From America (cloudysunnyskies)
Yeah, I know it's passed Thanksgiving but...I'll make it seem as if it never came yet.
Yeah...
XXXXX
Hey, Artie! The United States of AWESOME here!
So I heard you started sending letters. That's pretty cool, dude! You stay stuck inside waaaayy too much. Live a little, old man~
Thanksgiving's coming up soon, Artie! You know what that means? Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce...the works! Feasts fit for a king, all across the country! You should come over to my house. Maybe the taste of real food can bring your taste buds back to life! That guy who lives north of me...whassis name? Camaka? Canacha? Well, he's coming over too, so we can have a party!
And after Thanksgiving comes Christmas! Totally cool. I already got your present (a cookbook, and-because I'm awesome-a custom apron with the hazardous waste symbol on it! Ah ha ha! Isn't that the greatest?) So I hope you send me one. And not another box with a boxing glove on a spring. Not cool, dude.
I saw Ivan's letter-"naff"? What's a "naff"? It sounds hysterical! You silly Brits and your silly non-insulting insults. Why do you guys have to talk so weird? I can't understand you half the time!
Well, my boss is calling me. Write back soon, Artie!
Alfred F. Jones
The United States of America
XXXXX
Idiot,
I thought I made it perfectly clear that I did not want people like you sending me letters!
But...no matter. I know you of all people would not have cared anyway.
Bloody hell! Why must I always find myself telling you the exact same thing every year?
I do not celebrate Thanksgiving! And what makes you think I want to eat your blasphemous food! I'll probably be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and heart disease that very day!
Oh do you mean...Cana...Cana...da? Canada? Canada! Yes, Canada!
What the hell is wrong with you? You cannot even remember your own...er...brother's... name!
Are you stupid? Wait don't answer that.
Why would you tell me my Christmas present? It's not even bloody Christmas yet!
Hazardous waste symbol? Why ever would you want me to wear that?
Ah yes, I know what to get you for your Christmas present now; an Oxford English Dictionary. The entire goddamn collection.
Once you receive it, look up the word 'naff.' Then, maybe, if God spare life, you'll understand what the hell 'naff' means. You know what? Read the entire bloody thing (if you can manage) and refresh your vocabulary! I cannot even begin to tell you how many words you both spell and pronounce wrong! Like the word Aluminium. You spell it Aluminum and pronounce it something like A-loo-minum. It's bloody pronounced Alu-mee-nium!*
~Arthur Kirkland
XXXXX
*So like...Thanksgiving was when the Americans (Pilgrims) and the Wampanoag Native Americans ate a bunch of food in Plymouth, Massachusetts. It's a Canadian and American (Mainly American) holiday.. England wouldn't celebrate it...
*Uh let's see...The British chemist, Humphry Davy, was the one who named the isolated mineral alumia, Aluminium. Then he changed it to Aluminum. But since other British chemists were pissed off at that name, they made him change it back to Aluminium. Us Americans decided to stick with Aluminum because it's easier to say and spell with less syllables. No seriously, this is all true.
So anyways, yeah...mhm. =_