning against the back of the Pokemon Center and looking up at the stars that beautifully decorated the night sky, "we expect miracles to happen every day, and when they don't, we become disappointed because we are not satisfied with what does happen. But honestly, we often fail to see the splendor of the simple everyday things and seize the moments that present themselves to us," I stopped and looked back at Paul with happy eyes.
"We seek peace but remain so busy doing, planning to do, or remembering what we have done that we have no time for it. You have to learn to let go and move on. Do you understand?" I asked.
I saw it in Paul's eyes – he did understand.
"I… never wanted to get close to anyone else because I was so afraid that what happened to me as a kid would happen again… I didn't even want to take the chance…" Paul admitted.
"You took the chance, though, Paul. You got close to me," I said happily.
I could barely believe it, but Paul smiled back at me, even if it was only slight. Today was full of firsts.
Suddenly, I remembered something that I had wanted to give Paul. He blinked in confusion as I reached out and grabbed his hand. I blushed, but he was blushing right along with me. I dug around in my pocket for a moment before I found it, and placed my other hand in his as I sat the soothe bell he had given me in its place. I smiled at his shocked expression.
"You… kept it?" he asked. I nodded, still smiling.
"I've had it since the day you gave… threw it at me," I teased, smiling. He gave me a look of apology.
He looked into my eyes and I stared back, surprised to see that Paul's eyes were actually a beautiful amethyst color instead of the black I had always thought they were.
"Thanks… Ash…" he said quietly. When I thought about what he had just said to me, my eyes widened. He caught this and gave me a funny look.
"What?" he asked. I blinked.
"It's just… you've never called me by my name before. It's always been 'loser' or 'idiot'," I said. He closed his eyes and looked away from me, obviously embarrassed. He began to blush deeper than the whole time he had been with me, so I decided to bring it up this time.
"Paul… are you… blushing?" I asked. I saw his blush become deeper as I got closer to him to get a better look.
"Hn… of course not… only losers blush," he countered. I took the chance and placed one of my hands on his cheek, caressing it quite lovingly. I couldn't help but giggled when I saw his eyes shoot open from the contact.
"It feels like you're blushing. You're awfully warm," I teased. He looked at me and scowled. I'd had enough of that hateful expression, so I put on a scowl of my own.
"This'll probably sound really cliché, but if you keep scowling like that, your face will get stuck that way. Why don't you try a different expression for once?" I asked, some-what teasing. Paul just looked at me and his scowl deepened. Wow, I didn't know that was even possible. Regardless, I thought of a plan to get him to actually show some other emotion besides impatience and irritation towards me. Then it hit me, lighting my face up in amusement.
"Well, if you won't change you're expression…" I paused and grabbed Paul's shoulders, turning him to face me, "I guess I'll have to change it for you."
I took the chance and pulled his body into mine. My face immediately began to heat up from the contact. I could tell he was shocked because he stiffened and didn't respond in the least; it was like holding a rag doll. Just as I thought I had crossed the line, I felt him slowly reaching his arms up to embrace me back. His stiffness faded and I could feel him hugging me tighter the longer we held each other in place. I smiled and hugged him tighter also. Soon, he moved closer to me in order to get a better hold on me, which made me blush more, but I did the same thing, not minding the contact or sweet lavender scent that he had. We fit together perfectly; like two halves of a whole.
When I felt my blush wear off a little bit, I decided that now would be a good time to part. He didn't seem to want to, and to be honest, I didn't either. I really liked having him in my arms. My lament wore off when I saw his face. He was blushing like mad and his scowl was gone. He really looked nice.
Not that I thought Paul looked hot or anything…
"See? Was that so hard?" I finally asked. Paul blinked in response. I laughed.
"Ya know," I started, "you're actually kinda cute when you blush."
I almost blushed myself, but when I saw Paul's blush deepen again, I started laughing out loud. It was just so funny to see him this way. I fell back on ground and continued to laugh.
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" I heard him ask.
"Y… You! You're what's funny! I've never seen you so… so embarrassed! It's so… so… funny!" I said through my laughter. Suddenly, he jerked me up by my shoulders and brought my face a few inches from his. I was scared, but at the same time almost happy that we were so close. Then he did something that I never would have expected in a million years.
He kissed me!
And it wasn't just a little peck. No, it was a real sweet, soft kiss, full of passion.
And I actually liked it.
No one had ever kissed me before, but I loved how it felt. It made me feel important; like somebody really wanted to be with me and not the Pokemon master everyone else saw me as.
I slowly came out of my state of shock and began to respond to his kiss.
Take it slow I had to remind myself. So, I just held him there for a minute to get all the enjoyment out of it that I could.
Finally out of breath, we began to part, our breathing slightly uneven. We stopped a few inches apart and just stared at each other, my breath hitting his face. Good thing I had brushed my teeth before I went out to meet him.
"What… was that for?" I asked awkwardly.
"I-I… was… trying to make you… embarrassed," he said just as awkwardly. I decided to break the tension with a joke.
"Well," I started, making his eyes look into mine, "congratulations." I smiled. Paul smiled back at me.
Suddenly, he started laughing like he had just heard the best joke in the world, startling me. I had never heard Paul laugh before, with the exception of the sadistic chuckles he gave me every once and a while. For some reason, I found myself laughing as well.
"W-why are you… laughing?" I asked through my laughter.
"W-why are you laughing?" he asked back.
"You look so funny when you're embarrassed!" we responded simultaneously.
Soon, we were both on the ground beside each other, our ridiculous laughter beginning to subside.
I glanced over at him and smiled. The moon reflected off his face and hair, almost making him glow. Then I had a thought.
"Hey, Paul…" I started.
"Hm?" he asked. I immediately felt stupid when I thought about what I was going to ask him.
"… Never mind… it's dumb…" I said, turning to my side.
Suddenly, he grabbed my shoulders and turned me back towards him. My breathing hitched and my blush returned.
"Come on. What were you going to say?" he asked in a calm voice. It made me shiver a little.
Sighing, I decided to just ask him. Who knows?
"I just thought that if you could trust me now… I was… just going to ask if… you maybe wanted… to… travel with me… er, us," I stuttered. I felt stupid when I realized that I said 'travel with me'. I prayed silently that he hadn't caught that. I was startled a little when he started chuckling.
"Sure. I do think I can trust you. And I also think that it would be… fun. That is… if your friends don't mind," he said, giving me an almost pleading look.
I smiled inwardly.
"Oh, trust me. They won't," I said with a mischievous look.
Paul suddenly wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. I smiled like an idiot and blushed, but instantly melted into his embrace.
"Thanks," he said, cutting through the silence. I looked up at him with a confused face. He smiled.
"For?" I asked.
"For helping me let go. I just didn't know how, but what you said really broke through to me. I'm glad I came here tonight," Paul sighed, closing his eyes. I silently said 'me too' and looked up at Paul with an extremely happy expression. Sighing, I snuggled into his chest and closed my eyes also, lying peacefully in his open arms.
I hope you liked this, too! I'll also be doing a 'Paul's thoughts' chapter next. (Hopefully getting posted soon.) ^-^
Thanks for reading!* - Dawn ^-^