Author's Note: This chapter includes stupidity and immaturity because…well, you al guys know. This is Luffy's point of view after all. So if you don't mind crazy Luffy who's just on her period, feel free to read. If you don't like it when she says periods give off red paint thanks to Zolo, then don't read. Seriously, this is for comedy lovers who love immature point of views. And feel free to gag and puke. I know that I would.
It was three weeks now. No luck finding that herb that would help me turn back to a guy. And worse of all, I'm experiencing something VERY painful. Something that could be even worse than having your ass kicked.
"GAAAAAH!" I moaned.
"Oh shut up! It's just a period!" Nami shouted in annoyance.
"But it feels as if my stomach's going through Chinese torture!" I wailed.
"Do you even know how Chinese do their torture?"
"…Um…"
"It feels even worse than having a period, you dope."
"GAAAAH! How do you stop the pain!" I begged. I bet a thousand bucks that periods are WAY worse than any torture in the world, and even if I'm not made out of rubber!
"Just go get a drink of water. That might ease the pain," Robin said as she snapped her book shut.
"But it hurts too much to stand up!" I whined.
"Then roll over to the kitchen!" Nami growled.
Rolling…that sounds like fun! That's what I thought before I experienced outer pain rather than inner pain. Never roll down wooden stairs, it hurts too much.
Then I bumped into the kitchen door. I groaned. I forced myself to stand, but my back immediately arched. Damn it! My stomach is starting to feel even worse than before! Okay, I guess rolling would make things worse when you have a period.
"Luffy? You need something?"
I turned and saw Sanji smoking again. I grinned with relief. "Yes! You're here! Get me water, quick!" I ordered.
He raised an eyebrow. "Uh, okay. Hey, is there something wrong with your stomach?" he said, pointing to it.
My arms were tightly wrapped around it. "Hell yeah. I'm on my period," I groaned.
"You're not going through mood swings like most girls do, are you?" he chuckled.
I scowled. "No! I'm not a girl!"
"Guys don't have periods. Girls do. And you have a period which would means that you're a girl."
"SHUT UP AND GET ME WATER! I'M DYING HERE!"
Sanji sighed and went inside. As I continued to groan and whine, Zolo passed me by. He looked at me curiously. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Water! Stomach in pain!" I could only muster to cry out.
"Okay…" he trailed, then he walked away.
When Sanji came back with a glass of water, I yelled in joy. Then grabbed the water and chugged it down. When the glass was empty, I was groaning again. Damn! The pain was still there! And now I have the urge to go to the bathroom!
I was bouncing up and down, my hands squeezing my thighs in pressure. "Okay…now what?" Sanji said.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" I cried.
"Then go."
"But I can't!"
"And why is that?"
"Because if I move, I might pee myself!"
"Luffy…I think you might piss yourself if you don't go now," Sanji said.
"Okay!" I squeaked.
I hopped to the bathroom. When I made it in front of the bathroom doors, I paused. Okay…which door do I go again? The guys' or the girls'? Wait…since I'm a guy, I should go to that one. But I have a girl system…and if I go to the guys' bathroom, Nami would skin me alive…
I opened the girls' bathroom.
After letting out my pain and frustration, I went out with a sigh of relief. Then started to cramp up again.
"Shit!" I cursed, clutching my stomach in pain. Pain! Pain! Pain! GAH! It hurts hundred times than an average pain rant!
I scurried to the kitchen again. I banged on the door. "Sanji! Sanji! Quick! I need more water!" I hollered.
He opened the door, half-annoyed. "Now what?" he grumbled.
"My stomach-OUCH! IT HURTS REALLY BAD! I NEED WATER NOW!"
"Okay! I'll be back," he sighed.
When he returned again, I grabbed the glass and drank it. Then I felt the need to go to the bathroom again! I rushed to the bathroom, went out in relief, then started to cramp up. Geez! What's with this! After I go drink water, I need to piss badly. Then after that, I start cramping!
Then an idea hatched in my head.
I ran towards Sanji, who seems to be already knowing what would happen. "Let me guess, you need water," he said.
I vigorously nodded. "Yeah! TONS and TONS of it!" I exclaimed.
"Uh, why?"
"Because! Just do it!"
After Sanji came back with gallons of water, I stretched my arms and wrapped around it. Then I hurriedly waddled to the bathroom. I placed everything inside the bathroom stall and began the cycle. I took a glass, poured water into it, and drank it.
Then when I felt that I needed to go to the bathroom, I was ready to piss! The same thing happened over and over again. Hmm…I feel as though this idea is kind of stupid. What am I saying? All my wonderful ideas are brilliant! I'm a genius!
After I finished drinking all the water, my stomach hurts even worse than ever! Ugh!
Then I looked into the toilet bowl. Hmm, there's red paint all inside. It just the water and the bowl. And, eww! It smells awful! Zolo was right, the paint that girls urinate is really stinky and gross! Hm…I wonder if it tastes like normal paint. EWW! What am I thinking? Sure it would be a great observation to do, but I'm not tasting the paint that's in the same place where I urinated!
Then it would be the same thing like tasting pee! Wait…would it? I stared down the toilet bowl. What the hell? I'm not doing it!
I walked away from the bathroom. Then started to cramp up. "Oh my gosh," I gasped.
I collapsed on the ground and wheezed. "Oh shit, it feels like shit. I'm in shit road right now," I silently cursed. "Shit, shit, shit, and shit."
