A/N: In case you haven't already noticed this is told from the perspective of a five-year-old Ford.
Also, this didn't end the way I originally planned it to. I quickly realized while writing part two that my original ending required showing the disintegration of Inez/Eddie which could easily become its own chapter - or two. Not to mention how draining it would be to write, but I know in exploring Ford's character it is both necessary and inevitable so expect that story in a few chapters or so.
Finally, Mom's clicking comes to an abrupt stop. Inevitably she arrives at the same place all her mindless clicking leads to, the old movie channel. Maybe its because their TV has poor reception, or the film is just that old, but the picture is really grainy. The rough copy makes all the colors stand out: the lead actor's red jacket, the Pretty Girl's yellow sweater, the bright red car falling off into the cliff. Bobby hates the black and white movies on this channel but he loves when the colors pop out like this. Mom explains that the movie is "Rebel Without a Cause" and the actor is James Dean.
"Mom, I want a red jacket like that one," he announces. Like most five-year- olds' comments it dances between a request and a command. "You'd look very cute in that jacket," she singsongs back. His eyes are still peeled to the screen but he can hear the smile in her voice. A flicker of hope sparks in his chest until he remembers…"But Dad said we don't have money for new school clothes." This time, his comment is met with silence. On the screen James Dean and his two friends enter a dark deserted mansion and make believe they're a family (he doesn't get it - big kids… playing make believe?)
After a few more moments he tears himself away from the curiosity to examine his mother's reaction. For a second he sees a face he is only familiar with from peeking through the crack of his bedroom door when his parents think he's asleep, a face creased with worry and much older than his real Mom could ever be. In the blue TV light her face looks more untouchable than in any of his after-bedtime glimpses. But it only lasts a second. "Don't worry about that," she nudges his back playfully with her knee. "I'll handle your father."
It doesn't matter. He won't worry about anything because right now the Pretty Girl is on screen humming a lullaby to James. His head is resting in her lap, and while she is all tenderness, he looks almost uninterested. Bobby figures that must be how he's supposed to look. "I love somebody," she says softly, almost disbelievingly. "All the time I've been... I've been looking for someone to love me. And now I love somebody." Her brown eyes light up at the realization: "And it's so easy!"
Instinctively he turns to look at his Mom - and then just as quickly wishes he hadn't because she has that far away look she gets sometimes, eyes shining with unshed tears. Just as Bobby is starting to panic (trying to stop Mom from crying is like trying to stop a gushing bullet wound with a sock) her mouth shifts into a perfect 'O' shape of surprise. Her right hand clutches her stomach and the other pulls Bobby's hand to her. Kick. They lock eyes. Kick. Mom smiles, eyes alert and dry, and Bobby feels the exact same smile materialize on his face. This is the first time they're both feeling the baby kick without Dad around.
"He likes the movie," Bobby says, trying to sound authoritative, but it's hard with the smile on his face.
"He likes the movie," Mom repeats in agreement.
They stay like that for a while, smiling in the dark with only the sounds of the fan buzzing and James Dean's voice in the background.
His baby brother comes a little bit before Halloween, just like Mom said he would. "We decided to name him James" Mom tells him as she hands him the bundle for the first time. Right then he's pretty sure he would have dropped him if Mom's arm hadn't still been there. In reply to his surprise she says, "sorry, but your Dad and I agreed that Optimus Prime was too long."
She smiles her coy smile just for him.
Dad almost never calls his brother by his first name. It's either simply "him" or "the baby."
For Christmas that year he only got "Terminator 2" on video and a red jacket.
Best. Christmas. Ever.