Title: Underoath Cries the Past
Chapter: Hidden Feelings
Author: would be me - MissChriis
Beta/Co-Author: The amazing Amy [TranceGem] *hugs*
Rating: M [future Chapters]
Disclaimer: Don't own anything related to Greys Anatomy; don't get any profit
(Short) Summary: Sometimes it might be better to simply face, instead of hiding.
A/N: Everything written in Italic represents one of Arizona's flashbacks (:
A/N2: Please don't hate me *-*
Reviews = Love, I'd be happy if you tell me your oppinion on my story :D
Hidden Feelings
Megan's POV
"Are you sure? Do you really want to do this?" the tall black haired male asked. "I am sure, no need to worry Taylor", Megan gave back, eyeing her brother. She knew he would search for the truth of the statement in her eyes. "Mhm", was all Taylor replied. "What will we do with Emily?" he asked looking down at the sleeping girl. "She goes to preschool for a few hours every day, at least for a few hours." She said placing her hand on the little girls cheek. "Okay, well. I will take her whenever you are at the hospital, or at least I'll try to. It won't always work", he sighed. "I can ask Arizona" Megan suggested grinning. "Don't you dare!" Taylor spat out. "It's bad enough that you work with her!" the venom was easy noticeable. "That was a joke, okay?" she tried to calm her twin brother. "I am sorry…I just don't like to see you around her" he gave back to her. "I know", she replied. "But you won't change my opinion" she added. Taylor simply nodded. "I have to head off to work, in few minutes. Afterwards I can take her", the blue eyed male got back to their main topic. "When are you finished?" she wanted to know "About…3pm, I suppose you have to get her from preschool and take her with you to the hospital" he suggested. "Well. I'll go and get her at 2.30pm. So she'll be with me at the hospital", her brother nodded. "I'll hurry and try to get off work earlier", he smiled. "I'll always try my best to be a great uncle for her" he said moving his hands through the tiny black curls. " But, she needs a…father-figure", he added "And this won't be me." Megan knew he was right, sighting she lifted Emily. "I know Taylor, I know"
Arizona's POV
It was still dark outside when the blonde surgeon opened her eyes. She could hear the steady rhythm of her lover's breathing which calmed her down. The noise of her pager had interrupted her dreams.
In a way, she was happy that she finally could escape the dream she had just had. On the other hand, this meant she had to leave Callie earlier than she had thought. Sighing she turned away from Callie and tried to leave their bed without waking the still sleeping beauty. Again, her pager went off. '911', the display said.
Gently she walked to Callie's side of the bed and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before she left the room.
Two hours later, when her shift had normally started, Arizona knew it was only a few more minutes till she would be surrounded by Megan. She was thankful, that Karev would be spending the day with her and Megan.
Still, she was the same. Green bright eyes and black silky hair. Sometimes it's curly, sometimes straight. The honest smile that sometimes flashed over her lips hadn't changed either. Only her fake one seemed to show more often now.
When she heard the name Megan Rose Carter, it sounded familiar, of course it did. But the surname simply didn't match. Why did she have another name? Had her parents divorced and she took her mother's birth name? But her mother's birth name wasn't Carter, as far as Arizona knew. Maybe her mother married again? She tried to ignore the tiny voice in screaming deep inside her mind , but it was impossible to not hear it, 'maybe she got married' was all it said. Megan and marriage? That's impossible. Who could she have married? And where, was he now? No, Megan hadn't got married. The blonde kept telling herself again and again. Arizona wasn't sure why she didn't want to believe Megan had gotten married. Possibly, because it simply didn't fit the lifestyle of her former roommate…
Slowly, her blue eyes scanned the floor. It didn't take long till she could spot the familiar black hair and green eyes. Megan didn't notice Arizona getting closer to her. She was way too focused on Mark, who stood right in front of her. "No way", Mark laughed "I am telling the truth", Megan said with a serious facial expression which only caused Mark to laugh even more. "That's impossible", he said still laughing. "Psh yeah, laugh", the dark haired said in a played upset way. The way how her hand went through her black curls showed obviously that she was flirting. "I know you have a little girl…to care for…what is a great thing…and I am sure you are a great mother…" Mark started. "But…I am wondering, if you'd like to get a drink with me, after work?" a grin flashed over Megan's face. "Taylor, will care of Emily, this evening. So I am free", Mark smiled. "I will get her after preschool and then Taylor has her" she added. "Great!" mark replied. "Mark? Are you done yet?" Arizona cut through the conversation angrily. "Uhm…I think", Mark gave back surprised. He knew, the blonde didn't like him, but he honestly was surprised by the angry sound of her voice. "See you at lunch?" Megan asked. "Yes, see you there", the plastic surgeon replied with a grin on his face, turning around.
