Perceptions

by Mayushii

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A/N: Thanks to saiyuri-dahlia, tori, Little Sadako, and Jumpingbeans480 for reviewing last time! This chapter takes place during the Dark Tournament pre-finals, and the plot revolves around possible interpretations of Hiei's protectiveness of Kurama. May contain unreliable narration.

-Love is a battlefield-

On the first day of the Tournament, Hiei started acting very oddly. To this day I'm not sure what caused the change. It was as if Hiei simply woke up that morning and decided to be…well, there is no word which would adequately describe it. His voice was filled with warm assurance when he spoke of my talents, as if he were proud to have me as a partner—had he been so pleased with me before? And he showed genuine concern for me when Roto threatened my mother in the first match—when had he started caring about my human attachments? He even went so far as to use his Jagan to monitor Roto's partner while I fought, and he informed me as soon as the accomplice had fled, making sure that I knew my mother was safe.

And he smiled.

It wasn't much, just a small uptilt of his lips, but combined with everything else it was absolutely baffling. My first thought was that he had gone insane. Or perhaps the smile wasn't really meant for me. That made sense, didn't it? Maybe Hiei let me see the smile because my win against Roto was the reason we were advancing in the Tournament, but it was not for me as a person so much as for what I could do for him. Of course… That must be it. And it stood to reason that he had only reassured me of my mother's safety so I wouldn't be distracted. He needed me to stay focused so I could be of use to him. Yes, it sounded logical.

My theory would have made perfect sense, but it had one obvious flaw. I wasn't of use to him—he wouldn't let me be. That very same day, Hiei stopped letting me care for him.

I didn't know what to make of it. He refused my offer to heal him after he used the Kokuryu-ha, even though the dragon had left his dominant arm crippled with burns. Two days later, when we were waylaid by Dr. Ichigaki's minions, Hiei would have sacrificed his other arm to summon the Kokuryu-ha again rather than let me protect him from the metal monster. He wouldn't even let me interrogate Ichigaki's assistant, ordering me only to watch while he tortured the youkai—despite the fact that he had to use his damaged hand to do it. His insistence about doing everything himself confused me even more than his sudden kindness toward me. What was the point of looking after my interests if he wasn't going to take advantage of my help?

Things were even stranger when we returned to the arena and I was forced to take on half of the Mashoutsukai Team on my own. I was too distracted to notice what Hiei was doing, but apparently Yusuke watched Hiei during my fights for some reason only they two understood. Right after the match Yusuke taunted him about his observations, grinning with an almost devilish delight as he told me how concerned Hiei had been for my safety. In fact, Hiei had been so worried that he had put himself in danger several times. He had tried once more to summon the Kokuryu-ha after Touya had drawn his ice sword against me, and he and Yusuke both had been prepared to tear the stadium apart in my defense when Bakken had tried to kill me.

"But you couldn't have!" I said, looking at Hiei with confusion and dismay. "If you had intervened, we would have been disqualified. Then they would have killed us all. I would rather let Bakken beat me to death than let you get yourselves killed for my sake."

"Yeah, well, I guess we just cared more about you than about ourselves," Yusuke said proudly. But Hiei didn't look proud at all. His face was dark red, his teeth clenched tight enough to crack. He looked like he was about to murder Yusuke on the spot.

Around that time the girls found their way to us. Yusuke winked and waved goodbye and went off to talk with Keiko in private, and Yukina quickly bowed to me and Hiei before running to check on Kuwabara. It was as the ice maiden hurried away that it suddenly struck me.

Hiei had been treating me the same way he treated her.

All of the pieces fell into place at once. His kindness toward me, his concern and encouragement, and also his fierce rejection of my help… Since the Tournament's beginning he had been treating me just the way he would treat a young girl. He played the part of a guardian, protecting me yet refusing to accept anything in return. It might have been funny if it weren't so unsettling. And my sense of turmoil was only heightened when I realized what else his actions might imply. If he was treating me as he treated his sister…perhaps he had started to regard me as a sibling. Horror jolted through me like lightning at the thought. He couldn't feel that way, oh Inari he couldn't! If he thought of me as family, how would he react if he knew I was in love with him? How would he react if he knew how often I dreamed of his embrace? To be barred by hatred was one thing, but to be barred by love—that was a thousand times worse.

That night our suite was crowded with both the Urameshi Team and the girls who had come to watch us fight. They were in unusually high spirits that evening. Not being in the mood for a party, I quickly excused myself. I needed time to absorb everything that had happened that day. When Hiei followed me into our room I was stricken with sudden terror at the thought of being alone with him.

"Why are you following me?" I snapped at him, trembling slightly even as I tried to hide my fear with aggression.

Hiei stared at me with his eyes wide open and adorably confused—I wanted to wretch. A brother. That was how he wanted me to see him. How could I see him as a brother when he looked like this?

After a long moment those beautiful eyes dropped to the floor. A strange look came over his face, and then he raised his mauled arm like a maiden offering her hand to be kissed. "It's a nuisance trying to bandage this damn thing on my own. And I don't think any of those fools even know how to wrap a bandage."

I took in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm myself. So, he had finally accepted that he needed healing. But there was a fully trained healer right outside, so why was he—oh, of course. Hiei didn't want to intrude when Yukina was having fun with her new friends. Taking another deep, calming breath, I motioned for him to come closer and opened the drawer of the nightstand to retrieve my medical kit. By the time I turned to look at Hiei he was seated on the edge of my bed. I kneeled before him and started to work, first using medical scissors to cut away the shreds of black flesh, then spreading an antibiotic and a soothing salve over what little skin remained, then covering the sticky mess with clean white bandages. When I had finished, I stared at his arm and wondered how I would ever look him in the eyes again…

"Kurama. Are you going to be okay?" I glanced up at Hiei, hoping for one desperate moment that he had noticed my distress and wanted to reassure me. "By the semifinals, I mean. The way that sweatsack was pounding on you, I wasn't sure you were even alive."

