Disclaimer: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle is the intellectual property of CLAMP
Author's Note: This fic seems to move along so fast even though a lot is happening. I look back at what's been written and have trouble remembering what chapter certain events were in. I have some research to do before I can write more for it. I'd hate to put up the next chapter for Christmas (being what it is) so I'll wish you all a Merry Christmas with this and hope I can get something else up closer to the end of the month.
~ All That I Am ~
Part 1, Chapter 4
It didn't take Kurogane long to realize that they were on the wrong freeway now that he had time to think about it. Kurogane had intended to be heading south already but he had forgotten to tell Fai to exit route 80 when he had been driving. It didn't matter though, Kurogane figured. According to a map he had glanced at on Toya's cell phone, he could find the same freeway he had planned on taking from Salt Lake City, where they were now headed. They'd lost time but time seemed to be losing its value fast to Kurogane.
Fai was listening to his oldies channel again, singing along as he lay back contentedly, resting his eyes.
Kurogane listened to the easy sound, letting it fill the increasingly companionable silence that sometimes fell between them.
"I had a dream we went away
Left this city for a day
You took me southwards on a plane and showed me Spain or somewhere
But in reality you're
Not so keen to show me anything
And I thought you'd like me"
Fai sat up, opening his eyes and grinned at Kurogane, catching him watching out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey show some love
You ain't so tough
Come fill my little world right up, right up
Some day you're going to realize…
Kuro-tan," Fai said, abandoning the song altogether.
Kurogane offered him a noise of acknowledgement and Fai continued on happily.
"I want to go to Reno. It's right on the way. I'll buy us a nice hotel room for the night and we can have fun at the casino. Please! Can we?!"
"…Fine."
Fai paused. "…Really?"
Obviously he'd been expecting a harder time of convincing him. "Sure, whatever. I've never been to a casino."
Fai lit up. "Really? They're lots of fun! They have card games and dice games and lots of flashing lights!"
Kurogane rolled his eyes.
"Yay!" Fai cheered. "Fai and Kuro-tan's great, amazing gambling trip!"
"You ever won anything going to one of those casino places?" Kurogane asked, purely for conversation's sake.
"Never once!" Fai cheered. "I've played slots lots of times and I've never, ever won, but I've been with other people who won lots of money!"
"Clients?" Kurogane asked, careful to keep it a simple, neutral question and Fai paused, trying to gauge the undercurrent.
Finding it safe, he nodded. "Yup. I am a very popular good luck charm. It's kind of funny. The only money I've ever made at a casino was from kissing dice." Again Fai paused and finding no animosity in the dark haired man, he pushed his concerns aside and went on. "I will gladly kiss Kuro-pu's dice." he added, fluffing Kurogane's hair.
Kurogane frowned exaggeratingly at the blonde. "And I would gladly knock you on your ass for it. I'm not some pansy that needs his dice kissed to play a game of pure chance. All that crap is just for show anyway."
"Nope!" Fai agreed, laughing. "Kuro-dandylion is no pansy, that's for sure!"
Kurogane swerved slightly trying to smack Fai in the head.
"Don't dodge me you stupid shit!"
Fai laughed merrily, watching Kurogane from between threads of blonde, curtaining his face as he slumped forward in his seat.
-
It was early morning when they found a town to stop for breakfast; eggs, bacon, and toast. It was undoubtedly one of the best meals Kurogane had had since coming to the states. Fai's eggs had cheese in them and his toast had strawberry jelly. Fai had wanted his bacon caramel-coated but even the waitress had given him a strange look at that, so Fai's bacon was the only edible thing on his plate, as far as Kurogane was concerned. He seemed to be enjoying himself though.
"Does Kuro-ta want a taste?" Fai asked, catching Kurogane staring at his plate.
Hadn't he ever been taught that staring was rude? Kurogane tried to remember if his mother had ever scolded him for that before but couldn't remember. He wished he'd stop doing it now.
"Not in this lifetime." Kurogane grunted, but while his mouth was open for talking, Fai shoved a forkful of eggs in it.
Kurogane almost choked from the shock alone, but, having the things in his mouth, found they weren't all that bad. Actually, they were pretty good.
Kurogane swallowed. "If you ever do that again, I'll kick your ass!"
-
After breakfast, Fai insisted that they catch a movie at a local theater. Kurogane hated movie theaters. He would have much rather rented a movie to watch at home on his own couch, in front of his own television, but Fai wouldn't let it go until Kurogane finally snapped.
"Fine! If it'll shut you up!"
"Yay!" Fai cheered.
Kurogane couldn't quite place it, Fai did seem genuinely happy, but there was something, not quite off, exactly, but…below the surface…maybe, about the whole thing. It would only frustrate him further to think about it, Kurogane decided, so he would shove the whole thing to the back of his mind. At least in a movie theater Fai would have to be quiet, right? It was all about the silver lining.
