A/N: Okay this is just a short funny fic I thought of while talking to my friend about spiders. I'm not usually good at funny fics but hopefully this will at least make you smile. Reviews are welcome! :P
I rummaged through the millionth box that day sorting out what I needed to take to the store and what could stay here still. I was covered in dust and grime and who-knows what else from the hard day of sorting through mine and George's stuff. I picked up a bag full of Instant-Wart Syrup when I heard a blood-curdling scream echoing from the bathroom.
"FRED!" I instantly dropped the bag and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom, barging straight into the door painfully.
"What?" I said panicking, looking for injuries on my girlfriend but failing to see any.
"GET IT AWAY! RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT!" She screamed louder. It was the first time I had ever heard her scream… or freak out for that matter. She was more of the laid-back, not-caring type.
"Settle down Luna!" I threw her a towel and searched around for what she was looking at. That's when I saw it… a massive spider the size of my hand was crawling up the outside of the shower.
"HOLY CRAP! I AM NOT TOUCHING THAT!" I screamed in a panic. Never would I admit it to anyone, but spiders were the one thing I could not handle. Only George knew that.
"Yo! What the hell is all the screaming for guys? I think you all need to relax! Breathe in, and out!" George said stupidly as he walked in. Luna squealed again, this time at George to get out.
"Whoa, whoa, Luna! Lovely Little Luna… just, breathe right? It's not like I've never seen melons before!" He cracked into laughter just as I whacked him across the head.
"That's my girlfriend you cheese cracker!"
"Oh shut up you mustard sauce!" He whacked me back and I stumbled a little towards the spider.
"AHHH!" I ran back towards him and ran into him.
"GET. THIS. GOD. DAMN. SPIDER. AWAY. FROM. ME. RIGHT. NOW!" Luna screeched.
"What's happening?" Ron came running in at all the ruckus, quickly followed by Harry and Hermione.
Hermione and Ron both screamed once they saw the spider and Harry just stared anxiously. Luna was screaming at everyone to get out. I didn't realize that practically everyone was crammed into the tiny bathroom until I looked around. Luna was in the shower wrapped in a towel and pressed against the wall watching the spiders every move. George and I were closest to the shower, Harry behind me and Ron and Hermione squished against the doorway.
We all watched the spider in silence, waiting and thinking on what to do. Its legs moved slowly and I tensed by George's side. The spider then jumped onto the wall next to Hermione and we all screamed and spun around to avoid it. The massive gross, hairy spider was now blocking the way out. It crawled up the wall and turned to face it.
"It's gunna jump…" Harry whispered.
"No it's not…"
"Yes it is!" Luna cried.
Just then the spider reared itself and hissed loudly at us and we all screamed again, irritating it further.
"KILL IT!"
"YOU KILL IT!"
"HERMIONE SQUASH IT!"
"RON YOU SQUASH IT!"
"FRED YOU'RE THE OLDEST YOU DO IT!"
"YOU'RE THE OLDEST BY 2 MINUTES AND 36 SECONDS YOU DO IT GEORGE!"
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Mum charged up the stairs and stood in the doorway.
"Spider…"
"Big!"
"There…."
"Behind you!"
We all said quickly, mum spun and looked at the spider.
"Seriously?" She said it as if it were a big joke. "This?" She pointed at the spider, her finger a few millimeters away from it. We all nodded, to freaked out to speak. She sighed, took off her slipper and slammed it against the spider, killing it. "Babies" she mumbled as she walked off and it was an instant reaction when everyone started talking.
"I could have killed it"
"I was only pretending it was scary,"
"I was seeing who would have the guts, because I didn't want to get guts all on me…"
"Yeah, I was going to kill it but you all came in."
"Uhh, can everyone get out now? I am still half-naked…" We all turned and realized Luna was still in the shower wrapped in only a towel.
"Sorry!" Everyone mumbled as they quickly scampered out.
"Sorry honey," I said as she stepped out of the shower and pressed a light kiss to my cheek.
"It's okay Fred… it wasn't your fault." She said in her dreamy voice once more.
Leave it to Luna to pretend nothing happened.