"Dr. Robbins", Megan shot "Good morning Dr. Carter", the blonde surgeon smiled, trying to overhear the anger in Megan's voice. "Dr. Karev, maybe you've already heard, Dr. Carter is the new Attending for PEDs", Arizona explained, "Dr. Carter, that's Dr. Karev", she simply introduced the black haired Doctor to Karev. He simply nodded, Megan flashed him a smile.
"If you're smart, you'll stay away from Sloan", Arizona suddenly burst out, after she send Karev away to check on one of her patients. "Don't you think I am old enough to decide for myself, what I do and with whom?" the raven haired glared angrily at the blonde next to her. "I hardly doubt that.", was all Arizona gave back with a bitter smile on your lips. "Actually, you are right. I always failed horribly on picking my partners" Megan shot back with a cold smile. Arizona didn't want to feel what she felt immediately. Pain. Still this topic got Arizona. Almost two years without seeing Megan, weren't enough to get over, what happened. "But who knows, maybe this time not?" Arizona could see the small spark of hope in Megan's eyes. "But, Sloan?" Arizona tried again. "Arizona just leave it! Okay?" Megan cut her off. "I decide about me and my life. Not you!" Megan was glad, when Karev got back and the discussion was over.
Megan kept silent towards Arizona for the rest of the morning, only if Arizona asked her something medical related on their round through Arizona's patients, Megan opened her mouth for a short, but right answer.
"I'm impressed" the blonde told Megan with honesty in her voice. "I know" Megan gave back. "Are we done now? Before I head off to my lunch with Mark, I want to talk to the Chief", she added. "Yeah sure, see you after lunch" Arizona told her and watched how the green eyed girl turned around and disappeared out of her sight quickly. 'Talking to Webber, huh?' the PEDs thought. 'About me?' she sighed "Ready for lunch?" a familiar and friendly voice cut through her thoughts. "Uhm what? Yes, sure I am" Arizona replied to her best friend, Teddy, following her into the elevator.
"So? How was your first day with your new Attending?" the cardio surgeon asked curiousity. "Ok, I guess" Arizona replied deeply covered in her thoughts. "What? Isn't she good?" Arizona hadn't paid much attention to her best friend, even, if she knew she should. Her eyes were stuck on Megan and Mark, two tables away from hers. "Arizona?" Teddy tried again, waving in front of the blue eyes. "Uhm…sorry. Megan is amazing. She already was at med school, and later in our Internship she always was the one, everyone could learn from", Teddy looked surprised. "Oh you know her?" a simply nodding Arizona explained: "We went to med school together; also we had our internship and the resident years together. She would be in my position now, but she had to take a break" Teddy followed Arizona's eyes and looked at the black haired girl next to Mark. "Really? She looks young for an…erm I mean, not that you look old, but…" Teddy tried hopelessly to cover what she just said. "She's one of the girls, who skipped classes. Her brother and she are somewhat of hyper intelligent. If I'm right he works for a huge company…he does something with math. Both of them like numbers", Arizona was still focused on Megan and Mark while she accidently showed how much she knew Megan "Uhm…I mean that's what I heard" she tried. "So you weren't friends with her?" Arizona's facial expression froze. They were close, really close. "We were roommates" Arizona replied simply, trying to play it cool, her eyes still focused on the strange couple right in front of her.
Megan smiled widely at Sloan, just to burst out laughing in the next moment. It was too loud around the Cafeteria, Arizona couldn't hear what they said, but it was visible, that they were having a lot of fun.
"Megan? Babe?" smiling she turned after his words. "Yeah?" the happiness sparkling in her eyes was very visible.
Arizona's eyes followed every movement Megan made. She knew her roommate pretty well and already knew what would happen in the next minutes.
