I think took me a little longer to get out. I'm tryin to stay a head by a few chapters. But i've been distracted and am unsure where to go next with the story. I will try to update soon next time.

Thanks to those of you who reviewed... it inspires me to write more.

And for my darling... I love you.

I own none of the CSI stuff. Only my own characters.

A warning there will be talk of physical and sexual abuse... no detail, but figured I should let u know.

And on to the story... please enjoy and review.

Chapter 4

Walking out into the fresh morning air Catherine took a deep breath and headed to her car. Getting in she put her purse on the passenger side seat, buckled up and started the car. She backed out, hoping Sara would leave soon. She didn't like leaving her there, but there was still something Sara had left to do, and Catherine knew better than to try and dissuade her. While taking the routine path back to her house she finally let her thoughts about the day creep in.

That case didn't even have the characteristics of domestic abuse. Maybe it was the girl. Danielle, she resembles Sara so much. She had the hard exterior going on. The first wall to keep people out, by keeping others from even trying to talk to her. That's how Sara has always been... well not always, she was happier before Natalie took her, when her and Grissom first started dating. But she's back in that closed off world again.

Gah, if Grissom wouldn't of asked me what was going on with her, I wouldn't of seen the Sara I used to be infatuated with. Sure we'd been hanging out after shift from time to time, grabbing dinner and doing 'girlie' things together, but it's not like we have deep conversations. And I so can't start looking at her that way again. What the hell is wrong with me! You've never even slept with another woman, Catherine. What the hell is it about Sara that makes me want to throw her down and kiss her senseless?

Catherine pulled into her driveway, got out and headed in. Setting her key's and purse down in the entryway she made her way up to Lindsey's room. Quietly opening the door she saw her seventeen year old daughter asleep in her bed. She made her way over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed, careful to not wake her just yet. Here I am worried about a woman, who I will never have a chance with instead of worrying about the precious time I've got left with my daughter. She gently tucked a hair behind her baby girls ear. "Hey, Linds, wake up sweetie, it's time to start getting ready for school."

Lindsey slowly opened her eyes seeing her mother looking rather pathetically at her. "Awe, mom please don't go into the whole 'I'm going to miss you so much when you leave' speech again. I just started back to school a month ago. You still have like eleven or twelve months left before I leave. And I told you, I think I may just stay and go to UNLV, so it's not like I'll be that far away." With that the girl sat up, gave her mom a kiss and headed for a shower.

Catherine made her daughters bed before leaving the room, stopping in her own room to change before heading to the kitchen to start breakfast. She moved around her kitchen with ease, breakfast was one meal she couldn't screw up.

"Mom, oh are you cooking french toast?" Lindsey asked enthusiastically. Walking up behind her mom to get a closer look of what she was cooking.

"Yes, Sara is stopping by to talk and I promised her breakfast, so I thought I'd make your favorite. Want to set the table for the three of us? These are about done and Sara should... hopefully be coming soon."

Lindsey went to set the table leaving Catherine to her thoughts.

I really hope Sara comes. And I really hope she'll actually talk to me. It'd be nice to know what goes on inside that beautiful mind of hers. Beautiful? I'm loosing it. Hmm... maybe I'm just drawn to her because she's so complex. That's probably it. And because she has that dark bad girl image going on. I should really be over the 'bad boy' phase, hell Linds should be in that phase by now... wait a second who is she dating..

"Linds! Who did you go out with last Saturday? Was it that boy from the basketball team?"

Walking into the kitchen to see what on earth her mother was yapping about "Mom, seriously... I told you I'm not dating anyone. Yes I have a couple guy friends, but right now it's about enjoying my last year of school. And guys just complicate the hell out of things" Holding up her hand to stop the next word about to come out of her mothers mouth. "Yes, mom I know, language. You do realize I'm almost eighteen, right? And you said once I turned eighteen you'd let use my own digression when it came to my 'language'."

"Right, when you turn eighteen." Walking over to wrap her arms around her daughter and place a kiss on the side of cheek. "But you aren't there yet!" Just then the doorbell rang.

"That's got to be Sara, I'll get it mom, you finish breakfast, I've got to get to school soon." She bounced off to the front door.

"Hey Sara! Come on in, mom is cooking us up some french toast, she's just about done and I'd tell you to go say hi, but I'd like her to finish, so want to wait at the dining room table with me?"

"Sure. Aren't you a little cheery this morning? I thought teenagers were suppose to be overly angry and emotional trains?" Sara said with a little chuckle.

"Funny Sara, very funny. But you caught me on a good day. French toast is my favorite, plus I try to keep the emotions in check around guests."

Catherine walked in and sat a large plate filled with french toast and fresh strawberry's on the table. "Finally, food." Lindsey commented before digging in, ignoring the other two while she ate and text'd on her phone.