-
Fai picked a fantasy romance for their movie, a theater flooded with couples and teenage girls. Kurogane felt a headache coming on but he didn't dare make a scene. Thankfully, they sat in the back where they were largely ignored.
At first, Kurogane tried watching the movie, hoping that would make it go by faster, but Fai's leg, continually bouncing up and down at the corner of his vision, kept him distracted. Finally, he reached over and grabbed the blonde's knee harshly, holding it down.
"Stop it." Kurogane growled, but instead of nodding and settling his leg, like Kurogane hoped he would, Fai lurched over and grabbed him by the arm, snuggling up close and brought his feet up on the seat with him. Kurogane opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it. Fai wasn't making absurd remarks or drawing anyone else's attention, which was exactly what he would do if he tried to pry the blonde off of him.
So Kurogane sat back and gave his attention over to the movie with a sigh. It was a love story about an angel sent to earth to evaluate the human race and a human, caught in the middle of a war. By the end of the movie, the girl had been murdered and his sleeve was wet.
"Wasn't it beautiful when Amuretta pleaded for the earth, despite everything she had been through?" Fai said, sniffling as he wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.
"Only you would think that." Kurogane grunted. "If she had taken the angel guy's offer she would have lived."
"Living isn't everything." Fai responded. "There are more important things."
"Not after you're dead." Kurogane answered with finality.
"I didn't know it was going to be a sad movie." Fai said. "I wanted to see something happy with Kuro-tan."
He sniffled again and Kurogane would've offered him a tissue if he'd had one.
"We'll drown it in the flashing lights at the casino." Kurogane offered and Fai gave him a sly grin.
"Why, Kuro-ru, are you trying to cheer me up?" he asked and his tone instantly restored Kurogane's frown.
"I just meant we have to get going. We've wasted enough time here as it is."
Fai's sly grin did not go away and he slid his arms around Kurogane's arm, holding it tight. "Kuro-pu is such a gentleman. He always knows just what to say!"
"Would you stop referring to me as if I wasn't here?" Kurogane griped and Fai laughed merrily.
-
Fai was in an extremely good mood when they returned to the car and got back on the road. Kurogane secretly wondered if he'd somehow gotten his hands on caffeine when he wasn't looking.
"Kuro-pyon! Play car games with me!"
"What the hell are car games?" Kurogane snapped back. He wasn't about to play I Spy with the idiot.
"You know, like I Spy and 20 questions and the letter game!" Fai replied eagerly.
Kurogane sighed deeply. "Do you have a normal setting?"
"I'm not a computer, Kuro-woof." Fai returned matter-of-factly and Kurogane rolled his eyes.
"Obviously. A computer could remember that my name is Kurogane."
"All the more reason you should be glad you're traveling with me." Fai stated, nodding. "A computer wouldn't care, you see. I care. I care that Kuro-fluff's name is cute. Who else would make sure you had a cute name to counteract that serious face?" Fai reached over, pinching Kurogane's cheek playfully and Kurogane swatted his hand away angrily.
"Don't do that!"
"Ok, Kuro-pin," Fai declared, as if he were going to great lengths to compromise, "we'll play the letter game."
So they played the letter game until Kurogane lost. Because he couldn't come up with an animal that began with the letter H after Fai had said fish and hippo had already been used. Fai wanted to change the category and play again but Kurogane refused. He wouldn't admit it, but he hated to lose.
It was afternoon and Kurogane began to wonder how many hours he had spent in this car with Fai since the two had met. How many hours had Fai remained silent, leaving him to his thoughts as he listened to the radio? Why did he feel as though they should talk now?
After pouting briefly over Kurogane's refusal to play any more games with him, Fai decided to tell him all about casino games. He explained several card games and dice games with great detail concerning rules and tricks to winning, when it was good to fold and when to bluff.
Kurogane wondered if Fai thought he was going to spend the night gambling and decided to tell him right now that that wasn't the case.
"That's all well and good, but I'm not planning to spend the entire night in front of a blackjack table while you hang around looking pretty, you know."
"Aww, Kuro-pie thinks I look pretty!" Fai cooed.
"Seriously, what planet did you come from?"
* * *
They could see the lights of Reno coloring the night sky pink miles before they ever entered the city. Fai sat forward in his seat, waiting for the sight like a child, eyes wide and smile fixed in place. And when they finally came upon it, Fai gasped in awe and wonder. Even Kurogane was captivated by the sight. In Reno, under the pale night sky, the multi-colored lights lit up around them like stars in a milky way of color. Traffic crawled through the city at a pace that allowed both men to fully take in the large moving signs and flashing billboards and sea of glowing buildings one at a time.
Kurogane had never been in such a surreal place in all his life. Fai's music, playing on obliviously in the background, seemed in stark contrast to the world they had now found themselves in but Kurogane did not turn it off. Instead he rolled his window down, letting the chill night air wash into the car.
It seemed to jumpstart Fai who turned to him suddenly and said "Isn't it amazing, Kuro-bu!"