Megan slightly blushed, after the brown haired boy removed his lips from her ear. Arizona knew what this meant. Way too often she had seen it. Megan wouldn't get back tonight. Her roommate would stay away for the rest of the night. If the blonde was lucky, Megan would be back tomorrow morning for med school. But she wouldn't count on it.
Just moments later he got up pulling her right after. "I'm tired" Megan yawned. Pulled away, she waved everyone a short good bye before she disappeared.
Arizona felt like she was going to vomit. She hated to watch them; she just didn't liked how he treated her raven haired friend. But it was okay as long as Arizona knew she wouldn't leave with him. But she did. Arizona knew, if something would go wrong, she was the one who got to feel it. Quite often already she brought a drunken or even high Megan home. When the rush was over and the pain came back she cried and told the blonde everything about her relationship with the tall brown haired boy. Arizona was the one who fixed Megan every time after he played the 'asshole-card' on her. Arizona fixed her, just to watch how she went back to him, again and again. The blonde wasn't sure, if he knew what she did. The last thing, Arizona would call Megan, was a slut. She liked her black haired friend with the bright green eyes way too much to do that. But, Megan knew how to enjoy herself and what effect she had on others. Of course she used it. Just to hate herself afterwards. No matter how hard Arizona tried, she just didn't understand the relationship between Megan and him. She did what she wanted, right after he played the 'asshole-card' on her, just to break down afterwards. Arizona had stopped a while ago to count, how often Megan had spent her night in Arizona's bed, after one of those breakdowns.
Often enough, Arizona woke horrified in the middle of the night. Whenever Megan got home alone, she stumbled and crashed into anything possible around their flat. Most of the time, she found Megan sitting on the coffee table, her face resting in her hand. It was the same that night; she sat there, her head buried in her hands. The way how she always sat there, told Arizona that something must have went heavily wrong. "I hate myself" a small gasp exited Megan's lips. "You shouldn't hate yourself" the blonde told her black haired roommate. "You should hate him, for what he's doing to you", Megan laughed, cold and exhausted at the same time. "I do hate him for what he does to me" she said. "But I hate myself, for what I do to myself", sighing Arizona took a seat next to Megan, whom kept her face still covered by her hands. "He is forcing you to do these things!" the blonde didn't wanted to know what exactly happened between Megan and him. "He doesn't force me to act like a slut!" Megan busted out angrily and finally lifted her head out of her hands. Her make up was all over here face, but not where it was supposed to be.
She had cried, her red eyes couldn't hide the truth and her wet cheeks proved Arizona's guess.
Without warning the black haired head rested on the blondes shoulder. "Can I sleep next to you?" Megan whispered, "I don't want to be alone. The hate will just grow" she added. "You can" Arizona replied. "But first you should clean your face" Megan smiled a little. "I look horrible, don't I?" she asked. "No you don't, you still look stunning" Arizona replied. "Liar, but thanks for trying", Megan got up walking slowly towards the bathroom.
"Are you feeling sick?" the blonde asked carefully. She knew the possibility of Megan vomiting for the rest of the night. Mostly forced by the disgust over her own behavior earlier in the night. "I don't…I think" Megan replied getting out of the bathroom with a small smile on her lips.
Just moments later Megan laid next to Arizona under the covers. "Are you sure, you are okay?" Arizona asked again. "I am, thanks Az", Megan replied turning around to face the blonde. "Wish my boyfriend would care as much as you do" she sight. "I should dump him and be with you. You'd be an amazing girlfriend." The raven haired said smiling widely. Arizona laughed too, trying to cover the awkwardness. She would be an amazing girlfriend. Especially for Megan...the straight girl. Megan's smile reached her eyes and let them brightening a little.
"Thank you Arizona, for being as amazing as you are", she told the blonde next to her seriously. "Uhm…you're welcome", Arizona replied still a little awkward. "Good night", Megan whispered and placed a soft friendly meant kiss on Arizona's cheek before she turned around to fall asleep.
It didn't take long till the blonde could hear the slow rhythm of her roommate's breathing. She was asleep. Arizona laid awake, she didn't know for how long, but she couldn't get to sleep, with Megan's words still ringing through her mind. She would be better for Megan, way better than he was. Arizona wasn't sure, if Megan noticed something. Arizona tried to cover it as well as possible.
