Jacob had carried me all the way back. Typical.
I'd awoke splashed out across a sofa, surrounded by the mess the boy's had created before leaving me to rest. I ruffled around in the traces of some of Seth's homework sheets, and the smell of Embry's soggy t'shirt.
I peered underneath the quilt that covered me, and was realived to find that I was still dressed reasonably. Emily had obviously lent me some clothes when I had been half-awake, drifting in and out of sleep. I vaguely remembered grabbing the first pair of shorts I'd seen, and running down stairs to get changed.
The best part of this, was that I had no nightmare - no dream. I had been floating in nothingness, as I lay here in complete joy that I hadn't remembered anything of the dream my brain and I had just endured. That was a relief, that for once I had been normal.
"Awake so soon?" Billy said, and as my eyes begun to adapt to the room, bringing in light's and shades and faces as quickly as I'd lost them to sleep, an hour ago.
"Where's Jake?" The words slipped my mouth without thought as I pulled myself upwards, dragging myself into reality as I did so.
Billy laughed tenderly, and pointed to the garden.
I wrapped the quilt around me shamelessly, making sure to keep the warmth on me. I stumbled for a minute or two, heading towards the glass slide doors that were in front of me.
I could see him.
He was sat beanath the large oak tree, the late afternoon shadowing him in it's mist. The sky outside turning dark, and suddenly the droplets of rain begin to force themselves heavier, filling the otherwise silent air. I could see even from peering from a foggy window that he had been crying.
I opened it, dropping the quilt fromaround my body as I did. I walked barefoot on the sooking wet grass just to get to him, an urgency in my feet. He didn't look up once, although he must have heard me coming. I always breathed heavily.
Jake drew his knee's to his chin, trying to cover himself desperately. I'd never seen him look so cold before. As I get closer, I notice the redness of his cheeks still alive. It becomes easier to tell myself he's okay, that he was just upset.
"You found the best spot in the garden," My words were barely audiable as I slipped an arm around Jake, I sat down instantly without thought of what this would do to Emily's clothing. "I can't believe I just slept like that." Jake's lips twitch into a small but sad smile and his eyebrows furrow along with it. Had I upset him?
"I always come out here." His lips suddenly become rather pouty, as I rest my head on his shoulder. Anything to bring us closer, because he seemed so far away right now.
His clothes were damp from the rain, and I felt the droplets of rain from his hair fall onto my neck. I shivered and Jake notices because he pulls away instantly. "Don't you'll get ill," he says covering his legs with his arms.
From the outside, or that window that I'd just been looking through ten minutes ago ... I could understand how this scene would look, myself comforting my lover. I grip the material of my top, trying to cover as much as my skin as I could.
"What's wrong?" I ask quitely, mumbling into my collar. My eyes fall back into routine and close, preparing for a reaction that wasn't worth the argument.
"I had an argument with Leah," Jake brushed his fingertips along my jaw line and my eyes shoot open. "She doesn't seem to agree with anything I say about you."
I return the favour and turn to face him, allowing my fingertips to take charge. I let them smooth out his skin, and wipe away the trail marks that tears have left. His lips are soft and as my tips fall onto them I feel almost guilty. I can feel his tiny breaths on my skin, heavy and deep as they had always been.
"I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you, Bella." His words fell onto my fingers and I let them drop, dragging his lips with me in the process. It reminded me ofsomeone, and I shamefully didn't feel anything for what Jacob had just said. What would I do if I lost Jake? That's all I could think of, the thoughts guiding me back to where this all started ... Edward. I'd lost Edward and look what I'd done ... I'd moved on. Wouldn't Jake do exactly the same thing?
I found myself over-analizying and I stopped myself mid-way.
"Oh god, I'm sorry I said that Bells." For a moment he catches my eye's and we are locked together. I could see the sincerity in his words and for once I just wanted to forget everything and let him be with me. This was the first time I realized I loved Jacob, not in the brotherly best friend way I had convinced myself, in the way where I wanted to be ... with him.
He begins to open his mouth, those lips parting with sadness overwhelmed me and I jumped on inpulse. I caught him with a kiss, lips silencing his words. The kiss is firm and I can feel Jake's tongue, dipping out across my dry, bottom lip and I can't help but feel my cheeks flush with heat. My stomach twists and I feel sort of sick, but I can't just shove him away, so instead, I kiss him back as Jake's hands cup myface, holding me in place.
