AN: So! This chapter is basically some of what happened in the last chapter, but I wanted to take a sneak peak of the past and have her read her diary I mention once in the chapter Kissing Lessons. Basically Rachel kept her diary throughout the years I just wanted to keep out what she said so I can have an entire chapter of it. Also I had to do a lot of math in my head while typing this to figure out the dates for the diary. If the date is wrong, I am EXTREMELY sorry, but I just wanted to make it seem more real. Feel free to tell me what you think about that idea. I've never done an entire "Diary" chapter, so I would not be offended if you didn't like it. Enjoy.

"I told you to stay away from her now that she was back!" Jacob yelled at Paul who was trembling he was so angry.

"You knew I saw her at the beach! Why are you even mad?" I was still in shock and no words could come to my mouth.

"I didn't want you to talk to her or even look at her eyes!" Jacob yelled back getting even angrier.

"How could I stay away from her?"

"SHE'S MY FUCKING SISTER!" Jake screamed, "HOW COULD YOU IMPRINT ON HER!"

"LIKE I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!" Paul screamed back. I was starting to get extremely scared and I backed up.

"YOU LEFT HER ALONE AFTER YOU GUYS HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS AND YOU GUYS WERE BEST FRIENDS SINCE KINDERGARTEN!" Jacob yelled finally, "SHE EVEN TOLD ME SHE HATED YOU FOR THAT. AND YOU JUST GO AND IMPRINT ON HER!" Paul was speechless. No tears rolled down his face like before, but he was hurt.

"Why my sister?" Jacob asked finally, voice cracking, "Out of all people, why Rachel, the one you hurt the most. You have no idea how hurt she was when you just ignored her like that. And you imprint on her to try and make it all better. But you didn't make it all better. The pain is still there, I can see it in her eyes." Paul looked at me finally. I backed up into the wall and felt trapped.

"Rachel?" Paul asked me for reassurance. But before I could speak Jacob yelled at him one more time.

"Don't speak to her!" he yelled, "Don't even talk to her. Just get out and don't come here again."

Paul looked at me one last time with a pained expression before leaving me. The door slammed and all I could do is stare at it. Jacob stood in front of me, his eyes burning with anger.

"It was for your own good, Rachel," He said reaching to hug me. I pushed away his hands and turned to go to my room.

"Just leave me alone," I whispered and basically ran to my room. I closed the door quietly and pulled out all of my childhood memories that I could find of me and Paul. I found old scrapbooks of us together and finally I found what I had been searching for, my old diary. It was my life saver throughout my childhood. It's a charcoal and black plaid with a strap that locked in the middle. The key was an old fashioned key where the end was a heart. I opened my diary and started reading all of my memories. Most of them included Paul.

August 16, 1989

Dear Diary,

My daddy's friend Mr. Charlie Swan gave me you as a present for school tomorrow. My name is Rachel Nicole Black. I am five years old. I have long, straight, dark brown hair that goes all the way down to my butt. I have an identical twin named Rebecca. I know it's weird that I'm writing and I am only five, but my mommy and my daddy thought it was a good idea to teach me. Anyway! My first day of kindergarten is tomorrow and I'm super excited. I hope I find a girl other than my sister to be friends with. I don't like boys. All they do is throw mud in my hair when all I want to do is build a sand castle. I hope I don't have any boys in my class. If I do, I don't want to sit anywhere near them. Well, I just wanted to introduce myself, so bye.

Love,

Rachel.

August 20, 1989

Dear Diary,

I met this boy named Paul on the first day of school and he is so cool. I think one day I am going to marry him. I have what mommy calls a crush on him. But he is just so cute! He says nice things to me all the time and always likes what I do. School is so cool because of Paul. I don't know what I would do if Paul never came to the same school as me. I bet we would find each other anyway. We were meant to be together. Well, Mom's coming to tell me goodnight. So bye.

Love,

Rachel.

September 14, 1989

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday! My mommy and daddy got me a lot of toys. We had Leah, Paul, and Becca's friend Sophie here. Paul got me a friendship bracelet. It was pretty and said "Paul and Rachel." After the celebration and everyone invited over left, Mom pulled me and Becca into our living room.

"Rachel, Rebecca, your father and I have something to tell you." Becca and I followed Mommy into the living room and sat down on the couch. Mommy and Daddy stood in front of us holding hands. "

What is it Mommy?" Becca asked. "

Well Rebecca," Mommy said sweetly, "You and I are going to start packing things up in your room soon." I started bawling, thinking the worst.

