Sleep is my lover now,
my forgetting,
my palette,
my oblivion.

What is a dream? I'd searched many theories, through out the past six months: an adventure from a nauseating life, an escape from a reality not worth even living. Your own sub-conscious speaking to you, discovering the thoughts you mask in everyday life. Or, a diverse alternative, a life you want, your deepest desires.

According to each of these suggestions: I wanted Jake.

Why would I want something I already had?

Was the fact Jake had been around every single of every second of my day the past months, suddenly a secret to my mind? It could be justified that I'd bypassed his importance because I'd never had to miss him, he'd been the mechanic that had mended me through the heartbreak that followed when Edward left. He'd understood my over-reaction towards the heartbreak, maybe that's where the dreams spawned from. I was letting Jacob replace Edward. This made me guilty; I wasn't meant to give up, I was meant to wait.

The dream I'd just woke from hadn't been painful, it had been different, not like the others had been when Edward had left. When the gaping hole was raw with emotion, pain, I would dream the same dream every night. I would Edward calling me. I'd jump to my feet and run as if I would be running to him, in hope he'd come back to me. Isn't that pitiful? Even my mind knew it was, so much that when I got there: he wasn't. I'd be left to stand at the bottom of the staircase, distraught and in agony, until I awoke. Even then if I wasn't crying in the dream, I would be crying when I woke.

Tonight was the first night that Jacob had been there in Edwards place. Tonight was the night I hadn't screamed, tangled in bed sheets and sweat as I arose. I was calm, my breath in normal paces; almost happy, almost content.

I didn't know how to justify the change to myself, I almost felt guilty, waking in a completely fit state. I owed it to Edward to be mortified when the reality hit me he wasn't there, why the sudden result in this happiness.

Jacob was laying across my bed, as if he'd lent back and just fallen asleep. Jacob did that often, just sleeping. He made me appreciate it, that dreams were what we needed to become strong. He'd been the reassurance when I had woke to streams of tears, or had been scratching my bed covers trying to grip somebody that wasn't there, he told me it was okay. It was normal to have nightmares. Every time I was with him, I didn't have to be shy about it. I didn't have to have an abnormality. It was something he'd grasped, and I had come to enjoy talking about. It wasn't like it was with Charlie, as much as my own Dad tried to help, he found it strange. He blamed Edward, he thought it was because of him I couldn't stop imagining, dreaming these nightmares. This wasn't the truth, because now I had dreamt of Jacob. Not Edward.

I tried to shuv him with my arm a little, moving him off of my ankle. He slept like a dog, even if he was technically one. Still, I couldn't complain. I rather took pleasure in being the observe for once, being able to watch someone sleep. At first I hadn't seen the attraction of seeing someone with their eyes shut, in peaceful dreams. Now I see what the fuss is about, it's sentimental. It's something I hadn't been able to share with Edward, and wouldn't want to. It was a Jacob thing. Looking at him, he morphed back into the ten year old boy on Charlie's porch that I used to bully when I was little, except now he didn't have the long hair that blew viciously, and his eyes were much more set in: almost beautiful.

I wondered as he lay there, his cropped hair that had taken me into shock only a few months ago, those soft gentle lines that framed his face, his eyebrows that lay disfigured on his face, I wondered if he ever thought of his mother. If she were the reason he was so breath-taking. Jake didn't speak about his mother, he never mentioned her. It were like he'd never met her: which I'm sure he had, I somehow through distant memories of Forks remembered a woman. A tall tanned woman walking towards me, then that was it. The figures of her face, the shape of her, it never came to me. All I knew was I was thankful to that woman. Even if I didn't believe in after-life, and if the theory that no magical creatures - creatures that kill didn't have souls, I hope that somehow Jake can be with his mum when it comes, that moment. I hope he can be with her again.

Ironically, I had promised Jake to take him to meet my mum this spring, as long as he didn't morph into a dog or something. My mum just doesn't react well to such things. Jake hadn't furthered the plans, or even been slightly interested when I'd talked about booking the flights on-line. He couldn't be scared of meeting the woman that brought me up the past seventeen years, she was practically me when with just a different face. Jake is also just the type my mum would approve of. An influence worth congratulating, abs my mother would kill for her boyfriend to have. I laughed at this and it edged him, he fidgeted slightly.