After a few moments, I pull away shamelessly. His warm palms still stuck on my even warmer cheeks and our eyes meet.
"You won't lose me. I won't ever leave." Besides the crack in Jake's voice, he pulled off serious pretty well. Even though these words were the most romantic I'd ever heard, they still chilled me with rememberance.
Because in reality, I knew one day, one of us will be gone and the other will still be there. Even if I spent forever with him, had children and become a grandmother, I would die - as would Jake. It was just a matter of when and how, so there was no way I could promise him forever when maybe one day I would leave him and he'd have to live without me.
I push the tears back, and remember why I came out in the first place. Jake had been crying, and that was something I had never witnessed before. Jacob was crying because of Leah, because she had done something so awful that it ripped Jake enough to make him isolate himself in a garden. I imagined a young Jacob, crying underneath a tree at the brisk of his mother's death. It seemed he still looked the same even now for me.
"Let's go back indoors."
Jake shrugs me off. I walked back indoors alone, and continued to watch him from the sliding doors.
Over the next few days I tried to begun to make more of an effort with Leah. Whenever Leah was around, I even offered to help her learn how to drive not that she accepted. It wasn't long before Jake started questioning my sudden interest in Leah. I couldn't tell him it was because of him being upset over the fact Leah probably didn't like me.
"Stop it Jake," I said playfully pushing him away from me.
"Well come on Bella, since when are you leahs best friend? This time yesterday you could barelly mister up the energy to say hello." Jake said pulling my hands behind my back. I forgot how fast he was, how skilled he was in fighting. For god sake Bella, he fights werewolves daily.
"I'm just trying to be nice, it's alright for you to fuss around her but not me?"
Jake's mouth almost hit the floor, and I understood why his expression had become one of shock. Why did I suddenly sound like a jealous love-struck teenager?
"What?"
"Forget it I don't know why I ever said that."
"Is that what you think Bella, that I like Leah?" I could see him holding back the giggle as it tried to slip through his lips that were squeezed tightly together.
"Stop asking me questions okay?"
I felt a blush arise on my face. Now he'd know I was embarassed too.
"You're jealous, not that there's nothing to be jealous of but you are totally jealous. This is classic." A triamphunt grin spread across Jacob's face. "Who'd have thought the great Bella Swan, jealous!"
Jake let my arms go from his grip and I could now face him properly. "There there Bells, it happens to the best of us."
I knew what he was talking about of course.
"Nothing worse than loosing out to a bloodsucker." He huffed.
"Go away Jake." I scowled.
He grabbed his t'shirt from the back of the sofa and went into the kitchen.
"It's okay to care y'know," a voice came from across the room ... Leah.
I turned to face her. "Care aboutn what?" I shrugged trying to play down the conversation she'd overheard. I felt awkward and quite stupid.
"About Jacob, obviously you love him Bella. It's written all over your face and don't give me any of that rubbish about best friends, that's just garbadge." Her brutal honesty took me down a few pegs. Someone who had lost love, telling you about love?
"It might not always be that way Leah, you had someone that loved you back too remember." I spat in fury, tempting her to leave.
"You're worried about imprinting?" She laughed. "What you and Jake have is different, something us wolves have never seen before."
"What?" I was puzzled, and I kept checking to make sure Jacob wasn't listening in the kitchen.
"Didn't you ever wonder that maybe Cullen was just another part of the path that would eventually lead you to Jacob?"
"Does that really change anything?" I asked, I had thought of this ... that maybe Jake would always be entangled in my life, that everything I did would lead me back to him.
"Of course Bella, it changes everything. I can see even as I look at him, as a teenage boy that hasn't loved anyone as much as he's loved you. Sam and I were adult's, we didn't have that fight in us. I wasn't his first love, but you are Jake's. Wouldn't anyone fight for their first love?"
I'd never thought of it that way.
"Well that's my opinion anyway but then what do I know."
With that Emily entered the kitchen, following where Jake had gone. "Dinner's ready Bella, you going to eat?"
Jake appeared from the corner of the kitchen and was suddenly in the door frame. "She's eating."