Well now, it's been a while since I've updated… I wonder if anybody likes this story yet?

Tears stream down my face as I listen to these stupid speeches people give. It's really pathetic how people try to talk about something they know nothing about. It's like writing a research report without researching your topic.

I told myself that I'd be strong today. I said I wouldn't cry. I was told not to and that it shouldn't be painful. It was a lie though obviously. It's very painful.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to sit here and listen to this crap. I don't want to listen to this music either. Naturally I would get up and walk out. But that would really be disrespectful. People are counting on me. I can't do that.

He's watching me anyway. He'd be really upset with me if I got up and walked out. I feel his gaze pound into my skull. I have to be strong until it's over.

When we were young, about 15 or 16, we used to see who had the most pain tolerance. We used to beat each other up and see who would give in first. Matt always did. He only lasted about ten or 15 minutes. I remember when I gave up first once. It wasn't a very fair game since he had kicked me in the damn balls. I fell to the ground and cursed him out like he had destroyed one of my chocolate bars by leaving it in one of my pockets and letting it go through the wash. He got down onto the ground beside me and held me against his chest, repeatedly saying how sorry he was. My pain was ignored as soon as his touch reached my skin.

I felt safe in his arms. He held me tight and rubbed my back. I don't know why I started having feelings for him at that age. You really don't have any feelings of love until you're around 18. Any feelings before that were usually lust or obsession.

I know once we got older, into our really late teens and early 20's, we were in love. It was an open relationship though. If we found somebody else, then that would be it. We never found anybody though.

There was this one time when I was working and I had feelings for one of my co-workers. Me and Matt got in many fights about it. He told me that if I really wanted to be with them, that I could. He made a big deal out of it. I told him that I didn't love them and that I wouldn't leave him. He got on rants about him being ugly and just girly stuff like that.

"I can prove it to you that I don't like her, Matt!" I yelled at him.

"Yeah? How? Quit your job?" He yelled back.

"Yes. I'll quit my job. Just for you," I calmed down a bit. "If that's what it takes to get you to believe me. Matt, I will quit my job."

He came up to me and hugged me tightly. I have never had such great hugs from anybody else but him. That guy has to be the best hugger I know.

The next day, I went into the Mafia and resigned. My position was passed on and my Matty finally believed me. I had to tell the girl that I was sorry and that nothing would work out between us. She gave me many options, but I declined all of her offers. I loved Matt, and that was final.

I should really start working again. I'm sure Matt wouldn't mind. I don't know where the girl is now, and I could care less.

Some people are completely disrespectful. The clothes people wear. They shouldn't even be allowed in here. I see people texting on their cell phones. I see people playing video games on a DS, or something like that. I never got into the console crap. I always sat beside Matt and watched him beat the crap out of the… Bosses? I think that's what he called them.

I really shouldn't have gotten mad at him and threw all his consoles out of the window. I was mad at him again for not paying attention to me when I was talking to him. It was the last straw when he told me to "hang on" that last time.

It was when we just moved out of the orphanage. I was 19; he was 18.

"Mello! I'm doing something! Calm down. It's not like it's the end of the world if I forget what you were saying to me," Matt said, his attention drawn towards the television set in front of him.

I walked over to him, ticked off as usual, then knocked the controller out of his hands. "I am sick of you telling me what you can multi task and that you can understand what I'm saying. I swear, only twenty percent of what I say to you, you actually hear. Ten percent of that, you just don't care," I raised my voice at him, standing in front of him with my arms crossed.

"What the hell, Mello!" He yelled back at me.

"You've been playing this same game for over three hours! The least you cold do is pause it when I'm trying to talk to you," I said, kicking the controller out of the way as Matt reached down to grab it.

"Fine, I'm sorry. What did you want to tell me?" He asked, sitting back in the couch.

"I don't want you playing videogames when I'm home anymore. I'm hardly ever here and I just want to see you," I said, reaching a hand up and running it through my hair.

"You see me while I'm playing my games," he said annoyed, trying to reach for his controller again.

I bent down, picked it up and threw it across the room. "Damnit Matt, you just don't get it!" I yelled at him. "I want to spend time with you. Not sit by you and watch you play games all day! I'm not your baby sitter!"

We called each other every name in the book for quite some time. Eventually, I got fed up with him and his crap, I picked up his game console and threw it out the open window.

He left after that.

When he came back , it was around three in the morning. He had went out and bought a new game system. He came into our room and laid down next to me, mumbling softly how sorry he was and that he wouldn't play his games when I was home anymore. I smiled to myself and I only said one thing, "Okay."

I'm disappointed in myself because of how short my chapters are…