Disclaimer: Stephenie will always own them, I'll always love them.

Thanks to IAmToWait for beta'ing and for agreeing to jump on this crazy train. It's been fun.

I have an epilogue and one more chapter after this.

If Edward wanted time to think about their relationship then Bella would give it to him. She would not wait around forever, though. Bella made a point to get on with her life… kind of. Though hanging out with Jessica was fun, it didn't complete keep her mind off things. Every little thing reminded her of Edward. She even joined a weekly book club, but when the main character in the story's name was Edward she had to quit.

Things were hard for the first few days, of course. She stayed in bed and thought. A lot. Bella knew thinking about it would only make her feel worse, only make her want to talk to him even more. But she didn't.

Bella respected the time Edward needed to think. She worked and went to class, hung out with Jessica and talked to her mom. Renee was less than supportive when it came to Edward. She didn't think Edward's excuses were valid, but Bella didn't care. She was in love; she would wait.

Everyone would see that they would work.

But they didn't work.

Just a few short weeks after Edward said he needed time, Bella was surreptitiously checking his MySpace page. His relationship status was changed. The little word in the corner box stunned her, stopped her heart and made her blood run cold.

Single.

Was that really how it was going to end? She was going to learn of the termination of her relationship on the internet? The experience was unreal. Years of her life spent with this, this boy and he breaks up with her over the internet?

Bella wasn't happy so she emailed him. She texted him. And then she called him. There was no response from Edward in any way, shape or form.

When depression hit Bella, it hit her hard. She felt everything tenfold. Anger and pain were the worst. Any small thing set her off, whether it was at work or school, friends or family.

She didn't want to think about anything or talk to anyone and why people insisted on asking if she was okay was a mystery. Bella was not okay. She would never be okay. If Edward didn't want to be with her then she didn't know who she was. He had been her whole life since they were kids. What was she supposed to do if he didn't love her?

Did he ever really love her?

Did she even know what it meant to be loved someone? Would she ever?

Bella wanted the answers, she needed to know. So, she continued to call Edward. She continued her texts and emails with no response. Until one day she called and the phone picked up. Bella prepared herself to speak, knowing exactly what she wanted to say.

"Hello?" A quiet voice was on the other line and Bella lost her nerve.

"Esme?"

"Bella? Oh, Bella." Esme began to sob on the other end of the phone and immediately Bella feared the worst. Was it Bella's family? Carlisle? Was Esme herself sick?

"What is it?" Bella felt her heart throbbing in her chest. The seconds passed like hours while she waited for Esme's response.

"He's gone."

"What do you mean, 'gone'?" Bella didn't understand Esme sometimes. She could be very emotional and surely nothing bad had happened to Edward. He had, of course, probably been deployed again. That was no doubt why he wasn't answering Bella's calls or emails. It had to be.

"Dead. Edward is dead." Esme's voice was fuzzy as she explained further. He and his girlfriend had gone to a movie. It was late. The roads were wet. There was nothing anyone could do. The girl was lucky to be alive.

The girl.

Bella didn't care about any girl.

Edward.

Edward was gone. How could Edward be gone? If Edward was dead then surely she was, too. There was no way she could survive without him. Even in the months that they hadn't spoken at least she'd known he was alive.

But what now?

Now what was she supposed to do?

Maybe Esme was mistaken. Perhaps it was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe they were playing a joke on her!

And what a cruel, evil joke it would be.

But Bella knew it was no joke. Esme Cullen would never lie about her son in such a way.

The phone hit the ground and so did Bella's knees, then her hands, then her face. The floor swallowed her whole and she felt as if her heart had been savagely cut out of her chest while it was still beating.

It was hours before she resurfaced. The phone rang and rang but Bella didn't answer it. She didn't want to talk to them, anyone. She couldn't. What would she say?

I'm fine.

It's okay.

He's in a better place.

How was Edward in a better place if he weren't living and breathing and walking the earth?

Bella didn't know.

The next day her father showed up and held her while she cried. Then he packed her a bag and took her home.

For the funeral.

For Edward's funeral.

Bella sat between her parents as the only boy she'd ever loved was lowered into the ground. No matter what he'd done or how he'd acted – she'd always love him.

Even if he never really loved her.

"Bella?" A voice startled her as she stood under the shade of an old willow tree. People still milled around greeting members of Edward's family. Bella waited. She wanted to be alone with him.

"Yes?" She answered as she turned. Esme was there and a pretty girl stood behind her, a box in her hands.

"This was found in his closet." Esme gestured behind her and the girl held out the box and Bella took it, anxious to know its contents.

"Thank you," Bella whispered as she looked back at the people. Her father was waiting in the car for her so she decided she would visit some other time.

When she returned back to school Bella tried her best to be normal, but everything hurt. So very, very much.

The box was full of small, random things from their relationship: movie stubs and receipts from dates, little notes that Bella had sent while he was overseas… and letters.

A stack of letters to be exact. A stack that was tied together with the ribbon she'd slipped into the last care package she'd sent to Texas. The letters stayed on the nightstand, unopened for a week.

She thought about it every day but never opened them. Part of her didn't want to know what was in them. Maybe it was the truth that she'd been avoiding for months. Maybe he never really cared.

Bella's curiosity finally won out over her ignorance and she ripped the ribbon off and let it fall to the floor, just as he had carelessly tossed away their relationship. His elegant script mocked her as she shuffled through the envelopes, desperate to find the most recent one.

The paper gave way quickly to her anxious hands and she unfolded the thin piece of stationary inside. She read the words on the page over and over until her tears blurred the lines. The letter fell as her knees hit the ground and her voice repeated the only words he'd written in his final letter to her.

"I'm sorry."

Thanks for reading.

XOXO