I lowered my eyes to the bedspread beside him, feeling like a fool. Of course he just wanted to make sure I could fight. He was probably worried that I would lower his chances of survival. I really was pathetic, getting my hopes up like that…

Then Hiei reached up and tucked some hair over my ear. Shocked, I snapped back to his face and stared at him intently. Hiei kept his eyes on my hairline, frowning and pushing a few more strands back. He was merely trying to get a look at one of my wounds. That was just the sort of thing a brother would do. I flinched and angled my head away, not wanting to feel his hand in my hair. Not wanting to enjoy being touched by him when he clearly didn't have a clue what he was doing to me.

"Come here," Hiei said sharply. He seized my chin with one hand, staring at me with an annoyed frown on his face. "Why are you acting this way? You were the one who insisted that I needed medical attention, and here you are behaving like a stubborn child about it yourself."

I opened my mouth, wanting to tell him how very, very wrong this was, but I couldn't make myself speak. Hiei's frown softened just a little as his stare trailed from my eyes to a cut on my cheek. He reached toward the medical kit beside him, picked up a tin of healing balm, and began to rub it gently into my wounds. I was so distraught that I couldn't even thank him.

The following morning Hiei insisted that I take someone with me to the Gokkai Rokukyou and Uraotogi Team's match. When I asked why he felt I needed an escort he said that I was too weak from yesterday's fights to defend myself if I were ambushed. Annoyed but knowing he had a valid point, I told Hiei that I would take Kuwabara with me. He quickly dismissed this idea on the grounds that the fool was even weaker than I was (I didn't bother to point out that Kuwabara had been brimming with energy since his healing session with Yukina). I said I'd take Yusuke then, and Hiei's eyes narrowed. He couldn't argue that Yusuke was too weak, so he simply said that our team leader was "busy." I finally wondered aloud if the Masked Fighter was free. At this Hiei snarled angrily and grabbed my arm, grumbling that I was a pain in the ass.

We made it to the stadium early, so we set out to find a decent vantage point for scoping out our next opponents. Most of the crowd leered as we made our way up through the stands. I had trained myself to block them out, so it wasn't until halfway up that I realized they weren't shouting their usual death threats. Instead they were calling to Hiei, offering him a seat among them if he'd ditch the weakling human. Hiei kept walking without paying them the least bit of notice—and why wouldn't he? He wasn't the one who was being insulted.

If I felt insecure then, it was nothing compared to how I felt after our battle against the Uraotogi Team. Hiei had never made a secret of his disdain for humans, but I had thought he had at least come to tolerate my humanity. My fight with Uraurashima changed that. Once Hiei saw how that miserable little beast's Gyaku Tamatebako restored my youko form, he was less than pleased to have me back in my normal body. Worse even than the look of disappointment on Hiei's face, though, was what happened to my own perceptions. For a few fleeting minutes, the strength of my former life was returned to me. I could pick out the scent of every youkai in the stadium, I could hear every word they muttered, I could feel every tiny change in the wind and every blade of grass in the ground. I could feel eyes on me—Hiei's eyes, looking at me with respect and admiration. And when my youko form slipped away again, Shuichi Minamino seemed pitiful by comparison.

As I left the ring, the weight of my red hair resting on my back and that oppressive human skin clinging to my bones, I tried to convince myself that I was only imagining it. I reasoned that my human body was just as good as my youko one. Once our team started arguing over who would fight Shishiwakamaru, Hiei made it clear that he thought differently.

"You let me fight," he ordered me. He said it with every expectation that I would bend to his will. I could have punched him. But I managed to hold my temper and instead suggested a game of jan-ken-pon that I knew Kuwabara would win. The look of annoyance on Hiei's face when he realized he would have to play a human game made me feel a bit better, and his frustration after he lost to Kuwabara filled me with bitter satisfaction. Of course, that didn't last long. As soon as Kuwabara lost his match and Shishi rolled the absent Masked Fighter's name, Hiei stepped forward to steal her turn without so much as glancing at me. It was as if he didn't think I was qualified to fight anymore.

After the battle—entirely won by Hiei and Genkai—I pasted on a smile and reassured Kuwabara that our efforts had also contributed to our team's victory. The lie may have made him feel better, but it did nothing to ease the wound Hiei had dealt to my own pride.

Things didn't get any better after that. During the long intermission before the next match, I returned to our room and stripped down to my pants so I could treat the newest of my wounds. Hiei opened the door just as I was dabbing ointment onto some shallow cuts on my forearm. He took one uneasy look at me and blurted that he needed to train and wouldn't be back until tomorrow. Glaring, I spat that if he was tired of sharing a room with a weakling human he should just say so. He flushed, no doubt embarrassed that he had been caught, and mumbled something unintelligible before leaving.

I stared at the doorway where he'd just been standing and then scowled down at myself. My body looked so…fragile. So pale and slender and delicate that even the slightest injuries seemed life-threatening. It was no wonder he treated me the way he did. I rubbed my palm against one of the cuts, breaking the flimsy seal of the scabs and smearing blood along my arm. If I were Youko Kurama, he wouldn't see me as his inferior. He would see me as an equal; he would love me. If only I could recover my youko form! If only I could escape from this wretched human body…!

The fourth chapter will be out next week. As always, reviews are appreciated.

-technically, Shishiwakamaru was the one who beat Uraurashima. Shishi stabbed him with his sword before Ura could tell Kurama about the box. This is why Kurama claims that only Hiei and Genkai really contributed to the overall team victory.