From Ara-Heartless

WARNING: A LITTLE CHEF!ENGLAND BASHING. PLEASE, DO NOT TRY ANYTHING BELOW. FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

XXXXX

Dear Arthur,

Hello. Sorry for bothering you but I figured I would send a letter to my favorite country. (I'm not fond of my own country, but I will not insult him directly at all. It's not my fault I dislike being in America...oh, well no matter.)

Haha, before I get more side tracked I should say what I wrote to say... Which I have no clue of at this time...

Oh! Right!

Just to tell you, I've had some English food and I loved it. Even forced my friend to buy me lunch one day just so I could have some of it (can't remember it was though, sorry.

Anyway, since my country seems to have a low supply of your food (and I myself cannot cook a thing without messing up haha.) I was wondering if I could possibly get a good recipe from you through this! I think it would be great, I'll just have to make my twin help me make it due to my nonexistent cooking skills. Haha...

Oh, I also wish people would stop being so rude to you. I doubt you are dull or stuck up; you just have to live amongst morons all day. I get it. I live around complete idiots who are wasting their very graciously given lives each day. Drives me crazy! (I do believe I may murder one of them one of these days. I want to see them laugh about that. Treating life like a game, I hate them so.)

Well, I shall stop rambling to you, sir. I truly hope you have a wonderful day. I think I'm going to get myself a cup of tea for the morning now. Sorry again for being an annoying human. (All humans shall die thankfully. :) )

Sincerely and lovingly,

Ara

P.S. No matter what others say, please remain how you are because you are perfect and better than them as is.

XXXXX

Dear Ara,

I am your favourite country? W-well! I would not blame you! Who would dare choose America over a gentleman like me?

Y-you...love...my cooking? O-oh my...I thank you. After the amount of mentally unpleasant insults that have been thrown at me for the past while, it makes me proud to see at least someone (even though you are from America) enjoying my cooking. But I must know; where did you get the food? Hopefully it was not some cheap imitation of it that you found in America. It is not truly called English food if it is not from England.

A recipe? Not a problem. Ah, some British Scones would do fine, correct? I've been meaning to try out this old recipe I found in this cookbook that just happened to be...lying...around...

Oh and, please make sure you have them at 5 o'clock tea. If you do not have 5 o'clock tea then now is the perfect time to start having 5 o'clock tea, hm?

Now let's get started.

Ingredients

2 cups of all-purpose flour

6 teaspoons of baking soda

1 teaspoon of salt

1 cup of buttermilk

3/4 cups of butter

But... my cookbook says that I shouldn't add yeast, sugar, or eggs. What a stupid cookbook. For my recipe, I would add 3 tablespoons of instant yeast because, obviously, you don't want your scones to rise, I would add 1/2 cup of sugar because you want your scones to taste good, and then 1 egg because...what recipe does not have an egg in it? Honestly...

Directions (Please do in order!)

1) Preheat the oven to 265 degrees C. (510 degrees Fahrenheit)

2) Mix everything together in a rather large bowl with your hands until you see crumbs form. If it is too watery, add at least a cup more of flour to get the desired texture. If it is too floury, do not worry. It won't make a difference in the scones.

3) Keep stirring until you have dough in your bowl.

NOTE: By this time, your oven should have long since been preheated. If it is over 5 minutes past preheated, you should probably hurry. Actually...yeah, you should hurry.

4) Take your dough and split it into 2 large pieces.

5) Place it on a baking pan; spread the dough flat on the pan. Do not grease the pan because why would you want over 1 cup of butter in your scones?

6) Now, cut each section crosswise into 4 pieces but not...wait. The book says to cut each crosswise into 4 pieces but not all the way through. Well I want my scones to not be connected with the other scones, thank you!

You know what? Let's stop using this absurd cookbook. It was probably made by Americans anyway...

Cut the dough into 8 individual pieces, please.

7) Put the pan in the oven for 60 minutes and wait.

8) Go and read a good book in this time of waiting or just take a quick nap. Oh and...the smell emitting from the oven means that the scones are being cooked all the way.

9) Now that the fire alarm has started to go off, now would be a good time to take out your scones.

10) Just let them sit on the stove for about 10 minutes and then they should be good to go!

11) If when you start eating the scones, you find that they are a little hard and black, don't worry! That's just all the nutrients that have risen to the top of the scones during baking time. They are actually what makes the scones a healthy treat!

12) Remember to also make tea with your scones!

I hope you enjoyed that recipe!

And yes, you are entirely correct. I'm surrounded by bloody idiots!

But murder? Well I...guess that is your opinion...

What makes you think that you are an annoying human? Not all of you humans are annoying. Just the majority of Americans, French, Russians...I believe you get the idea.

Haha...I...see...

But...you do realize that you too are a human? '=.=

Good day to you,

~Arthur Kirkland

XXXXX

OK. Recipe. About that. I know that someone has done this before. That person being 'karatemaster101' and their hilarious story 'England's Amazing Cookbook.'

Seriously, you people should read it. I've got nothing on that person.

(Fail at advertisement :D)

Anyway, anything that was similar in this recipe to karatemaster101's was merely coincidental and really, I tried my best to make it really different from hers...or his...=.=

Oh and...yeah...I did get this from an actual recipe. Would you like to see what it originally looked like? :D

Hot scones, served as they are removed from the oven, are an English specialty. A MUST for five o'clock tea. Serve with butter and jam.

Preparation: easy. Cost: inexpensive. Preparation time: 30 minutes; total baking time 10 minutes. Oven temperature: 425 degrees middle rack.

This is what you'll need for 8 scones:

2 c. all-purpose flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 c. butter

3/4 c. buttermilk

In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt. Add butter. Combine with your fingers, a wooden spoon or a pastry blender until coarse crumbs form. Add buttermilk. Quickly stir to form dough.

Divide dough in half. Form each half into a ball. Flatten to a round. Place on lightly greased baking sheet. Cut each crosswise into 4 pieces but not all the way through. Bake at 425 degrees for 10-15 minutes. Serve hot. Is properly served with Earl Grey tea, of course!