IV. chapter: Moonlit conversation

Heavy silence was hanging over them. Giselle took a breath to cut the tension pressing at her heart when words of delight rang through the hallway.

"Milady, milady, you're back!" someone called from behind. Four heads turned simultaneously. A woman hurried towards them, clearly a maid, with a smile of relief on her face.

"Abby!" Giselle had to smile. It was the first sincere smile she'd shown since she'd gotten back to the palace. True, Abby was her maid, but she was also someone she'd call a friend.

"Milady, I'm so glad you have returned," the maid bowed. "I was afraid you'll never come back again. You scared me so much, milady. And her majesty, too, it was hard for her to lose two of her..."

"That's quite enough, Abby," Giselle cut her. "Behave yourself, we have guests."

Abby shut up abruptly. It wasn't like her lady to cut her like that but she'd been right – she'd had to stop her from completing that sentence. They had guests and what she'd almost said had nothing to do with those guests.

"I apologize," she said, bowing to the foreigners respectfully.

"Please show our guests to their rooms and make sure they're comfortable," Giselle ordered. "Return to me after that, I'll be in my rooms."

"As you wish, milady." She turned to the trio. "Please, follow me, gentlemen." Proud to be the one who'd gotten the honour to take care of these people, she started to lead the way. They were heroes in her eyes, heroes who had saved the queen and the country, and she wondered why lady Rayne seemed to dislike them.

"Your room, sir," she said to Chon and opened the door to one of the many guestrooms for him. Roy got a room next door and Lin one a bit further away.

"It is a real honour to have you here, lady," she bowed to Lin. The Chinese examined her from head to toe before she spoke, "Are you lady Rayne's maid?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I dare to guess your mistress is not the nicest person ever. She seems quite snobbish."

"You must have gotten the wrong impression," Abby quickly defended Giselle. "Milady is a very nice and kind-hearted person. I'm truly happy she has returned."

"Ah, yes, returned. Was she away?"

"Milady was gone for about a year. That is all I know. Now, please excuse me. I will send you another maid. If there is anything you need, please inform us."

XXXXX

When Abby led the guests away Giselle went directly to her rooms. Sitting down on the bed, she sighed. A feeling of nostalgia had been pervading her since she'd gotten here. Everything was so well-known, so familiar, yet the time she'd been living here seemed so distant, almost like a decade passed not only a year. It felt weird. It was confusing. It was painful. The weight of her memories was pressing down on her and for a moment she let them flow. Her heartbeat fastened. She felt pain in her chest again, a terrible hole she'd been desperately trying to fill by keeping herself occupied with other things. But right now there was not a single thing to divert her restless mind.

He'd never stepped into these rooms. He'd never been here. But he'd walked those hallways, he'd danced across the same dance floors she had, he'd been there. In that very palace.

She lay down with another sight. Whom had she been trying to fool, convincing herself she'd moved on? As if.

XXXXX

The night was dark. Stars were hidden behind thick clouds, only a feeble shine of the moon could be seen every now and then. It would be a lie to say everything was silent, for the palace never really slept. There were always eyes and ears wide open. The hallways weren't empty either.

Abby was one of those who walked the halls. It was already over midnight and she was planning to go to sleep but wanted to quickly check on lady Rayne first.

She knocked, waited for a moment, and then entered as she got no answer. Giselle was in her bedroom. Still Abby stopped with slight surprise. The former was not in her bed; she was sitting on the windowsill with her legs pulled up to her chest and her locks falling freely on her back. She was turned towards the outside so Abby couldn't see her face.

"Milady," she said, "I think you should be sleeping."

"Shouldn't you be, too?" Giselle replied in a thoughtful voice. "And I told you not to call me 'milady' every single time you speak to me. Not when we're alone."

"But it is only appropriate. I can't possibly call you by your name! How should I address you then?"

"I've been called many names." She paused for a second. "Not that I cared."

Abby nodded, more to herself than to her lady since she was turned away anyway.

"May I ask," she started after a brief silence, "where have you been?"

"Everywhere." Her voice seemed lost. "I missed you, Abby."