Sara was taken back by Catherine. She had on a pair of short shorts and a huge sweatshirt, with her hair up in a messy bun, pieces of her hair falling from it to frame her face. She is so beautiful. No. No, you are with Grissom, you are not allowed to have thoughts like that about Catherine. But she couldn't help it and she knew she was going to have to tell the strawberry blonde how she felt someday, but not today. Today other things needed to be discussed.

"I usually don't let her use the phone at the table, but she's in a good mood and I'm not in the mood to ruin it." The older woman commented bringing Sara back to reality and to the food in front of her.

Catherine and Sara both fixed their plates and started eating. Lindsey had put on milk and orange juice when she set the table, so everyone had everything they needed.

"This is really good Catherine. I must say I'm impressed."

"What, do you think I can't cook?"

"I happen to think you can do just about any, and everything. I just was surprised by the nutmeg and very impressed with it as well."

"Ok, as much fun as this is, I have to get to school." Lindsey got up, took her stuff to the kitchen and came back giving her mom a kiss on the cheek and nodding towards Sara. "You both enjoy the yummy breakfast. Mom, I love you and I'll see you after school. Sara, it was nice seeing you, next time I'll actually try to have a conversation with you." With that the girl was out the door.

"She is like a carbon copy of you, isn't she?"

"Oh, I hope not. It'd be nice if she skipped her bad boy phase and I'd really rather her not be a stripper."

"Bad boy phase, huh? I take it yours was pretty bad?"

"Well, let's just say Eddie wasn't the worse of them." Wanting to change the subject Catherine got up, gathering as much up in her hands as she could. "Would you like some coffee?"

Sara followed the older woman, helping her with the contents from the table. "Yeah, I'm going to need it... actually do you have a beer, I know you want to talk and it'd really help calm me and if I drink coffee I'll never fall asleep before shift."

"Beer I can do, and I think I'll join you, I'd like to be able to sleep at some point myself today and if I do coffee now, I'll be up until Linds gets home from school."

Each woman worked around the kitchen, putting stuff away and sitting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Catherine reached inside the fridge pulling out a beer for each of them, handing one to Sara, then lead them to the living room.

Sara sat down on the couch, while Catherine took her favorite chair that sat at the end of the couch next to the brunette. Sara loved the living room. It was warm and inviting. It had deep yellow walls, with beautiful wooden floors that had a huge oriental rug placed in the center. The couch was large and white, the kind you'd want to curl up in and stay forever.

Taking a large swig of her beer, Sara decided it was time to explain a few things to Catherine. She just hoped that Catherine was truly her friend. "I'm just going to start at the beginning and kind of go. It'd be easier for me if you wait till I'm done before you ask whatever questions you may have."

Catherine just nodded taking in the younger woman. Sara looked so small on the couch, it took everything in Catherine to not take her in her arms to help her through this.

"When I was little things weren't bad. They were actually pretty amazing. My parents owned a bed and breakfast, they were hippies back then. And from what I can remember they were really cool. Eventually their occasional pot use turned into an all the time thing, and when that wasn't enough they moved into some more hardcore drug usage. In the beginning they tried to hide it from me and my brother. But it got so bad that they had to close the B&B, then they had to get normal jobs. Which they both hated, so they would drink and do drugs. It wasn't bad until the B&B closed. I'm not sure if it was because other people were around that they didn't hit us or each other, but once it closed, it became the norm for us."

"It started out with them just hitting each other. They really would go at it, then my brother would try to get my dad off of mom, and then he'd start hitting my brother, while mom crawled away and eventually I tried to get dad off of Jason... my older brother. I actually thought broken bones, cigaret burns and beatings till you couldn't move were normal. When they had to take me to the hospital I was the one left explaining what I had done to hurt myself. I was suppose to tell them some lame excuse to keep them off of mom and dad's back."

"I don't know when he started raping mom, I think I knew he was doing it, but it was behind closed doors and I was too young to understand then, but know I do know. And then mom would smack my brother and me around because we were his offspring. At some point my brother left. He said he was going to come back for me, but he never did. And things only got worse after he left. I was the only one around they could blame all their problems on."

Sara paused to take another huge gulp of her beer, closing her eyes, before leaning forward and looking down at her feet. "One night when mom was at work Dad started hitting me really bad. Then he told me he'd show me how women are suppose to behave and please men. He took me in my room. After that night he'd come in whenever mom wasn't home. Then one night she came home early. I was screaming for her to help me, but she didn't even come in my room. I really thought she'd come in and save me. I still don't know why I thought that. After a few months she finally did come in. I was stupid enough to think it was because she wanted to stop him from hurting me."