"WE'RE MOVING!" I cried. Mommy and Daddy looked at each other in shock. Dad came up to me and kneeled in front of me, cupping my face.

"No, no, no sweety," He reassured me, "You and Rebecca are going to share rooms and have bunk beds." I stopped crying instantly and squealed.

"Yay! Thank you Mommy, thank you Daddy!" Becca looked shocked, and not in a good way.

"Why my room?" she asked with a hint of anger in her voice.

"Well," Mommy shifted weights awkwardly, "We thought about this since July, but Rachel's room is a lot bigger than yours is, so we can fit two beds in there." She looked at Daddy reassuringly and he nodded.

But apparently Becca thought otherwise, "Well why do we have to share a room anyway? I like my room."

"Girls," Mommy said putting her hands on her hips, "Have you noticed anything different about me recently?" I did, Mommy has been gaining a little bit of weight and she eats a lot of spaghetti. The spaghetti probably made her gain weight.

"You aren't skinny anymore?" Becca guessed confused. Mommy looked offended, but didn't say anything.

"What she means to say is that you've gained some weight," I said nervously, trying not to make her mad, "I think it's because you've been eating so much spaghetti."

Mommy giggled and nodded, "Yes and there's a reason I've been eating so much spaghetti and why I've been gaining weight."

I realized exactly what was going on, "I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY SISTER!" I squealed. Mommy and Daddy smiled and nodded. I was so excited, but Becca ran into what would be our new baby sister's room and started crying.

"WHY ME!" she yelled. She still is crying. It's almost making me sad. Mommy said she found out in June, but didn't want to tell us until they figured out if it was a boy or a girl.

"It's a girl," I squealed, "I just know it."

"Ok then," Mommy smiled mischievously, "We aren't going to tell you until when he's born, meaning once we move all of Rebecca's stuff into your room, you aren't allowed into the baby's room. I am so excited! I just know it's going to be a girl. If it's a girl I want them to name her Avril. If it's a boy, which it won't be, I want his name to be Paul. I hope I can be an awesome big sister for this new little baby. Got to go bye!

Love,

Rachel

January 31, 1990

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't written to you in a while, school has been the same. Paul called me his best friend and I was so dumb and said I wanted to marry him. Paul just looked at me and didn't answer me. So I let it go. Mommy and Daddy have been in the baby's new room all day and every day. Rebecca wants nothing to do with the new baby coming. I wanted everything to do with it. But they won't let me in the room. They lock it when they're done looking in it. Mommy is huge now! I don't think she can get any bigger, but she isn't due for a month and a half. I'm worried the baby won't survive. Mommy tells me not to worry about it and that the doctors will take care of everything. I'm still worried.

I love you,

Rachel

February 8, 1990

Dear Diary,

Mommy's having the baby! She peed her pants or whatever and now the baby is coming! I'm sitting in a waiting room of the hospital while the baby is being born in another room. Mr. Charlie Swan offered to watch me and Becca. His daughter, Isabella is two, and she's with him right now. He's paying more attention to her than me and Becca, so I am really bored. The doctor just came in, the baby's been born. I'll be right back!

So I now have a little brother! I would have rather had a little brother because Becca has been really annoying lately. Mommy looked really tired but this is what she said, "You want to name him honey?" I got so excited.

"How about Paul?" I asked really excited. Mommy looked at me with a little disgusted look.

"Um, maybe not your crush's name," Mommy said laughing.

"Thought so," I laughed, "Ok then, how about Jacob?"

"Jacob," Mommy sighed, "It's perfect, thank you sweety." Becca didn't even go see Jacob either. She was mad that it was a boy. She was never really happy Mommy and Daddy had a baby in the first place. I'm going to go now and see Jacob. Bye now!

Love,

Rachel.

I looked around and decided to skip pages. I turned to my middle school year's section. I was very organized, so I had tabs for every section of my life. I turned to a page that was one drastic day in seventh grade that I have forgotten about until now.

