"He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began"

Chapter Two

I cherished La Push, a home away from home if there could ever be one. I did not know whether it was because it was beautiful, or because it's where Jacob lived.

"Shouldn't you be resting, with the baby due?" I heard heads turn.

Leah had spoken to Emily, and it wasn't full of sarcasm.

Emily was heavily pregnant. When I had first found out, I had be so overwhelmed. Then I discovered what this indicated. It meant Sam could no longer be a pack leader, no longer be a wolf. I didn't know how to approach this.

However the irony caught me.

It was as if it was some freaky indication, that this was it. What I should be doing. I had been so quick to want to give up everything, but here Sam was - making the right choice. The choice Edward had told me he would have made, if he could. The option Rosalie had wanted so badly.

Even if I didn't have the choice anymore, I could still think about what I would have given up. Now it didn't seem right. Jake had been speaking sense the whole time. A baby may just be a baby, and it may not seem a big deal when you're seventeen, but when I saw Emily's face light up whenever it was mentioned ... it had hit me.

I wanted that with Jake, in a sense.

It was inevitable that I would get old, I would become Emily sooner or later. Age was now something I had to prepare myself for, knowing that there was others out there ... that didn't.

I knew if I stayed in Forks, everything that I was meant to have would come naturally towards me, my life here was already mapped out. I didn't know if I wanted this, but at this time I was secure, safe, regardless of my love for Edward and my want to have the lifestyle that he had brought so easily into my life - being here with Jake, it was right.

"Cooking breakfast for the boys won't kill me Leah." Emily laughed on edge, she still was not sure about it. She worried continually about the baby's welfare, and Leah played up on this regularly.

"You never know." Leah said.

I knew the history between these two. Jake had told me a while ago, but it didn't seem possible that once Leah had been Emily's best friend. They had nothing among them, only cold blunt words that were exchanged rarely.

"Shut-up Leah, Emily's breakfast is the best part of my day!" Seth called out, the littlest one sat at the table in the kitchen. Jake's unlikely best friend.

"Was that a voice I hear? Oh. It was just the pre-teen. Shut-up." Leah got up from her seat, and stood next to Emily.

"Let me finish it."

Watching them. It kind of reminded me of what the Cullen's had been like ...

"No. I prefer Ems cooking, you always burn everything, don't you Leah?" Sam walked indoors, the warmth suddenly grew hotter.

This was the only problem eating with a pack of wolves. The improbable measure of heat that malted off of them.

Leah ignored the voice, and carried on.

I watched her cooking, persistent and stubborn as she always had been. I wondered how Leah could be so resentful to the man she loved. How was that possible? Even if he hadn't chosen her, hadn't been able to make her happy - he was still aware of her, and wasn't that what mattered? I'd trade everything for Edward to still be aware of me, watch me and be there. She had that, so why was she holding onto a grudge that should have ended years ago? Did she never think of her friend?

Emily.

Emily was so kind-hearted and charming, she appealed to all the boys, a mother figure if you may. It wouldn't be like her to force herself on Sam, that just wasn't Emily's characteristics.

I watched them both fiddle around in the kitchen, making nuisances of one another. Emily on one side, completely parted from Leah. The rift had driven them so far apart there was no way that deemed possible for them to return to where they had been.

I could only wonder what it was like before ...

"Time to go, Bells." Jakes voice woke me from my watch, and I quickly left my seat.

The beach was warm, but as warm it ever could be in Forks. Still with a breeze, still with that atmosphere of ... nothing.

Even as we got there, the rest of the pack seemed to just ignore Leah's presence, as if they could not feel the undignified atmosphere that arose whenever she went out with them. They sort of joked around her, I questioned if this ever aggravated her, whether she was actually as happy to be invisible as she appeared.

The bond between her and Jake was different, and I found her to be tagging along with us resentfully, instead of the others. Jake didn't ever seem even mildly irritated by her attitude, he always made some sort of failing attempt to involve her.

"Jake?"

"Yeah ..." He said, breaking away from his and Leah's silent conversation.

"Why do you even bother, you know she's not going to be interested in anything we're doing. The most she will do is watch." I tried to whisper as best as I could, hoping that Leah wouldn't overhear.

"She is lonely." Jake said, ignoring the fact I was trying to make this conversation as private as possible.

"Hmm ..." I said, trying to distract the others, lead off the subject.

"I know you don't get it, but Sam asked me too and I guess ..." Jake trailed off as if his thoughts had tied his tongue.

"Spit it out." I groaned.

"I don't know, I guess I just know how it feels that's all. To love somebody even though you know they wont ever love you back."

Queue the subtle hints.

"But .." I said, once again trying to annihilate anything left of this conversation. I knew Jake would try to carry on, because he always wanted to talk about that.