Kurogane nodded. "Yea…but my name is Kurogane." he added with a slight frown.
Fai ignored him. "Which casino should we go to? We should find a hotel-casino so we don't have to drive around again later. Oh, Kuro-chu! I want a hotel with a big fountain in front like that one!"
Fai pointed out the window and Kurogane saw an elaborate spouting fountain centered in a courtyard in front of a grand hotel. He almost wished he'd brought a camera. Or hadn't lost his phone. It really was an impressive sight. But, having seen it belatedly, Kurogane had no way of getting them to it through the traffic so he kept driving, looking for other similar fountains.
-
Twenty minutes later, Kurogane had found an enormous casino-hotel, complete with fountain that made Fai squeal with delight, that he could actually get to and pulled off of the road into the parking garage.
A parking attendant took the car for them, and a bellhop took their bags, leading them to an elevator and into the hotel.
"I thought this kind of thing was only in Las Vegas." Kurogane muttered, looking around them at the splendor of the hotel lobby as they were led to the front desk.
"Kuro-pu's envisioning is a little outdated." Fai said, grinning himself as he surveyed their surroundings.
"Welcome to the Golden Arch Casino and Hotel, gentlemen." a young man at the desk greeted them. He was only one of three attendants behind the large wooden structure, the other two busy with customers of their own. "Please tell me what type of experience you'd like here and I can get you set up right away."
Fai took charge immediately, pulling out his thin wallet from a back pocket as he spoke. "We'd like the biggest room you have available, laundry and room service, casino and alcohol."
The man behind the counter, dressed uniformly in the hotel's golden and crimson uniforms, pressed a series of buttons on a touch screen in front of him and smiled at Fai in a very practiced, professional manner. "Will that be credit or instant?"
"Instant." Fai answered, sliding a card across the counter along with his id.
"And your id, sir?" the man asked of Kurogane, snapping him out of the slight daze he'd been lost in.
Kurogane dug into his pant's pocket for his old, brown leather wallet and pulled out his id.
These days, everything could be entered into your cell phone and the cell phone scanned for instant access, but it was always a good idea to have backup hard copies, should one ever drop their cell phone into an ocean.
The man behind the counter processed their information quickly and efficiently and returned their cards to them with another professional smile. "Your instant cash card can now be scanned and used as the key for room 375. Should you scan your card at any point after 24 hours have passed from now, another day's charge will be deducted from your card for the room's fee. Please enjoy your stay."
"Thank you." Fai replied, replacing the two cards in his wallet.
"Would you like me to show you to your room now or shall I leave the bags inside for you?" the bellhop asked.
"The rooms please." Fai answered. To Kurogane, he said "I really need a shower before we do anything."
Kurogane nodded. A hot shower sounded good to him, too. He was beginning to feel dirty from missing his daily, sometimes bi-daily, shower, even though he hadn't thought of it until just then. So they followed the quick-moving bellhop back to the elevators and up to room 375. He sat their bags on the floor and bowed to them slightly before leaving them to settle themselves into their room.
Fai hesitated dramatically before swiping his card through the key slot and turning the door knob. "Ready, Kuro-sama?"
"Just open the damn door."
Fai opened the door and Kurogane nearly fell over. It was as if Fai had opened the door to another dimension.
A soft, golden light greeted them and a soft warmth beckoned them inside. They stepped across the threshold, onto the plush, rich crimson carpet, feeling their feet sink gently into it, just enough to feel luxurious but not so much as to be a hindrance. Heavy, velvet crimson curtains covered one wall across the room, on their own side, the bathroom door stood open, offering a peek of its own splendor. A full desk, complete with embedded computer and swivel chair sat against the wall to their right next to the room's centerpiece.
The room's single bed was easily large enough to accommodate four adults, three comfortably and with plenty of room, and was dressed by satin sheets and a light satin overlay, pulled back to show off the crimson, gold, and black color scheme. The metal headboard rose above the bed with intricate overlapping bars that had both sharp corners and rounded, sweeping swirls. To their left was a long couch with two lounge chairs at either end, all arranged around a glass-top coffee table set before a large screen embedded tv. Further down that wall was a refrigerator and counter with several small appliances and cupboards.
"How the hell much did you pay for this?!" Kurogane shouted, as soon as his mouth would work again. He was literally in shock.
"Silly, Kuro-pu, don't worry about the cost." Fai chastised. "This isn't something we do everyday, after all."
Kurogane crossed the room to the curtains and pulled them back to find a large screen, set behind a wall of glass patio doors. The damn room even had a VR screen to imitate outdoor settings behind a patio that didn't exist.
"Ridiculous."
-
Fai was unpacking his suitcase, sitting before him on the bed, piling clothes next to it. "Kuro-rin, if the laundry lady comes before I'm out of the bath, would you give her all these?" he said, indicating the pile he'd made as he zipped up his suitcase and dropped it onto the floor, kicking it under the bed unceremoniously.