"Well I was wrong. She started yelling at him about cheating on her, calling me a slut, telling me she was going to kill us. I didn't do anything to stop her. I think a part of me wanted her to actually kill me. I just sat there and watched her stab my father over and over. There was so much blood, all I could smell was the iron. And when she turned to come for me, I didn't move. That's when some police officer tackled her to the ground." Sara stopped again. Trying to compose herself.

Catherine couldn't believe what she had just heard. She knew Sara wasn't finished yet and it made her sick to know there was still more to come. She didn't want to interrupt her, but she wanted Sara to know she was here for her. So she gently placed her hand on Sara's knee, getting the younger woman to look up at her. "It's ok sweetie, take your time." Was all she could offer the tear streaked face looking back at her.

"After my mother killed my father I went into the system. I was stupid enough to believe that it'd be different. But even my first night in the group home was horrible. Some girl beat the hell out of me. Saying she was in charge of the place and not to make any waves. Foster homes weren't much better than when I lived with my parents. School got hard, I became the girl who's mother killed her father. So, I really had no friends. Except for one, Megan. We were both in the system. Both loners. We met at a house where we were both placed. We got messed up in drugs, and would do whatever we could to forget the pain. One night we were blitzed out of our minds and she asked me if I'd kill myself with her."

"Her reasoning at the time was so that we wouldn't go to hell alone. And I was so tired of my own life that I agreed. We decided that taking as many drugs as we could sounded like the best plan and so we did. I remember us crawling onto the bed and laying down holding onto one another, then the next thing I know I'm in an ambulance. I was still too out of it to really know what was going on at the time. It wasn't until a few days later that I really came out of it. I was in a hospital bed with my arms secured at my sides. I started freaking out and a nurse came in. Once I finally calmed down I asked her about Megan. As soon as I asked the nurse gave me the most pitiful look. If my hands would have been free I probably would've punched her for the look alone. But I couldn't. So she told me Megs was in a coma. That we had been found in the bed together by our foster mother. I really thought I was going to loose her. "

"It took over a month for her to come out of her coma. I was locked up in the mental ward and wasn't allowed to contact her. Once I was let out I was placed with a different foster family. They knew all about what I had done and wouldn't let me call or write Megs. They made sure I went to school and came home. Then they made me get a job. And those were the only three things I was allowed to do. I threw myself into school work. Knowing the only way my life was ever going to change, was if I made it change. I did finally get a hold of Megan, I asked her to meet up with me at the shop where I worked. She came but she was a mess. She was still doing the drugs. I was tempted to join her, but I couldn't forget the fear I had when I thought I'd lost her. So, instead I tried to get her help. She wouldn't listen to me. Finally she got tired of me trying to 'fix' her and took off. I still have no clue where she is, if she's even alive. But if it hadn't been for her, I'd never of made it as far as I have."

Sara took the last swig of her beer, sitting back and looking at Catherine. It was the first time she'd really looked at her and she could see steady tears leaking from her eyes. "Hey, no need to cry, I'm ok. But I do need another beer, can I grab one before you ask any questions."

Sara stood up to go for the kitchen, but was turned around and taken into a fierce hug. Catherine nuzzled into the crook of Sara's neck, holding on to her for dear life. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be crying. It's just that you... you've been through so much. And I've been such a bitch to you! Sara, I am so sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through so much of this on your own."

Sara eased out of Catherine's embrace, needing the space and wanting a beer. "Cath, it's ok. Really. I'm going to grab you another beer too and I'll be right back. Ok?"

Catherine sat down on the couch. She had so many different thought's going through her mind and was having a hard time concentrating on just one. She finally started composing herself. She knew she had to be there for Sara, and being a mess wasn't going to help.

Sara walked back into the room, handing the redhead her beer and sitting on the other end of the couch. "I know it's hard to hear it all like that. But it's just easier for me to get it all out. You're only the third person I've told everything too. I thought I'd put most of it behind me, that I'd moved on, but ever since... since Natalie took me I'm back to having nightmares, back to being angry and sad and confused. I can't even talk to Gil about it."

"But he does know about your past? You've told him what you've told me?"

"No. He knows most of it, but not all of it. I didn't want him to be afraid of touching me. I didn't want that wall between us. Now though he doesn't understand why I shy away from his touch. It's not him, it's just that I can't handle it right now." Sara wasn't even sure why they were talking about Grissom. Things between them had been on hold for the last couple of months. Truth be told it wasn't Grissom she wanted, it wasn't Grissom who made her happy and calm. No, that would be Catherine. She knew she'd never have a chance with the older woman, which is why she kept perusing Grissom.

"He's worried Sara. I'm worried." Catherine had a hard time talking to her about Grissom. She knew it was jealousy. But she also knew it was stupid. Even so, she didn't want to keep talking about the two of them. "Why did today's case upset you so much?"

