V. chapter: Heart

Lin was thoughtfully watching her own reflexion in a mirror. She'd just put on a new light blue dress. It was pretty simple but way nobler that the clothes she usually wore. Hell, she didn't even wear dresses most of the time! All that luxury was something she wasn't quiet used to. And she liked the Chinese-style dresses better. But she was on the British court and she had to adapt to this way of living.

She was in the middle of making her hair (no matter how British her dress was she refused to wear her hair in those stupid curls some ladies wore) when a knock on the door interrupted the flow of her thoughts. Not paying any attention to it she continued to arrange her hair. It was probably just another maid who came to ask if she needed something …

"Good morning," greeted the newcomer and Lin finally turned around. The voice didn't belong to a maid. It belonged to Lady Rayne.

"Good morning," the Chinese replied. She decided to wait for the other to speak rather than try to start a conversation. After all she had no way of knowing what had brought the lady here.

"I hope you slept well," Giselle said politely.

"Indeed, thank you. And you, lady Rayne?"

The latter pretended to had overheard the question and skipped to the point.

"I must apology for yesterday's behaviour. I did not mean to be rude."

"It's okay." Lin was a bit surprised yet pleased with the apology. Perhaps she'd really gotten the wrong opinion about the auburn-haired woman. "I understand that you don't want to play a servant for us."

"That was never demanded from me," stated Giselle. "But I understand her majesty has a lot of work to do and so do others. But my job is simply to assure you a pleasant time here, nothing more. Now, let us find your friends – I have news for you three."

XXXXX

"You're kidding?" Roy blurted.

"Whatever you say, Mr. O'Bannon."

"But you are kidding, right?" he asked, this time already quite unsure. "There is no way that old Chinese would move his ass and …"

"Roy!" the Chon-siblings barked simultaneously.

"Pardon, the Emperor," he waved his hand. "I just really can't see why he'd come here."

Giselle, seated in an armchair, subconsciously twisted the folds of her dress a little. She didn't particularly like the blond, he was thinking too highly of himself. Someone should tell him that …

"Why, because of you," she said, making him blink stupidly. She rolled her eyes mentally but maintained her composure. "He's coming to show his gratitude. After all, England returned the seal to him. After you beat that Chinese. So you see, it is because of you."

"When you put it like that … We're great, aren't we, Giselle?" Roy laughed and Giselle felt a strong urge to slap him.

"It's Lady Rayne," she corrected dryly. In the back of her mind she noticed Lin's eyes hadn't left her since the moment she'd entered the room, but when she met her gaze Lin quickly looked away. Only for a few seconds, though. When Giselle's attention was once again on Roy her dark eyes came to rest on her face. She didn't know what to think of her. She'd done nothing so far to appear less snobbish in her eyes yet Lin had to believe Lady Rayne's maid's words. There was something about that woman, something unusual, almost odd. Something that didn't belong there. Lin was quite sure there was a busy mind – or so she guessed – behind the façade the lady was wearing, and she wondered whether she could get a glimpse behind it.

"You need not to worry about your visit; it will remain perfectly undisturbed," Giselle went on, wishing to deliver the news as fast as possible so she could leave. "Now, certainly you wish to finally see your friend. Please, follow me."

She rose in an elegant manner, took a hold of the folds of her dress and walked out of the room with her head held high. Before she even reached the first turn of the hallway Lin was at her side.

"Excuse me," the latter said. "I heard you were gone for a year or so. A journey perhaps?"

"One could say so," was Giselle's abrupt reply.

Lin raised an eyebrow. "Your maid …"

"Abigail," Giselle cut her. "That's her name."

"Oh. Well, she mentioned she'd been worried," Lin tried to get more out of her interlocutor. However, "It happened I left suddenly," was the only reply she got. Lin took the hint and joined her brother and Roy rather than to push the subject any further.

Giselle stopped in front of a certain door, beckoning them to enter. Taking a breath, she turned to leave. Instead she was disturbed by a footman, who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

"Lady Rayne?" he asked to make sure of her identity.

"Yes?"

He bowed deeply. "Her majesty wishes to see you, milady."

He only reaction was a mere nod.

XXXXX

A few minutes later Giselle found herself standing in front of the skilfully ornate door to the queen's study. She had a pretty good idea what the queen could wish to see her for. It didn't make her feel any better though. Quite the opposite.

A footman announced her as she entered, then politely left with a bow, letting the two women have their privacy according to the queen's order.

"You wished to see me, your majesty," the younger one bowed.

"Yes," Victoria said. She was sitting at her desk, bowing over some papers, but she straightened up and looked at the visitor. "I wish to talk to you about some matters. Last time we had too many listeners, I'm quite sure we agree on that."

Giselle only nodded in silence, awaiting further words.

"Hopefully I didn't disturb you," the Queen said.

"No, your majesty, of course not."

"Please, Giselle, we might as well drop the formality a little. I used to be like a mother to you and still see you as my daughter."

"I understand, your majesty, but with all the respect, you don't need to look after me anymore."