Something told me he wanted me to be safe. He didn't want to go to Phoenix just in case. In case something came for Charlie, because as much as Jacob was all for my well far, Charlie was just as much his family as Billy was mine. It was simple: save Bella, save Charlie.

I pulled the i-pod headphones that lay all twisted near his shoulder, he'd fallen asleep with my music again. He told me it put him to sleep, the sounds of instrumentals, even though he didn't normally listen to music he had been listening to it repetitively for a constructive fight nights. It definitely had something to do with his fondness to sit with me, to talk with me about anything, just so I wouldn't be bored helplessly up in my room alone. Or maybe it was for himself, so that it wouldn't have to be tragically awkward as he lay across my bed, half naked.

Why was he my dream?

Not that it had never crossed my mind, it was inevitable wasn't it? I was a girl, he was a boy, but there was no want like I had with Edward. Sometimes I just felt the need to wake him up as I watched, tell him I'm here, that he needs to leave before I start crying again - before Edward comes back to find me with him. Tell him not to come back, this isn't his home, he can't fall asleep with me. He can't take Edwards place so quickly. I never had the guts, even when I did, the words refused to focus. Instead they would jitter and shake, and Jake would always get their before I could finish them properly. His hugs that made me wish I didn't miss the cold, his infectious laughter that reminded me of that summer ... he felt Phoenix, like home.

I stroked his face almost, making sure to not actually touch. I convinced myself he was awake somehow, that he was allowing me to watch without opening his eyes to spoil the moment. That way it would make this moment fair, make it okay, because it meant Jake was playing along with me. I wasn't rolling the dice, my heart wasn't getting carried away with my mind.

I knew how Jake felt about me, and I'd punished myself ever since because I couldn't stop myself from leading him on. Every ounce of thought went into everything I did, making sure that it couldn't be seen in another life.

I tried to sneak out of my bed, normally when I attempted this I'd feel hands wrap around my ankle as it slipped out of my bed sheets, he'd stop me from checking. He'd tell me to go back to sleep and stop confusing reality with dreams.

This time he didn't stop me. I checked the clock on my desk, it was five in the morning. Billy would be up any time soon to get ready for fishing with Billy. That meant Jacob would soon follow too. He always gave Charlie a ride back to La Push. I'd be in the back-seat, as they rambled onto each other.

Sometimes I just wanted to blurt out there there was no wild bears in the forest, that the killings weren't random, the blood wasn't human. Instead I'd look up and see Jake in the car mirror giving me that look.

I stumbled down the landing and then the stairs, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I'd left Jake asleep, no point in trying to wake him.

I turned on the kitchen light. It was much ore spacious without Charlie's coffee mug, newspaper and police jacket - or fishing rods in place. It was much more bare, lifeless even.

I noticed the bread on the side, turning the toaster on I popped it in.

Then I went onto the fridge, poking around for something edible for Charlie to eat. I found some bacon and a box full of eggs, when did Charlie shop? I grabbed them in one hand and the milk in the other, as I turned I bumped directly into this tall oath obviously invading my personal space.

There came back the hope.

I dropped the whole contents of the egg box, as I looked up.

"Jake..." A sound of disappointment in my voice.

"Gee sorry Bells."

"Well that's your breakfast, and look at the state of you now." I said, looking down at the mess I'd made. Eggs everywhere. Well at least the kitchen wasn't so bare anymore.

"Well it's your sweatpants hun." Jake shrugged.

I had to take a second look to check, since they were huge.

I don't know what it was him and my clothes ... even my baggy sweatpants flattered him.

What was more tragic: that he looked better in them than I ever had, or the fact he'd been through my draws to find him.

I went with the latter, the fact he looked better.

"I figured there a bit to big for you." I scowled at his remark.

"Doesn't mean I want them covered in eggs, what are you doing up anyway? You looked dead when I let for you.

"Ha. Funny Bells, I dunno I sensed you wasn't there. It woke me up unfortunately, weird huh? I thought maybe you had another bad dream or something."