"I'm afraid I don't understand. Of course, it's not my place to ask..."

"Oh, Abby, please. Don't start with the social statuses again."

"Pardon?"

"What do they mean anyway? Yes, you get treated in a better way, perhaps others show you respect... But at the end these are just words. We're all people, no title can change that. We're born, we live just like everyone else. We love the same, we suffer. And at the end ... we die."

Giselle slowly turned to look across her shoulder, her eyes glistering with tears. "Positions are a lie. A sweet, misleading lie."

"Milady... I-I mean Miss Rayne," Abby stuttered, not knowing what to say. What she'd just heard surprised her a lot. Giselle surprised her. She had never seemed so fragile before. "Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true. Titles bring power. And the lure of power ... changes things. People."

"What happened to you?" Abby stepped forward. "Has someone hurt you? How can I...?"

"It is fine," Giselle cut her with a sad, small smile.

"But you're crying!"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Please, don't apologize, milady."

"Abby..." she sighed. "I really meant what I said. Please drop that 'milady'. I don't want to be treated as if I am so much better. It makes me feel..."

"Yes, m – Miss Rayne?"

"It somehow makes me feel alone..."

Abby took a deep breath. Something was bothering her mistress and she was decisive to find out what because she really wanted to help her.

"May I ask what's wrong? Can I help?"

"No," Giselle shook her head, "you can't. But you don't need to worry."

Another brief silence followed. Giselle brushed tears off her cheeks and shifted a little before she spoke again.

"It feels so unreal being here again. Everything is still the way it was before. There should be no difference for me. Yet it does feel different, so different. It seems so far away ... the time I spent here. Although not even a whole year has passed ..." her voice faded again as if she got lost in her own thoughts. "Abby, would you answer me a question?"

"Of course," she nodded.

"Have you ever thought of trying things you were not supposed to do?"

"Well, once I've wanted to tell lady Bats what I truly think of her really, really badly. Is that the kind of thing you have in mind?"

Giselle nodded. "Something like that. You know... I've done things a lady isn't supposed to do."

"Milady!" Abby gasped for air. "Why would you do such a thing? You have enough money, you needn't do that!"

"It's not what you think," Giselle replied quickly, noticing the relief on her maid's face. "But riding a horse like a man or fighting aren't exactly things a lady would ever know. Not to talk about fencing. But the point is – what I've basically done – I've learnt to protect myself. And those I care about."

"Oh, you've really done all that?"

"Yes. The year I was gone."

"But why, milady?"

"Because I don't want to be a helpless little girl standing by side when others determine future. It doesn't really matter, though. I do not wish to speak about that. I experienced life outside the palace. I learnt a lot. And I hope I can trust that you won't talk about that to anyone."

"I promise," Abby pressed a hand over her heart. "I'll keep your secret. Were you thinking about that? Is that why you weren't sleeping?"

"I couldn't sleep," answered Giselle. She'd stopped crying but her eyes still felt a bit sore. "Let's talk a little more." She managed to smile.

"If you wish, milady. Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's ok, go on."

"Well... May I ask if you, by any chance, know, why Lady Lin could have said you were snobbish?"

Giselle's answer surprised her.

"Because I acted as such."

"But you are a really kind person."

"Even I have my moments. Besides, I don't really know how to act around them. I know the manners and all but they–" She stopped abruptly. "No, forget that. I think I'll try to fall asleep now."

"It would be good, yes. I will leave you then."

Abby started walking towards the door when another Giselle's question took her by surprise.

"Abby... Has anyone ever broken your heart?"

"No, milady. Why do you ask? Did somebody break your heart?"

"No... Not really. I was just wondering how long it takes for a heart to heal..."

Not knowing how she should reply to this, Abby nodded and left quietly. She closed the door behind her and stopped in front of it. She didn't like seeing Lady Rayne so sad. It seemed she was heartbroken. So there had to be a guy who had made her like that.

Abby pressed her lips together. It was her job to make Giselle's life easier. And so she decided she would find out more and help Giselle smile genuinely again.