And then he disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, leaving Kurogane alone in the room, feeling lost in its sheer vastness.
For want of something to do, Kurogane wandered over to the refrigerator and opened it up. The door was full of drinks of all kinds; soda, beer, wine, champagne, water, and juice. On the shelves were mainly snack foods but Kurogane remembered that Fai had ordered room service so perhaps they were meant to order their meals in. Kurogane closed the door, his stomach reminding him that it was meal time and it did not enjoy being ignored, and turned to the tv. From a touch panel on the wall, he found a weather channel and tuned in just long enough to hear that it was going to be a beautiful, sunny day tomorrow.
Fai still had not returned from the bathroom.
Kurogane thought of asking how much longer he was going to be, maybe asking if Fai wanted him to order them some dinner before they went down to the casino, but somehow, the way Fai had closed the door behind him made Kurogane abandon that thought. For whatever reason, Fai did not want to be disturbed.
Kurogane shut off the television and looked around again, looking for something to occupy himself with. His eyes fell on the desk and computer and he had an idea. Kurogane sat down to the desk, activating the computer. The screen rose from the desk and lit up, already connected to the internet.
He brought up the yellow pages and tried to find the Green Drugstore. It took him a few tries before he figured out how to broaden the search to all of California. By then the laundry lady had come. He had to get up to let her in and then dump out all of his own clothes for her. She told him she would return them to the room for him as soon as they were dry.
Fai still had not come out of the bathroom.
Kurogane sat back down to the computer and continued his search. There was only one Green Drugstore in all of California, according to the national yellow pages. It was on the edge of New Los Angeles; in Survivor's City.
After the earthquake that had carved California a new coast line and devastated its population, survivors had moved inland to create a new city. Officially, the new city had been named New Los Angeles, by the city of California, but its citizens called it Survivor's City and the name had stuck. Survivor's City was the epicenter of California's hope and determination. It was the soul of the future. That was the way it was referred to; the inspiration of the world. It was also a sprawling metropolis that would require his GPS just to get into. The thought of trying to find a single drug store in Survivor's City, filled Kurogane with a dread akin to that of someone looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack.
Kurogane shut the computer down and emptied the remaining set of clean clothes from his duffle bag, throwing it on one of the chairs out of the way.
Just then, Fai finally emerged from the bathroom, a trail of steam following him into the main room as he dried at his hair with a towel draped across his shoulders.
"Are you hungry?" he asked. "Do you like steak?"
Kurogane frowned. "This is costing you a lot as it is."
Fai abandoned his towel and closed the distance between them, placing one foot purposefully in front of the other as he walked, but Kurogane would not be distracted so easily. Fai ought to have known that by now.
"I told you," Fai reminded him, reaching out with one slender finger to poke him in the nose. "Tonight, I'm going to splurge. How do you like your steak?"
"Medium." Kurogane answered levelly, taking the opportunity to look Fai square in the eyes. "I'm going to take a shower."
Kurogane moved to walk around Fai but the other turned and latched onto him in protest.
"Nyaa, Kuro-sa should take a bath so I can wash his back!"
"I don't take baths." Kurogane clarified. "And I certainly don't need you in there with me." Kurogane kept walking, ignoring Fai until he finally released him at the bathroom door.
"Don't you ever want anything?" Fai asked, but Kurogane shut the door in his face, clicking the lock in place with an easy snap.
What he wanted was honesty.
-
When Kurogane got out of the shower, clean and dry, he found Fai setting chairs to a small round table he'd found in an invisible closet, meaning that the closet door fit perfectly against the wall and could only be opened by a touch pad.
Fai smiled brightly at him. "Dinner will be here in just a few minutes."
The lights had been dimmed and looking past him, Kurogane noticed that Fai had parted the curtains on their VR screen, revealing a backdrop of nighttime Paris beyond the glass doors, complete with Eifel Tower.
"How does Kuro-ru like Paris?"
Kurogane grunted but he had to admit "… Nice."
This reaction seemed to encourage the blonde and Fai went over to the television, using its touch-pad to raise the volume slightly on a music channel he had on mute. Soft instrumental music added to the Paris backdrop.
"Kuro-min is lucky, he's been to other places." Fai commented, turning his back on Kurogane and clasping his hands together behind his back as he took in the Paris lights. "Not everybody can do that, so it's nice to pretend sometimes. I know Kuro-chan doesn't understand. I make a living in the business of pretend so I know, everybody wants their dreams to come true. Sometimes pretend is the only way to make that happen."
Kurogane really didn't understand. "If you wanted to go to Paris, you could have went with just the money you've spent so far tonight."
Kurogane saw the blonde's head dip forward, a short exhale of breath, amusement, and the slight movement of his shoulders that went along with the almost-laugh.
"Kuro-puu is so simplistic."
Kurogane was just about to ask if that was supposed to be some sort of insult, when a knock on the door alerted them to their dinner.
