Part 9: In which Germany decides to never own a pet

As the gods took their leave, wise Germany knelt forward and took the mighty shield of awesome and the spear of even more awesome that the fierce Prussia had given unto him as gifts. Hefting the new weapons, the mortal warrior marveled at the lightness of which the mighty weapons felt as he shifted both spear and shield comfortably. While he admired the new gifts, there came a great yowl and screech of anger so powerful the trees shuddered in fear. Brave Germany donned his new gear, glinting silver and shining in the light as he bounded through the undergrowth and dashed past trees until he fell through into a clearing that lead to the sea.
There, in the center of the grassy plain, stood a cat, upon its shoulder lay two ferocious heads that snarled and slavered at the brave man who danced before it.

"Ahahaha! You think you can eat me? Eat the great Hero, America? I don't think so you fat cat. Two heads are not better than one, because I'm going to defeat you!"
So saying, the proclaimed America, son of England, dashed forward with his bare hands and wrestled with the mighty feline, Neko, one of Titan Japan's great cats, whose paws were twice the size of the demigod's own head, equipped with fearsome claws, its body easily five times the size of a horse.

But America, fearsome heroic America of legendary strength, pinned the mighty cat with both arms.

"You see, you may have impenetrable skin that I cannot pierce, but I can crush you with brute strength! I'll pummel you into the dust!"

Though America's words were strong the hero had forgotten of the ropy tail the wily cat had its disposal. And so as the great two-headed feline whipped forward its snakelike appendage heroic America was struck unaware and fell to the earth dazed. Quicker than lightning did the mighty cat then pounce upon the hapless warrior that lay prone upon the dusty Earth with open maws, fangs the size of Germany's hand. But quickly recovering, America did then stretch out both hands and clench a fang of each fearsome head. With the strength of a demigod, and more for even among demigods America possessed an incredulous amount of strength, did America keep from being shredded and strewn about the clearing.

And to this tableau did Germany stand and witness. Claim his prize, had said bright-eyed Hungary. Surely she had not meant this man who wrestled with cats in the dust. Though Germany grew confounded, he hefted his mighty shield of awesome and his gleaming spear of more awesome for no matter the reason, this man was the key to obtaining what he sought. So, with that thought in mind, daring Germany charged forward and with a mighty yell thrust the spear of more awesome that could pierce anything. So hard did Germany thrust his mighty weapon that the point of that magnificent shaft slid through not one skull, but two. As the dust settled, there lay upon the dusty earth, one dead feline and a hero much aggrieved:

"What? It's dead? But I wanted to kill it! I was about to kill it. Y'know, do a twisty leg thingy, slingshot it into the air and then pow! Knock out! Pfft. You only beat me to the finishing blow; I had already weakened it with my heroic super strength for you. Hmph."

Brave Germany refrained from mentioning the hero's bloody hands that had been occupied with the beast's mouth. Heroic America looked at Brave Germany, face dusty and shining with sweat as he looked through the glass lenses the rested upon the bridge of his nose:

"Eeh. But I'm hungry now, and the cat's dead - dammit, I wanted to kill it - since you've proved yourself as heroic as myself, I shall allow you eat lunch with me!"

So saying, heroic America hoisted himself upright with a mighty surge and stood with an outstretched palm towards the brave Germany. Germany's firm palm met the strong dirty palm of heroic America and they clapped hands in greeting. Then heroic America proceeded to skin the cat, for impenetrable skin could come useful, and with their combined strengths lugged the massive pelt towards a corner of clearing far from the flies that had already begun to swarm the corpse. Together they stretched in the sunlight, and from the forests came gentle Lithuania carrying a paper bag full of food. In a circle they sat, far from the curing pelt, for already the blood beckoned insects with its iron scent. A burger in hand, a pile beside heroic America for a hero needed sustenance, sat all three and as they ate Germany recounted the long tale of his quest, but heroic America with his mighty chewing could hear little of it:

"Eh? What?"

And so Germany once again attempted to recount his tale, only to be met with a similar response:

"Eh? Come again?"

Upon the fifth recounting, Germany desisted and ate in silence. However, as he ate and observed his two mealtime companions in silence, awareness gradually dawned that the white cloth clenched in America's hand greatly resembled that of the lost sacred flag of Italy. And so, brave Germany attempted to request America. The following conversation was made of many repetitions of the following:

"America, I would like to request you…"

"What?"

"I am in need of…"

"I can't hear you!"

And so as Italy ran his chariot from the zenith to horizon and as Romano's steeds began to stir did they banter to and fro these two heroes. Until finally, did the pile of burgers dwindle to nothing besides the heroic America and his chewing grew silent.

"Eh? Did you want something?"

Brave Germany merely pointed, for his voice was hoarse and coherency now lost, to the white cloth that shone despite the dirt and grease that America had been using it to mop.

"Huh? Oh. This? You want the napkin? Why didn't you say so! Hahahahaha! It's nothing! Not even mine! I merely picked up from the ground in a forest a while ago thinking it would make a good napkin. Come to think of it, it was lying next to a really big box of wine…Anyway! Yeah! Here!"

And so, Germany took the sacred flag from a willing America, for it was indeed the sacred flag. Despite the grime that covered it, the suppleness and gleaming whiteness was still evident even beneath all that covered it for the Sacred With Flag of Surrender that belonged to Italy, golden son of Ancient Rome, was unmistakable in its whiteness for only the purest color could hope to be seen amongst a battle of blood and flying dirt. Clenching the flag Germany thanked America for the meal and departed with not only the flag, but the cured skin of the two headed Neko for America had no need of it and decided to gift it upon the brave warrior who had assisted him in its defeat.

So now alone, at the end of the world where the only way back was by sea or once more through the land of the underworld did Germany rest against a tree. And in his slumber did Ancient Rome descend once again, his beloved golden son Italy accompanying him. In the dreaming Germany's thoughts did Ancient Rome speak these words:

"Ah, so you did have what it takes! Hmph. I'm still concerned, but I swore upon the River Daugava that I would relinquish the care of my beloved son, Italy to you upon the retrieval of his sacred flag. And so quest completed, I grant you your reward. May you never cease to treasure it."

And so did the golden son of Ancient Rome then spring from where he had hidden behind his great father and fly into Germany's waiting embrace.

"And as my final gift to you and my son, I would have you ask of me one thing, and I will grant it should it be in my power."

And high above in great Mt. Roma, did all the gods watch the triumphant end to the quest imposed upon the mortal warrior Germany.

"As I thought, he was worthy. Question my judgment did you, Ancient Rome?"

"Good job Germany! There was no doubt!"

"America doesn't have the flag anymore, so stop glaring at my son, Rome!"

"Hmph. He doesn't deserve him, stupid potato bastard."

"So he pulled it off."

"He is so awesome! Pah! I knew he could do it! Kesesesese"

"Ah, so he found the flag, non? I am so glad!"

"EH? What are you doing here you frog bastard? Go back to your exile! AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

"Ah, Lithuania. One day I will live with you again, da?"

"RUSSIA? THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?...eh? where did all these pandas come from?"

Oblivious to those who watched, Germany and golden Italy gazed intently at each other and together spoke to Ancient Rome their greatest wish.

"Home, let's go home."

END