From Ivan: By PimpinSushi

XXXXX

Dear Arthur,

Привет my friend! How are you these days?

Considering you're writing this, I can only assume that your poisonous death scones have not killed you yet. That is swell!

Your brother Ireland has recently been contacting me and he sounds rather... angry; do you and him have some sort of unsettled history? If so, please get on good terms quickly before he punches a puppy or something.

I realize that I may be prying into your business, but I hear a certain British gentleman is getting rather cozy with an improper Frenchman. Is this true, Arthur? If so, have you no shame? D:

Things are going rather... odd here in Russia. I assume you have heard about the fires, correct? But the good news is we will be hosting the Olympics in 2014! Grand, да? I will give you a giant hug when I see you. ((It is not optional.))

Well, I wish you the best with your Big Ben... and your Rum... and your insanely huge eyebrows.

Your friend,

Иван Брагинский

P.S. Become one with Mother Russia, да?

P.P.S. That is not optional either. да or да?

XXXXX

Hello...Ivan...

It does not surprise me that you are the first country to send me a letter. Mainly because you are always among the first to insult me. Like going so far as to say, and I quote, "I can only assume that your poisonous death scones have not killed you yet."

The scones that I had earlier were succulent, thank you! They were made from the finest ingredients in all of England. Also, all of my fairies think that my scones are the best in the whole bloody world, so naff off!

Contacting you? Unsettled history? Get on good terms? First off, that drunkard Ireland actually converses with you? Surely it must have been by force because in actuality, the only reason why someone would be talking to you would be for the reason of wanting to talk to you (No one) or work (Everyone). Secondly, Ireland is the one who always brings forth argument! One second he wants Northern Ireland to join the Republic of Ireland, and then he wants to say with me. So thirdly, we are not on good terms.

And hell no! There is no way France and I-

-*blush*-

No! Even the image of seeing that perverted France with...m-me...god no. It worries me that you are interested in my...personal life. Please do me a favor and leave me the bloody hell alone?

Of course I have heard about your 'unfortunate mishap' Ivan. What makes you think I give a piss that you caught on fire? What makes you think I care about the fact that you are hosting the Olympics? I don't care, Ivan!

But what I do give a fuck about is that I have to go over to your fucking cold country where the cooking is fucking confusing and the tea is a fucking joke! Just know that this year, England is going to send your ridiculously large arse to hell! Oh wait, Russia is hell already! Take that Ivan! And when I show up, don't touch me!

I ignored this but earlier you said that Ireland is going to punch a puppy. Well you know what is worse? Russians EAT puppies! And cats and horses and rabbits! And yet again I say…take that Ivan!

What do you mean by all of that nonsense? I am not even going to comment on that Big Ben remark and also, my Rum is the best in whole world. Even better than your Russian water crap. What do you call that? Vodka?

And there is NOTHING wrong with my eyebrows!

Burn in hell (a.k.a. Russia)-well, again I should say,

~Arthur Kirkland.

Also known as England or the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

P.S: For the umpteenth time, my answer is no!

P.P.S: I think I know someone willing enough to become one with you. Try your sister. You will save us all.

XXXXXX

~Translations~

Привет - Hello

Иван Брагинский - Ivan Braginski

да – Yes

naff off – A British term that usually means back off, leave me alone, or how it is used in the sentence above, to fuck off. (Don't even ask me why I wanted to use that word)

Crappers that felt long~ There was a lot of stuff in that first letter!

Oh and, hopefully, it won't take me this long to post one letter response. I had to do SO MUCH stuff today...

But whatever...I'll try to get the next one up tomorrow morning if not tonight.

P.S. It's weird speaking like a proper brit. God I'm American. XD