"I'm sure it has a lot to do with the lack of sleep. When I saw Dani standing there, it was like I was looking at myself when I was seventeen. Then the more we found out, the more I felt for the girl. I don't know why, I mean I have the feeling Patty abused her, but I just wish there was more I could do for her. Now she's probably at some group home, she'll spend the next year in the foster system. It's not right for her to have lost her mother and her brother and to now be stuck in those horrible homes." The more Sara thought about Dani being in a group home, the more upset she became.

"Sara, if she is anything like you, she will be ok. She'll make it and it's not like you can't check up on her. I told her I'd get her Casandra's number. Why don't you get it to her? You've been where she has been, you can help her through this."

Sara couldn't believe how 'normal' Catherine was being with her. Usually when someone hears any part of her past they put their kid gloves on. But not Catherine. "Why are you so nice to me? Why do you treat me like I'm normal?"

Catherine moved closer to Sara. Both women were sitting sideways on the couch facing one another. She put her hand on the younger woman's arm rubbing it. "Because you're my friend. Because I care about you. Because you are an amazing woman who has been to hell and back and even when you are going through so much, you are worried about this girl, who you didn't know before tonight. And Sara, you aren't normal. You far to amazing to be normal."

Sara smiled and took a large sip from her beer. Grabbing Catherine's hand she looked the other woman in the eyes. I have to tell her. Even if she doesn't feel the same. If I don't I'll regret it.

"I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I like you." The words were barely a whisper coming from her lips, but Catherine heard her fine.

"Awe, sweetie, I like you too. You know you're the closest friend I have, that I'm not related too."

"No, Cath, that's not what I meant. What I mean is, I like, like you. I know it's probably weird after all that I just told you, but you make feel so safe."

At first Catherine was taken back for a second. She likes me. She like, likes me. Wow, she actually likes me. Whoa, she's gay? I used to wonder, but then her and Gil... I thought she was still with him. Wait a minute... I'm not a lesbian. So, why am I happy about this... It doesn't matter I'm her superior, and, well there is no and. That's all there is to it!

At first Sara thought she spotted a hint of happiness in Catherine's eyes, but it was gone before she could be sure.

"Sara, I don't know what to say. I'm very flattered..."

Sara let go of Catherine's hand, scooting away from her. "No, no, it's ok Cath, I just thought you should know, I wanted you to know how I feel. I knew the chance of you liking me like that was slim, but I still had to tell you." Sara felt a tear slide down her cheek, she quickly wiped it away and decided it was time to leave.

Catherine got up off of the couch grabbing a hold of Sara's arm turning her, so she was facing her. She gently wiped away the new tear sliding down the younger woman's face. "Sara, look, I like you. I like having you as a friend. And I know you are going through a lot right now. And I want to be there for you as much as I can, but I'm sorry, I can only be there as a friend. Can we stay friends at least?"

Sara finally decided to look into Catherine's eyes. "I'd like that. We've been doing a good job at the whole friends thing. I kind of thought you wouldn't want me in your life after I told you."

"No, I'd never want that. I'm a bit surprised, but like I said, you are going through a lot. Right now I'm sure you feel like I'm the only one who is there for you. Once you get back on track you'll see how messed up I am and be thankful we didn't take it beyond friendship."

Sara wasn't sure how to take that. Is this just her way of letting me down easily or does she really feel she's that messed up. Deciding to go with her first hunch, she put on a smile and acted like nothing had changed. " You're probably right. I'm really exhausted, so I'm going to head home to get in as much sleep as I can before shift." She moved towards the door, Catherine was right behind her. She turned around before opening the door. "Thanks for everything, I'm glad I have you in my life."

Catherine reached out taking the brunette into a hug. She wished she could of actually done something for Sara. If things were different she'd take her upstairs and hold the younger woman until she fell sleep in her arms. But things were complicated, and the hug was all she could give to Sara.

Sara tensed up at first, she liked Catherine and having her arms around her only made her more confused. Why would she hug me when she knows I like her? I have got to stop reading into things that aren't really there. Sara pulled out of the embrace and left Catherine's house.

Catherine shut her door after she'd watched Sara drive away. Heading up stairs she decided to try and get some sleep. She couldn't help but think about everything that Sara had told her. But the one thing that kept repeating itself was the part where Sara had told her she liked her. She involuntary licked her lips when the thought of the younger woman kissing her came into her mind. She closed her eyes and fell asleep with images of the brunette playing in her head.

Meanwhile Sara had made it back to her apartment. She had grabbed a bottle of beer from her fridge before settling down on the couch. She knew she had to get over her thing for Catherine and just accept that all they would ever be was friends. Deciding that it was time for her to try and work on things with her and Gil, she closed her eyes before falling fast asleep.

So what did you think of the chapter? Love it, hate it? What would you like to see happen next?

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