Fai let the waiter in with their dinner and waited while he sat it up on the table for them, complete with candles which he lit before bowing deeply to them and taking his leave, leaving them with the cart for their dishes.
Kurogane found himself staring at the table. The dim lights brought out the VR backdrop and the music made it feel as if they were actually there, but the candles made him wary. The candles were a bit much, in Kurogane's opinion. Romantic, was the word.
"You'd have to actually hold your hand in the flame for several seconds before those candles could bite you, Kuro-pii." Fai commented with amusement, apparently catching him staring at them, and took his seat, not waiting for Kurogane.
Kurogane growled and took the seat opposite Fai, positioned so they could both see Paris. He wanted to tell Fai that this was not a date between them, and he was not going to play pretend with Fai, but he decided to wait for the blonde to make some inevitable comment on it first. But Fai never did. He never said anything about the setup. Instead, he lifted the shinning silver lid from his pasta dish, covered in a white sauce, and poured himself some of the light wine from the ice bucket between them. And began to eat in silence.
Kurogane turned to his own dish, lifting the lid to find the promised steak, releasing a mouthwatering smell into the air just below Kurogane's nose. Fai said nothing as he poured himself a glass of the wine, cut his steak, chewed and swallowed the first piece. Then he spoke.
"How is it?"
He seemed almost apprehensive. He seemed to want to know. So Kurogane speared a cut with his fork and held it out in silent offering. When one pays as much as Fai must surely have paid for this meal, that person should at least have the benefit of a taste. Especially when Fai's only meat was the small cuts of chicken in his pasta dish.
Fai smiled graciously at him. "Oh, no, thank you. I'm not really big on steak."
And refused.
Kurogane was speechless. Was that how it worked, then? Fai could do whatever the hell he wanted; cling to him, stuff his face with unwanted food, poke and prod and annoy the hell out of him but he could not even share a piece of food with him? Fai wanted nothing to do with him unless he was in complete control? Had he offered to pay, would Fai then have been suddenly not hungry?
Kurogane returned the piece of food to his plate with a private frown.
"It's fine."
Suddenly, it didn't taste quite as good as it had a minute ago.
Fai seemed oblivious to Kurogane's disappointment. He finished his pasta and wine and leaned forward, his chin resting against the back of his hand as he looked out on a fake Paris with all the reverence one would show the real Paris. "I'm going to play the dice tonight." he said. "What about Kuro-sama? Do you want to play cards, or dice?" Fai turned his gaze to Kurogane and he found it difficult to remain angry at someone who likely didn't know they'd done anything upsetting. But he still felt that keen disappointment deep inside, somewhere he couldn't reach it, or ignore it, or let it go.
"I want Kuro-pu to be happy tonight." Fai said, straightening in his seat. "That's what I want."
"You want a lot of things." Kurogane muttered, finishing off his meal with the final gulp of his wine.
Fai inhaled a deep breath and stood, rounding the table and grabbed Kurogane by the arm, pulling him to his feet. "Then we'd better get started!" he exclaimed, smiling. He let Kurogane go and ran to the bed, dropping to his hands and knees to pull his suitcase out.
Clothes in hand, Fai quickly disappeared into the bathroom. Kurogane decided to change into fresh clothes there in the main room and chose a nice pair of black jeans and a dark crimson shirt. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times and waited for Fai to emerge.
A minute later, the blonde swung open the bathroom door and spread his arms wide. "Well? What do you think?" Fai twirled once while Kurogane stared.
He was dressed in black leather pants that caught the light in all the right places and a white dress shirt with cuffs that flayed out above his wrists and a v neck with a frill collar. He had seen a shirt like it once on a magazine cover that was reviewing past Japanese rock artists.
"I'll take that as a yes!" Fai declared, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him to the door.
"Let Kuro-chii and Fai's Amazing Gambling Adventure begin!"
-
The casino was a bustling, adrenaline induced miniature of the vision they had seen when first driving into the city. The sounds of machines whirling and dinging and the flying of dice on hard, cloth-covered tables mixed with laughter and the rising voices of the dealers to create a chaotic harmony of noise that filled their ears and pressed in on other senses as well.
Fai caught Kurogane's shirt sleeve and pointed to a dice table in lieu of pleading and begging and Kurogane nodded, feeling the same desire to keep shouting to a minimum.
He let Fai lead him there, glad for the other's desire to stay near to him. If he lost Fai, who held their room card, it might be hours before he saw him again and he wouldn't be able to get back into their room.
Kurogane wasn't very interested in dice, which he viewed as more a game of chance than skill, so he refused when Fai urged him to join, but he stayed to watch Fai play.
Fai was in his element, laughing and putting on a show with every roll of the dice. People gathered just to watch him play, just to stand next to him, to crowd around him and flirt with him and cheer him on. It seemed that for every dice roll he won, Fai would lose the next three but that didn't seem to matter to him. For Fai, it wasn't for winning that he was playing, but for the experience of playing there, surrounded by people, in a miniature game of pretend.
