A/N: Down goes another one...
Disclaimer: I do not own the Judoon, and I certainly do not own Rosalie Cullen.
Neutralization, or
The Reason Vampires are still in the Badass Club, or
How the Judoon Killed Rosalie Cullen
"Go no flo jo ko do no tow mo fo ko jo go," the Judoon captain chanted in the monosyllabic language of the Galactic Police. It translated roughly to, "We have received orders from Judoon Command."
A second Judoon officer looked up expectantly and said (in translation), "What are the orders?" The Captain told him. His lips peeled back from his teeth in what could have been called a smile, as he stomped off to requisition a ship and a crew to follow his orders happily.
In the far northwestern corner of North America, just outside a town that was not called Spoons or Knifes, but instead something closely related to the two, a pale, platinum-blonde teenager was running through the forest. Her blinding speed caused anyone who saw her to not register that it was, in fact, a person running past him or her. Instead they saw only a pale blur that might have been sparkling in the sun and might have been dressed in a designer dress that no one in their right mind would go running in. But since this part of the forest was mostly deserted, there wasn't really anyone to see this pale blur, so it didn't really matter that it might be sparkly or might be dressed in designer clothes.
The young woman paused in her lightning fast sprint when she came to a pool of water in a clearing. Just as Narcissus of Greek mythology, she bent over the water and stared hungrily at her reflection. She knew that there was no one in the entire universe who could compare to her stunning beauty. She was so engrossed in the study of her own perfection that she did not notice the Judoon platoon surrounding her until one released his helmet with a sound of a tire blowing out on the highway.
"You are Rosalie Cullen, vampire," the Judoon officer stated. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," she said, standing. "And you'll pay for interrupting me!" She launched her beautifully sculpted body at the rhinoceros-like invaders, shrieking. The Judoon would have sighed in exasperation if it were in his nature to do so.
"Witness the crime. Charge: Assault. Plea: Guilty. Sentence: Execution." He pulled a rather wicked looking gun from his belt and easily pulled the trigger. A jet of red light pierced Rosalie in the middle of her flight towards him, and she began to glow from the inside with a red, burning light. She began to scream as her body flaked away and disintegrated into ash and nothing. The Judoon officer turned away, satisfied. He was proud to have saved Judoon Command the embarrassment of belonging to the same club as that self-centered twit. He gathered his squad and took off to return to his patrol, that bizarre smile back on his rhino face.
Rosalie was not smiling. In fact she couldn't, because she was no longer undead. She was now dead, never to move, let alone sparkle, again. Fan boys the world over cursed the Judoon for taking such a hot woman from them, but no amount of swearing could bring the blonde bombshell back to life—er, unlife?—and the true non-sparkling vampires of the world were re-admitted into the Badass Club. The Judoon were proud to have been the method by which the threat had been neutralized. And all badass creatures slept content that night, saved of the embarrassment of one of their own replacing menacing with something as completely un-badass as sparkling…