"It's worse for Leah though, Bells. She knows what it's like to be with him, he loved her first. I kind of guess I don't have to feel that."

Then the debate ended, abruptly. I was a bit guilty for not trying to sympathize or understand him. He was right, I hadn't loved him first - and I was not sure if I could love him like that. Edward and Jake were two completely different people, different paths my life had taken, it was selfish of me to keep a hold on both of them, causing myself just as much pain as I was causing Jake. I didn't know how to stop this, and with that I ignored the present conversation and let it pass me all together.

I looked up at Jake ... his mind seemed far away. I could only presume what he thought about.

"Jake, anybody in there?" I asked, tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"Sure, sure - sad thing is, she's only hurting herself. So just cut her some slack, okay?" He said this rather coldly, and it made me wonder if he harboured some feelings for Leah. I didn't like the idea, so I quickly brushed it off.

With that Embry came charging towards us, barging boisterously into Jacob. They both hit the floor, I watched as they tugged and pushed each other back and forth across the beach.

We walked for a while.

"Gosh Jake, how high up are we going to jump from?" Jake let out a roar of laughter.

"I knew you were chicken. Oh it's okay Bells, you are a girl after all." I scowled.

"What I never said I didn't want to jump, I'm just saying we're been for walking for like, a year."

Jake stooped down "get on,"

"Ugh... I do not need you to carry me I'm not an invalid." I groaned.

"Yeah ... but you are a slow human, just give up already."

I quickly got on his back, trying not to make a spectacle out of myself.

Before I knew it we were at the edge of a tall cliff, I jumped down from Jakes back, keeping my distance from the edge. It looked a lot higher from up here. Edward would think this was outrageous.

"Come on Bella, shoes off." Quil said.

I lingered for a moment, evaluating the pros and cons. If I didn't jump I'd keep my life, however I'd have to live through Jacobs mockery for the rest of the useable future.

Paul and Embry was on the edge, swaying back and forth and then they were gone.

Splash.

"Come on Bells, we're up next." Jake tugged my wrist, pulling me towards the end of the cliff.

"Jake, maybe I should stay and watch everyone's stuff." I looked back at the obviously clutter, that nobody would even try to rob, who would need socks and shoes?
"What so, somebody's going to rob our socks? Sure, come on."

"Okay I give up, I'm terrified, that is long way down Jake." I said through gritted teeth. Now I would never live it down, even if I jumped.

"I've done this a million times, you'll be fine, you're with me."

"Lets flip on it. Heads I jump, Tales I be a coward." I smiled, grinning. I might just get out of this.

I scrounged around my pockets looking for a coin, here, I tossed it up in the air but before it could hit the floor Jake threw out his hand and caught it.

Darn Wolf reflexes.

"You know Billy told me once that my Mum always used to say, that you made your decision when the coins still in the air, that a part of you, no matter how small, knows what side you want the coin to land on. By leaving it up to the coin your persuading yourself that it doesn't matter, or even that it's your fate, but its just luck Bells, nothing more, nothing less."

He was right, if I flipped it again it had a chance of landing on the other side. Besides the wisdom, this was the first time Jake had mentioned his mum. I was a little taken aback. I stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to budge the conversation elsewhere.

"Oh just come on, I cannot wait any longer."

I let him drag me along to the edge, I tightened my eyes shut.

Everybody else was gone, I vaguely remember them waiving around in the water, loud voices but the words were unclear.

All I knew that I could understand was Seth calling out Jacob's name.

Jake squeezed my hand, the heat travelling up my arm and I knew then I was safe.

"1, 2 ... THREE!" Jake shouted, and I fell with him.

The sensation was not what I had expected, to fall and feel everything rush behind you. The wind that I past everyday, forcing my hair behind me. It deemed every single little worry I had ever had, all those moments these few months had brought me, happy and unhappy ones - they vanished. I was flying.

Then I was surrounded by water, and the feelings I'd just witnessed subsided, the coldness and all else came back as quickly as they'd gone, then I felt Jacobs body surround mine. I was warm again, hot even, I felt Jakes hands stroke the bottom of my back up to my neck. He was trying to regain my heat for me. I held both my arms around his neck tightly.

"I will not leave you Bella, your safe with me."

I buried my head in among his shoulder, and his neck.

"I'll never leave you either Jake, I promise."

His whole body relaxed as if I'd just given him permission to breath.

"You must be cold." He swung me behind him, onto his back so he could swim easier with me. I think sometimes it escaped Jake's attention that he was over a hundred and eight degrees, which meant that I could never be cold around him.

For once I actually enjoyed it. I didn't miss that cold.

I laid my head against his back, I was quiet, content and happy. I found myself drifting off...