November 19, 1997

I cannot stand Becca! She is such a brat and has to get whatever she wants! She started hanging out with my sworn enemies Bailey and Autumn, and now she makes fun of me all the time! I hate her. She's even dating Paul now. I hate my life, and I think Sam likes me. It makes that situation even ten times worse because Leah likes him. My life just sucks. I did something last night that nobody can know except you. I cut myself. Not my wrist because I was too afraid to accidentally kill myself, but the top of my thigh. It's a weird spot, but it's the least noticeable. The weird thing is, is that it actually felt good. It eased the pain of all the shit that has happened in my life. My leg looks like I fell and that's all. Crap. Jacob just walked in and he saw my leg. This is what happened. He walked in my room asking for help with the TV and looked at my leg and said, "Dude, what happened to your leg?" I looked at him and all I could say was,

"I fell on the beach, don't tell Mom, I have it under control!" He looked at me with a funny face before looking at my cut again.

"Did you do that yourself?" he asked and tears filled my eyes before they finally spilled over.

"I just can't handle it Jakey!" I sobbed, "What am I going to do? Becca ruins my life and I'm at risk with my best friend and I just don't know what I'm going to do?" Jacob came up to me and comforted me and he's only in second grade! He listened to everything I said and he looks like he actually cares and he wants to help me.

"Why are you even helping me at all?" I asked through my sobs. Jacob looked at me with the most serious face anyone has given me in my entire life.

"Rachel," He said, "You're my big sister, and you're always there for me, so I'll always be there for you. If you aren't in good condition with your life, how do you expect me to be?" I laughed and said I don't know. Then he said something that made me feel completely better about myself, "I promise you that I will always be there for you and help you with choices that you may disagree with, but it is what is best for you. But only, if you do the same for me."

"Ok," I sniffled, "I promise."

"Pinky Promise?" He asked with a puppy dog look on his face.

"Pinky Promise." And that was it. I hugged him and he left my room to go play video games with Dad. If I could trust anyone in the world, I know it would be Jacob. And it will be the same for him with me. I was there for him the day he was born, and I will be until the day we die. I'm going to go out for a walk now, so see ya!

-Rachel Black-

Now I was starting to feel extremely guilty. I flipped into the pages of my sophomore year, two days before Mom died.

September 5, 2000

Ugh! I can't stand my mother! She is such an evil bitch! She is just so mean to me and favors Rebecca! We just had an argument over everything important, Paul. She says I need to dump him because he isn't a nice guy and he is a bad influence on me. Please! I make my own decisions! It's not like I'm pregnant or anything, I just got caught making out with him on our couch and she came home, and my shirt happened to be off. That's not even that bad! At least we weren't having sex! And it's not like we were even going to have sex either. She never gets me anything I want. I have asked for so many piercings, and she has said no to all of them. But! She let Rebecca get a belly button ring because she got straight A's for once in her life. I always get straight A's! And what do I get? An industrial piercing. I didn't even want one that much, but that was the only thing she would let me get. Good thing she didn't tell me I could finally get a belly button ring because I already got one last December. I can't wait till she comes home from work today either because I just got two new piercings and a tattoo! I got my nose pierced, and I got a Monroe piercing! My tattoo is amazing! It's a paw print on my right hip. It's black in the center, and as it gets closer to the outside, it fades to red. I love it, but it kind of stings. I won't ever regret getting this tattoo. Mom's home, I'm going to go and show her my piercings. Wish me luck!

-Rae Black-

September 6, 2000

I swear, my mother is the worst person on the planet. Apparently, she doesn't like m piercings, but I'm keeping them anyway! She can't make me take them out, and she can't make me do anything! Ok so here's what happened. I walked into the kitchen when Mom got home and helped her with groceries. She never really looked at me and we started talking and I asked if I could go the movies with friends and she said sure. SO I left to get dressed in the sluttiest outfit I could find, smiled at her, and walked out the door. That's when she stopped me.

"What are you wearing?" she asked angrily. I smiled at her and simply said.

"Just something I picked out myself. Do you like it? It's the height of fashion."

"No I do not," She said. That's when she saw my belly button and then my face.

"When did you get all of these piercings?" She asked. Her face was getting red and I smiled.

"Well," I smiled, "I've had the belly button one for almost a year. I got the other two yesterday, do you like them?"

"No," She sneered, "Take them out and go to your bedroom immediately!"

"Sorry," I said simply, "But you already said I could go. So bye!" I just walked out the door. I partied all night and when I came home, man Mom was pissed. What, it was only one in the morning.

"Rachel Nicole Black!" She yelled, "You have no idea how deep of shit you are in right now!"