Then I saw Usopp passing by. He seemed to notice me. "Uh, Luffy, what're you doing?" he asked.
"Dying internally," I grumbled.
"Wha-SERIOUSLY!?"
"M-maybe…OUCH! IT HURTS!"
'OH MY GOSH! LUFFY'S DYING! SOMEONE! SOMEONE HELP! OUR CPATAIN IS DYING!"
"U-Usopp…I need to tell you something before I go!"
He crouched down to me with his face all slobbery. "W-w-w-w-what is it?" he sniffed.
"When I die, you be the captain, okay?"
He wiped all this snot all over his arm, then wiped his arm on his clothes. Ew, and it was visible too! "Don't worry! I will! I'll make sure that I'll take care of the crew!" he cried.
"Good…now can you get me a sundae from the kitchen? I'm starving," I muttered.
"S-sure, anything for the dying captain!" Usopp continued to cry.
When he rushed out, I continued to groan in pain. Then I heard Sanji shout angrily and Usopp cry in pain. Sanji must've beaten the crap out of poor Usopp. Sigh. Damn, I'm hungry. Then I felt something hard against my side.
"Ugh…what the hell! Oh, Luffy, what are you doing down here?" Zolo said from the ground.
"Dying internally and starving to death," I muttered.
"I heard you're on your period," he said as he stood up and dusted his clothes.
"I am! Tell me how to stop this dreaded pain!" I cried.
"Idiot, you can't stop a period from giving you cramps. That's just the way girls are," he snorted.
"But I thought you knew how to! Aren't you an expert?"
"Expert…."
"Yeah! You knew that when girls have periods, they go through all that stuff and pee red paint. And it DOES stink!"
"Okay, I'm leaving you here to die now," he grumbled.
"Wait! Can you at least get me a sundae before you go? I'm starving!" I shouted.
"From that shitty cook's kitchen? In your dreams."
"But Zolo!"
"Stinks to be you, huh?"
Some crew I have here. Nami is such a bitch, Robin can be scary, Zolo is an ass, Sanji can be a weirdo like Usopp, Usopp is a weirdo, and Chopper can be…I don't know, too naïve? Hell, he knows herbs and other doctor junk, does it matter?
Whatever, they are the best crew that you can ask for anyway. Except for Zolo! He's such a jerk! He wouldn't even get me a freaking sundae!
Then I saw foots stepping towards me. It was Zolo! He placed down a cup with ice cream and a spoon inside. I stared at him wide eyed.
"Shit, don't go gushy on me just because I got you ice cream," he grumbled.
I quickly sat up and shoved a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. "Oh my gosh! Thanks dude! I regret ever thinking that you were an ass!" I cried with joy.
"What did you say?" he growled.
"Oh that you were an ass."
"You want me to throw that cup over board?"
"After I finish my ice cream, then you can do it. Though wouldn't it be weird to waste a cup?"
He gave an irritated sigh. "Annoying brat," I heard him grumble.
I pouted. "I'm not a brat!" I protested.
"Yeah you are. You act like a seven-year-old everyday. The only time you get serious is when you're trying to defend your crew or try to knock the shit out of someone. No wait…you still act like a kid when knocking the shit out of someone."
"Hey! That's no way to talk to your captain!"
"Well then, captain, tell me, when are you ever going to mature?" he sneered.
"I'm already mature!" I shouted, then stuffing ice cream into my mouth.
"Moss head! You asshole! How dare you take ice cream from my fridge!" shouted Sanji's voice.
Sanji came running up to Zolo, jumping up to kick him square in the face. Too bad for him, Zolo dodged and knocked him down with the hilt of his sword.
"Shitty cook, I was getting that for this retarded brat, so pipe down," growled Zolo.
Sanji blinked. "For Luffy?" then he turned to me. "So, I guess you don't need more water then, huh?"
I grinned. "Nope! Hey, this ice cream really done the trick! I don't have anymore cramps."
Zolo raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's interesting. Give Luffy ice cream to calm down her cramping."
"That's 'him', Zolo! I'm not a girl!" I shouted, glaring at the swordsman.
He gave a nonchalant shrug. "Feh, you're totally a chick. It surprises me how this cook wouldn't even fall for you."
"That's because my heart is already reserved for the only two beautiful women on this boat. Nami and Robin!" Sanji cried out with hearts in his eyes. "Sorry bout that Luffy."
I rolled my eyes. "Geez, I'm hurt," I said sarcastically.
"You should be! Any girl would be lucky enough to have such a handsome man as myself," said Sanji, flipping his blond hair.
"Oh they sure are," Zolo said with even more sarcasm that what I have said earlier. "Especially with a guy who has a swirly eyebrow. That's just what attracts the ladies."
I snickered. "Hah, a eyebrow chick magnet," I laughed.
Sanji shot a glare at Zolo. "Well at least I don't have green hair!" he retorted.
"You shitty cook!"
"Marino!"
I laughed as the boys bickered. It was funny to see two cute guys argue over something hysterical!
………………….
Wait, Sanji and Zolo…cute!?
Author's Note: For any girl out there who remembers their first period, say 'I'. Just kidding. Well, I just want to dedicate this chapter to girls who have those hard times with those blasted periods. I remember when I had my first period, and it was the worst day of my life. *Shivers*