"No …" Victoria replied thoughtfully. "Of course not … You are a fine lady now, capable of living on your own. But you misunderstand. I have my own children, but they, sadly, don't want to listen to me as much as it would be good for them. You, on the other hand, are still close to me. It's very lonely on the throne. For a person of my position trusted people are truly rare. You are one of them. Nelson was another …"

Her voice faded. Apparently the memory of her ex-cousin was still painful. Giselle understood easily and quickly changed the topic.

"What did you wish to talk about with me?"

"I only wanted to express my happiness about your return. I was worried, very much so. Nobody knew what happened to you or where you were. I was afraid you might be dead or maybe you …"

Once again her unfinished sentence lingered in the air.

"I deeply apologize for my absence, your majesty," Giselle said in a clear voice. "I do not wish to speak about it, if possible, but I can assure you I did nothing illegal."

The relief on the Queen's face was easy enough to notice, even if the latter didn't want it to be so.

"I've never accused you of doing so," she said, trying not to reveal too much of her emotions as it would be seen as inappropriate for her position.

"But you had to know," stated Giselle slowly. She didn't wish to say these lines but they needed to be said, she knew. So she took a breath and went on. "You had to know because of the last year's events … Because of Lord … Rathbone …"

It was her voice that broke this time. She'd never thought it would be so hard to say his name, the name of the man she still loved.

"You're right," the Queen smiled weakly. "Well, you could always read people so easily … Yes, it's a pity that happened. Nelson was a fine man, I don't know why he … Nobody knows why …"

Giselle wished she could say something but the words got lost on the way through her throat. She gave every effort to keep the mask of calmness on her face, when in reality she wished to run away from the current conversation in tears. Luckily enough the Queen thought it best to change the subject, too.

"Let's not dwell upon the past, shall we," she said. "It is the present that matters. For example, I heard Lord Dixon was quite happy when the news of your return reached his ears."

Edwin … Edwin Dixon. He was one of Giselle's suitors, and a quite insistent one. There had been others, too, but Giselle doubted they would still bother with her after her absence. They'd probably found another lady to court already. Edwin was a different story, though. Strange as it might have been, he was her childhood friend and Giselle liked his company as long as he didn't try to seduce her. Or at least flatter her. Sadly, that happened very often. Sometimes Giselle felt guilty because of the way she was continually turning him down. He was a nice man and would surely make a fine husband, but she couldn't force herself to marry him when in reality her heart belonged to another.

"Have you considered marring?" the Queen went on. "You are twenty-four already, if I am not mistaken, and there are luckily still men interested in you. Lord Dixon is one of them, isn't he?"

"He is, your majesty," Giselle managed to nod. She felt nausea at the mere thought of marring. She certainly did not expect this topic to be brought up and she barely restrained herself from screaming a loud "No!" No way was she getting married to him!

"I know with your status you are perfectly capable of living on your own, but there are rumours he is planning to propose to you."

Giselle swallowed. She felt like there was a tornado inside of her heart.

"Is everything alright, Giselle?"

"Yes. Everything is well," she forced a smile and added, "your majesty."

"I'm glad to hear it. You may go now. And, Giselle, no matter what your answer will be, I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

"Thank you, your majesty," she bowed, then turned on her heels and left. As soon as she was out of the cabinet she rushed down the corridor as if there was fire behind her heels. Her heart was raging and she had to fight for control over her breathing. How could she have ever believed she'd moved on?

She turned right, went down a staircase and over a hall, and was just about to go left when a masculine voice reached her.

"Giselle!"

She stopped like struck by lightning and turned around slowly. Of all the people it had to be Edwin who'd seen her. He was approaching with long steps and a bright smile on his face. His light brown hair was neatly combed as always and his eyes of the same brown colour were shining.

"Edwin!" she exclaimed. If this was about to go on, she'd wear a fake smile all the time. Maybe she'd even believe it in the end …

"It's such a relief to see you again. You don't know how delighted I am!"

Apparently not enough that you would find me as soon as I came, she thought. What she said aloud,

"I'm pleased to see you're well."

"You are even more stunning as I remember you to be, my lady," he bowed to kiss her hand gently.

"Thank you." Another smile.

"I was afraid a man took you away from me," Edwin went on in an easy manner. "What a horrible thought! But you're here again … I'm sure you missed me too much to stay away any longer."

"Don't overdo it, Edwin," she only rolled her eyes at the sight of his charming smile.

"Still not interested in men, Giselle?"

"Since when is that your business?"

"Since I've began wishing you'd be interested in me," he smirked. "It would be horrible if such a beautiful lady were to stay single forever."

"I'm not that beautiful," she murmured indecisively, wishing this conversation would already be over.

"Why of course you are, my dear. We should really do something about your way of thinking, what do you say, sweetheart?" He pulled her into his embrace.

That did it. Without a moment of hesitation she broke free, pushing him away.

"I am not your sweetheart!" she spat. "And you are not to touch me in this manner! Can't you ever stop courting me? I don't want it! I want a friend, not this sugary flattering! I don't want to marry you! Leave me alone!"

Without waiting for a reply, she showed her back to him and stormed away. She knew she'd hurt him but didn't care. Her own pain was already more than she could handle.