A person who's business was "pretend", who's job was to grant the selfish wishes of strangers and to make others happy but never himself. Kurogane could not understand what could drive such a person to live, with no desire of their own but it caused him to think. For what reason did he live, and what was his desire? His mother's death had led into her final wish, but, once he had done what she had asked of him, for what reason would he live, then? Kurogane had not had time to think about such things, to think about his future. He had always just supposed he would live it, come whatever may.
The thing that separated him from Fai, and the most important thing, was that Kurogane was living for the sake of moving forward, while Fai's lies were keeping him from moving at all. Kurogane was changing. It was a startling realization. He watched Fai throw the dice again and make a face when he rolled a three and one and realized that, somehow, Fai had come to life in his small and self-centered world. He couldn't say yet, what exactly that meant, but Fai's existence mattered, somehow. And as long as it mattered, Kurogane would forever be angered by his lies and his "pretend" and his false smiles.
"Kuro-sama! I looost!"
Fai mattered.
-
Kurogane took Fai across the room to the card tables. If they didn't win something, Fai might end up without any money at all, at the rate he was spending it. He picked a table and sat down, but he made Fai join in too. The longer they played, the more he realized why Fai had been the one kissing the dice instead of throwing them, or the one standing behind the player looking pretty. His hands should never touch a playing card. The first table they sat at actually asked them to leave. But they were only games and the fun was in playing them, not winning, so Kurogane yanked Fai down into the next seat at the next table and the seat at the table after that.
They played for quite a while before Kurogane decided that, if one were going to lose as much as Fai lost, one should at least put a ceiling over it.
They found the bar, set in another area of the casino where the music from a stage where pole dancers entertained a cluster of tables could be heard above the roar of the gambling crowd and took up two unoccupied barstools to order a few drinks for the evening.
Kurogane wasn't much of a seasoned drinker. He drank sake and he'd had a beer or two; that was about it, but it didn't surprise him in the slightest that Fai was a bit more educated.
Fai waited for the bartender to finish mixing his current drink and drift over before he leaned across the bar with an easy smile.
"Can you make me a Barbara?"
Kurogane waited for the bartender's response, a non-verbal nod, before placing his own order. "And I'll have…"
"He'll have vodka, black cherry, with ice." Fai cut in and the bartender nodded again, turning to mix the drinks.
Kurogane shot Fai a frown, but Fai just waved him off. "You have to try new things tonight, Kuro-pu."
"How the hell do you know I wasn't?"
"I know you too well. Kuro-wanwan was going to order something plain. But since I'm paying, you get to try all sorts of new things. Isn't that wonderful!"
"No." Kurogane answered, firmly. "Alcohol isn't something that needs to be flavored and screwed with. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a good bottle of sake."
"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it." Fai countered. "But tonight is special."
When the bartender sat their drinks in front of them, Kurogane eyed them warily. His own drink looked like it might possibly be, once he drank it, enough to make Fai, and the concoction that he had ordered, marginally less embarrassing to sit next to.
Fai was currently meowing to his drink, twisting happily on his barstool.
"What the hell's in that thing?" Fai's drink was white. It looked like cream with chocolate sprinkled on top in a cocktail glass.
"Vodka, crème de cacao, and cream." Fai answered, taking in the scent with anticipation. "It tastes like chocolate. Do you want to try it?"
"No." Kurogane was reminded of dinner and turned back to his own drink, silently praying for it to make that upsetting feeling go away, before he took a quick gulp.
Three drinks later, Kurogane was pleased to note that the feeling was gone. Fai was currently marveling at the swirling dark liquid in his glass of blackberry sweet rum, babbling on to him about how it looked and smelled and reminded him of a movie he once saw. Kurogane couldn't have repeated a single word he said, but he was listening.
Just as Fai gulped down the last of that drink, a voice rose up from a microphone above the crowd.
"Alright, folks. It's that time of night again so take your winnings, take your drinks and run! For the next hour we're opening the stage to the armatures!"
The roar of the crowd drowned him out as the music began playing again and someone from the audience climbed on stage. Kurogane turned back to his drink. If they thought ignoring armatures was going to be any more difficult than ignoring professionals, they didn't know him very well. But Fai grabbed onto his arm insistently.
"Ooh, I can dance, Kuro-rin!" he said, raising the arm that wasn't clinging to him into the air and waving it as if he were suddenly in a classroom, impatient to answer one of the teacher's questions.
"Good for you." Kurogane grunted disinterestedly, taking another drink of his current glass of…whatever it was Fai had ordered for him.
"Stop ignoring me!" Fai whined, tugging on his arm.
Behind them, the crowd booed and shouted at the person on stage and Kurogane wrenched his arm free.
"You're getting drunk. If you go up there they'll just yell at you. We should go get some sleep before it becomes too much."
