Stephenie owns all things.

Thanks to IAmToWait.

Thanks to you for reading. This one was a bitch to write.

XOXO

Bella,

I hope that one day you get these letters. Life is so uncertain, especially in my line of work. I never know what will happen. I just hope you know that I'm sorry. I should have tried harder, been more of a man, and loved you the way you deserved. I won't write to you anymore. I've written a ton of letters and never sent them so there is really no point. I know I was wrong; I should have done this differently, done everything differently.

Just know that I did love you.

And that I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Edward

After Edward returned back to his base, he kept his promise. He called daily, texted and emailed. It seemed like everything were going back to normal for the couple. Well, as normal as two young lovers who lived miles apart could be.

Bella's friends noticed the difference. They wanted to be around her again and for that she was grateful. Even though she had Edward back in her life, it was still very lonely with him so far away.

She spent most of her days working or going to class. Edward promised her they would be together soon, that he would marry her and they'd settle down and start a family. Who cared if they were young? Their parents had done the same thing.

When Edward started talking about a wedding, Bella started looking for a dress. She saved every penny she made and searched small, secondhand shops on the weekends. It was surprising what was given away in the big city of Seattle. After only a couple of weeks of searching she found something perfect. It was simple: white lace, short sleeves. It was Bella. She knew Edward would love it.

As the summer drew, near their conversations moved away from the future and closer to the 'here and now.' Especially where school was concerned.

"Maybe you can transfer here," he had said once during a late night phone conversation. His voice was thick with sleep and she wrote it off as a fantasy that lived in his subconscience.

Still, something in Edward's voice made her want to believe him, made her want to move to Texas. She would kill to switch schools, to be closer to him. Bella looked into transferring, spoke to her guidance counselor and began filling out paperwork.

As she did that, worked and attended classes, Edward trained for his next deployment and made new friends of his own. As her exams drew near she leaned on him for moral support, something Edward excelled at.

He always told her she was wonderful, always encouraged her and told her that she could do anything.

Always… almost.

As Bella poured over her books in the campus library, she continuously checked her phone, waiting for his call. He was scheduled to leave the next day for a month-long training out in "the field," as the soldiers called it.

Edward didn't call.

As she left the library, Bella finally mustered up the courage to call him, even though he promised to call her.

She could hear music and laughter in the background when he picked up.

"Yeah?" His voice was harsh, not like Edward.

"You didn't call." Tears pricked at her eyes and she blinked them away quickly.

"What are you, my mother? I don't have to call you every fucking day," he whispered, though she could detect the annoyance in his voice.

"Well, you don't have to but you always do. And you're leaving for a month; I thought you might've wanted to talk to me."

"I'm with my friends, Bella. I'm not going to see them for a long time. I can't talk right now."

Bella opened her mouth to respond but realized that the line was dead.

Edward had hung up on her.

Somehow, Bella made it back to her dorm room. She curled up on her tiny bed and gripped her ribbon in her hand as her tears flowed freely. Edward had never spoken to her that way, never treated her with such discourtesy.

Bella slept through the alarm the next day and hardly made it to her final exam. A couple of weeks later she found out she didn't pass. It was her tears that convinced the professor to allow her a retake, though neither Bella's heart nor mind were really into it. Edward was not somewhere with phones or internet service. He was training for what it would really be like to survive in the desert. She had not heard from him since the night he hung up on her.

The next couple of weeks dragged by slowly. Edward was gone and Bella's friends saw the difference in her; they were getting good at recognizing when something was wrong. She refused to talk about it. Talking about it hurt too much. If she didn't talk about it then nothing was wrong.

After Bella discovered that she had somewhat redeemed herself on her failed exam, she felt a bit better. Things were looking up at school, so of course they must be looking up with Edward, too. She drudged home one day after working in the school bookstore and flipped on her desktop, hoping for an email or something to show her that Edward was home. She desperately needed to hear his voice.

Bella sighed as her computer booted up. She was very impatient. Edward was supposed to be home already and she hadn't heard from him. She grabbed a snack as her internet connected and then logged into her MySpace page.

Her heart stopped.

Edward Cullen is: glad to be back. Missing some ppl.

When Bella's heart began beating again, it was flying. He was back. He missed her. Of course he missed her. She reached for her phone in an instant and dialed his number.

It rang.

Once.

Twice.

Voicemail.

He sent her to voicemail. Maybe he was busy. But… he had time to get on the internet so why couldn't he answer her call?

She called again and got the same response. Sent straight to voicemail. Maybe something was wrong; now Bella was worried.

Again and again she called and texted him but received no acknowledgement or response. Well, now she was angry. If he was home and had time to get on the internet then he should have two minutes to answer his damn phone.

So, Bella was smart. She blocked her number.

It rang.

Once.

Twice.

"Cullen."

"Oh, so you can pick up the phone when you don't know who it is, but not when it's me?"

"I gotta go."

And the line went dead.

It wasn't until hours later that Bella called again. She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that he would not do this to her again. He would not make her feel worthless and make her cry herself to sleep. She wouldn't let him. Bella would give him the choice, all or nothing. Edward couldn't have it both ways.

She wrote down what she wanted to say and held it tightly as she dialed his number. What Bella wasn't prepared for was his words. She hardly got out her speech about how much she loved him, how she always wanted to be with him, how much it hurt when he treated her this way.

"I just can't believe this is happening again, Edw - "

Her words were stuck in her throat when his voice cut across hers, loud and clear.

"Bella, I need some time to think about our relationship."