He shuffled towards the toaster, and it was then he'd came into contrast with the sun that beamed through the window, the sunlight hitting his face so hard he had to cup his hands round his eyes so that he could see the kitchen, the objects that surrounded him.

Helplessly I was in awe of the boy that was there. I had never seen myself in this position before, so happy. Standing next to the boy that once had been just an acquaintance, in my kitchen, having him ... dazzle me.

"You burnt the toast." He said. "Be careful Bells, I don't need you burning down the house."

I couldn't believe I'd been so absent minded, letting myself get distracted.

He stared at me.

I stared back.

It was almost like the connection we had, that frigged wire that joint us together was fastening silently.

"So Bells, I was thinking seen as Charlie's going fishing, and I'm gonna have you tagging along with me all day ..." Jacob said, peeling apart the pieces of bacon as I begun to clean the egg mess.

"Tagging along? Pssht. Don't give me that, I've got a good mind to start charging Billy babysitting rates." I shoved Jake's shoulder, nearly causing myself to slip over. All attempt of asserting my authority had back-fired, since I never fell over myself and Jake didn't even move in the slightest.

"Okay now you're finished failing at whatever that was you were attempting to do, like I was saying ... I thought maybe we could go cliff diving with the pack, Emily and Leah will be there, hopefully Leah doesn't try to drown Sam in the process." Jake laughed to himself, obviously finding himself mildly amusing.

"Umm, yeah I guess so." I paused for a second deciding to put the Mop back into the cupboard. I'd tried my best to clean the shells up, but it just wasn't going to be spotless till I scrubbed, or hoovered.

Jacob begun to put the bacon onto the grill.

"How high are you jumping exactly?"

"Why, scared?" He laughed.

"Err, no, but in case you haven't noticed your rather weighty, would be a shame for you to hit the bottom and splatter yourself." I said approaching him from behind once more.

"Yeah, a shame, a world without Jacob Black would be a tragedy."

I stared down at the Bacon, it looked almost crispy. He must have had the grill heat to high, because bacon I knew, just didn't cook that fast.

"How are you ever going to cook for yourself Jake? Will your girlfriend ever eat?" I said, pushing him out o the way.

"I'd date someone who can cook for themselves, obviously." He smirked. I could feel that hint burning into the back of my brain.

"That's why you have our Bella, Jake." Charlie yawned, walking into the room.

Jacob blushed slightly, I contemplated his next move silently from beside the oven.

"So are you two officially attached to the hip now?"

"Funny dad."

Jake stood perched against the counter, eating the rest of the severally burnt toast from earlier.

"Not to mention the kid eats enough to feed a small army, if I find you in my kitchen one more tie before 7am I'm charging you rent." Charlie punched Jake in the arm, humouring him Jake bounced back against the sink.

"Nick left hook old man."

Charlie smirked. "Maybe one day I'll teach you a thing or two."

"Sure, sure."

"One of you and get my newspaper for me." Charlie interrupted.

I looked at Jake, but his eyes rolled.

Sigh

I went to collect the paper.

I passed through the living room, my homework left unfinished on the coffee table, the TV left on standby. Typical Charlie, leaving mess just in case I had some unaccompanied time left in the morning to clean. Always trying to keep my mind off of things.

It turns out the sun had been tricking me, as it hid itself back into the clouds as I opened the door, the wind rushing to my face.

I picked up the newspaper, trying to pull my nightie over my legs, stopping it from blowing up.

"Showing the neighbour some skin there Bella?" Jake said, grabbing my arm and pulling me back indoors.

"You've never complained before."

As we entered back into the kitchen, I slapped the newspaper onto Charlie's table.

The breakfast table was never short of conversation when Jake was here, nothing like the calm atmosphere and silence Charlie and I often sat in, it was always loud. Sometimes I think Charlie appreciate's Jake even more than I do; their was almost an air of approval that surrounded Charlie when it came to Jake, he never behaved in the same judgemental protective way he had with Edward. Watching them together was easy, effortless even, like father and son.

Just after Edward had left Charlie had said to me ... "Sometimes you've gotta learn to love what's good for you."