Fai shoved his arm away with a scowl; something like the scowl one might see on a disgruntled kitten, and marched away from him in the direction of the stage.
Kurogane sighed deeply, not wishing to end his night with a headache, but seeing it as enviable anyway. He turned around to watch Fai as he spoke to the DJ for a moment and then climbed up on stage in one swift and graceful movement. He supposed he should be watching when the blonde tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his face so he could scrape him off the floor and haul him up to bed.
Fai waited for the music to start, a building tempo before the lyrics kicked in. He reached out for one of the poles, letting it support his weight as he swung out from it slowly.
I love myself, I want you to love me
Fai moved in front of the pole, holding it with both hands behind his back as he slid down and back up, his spine arching forward.
When I feel down, I want you above me
Letting the pole go with one hand, Fai continued on his circular path clockwise.
I search myself I want you to find me
And behind the pole, Fai reached above his head, gripping the pole with both hands, rolling his shoulders, a serpentine motion that his entire spine followed, ending when his pelvis came in contact with the pole.
I forget myself I want you to remind me
Fai fell outward to the tune of a gasping crowd, catching himself at the last minute and used that momentum to twirl around the pole, hooking one leg around it and jumped, leaving the ground and making a full turn before sliding to the floor and stretching back until his hair pooled on the floor, never letting go of the pole in the process. The crowd went wild.
I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anybody else, oh no, oh no, oh no…
And just as easily, he slid up until he stood on his feet again. And looked straight at Kurogane over the heads of his audience.
Kurogane could not look away, whatever he thought about it, whatever he could claim he thought of it, his throat went dry and his eyes were locked to Fai's.
You're the one, who makes me come runnin'
You're the sun, who makes me shine
Fai smirked and began to dance, waving his body back and forth behind the pole, then suddenly he gripped the pole with both hands and hoisted himself up and around it, his legs stretched out until he'd gone around the pole once and brought a knee up to wrap his right leg around the pole, hooking it behind his left and held the pose, taking the time to wink at his audience. Several women wolf-whistled and shouted.
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine
Fai jumped down and danced in front of the pole this time, gripping it behind him, sliding down until he knelt on the floor, sliding one hand as far as he could reach up the pole and throwing his head back, revealing the long, pale expanse of his neck to the crowd who appreciated it far too much, in Kurogane's opinion, and then righted himself and eased forward, crawling across the floor until his chest lay flat on the wooden surface.
I close my eyes and see you before me
Think I would die if you were to ignore me
A fool could see just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees, I'll do anything for you
Fai got to his feet again and retuned to the pole, following it until he faced his audience from behind it and slid his hand down it slowly, the tip of his pink tongue slipping out to slide across his top lip. The hand slid from the pole to his body when it reached his abdomen and continued its southern decent, coming to rest just to the right of his crotch, splaying in stark contrast to the dark leather beneath it.
I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anybody else, oh no, oh no, oh no…
Fai continued his dance for his captivated audience and Kurogane knew he had never seen anything so lewd, so sinful, so beautiful before in his entire life. For just a moment, he could understand how "pretend" could have its appeal to some people. He wondered if the point of this was to make him forget…that Fai could be beautiful any other way.
-
When Fai climbed down from the stage he had at least fifty hands to help him and at least a dozen offers thrown at him for something a little more private. But Fai seemed to have heard none of them as he made a bee line for Kurogane while another song began in the background.
"Is Kuro-tan impressed with me now?" he gloated. Not waiting for Kurogane's answer, Fai caught the bartender's attention and ordered a bottle of sake and a bottle of peach brandy to go. As soon as they were placed on the bar, he grabbed them up in one arm, linked his other with Kurogane's and pulled him away. "Let's go up to our room and finish there."
Kurogane's gaze lingered on the delicate skin of Fai's neck for just a moment before he was able to raise his eyes to the space ahead of them, but he allowed Fai to keep his arm, locked securely in the crook of his elbow.
-
The bottles in Fai's arms clinked together warningly as he slid his cash card into the key slot but he held them tight and pushed the door open.
Fai hit the floor with a muted thud as soon as they were inside, enjoying the feeling of the carpet beneath him as he opened the bottle of brandy and sat up to take a drink.
"Kuro-ru!" he shouted, eagerly. "Come sit with me."
Kurogane hesitated, closing the door behind him, but decided to join the blonde, taking the sake from him and opening it for a drink.
"Kuro-ta liked my dance!" Fai said, grinning slyly at the dark-haired man.
"You're very good." Kurogane made sure there was absolutely no emotion in it before he would allow the compliment to leave his mouth. Satisfied, he replaced it with sake.
Fai swallowed a gulp of his brandy before he responded. "I danced just for Kuro-sama." Fai crawled across the floor on his hands and knees until his hands rested on either side of Kurogane's legs and he was nose to nose with the other. Reaching out, Fai pulled the sake bottle from Kurogane's fingers and tipped it up, swallowing before he fixed his mouth to Kurogane's, head tilted just so, and this time, Kurogane let him. This time he had enough alcohol in his system to return the kiss, allowing Fai's tongue to explore his mouth leisurely. His hand found Fai's hair and held him in place with a firm, open hand.