"Sarah Black!" I yelled back, "You have no idea how much I don't care!"

"Fine," She said, "Then just go to your room and leave me alone." I walked to my room and turned on the lights. Rebecca was at Autumn's house and so she wouldn't yell at me. I looked around and screamed. White walls, no posters, no nothing.

"MOM!" I screamed, "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"Well," She said sweetly, "You didn't follow my rules, so you don't get to have privileges. We are also going to take your door off once Billy gets home.

"FUCK YOU!" I yelled.

"Don't you ever say that to me again!" Mom said fiercely,

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!" I yelled again, "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A BITCH!" I know I was being a little dramatic, but she deserved it.

"I am so disappointed in you," she said sadly, "I never expected you to end up this way, and I messed up somewhere and made you an awful person. I slammed my door shut and looked at my empty room. She pisses me off so much. So I called up Paul and we went to a store and looked for new paint to buy. We got to the store and I thanked myself for actually getting a job this summer and earning a crap load of money. I bought brown and light pink paint along with Brown beads for the window and a light pink curtain. I was also happy that I had a white carpet. I also bought paintings of the Eiffel Tower and Audrey Hepburn and light pink roses that I would hand upside down. I bought brown and light pink candles that smelled like cinnamon and roses. I also got a new comforter and pillow cases for me and Rebecca. Everything was a lot cheaper than I expected and so Paul and I snuck back into my house and painted my room without Mom noticing. One wall was brown, and the opposite was light pink. Another wall was white with brown and pink polka dots, and the opposite was a big brown stripe, a smaller white stripe, a big light pink stripe, and then a smaller white stripe with the pattern repeating over and over again. When we finished completely, it was 9 o'clock in the morning and I thought I was about to pass out. Paul kissed me and left with all the evidence of painting with him. I changed into shorts and a t-shirt and went to sleep. My door was locked so I didn't have Mom and dad barging in on me. I woke up about an hour ago at two o'clock. "What?" I groaned. It was Rebecca wanting in my room. I got up and cracked the door open. I asked her if Mom and Dad were home, and she said no. I let her in and she gasped when she came in the room.

"You did this over night?" she asked shocked and I smiled. She hugged me and she just left. I'm going to go now, my Mom's home.

-Rae Black-

May 11, 2001

Sorry I haven't written in you for a while. My life just sucks. I killed my Mom, lost Paul forever, and Rebecca hates me now. The only person still there for me is Jacob. He's the only one that truly understands me and listens to me. Rebecca went off on me today and Jacob wasn't home, so all I could do is take it. I was sitting on my bed and she told me that she had sex for the first time. And I was a dumbass and said,

"I had sex with Paul last year." She got pissed and screamed at me.

"You always have to do something first! A boy liked you first, you got popular first, you had your first kiss first, you had your first boyfriend first, you got your period first-"

"That's not really an accomplishment," I said.

"It doesn't matter!" She yelled back, "You got anything in tumbling first, your first piercing first, EVERYTHING! Why do you always have to be better than me?" I burst into laughter.

"Are you jealous of me?" I laughed, "I barely talk to you and you're jealous of me? Don't be. That's something stupid."

"You got more attention from Mom and Dad," She whispered, "You were favored. Even if you were a devil child, you were favored because you stood up for yourself. I was never mentioned or bragged about."

"Mom and Dad did not favor me," I objected, "I even made sure of it by being a devil child."

"You even killed Mom and paralyzed Dad and he still favors you because he feels sorry for you!" She yelled, "Everyone in school feels sorry for you." I punched her in the cheek and knocked her over. She looked at me and left the house crying. She caused me to start bawling and I almost killed myself, but that would only show that I was weak. But now, I lost my sister. I'm the worst person ever and I am selfish. But I couldn't kill myself because of Jacob. He's the only person in the world that still cares about me and I still love him. I'm going to go now. Dad just got home and he's yelling for me because of Rebecca's bruise. Bye.