"Why are you still awake Arizona?" she heard Megan mumble. "We need to get up soon" she added turning around to grab the blondes arm. When she turned again she pulled Arizona closer to her. "And now sleep" Megan told her. Without thinking, the blonde hugged Megan and pulled herself even closer to her best friend.
Only, in moments like this, she could be that close to Megan, without her worrying over Arizona's behavior.
This was the reason, why Arizona didn't have a problem with getting up in the middle of the night and fixing Megan back together. "Good night Megan" she whispered through the darkness around her, slowly closing her eyes.
Finally allowing herself to get some sleep, she told herself: 'Stop falling for that girl Arizona. She is straight, she is taken', but she knew, it was already too late.
"Arizona?" finally the blonde surgeon finally turned her face away from Mark and Megan. "Why are you staring at them?" Teddy asked worried. "I just don't think that it's right. She just got here and has a baby…and he is…Mark", she explained. "Yeah well, both are old enough, don't you think?" Arizona nodded slowly, "I hope"
If not, Mark would get to know the blond PEDs surgeon in a way he couldn't have imagined. Megan went already through enough. A little happiness was deserved for her too.
Of course the blonde PEDs surgeon knew that both, Megan and Mark were old enough. But that didn't changed the fact that she didn't like what she saw. Protection – she told herself, right after what happened. It was the only logic conclusion.
"Mommy, up!" Megan kneeled next to the little girl. "Will you promise me something?" the little black curls fly around her head when she nodded. "Will you be a good girl, for Uncle Taylor?" again the curls flew around. "He will tell me, about your behavior" again the little girl nodded. "And you know what will happen if you didn't behaved correctly, right?" this time no flying curls "Yes mommy", Megan smiled. "But I know you are a good girl", she told her little daughter while lifting her into her arms.
"Look Emily, this is mommy's boss. Dr. Arizona Robbins" Megan told the little girl, when the blonde got closer. "Az" Emily said smiling and waved at Arizona. "Hey, Emily" she said smiling, for the first time since Megan was around her again, she got an honest smile back from the black haired woman. Forced by a friendly look in Megan's face, Arizona took another step, closer to her formally roommate "I…I actually thought, you'd…" Arizona tried to say the words she had on her lips since she saw Megan together with Emily. "That's none of your business" Megan cut her off harshly. "And it never will be" she added with the same harsh sound in her voice and turned away.
Megan's POV
"Hey Meh!" still having Emily on her arms Megan spun around focusing her brother. "Hey Tay" she smiled. "Didn't expected you here already" he hugged Megan and Emily tightly. "As I said, I tried to hurry" again she smiled. "Isn't your uncle amazing Emily?" the little girl looked confused but nodded a '"Yes mommy", slowly he took the little girl out of Megan's arms. "When will you be home?" he asked. "Uhm…yeah well, after work I wanted to get a drink with Mark Sloan." Taylor thought for a Moment "The guy from yesterday?" now Megan nodded. "Yes", sighing Taylor took a step away from his sister. "Stay save okay?" he looked seriously worried "I will. Promise" he leaned towards Megan to kiss her forehead. "If you want, I'll pick you", he said. "Just call, okay?" again Megan nodded. "Stop worrying, okay little brother? I'm fine", he sighed. "I hope so". After Megan said goodbye to her daughter Taylor went.
Arizona's POV
When the blonde finished her shift, her girlfriend still had an hour to go, Arizona decided to go home to prepare dinner for a nice and romantic evening with Callie.
As she walked through the car park her thoughts still danced around Megan. She kept herself busy enough for the rest of the shift, so she wouldn't need to talk to Arizona. It was obvious that she now started to avoid her.
"Why did she come here?" the blonde thought out loud. "Because she wants answers!" an angry male voice shot back. Shocked, Arizona spun around just to face Taylor's cold eyes right in front of her. "You better not mess with my sister's life again. Last time, you were lucky. If Megan hadn't stopped me, you already would have paid!" the venom in his voice then cold shivers down Arizona's spine. She knew he was serious. Little Emily in his arms looked angry at Arizona when Taylor turned to leave her alone in the car park. "I am watching you Robbins" she heard right before he disappeared into the darkness.
Arizona knew this wasn't over yet. No, it just started.