Fai pushed him back onto the carpet and continued to kiss him, reaching a hand underneath his shirt, but Kurogane grabbed the wrist before Fai could take him too far.
"No."
Fai continued to kiss him, following his jaw line and, between kisses, asked "Why?"
When he didn't receive a response, but neither did Kurogane let his wrist go, Fai paused. "I want to make Kuro-min happy tonight." he explained and kissed the corner of Kurogane's mouth. "We'll part ways soon. You've given me everything I asked of you. Let me give you something."
"I don't want this." and to Fai, those words must have sounded cold.
"I won't…offer you again."
Kurogane hesitated but then nodded and Fai sighed, backing himself off of him and reaching for his bottle.
Fai grinned that fake but determined, plastic grin of his. "We had fun." he said, raising his bottle in a self-toast before downing another gulp of the amber liquid. "Thank you."
Kurogane made a noise of agreement and took another drink of his sake, remembering in contrast, the way it had tasted on Fai's lips, mixed with peach brandy and Fai and wondered if Fai could ever understand why he couldn't bear to be so easily dismissed, or why he couldn't so easily dismiss Fai.
-
Fai fell asleep on the floor, next to Kurogane, curling around him slightly, his empty peach brandy bottle tipped on its side nearby. Once the sake was gone, Kurogane got to his feet. He had to wait a minute to steady himself before he reached down and scooped Fai into his arms walking with him slowly toward the bed where the sheets were pulled back and lowering him carefully onto the mattress. Fai was definitely out, so he took a moment to move some of the hair from his face before he went to shut off the VR screen and the lights and climb into the bed from the opposite side, finally letting the alcohol take its toll.
-
When Kurogane awoke, he had no idea how long he'd slept, because their room didn't have windows and he hadn't bothered to activate the clock. Fai had been up at some point, because the VR screen was on, showing a dark sky full of night stars but looking around, Kurogane found the blonde asleep next to him.
Kurogane got out of bed and accessed the computer to see what time it was.
12:17. It was after noon. Kurogane turned the lights on dim so as not to shock Fai's eyes in case he had a hangover, and shut down the VR screen. Deciding that disturbing Fai could wait, Kurogane took a quick shower.
Their clothes had been laid out on the coffee table, probably before they'd even gotten back to the room the previous night and Kurogane had to separate his own clothes from Fai's. He repacked his duffle bag and finally decided that he'd put off waking Fai long enough.
Fai made a gurgling noise when Kurogane shook his shoulder and told him to get up. When he mentioned that it was afternoon, Fai rolled onto his stomach and covered his head with the pillow so Kurogane turned the lights on full and took the pillow away.
"Get up. If you've got a hangover, then don't drink so much!"
"Kuro-meanie!" For a minute it seemed as if his statement was complete, then he added "Go buy me a cappuccino."
Kurogane frowned. "You have the cash card!"
"It's in my pants!" Fai muttered, reaching out to point toward the bathroom.
It wasn't until he looked down that Kurogane noticed a pant leg sticking out from under the desk. He'd been wearing those when he'd put the idiot to bed.
"Get up!"
-
Twenty minutes later they took their luggage and went down to the hotel restaurant to get breakfast and hangover killers before checking out.
"Kuro-pii promised to let me drive again." Fai declared as they threw their things in the backseat. He held his hand out and wiggled his upturned fingers and Kurogane looked from them to Fai with a deep scowl.
"I promised no such thing."
"Yes you did!" Fai whined, throwing himself at Kurogane. "I said, Kuro-ku, I want to drive again! And Kuro-wan said" and here he produced a terrible rendition of Kurogane's deep voice "Fai, you did such a good job driving the last time, of course you can drive the car again. Then you promised to buy me chocolate ice cream but I'll let you off the hook on that one if you absolutely insist."
Kurogane blinked back for a moment, before he slammed the back door and shouted "I did not! Don't make up lies! If you want to drive the damn car just ask!"
"Can I?"
"NO!"
"But Kuro-pu promised!!!"
-
By the time they got back on the road, Kurogane had a pounding headache (because Kurogane, being the great man that he was, had refused the hangover killers when they'd been offered) and his blood pressure was likely through the roof. But at least he could rest his eyes in the passenger seat while Fai drove.
Post whatevers: This chapter's songs are: "Fill My Little World" by The Feeling and "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls
A note on Pole Dancing - Along with all of the milage-time spent traveling research I had to do I also had to research pole dancing, a thing I had never written in a fic before. Pole dancing, I discovered, can be a truely sensual art form - it isn't entirely a strip club show - and Fai is built perfectly for it.
One Moooore Thing! - Please be sure to read the author's note for the next chapter before reading it.
As always, if you liked, please review. Ja!