-Rachel Nicole Black-

That was the last page in my diary. I forgot how evil I was for a child and regretted everything. I got up and walked to my vanity, leaving my diary open on my bed. I didn't even realize that I tabbed the pages I read in red. Oh well. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked different from when I was in high school. I let my nose piercing grow in, but I still had all the other ones. I loved my Monroe piercing, but I looked childish. I dressed a lot more sophisticated and I got light brown and a little lighter than my hair color highlights to tone up my hair. I still looked like a teenager other than that. My boobs grew to a C cup though, thank god, but I was still extremely skinny. A door opening made me jump and blush. It was Jacob

"Hey," he said softly, "You ok?" I shook my head and he sat in my bed and leaned against the wall. He picked up my diary. "You had a diary?" he asked shocked and I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah I just hid it so you wouldn't find it. There's nothing bad in there about you, but I still didn't want you reading it. He flipped to the pages I just read and scanned them over. I sat next to him quietly until he was done.

"You only trusted me and Paul?" He asked surprised. I nodded. "Ew, you wanted to name me Paul?"

I laughed, "I had a huge crush on him."

"I remember that promise, and I kept it," Jake said softly, "I think you forgot, but you still kind of kept it."

"Sorry, I forgot about it."

"I never realized how much you cared about me and Paul until I read this," Jacob said, "I never knew how much you were a bitch either," I laughed at that, "You seemed to me like the greatest big sister ever because you were strong and you stood up for yourself."

"Well I wasn't," I said honestly, "I just put on a happy face and didn't give a shit about what people thought of me."

"That's kind of what happened to me, too," Jake smiled, "Except I listened to Mom and Billy more."

"Don't call him Billy," I said, "I hate it when you do that."

"Sorry," Jake apologized, "It's just that I've heard everyone call him Billy, so it just kind of grew on me."

"Yeah, well I bet he doesn't like it."

"He doesn't care, I asked him."

"Oh," I said awkwardly, "Never mind then." We sat there awkwardly and I looked at the bruises on my wrist.

"What happened to Noah?" Jacob asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like did he go to jail?"

"Oh," I said quietly, "No he was proven innocent because he said I just liked rough sex, but yeah I got a restraining order and got the hell out of town."

"I hate hearing about your sex life all the time," Jacob said shaking his head, "I phased and saw everything between you and Paul and then fantasies that Paul has of you." I burst into laughter seeing Jacob's face.

"Trust me; it is way weirder for me."

"I don't think so," Jake said honestly, "I always thought of my sister as a good person, but nope! I thought Paul was making things up, but nope, this diary confirmed it." I looked at him funny.

"Paul tells you about me!" I asked wide eyed.

"NO! Everyone in the pack can read minds and Paul thinks about you a lot," Jake said blushing, "I hate thinking about those life scarring moments."

"Oh," I said blushing, "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, and that's what I came in here to talk to you about," Jacob said looking me straight in the eyes.

"My sex life?" I asked a tad bit disgusted.

"No, Paul imprinting on you," Jake said, "I know you guys won't be able to ignore it, but he hurt you and I will always be there for you. But you just need to be careful."

"Good," I smiled, "I know you guys never really got along so I would really like it if you did."

"What if I didn't get along with him?" Jacob asked mischievously.

"I'd kick your ass," I smiled and he laughed.

"Ha! Alright, I won't pick a fight with him," He surrendered, "But he gets angry quickly."

"Not when I'm around."

"Fine," Jake said, getting up to leave my room, "I'm leaving now though, my shift starts in like two minutes."

"Bye," I said and started to lie down.

"Love you Rae," Jake said leaving my bedroom.

"Love you too," I whispered. I can't believe I just got permission to date Paul. I started to finally drift off to sleep when I heard a knock on my window. "What now?" I asked myself annoyed. I looked outside and saw Paul. I opened my window, and he climbed in.

"Hey," He whispered and kissed my cheek, "I just wanted to see you."

"You didn't have to sneak in, Jacob doesn't care if we are together," I told him and he smiled.

"Such a nice kid," He said sarcastically. I climbed back into bed and he joined me. He was really warm and I kissed his bare shoulder. He shuddered and I smiled.

"I'm going to sleep, will you stay here tonight?" I asked him looking up at him.

"Of course," He smiled, "If Jacob gets mad it's your fault." I smiled and nodded.

"Goodnight," I whispered, "I love you."

"Sweet dreams." I hate it when people say sweet dreams. It gives me nightmares, but I didn't care because Paul would protect me. I finally fell asleep in Paul's arms, happy to be with him again.

Thank you for reading! Tell me all of your thoughts about the diary part, it's the only diary chapter that there will be, but I wanted it to be good. I won't know if you liked it unless you review, so review!